Here's the answers you've been looking for and the many reasons men have a fear of commitment PLUS a little advice to help him overcome those fears so you can connect with him emotionally, give him the extra push to risk it with you, and help to eliminate many of his anxieties and worries which stop him from moving forward with you.
In the first section I will cover YOUR role in men committing to you and in the second section I'll cover HIS role and actual fears of commitment.
Your Part In Men Being Afraid Of Commitment.
If you're struggling getting a man or men in general to commit to you - you're doing something wrong.
In other words all those excuses you have heard from men are just that... excuses to deflect from the fact that they're just not "feeling" it with you and they're either biding their time with you until someone else comes along OR waiting for you to make them feel like you're the one.
One side says you have all the necessary skills and know how to get a guy to commit to you fully - its just that you're not using them correctly OR you're trying to attract men the wrong way.
The wrong way is well-noted by Rori Raye and being a man find it to absolutely true:
Wrong Way #1: The Logical Road (MIND).
Wrong Way #2: The Physical Road (BODY)
Wrong Way #3: The Spiritual Road (SPIRIT)
The Right Way To Inspire His Devotion: Connecting Through His Heart!
AND is fully supported by her friend in the field Christian Carter - another man whose ideas and concepts are well proven and documented and backed up by his and mine long-held past reluctantly to commit to a woman:
"I’ve been the guy who withdraws. The kind who spontaneously gets “scared” when a relationship gets close and intimate, and the kind of guy that can make a close, loving, lasting relationship seem IMPOSSIBLE.
Most men have never pulled away from a woman because they weren’t “ready for a relationship…” or because they “got nervous” or “wanted to take things slow.”
I’ll admit it. I know all about “that guy”… because that guy has been ME. But let me let you in on a couple of secrets, the first of which you MIGHT already know:
The “excuses” I mentioned above, and ALL of the rest of the common “man excuses”… are A BUNCH OF B.S.
Deep down, 99% of all men ARE ready for a relationship… and would LOVE to find that special woman… someone with whom they could finally let their guard down, and experience true love."
What Christian was leading to was similar to Rori's - you can't get a man to commit to you through physical attraction - it's a start but you must learn and know how or have the right SKILLS to create and trigger an EMOTIONAL attraction so you're not left with a bunch of excuses from a man who just doesn't FEEL you're the one for him.
You'll quickly find that connecting to any man in the ways mentioned above won't completely eliminate the supposed fear men have of commitment BUT you will make him feel like the RISK is certainly worth the reward of settling down with you exclusively.
You're constantly picking the WRONG guys OR destroying the RIGHT one's masculinity until he walks away.
You find the most challenging men to date because you feel there's a definitive proof of love in getting a guy like that to commit to you - but in reality you're self-sabotaging your love life because you don't love yourself enough, feel good enough, believe in yourself in a healthy way, and you set your standards and expectations of men so high - you're constantly making them feel inferior and in a never-win position to ever please you or make you happy.
May people have a very real fear of success and when those fears are brought to dating - it can easily destroy any chance of commitment and stop it from happening.
If you don't feel good enough inside you'll find yourself tiring the men out in your life. They're happiness and feeling of attraction are often tied to making you happy and when not given that opportunity or made to feel like what they're doing is working - they will grow frustrated and eventually feel like they're not good enough for you.
As that happens - they're masculinity drops, they feel like less of a man around you, they don't become or believe they can ever be your hero - and will NEVER commit to someone fully who makes them feel that way inside.
You can not expect a man to make you happy but you can certainly do everything within your power to LET him try and as your happiness grows so does his attraction and willingness to commit to you.
You can not expect so much from a man and put so much pressure on him to make you happy without him soon feeling worthless and incapable of supporting you physically and emotionally. Once he senses it and lives through it - he will absolutely FEAR committing to you.
Being capable of loving another ALWAYS starts with loving YOURSELF first as of course noted by the doctors Katie and Guy Hendricks:
"When we don’t love ourselves deeply, we’re always looking for someone else to do it for us – hoping the unloved part of us will just go away. We’re demanding from others the love we’re not giving to ourselves.
So, you’d think that lack of self love would repel everyone. But that’s not the case. When we don’t love ourselves enough, we still attract partners – just not the right ones.
We simply attract other people who don’t love themselves, either!
And since deep inside we don’t believe we deserve to be loved completely, we end up pushing away the very love we want.
It’s like a dog chasing its tail.
We keep running after the love we want, and we never catch it. So not only do we not feel loved, but we waste time with people who simply can’t love us – or anyone else."
Some say it's evolutionary or instinctual - how men are designed to serve multiple partners therefore their fear of commitment is hardwired within them.
