So I would like to know, what are some red flags that a woman should look for that shows that we might not be the only woman the guy we’re seeing is seeing?
There are two red flags to look out for to determine whether a guy is seeing other woman.
The first one deals with a guy you’re not seeing exclusively.
1. No commitment.
Not that it’s a bad thing BUT if a guy is not committing to you over a reasonable amount of time, it could be that he’s either seeing other woman, looking elsewhere, or he doesn’t feel like you may be the only one for him.
It’s not bad because as guys ( and women too ) I feel it’s important to explore lots of options before we commit to anyone. Depending on a few factors like age and circumstance that could be several years.
If you’re not exclusively dating I would assume AND expect he IS seeing other women too.
Personally I’d be more worried that he’s not dating or seeing at least one or more other women because there might be something deeper going on and he could just want to date forever with no real commitment.
I have to assume Tara you’re exclusively dating this guy and it’s been agreed upon verbally.
If that’s the case the second red flag that he’s seeing another woman is…
2. A sudden change in behavior.
Secrets seem to be appearing where there wasn’t ones before like where he’s going, what he’s doing, who he’s doing it with.
If he’s given information like that before freely, without you having to ask, and now suddenly withholds it and argues with you over it, then something could be wrong.
Men who are cheating might also begin to act more “nicely” out of guilt.
For example he might ( suddenly ) become a little more attentive to your needs then he was in the past. More specifically look for the smaller things.
I’d say a man who is feeling guilty AND cheating will go overboard to avoid having a fight with you because that’s when the secrets seem to come up.
The opposite is also true depending on WHY he’s seeing another woman.
If he suddenly begins getting jealous, asking you a lot of questions, accusing you of cheating on him, it’s normally a sign he wants out of the relationship.
I believe the not-so-hard rule would be:
If he’s seeing other women because he’s feels unfulfilled in your current relationship he’ll be more attentive, act guilty, engage you more privately… things that might help to ease the pain of guilt. He’ll feel bad for hurting you.
If he’s seeing other women because he wants out he might begin to accuse you or exonerate his actions by suddenly turning everything bad on you.
Expect THAT guy to be a little too sensitive and curious.
The next behavior change to look out for is his phone habits.
Lots of guys carry their phone around but I’ve found most of them aren’t glued to it. His cell phone habits might give away something peculiar is happening.
He’ll start carrying his phone around more, the battery will drain quicker, and if he’s smart he won’t be just putting it anywhere.
A new-found interest in his computer might also throw up a red flag like staying up late to use it and caring a little too much about maintaining it. Typically the history, emails, and photos.
Most red flags also appear where you’re less likely to look but again have to do with sudden changes in behavior:
- Showering more.
- Changing his deodorant.
- Dressing better for work.
- Exercising more.
- A need to eat more meat.
- More energy.
- Waking up overly hard in the morning.
All those are signs his testosterone is up and I’m not entirely sure, this is just a theory, but I DO believe lots of men might be getting a boost of testosterone if they’re seeing more than one woman.
Another way to look at this problem is to consider the two types of cheaters and THEN check for the sudden ( although sometimes subtle ) behavior changes.
The unfulfilled guy will tend to act from within.
The internal struggle becomes a burden.
He’s shameful, doesn’t want to hurt you, and feels ( or felt ) he couldn’t come to you with this problem of his fulfillment and therefore looks elsewhere out of frustration.
He’s afraid to piss you off and suddenly begins to go out of his way to make sure you’re happy.
The “other” guy, maybe he wants out of the relationship, maybe he committed through words but wasn’t ready, maybe he told you this was exclusive just to tell you what you wanted to hear…
He acts externally and is more sensitive or more apt to fight with you over the small things.
His sudden change of behavior is almost always directed outwardly and finds ways to explain his actions through blind logic, a loss of empathy towards you and your problems, AND a social life which is erratic and unpredictable.
If you know the “type” of guy you’re seeing, you should also be able to determine whether the red flags are actually red flags and not just you worrying because for some reason, you don’t feel like you could keep the guy you’re with happy.
Again let me point out…
Expect the guy you’re seeing IS seeing other women and unless there’s been an agreed upon exclusiveness to your relationship, give yourself credit for dating a guy who has choices.
You two might not end up together BUT if that does happen and he was dating 2, 3, 4 other women over a period of time and STOPPED seeing them because of you…
You can call that a huge “green” flag and a good sign of things to come.
Thanks for writing in Tara and I do hope you found a few of these flags helpful in your current situation and hopefully… things work out for the best.