My theory is (which was recently explained in an update of my post: Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?) men are designed to spread their seed many times over for one and only ONE reason - to assure his ONE partner gets pregnant AND not so he could impregnate the world many times over.
Way back when - when we lived in small groups - a sure way of destroying our species was through interbreeding... or to have many children with different women with our one set of Genes. For a man would have to spend years walking and nothing else to assure HIS children can procreate with someone OTHER than a sister from the same Father.
And by doing so could NOT function as a true Father in support of family therefore NOT giving his offspring the best chance at surviving.
The FACT is humans are not designed or equipped to bear offspring in high numbers to assure survival of our species. We're not Rabbits or Rats. We're highly evolved Mammals who have an evolved social system in place to keep the children fed, to teach them our ways, to help them in the long time it takes for bodies and brains to reach maturity.
So what does THIS one have to do with you? GREAT question.
The point of my theory above is to eliminate a propagated limited belief that men are inherently bad, how they're designed to cheat, how by just being a man it's assumed (somewhat based on "evolution") they are reluctant to commit.
Beliefs like this set YOU up as the chaser - how it's all up to you to get a man to commit to you because it's assumed women are looking for a relationship and are constantly chasing for one and men are only looking for sex and thus pursue sex.
I guarantee the more time you spend chasing a man or pursuing a relationship with one the HARDER it will become to find a man who is willing to risk a relationship with you.
Men MUST pursue you in general terms. I don't means they should chase you - but just enough to make them feel like a man - who is somewhat designed to BE the hunter.
When you change this belief you do several important things with regards to attracting a commitment from a man:
- You let him BE his masculine self - to pursue and court you. Doing do makes him feel accomplished, worthy, capable, and MANLY especially when he gets with you because he knows he met your challenge through his skill set of being a man.
- You allow yourself all the femininity needed to attract a man. Men and women ARE different and there's a good reason for this: Because our differences FIT together so perfectly and naturally. In terms of relationships (not career or job) when one takes on the wrong role too much, those differences are lost and therefore don't feel right and just don't fit anymore.
- You won't make a man feel like there is something wrong with them thus making him feel like YOU believe there is something RIGHT with him. Nothing scares away a man more than a woman who belittles men and makes them feel inferior. That's kind of a known given. The opposite works even better - when a man fully believes YOU think there is something RIGHT with him or how he's not flawed - he understand and connects with you deeper because he GETS that you see all the GOOD in him.
- You're telling him indirectly (through attitude, communication, and interactions) that he is designed to BE a great Father and support of the family in the way he needs to be and not some pointless sperm generator whose only function is to screw and move on.
I'm sure I merely touched the surface of how destructive this limited belief can be and is certainly a reason why yes - men can easily become deathly afraid of commitment AND how your belief system about men play a role in heightening his fears.
(If you're interested in learning more about my theories of the Evolution of man and how it's connected to you - make sure you pick up my book because there's an entire section dedicated to it that is not covered in this post: Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings.)
Now... I'm sure the part you've been waiting for...
HIS Role or Part He Plays in Being Afraid and Fearing A Commitment.
This section is an re-write and add on because I felt it was important for you to understand how his fears are connected to you and his apparent unwillingness to commit. Please note where credits are due because I did not come up with these fears but I have wrote extensively on them.
Fear is an unavoidable emotion build inside of us to protect us from harm.
Fear serves a purpose and it can be a good thing except when they find a way to control us and dictate our lives thus stopping us from living life the best we can.
"Fear is a bummer. Fear is NEVER going to go away. FEAR MOVES. You can work to make fear smaller, or you can work to make fear bigger."
Learning a man's greatest fears in dating which lead to committed relationships (or not) can open up men to you because knowing them can help you better connect with one or ALL men.
His #1 Fear - He will be rejected by her for reasons he has no control over and by missing one of her "rules" of the game.
The feeling of rejection is so huge for guy it stops them from doing even the simplest things like approaching you, talking to you, opening up to you, to oddly enough...
Being scared when he's with you.
He could easily feel rejected and reject himself from you just because he felt scared at some point when he was with you and sensed you knew it.
This means he NEEDS to feel accepted by you. All his good parts and all his bad parts too. Within reason of course.
When he understands and gets that you're not going to reject him over the small stuff (because you should reject a guy who treats you badly) then he'll be more likely to not only NEVER leave you - but will also be more willing to open up his heart to you and reveal all the crazy stuff that goes on inside his mind.
In other words - SHARE his feelings with you.
His fears can help you get him to commit IF you know how to make him feel safe.
Yes, despite all the macho images guys try to put out there for the world to see - a man still NEEDS to feel safe around you.
If you're wondering how this can happen when you meet a seemingly fearless guy with lots of courage you have a valid point but...
ALL men have fears. Don't let the hard exterior fool you.
Just because a man can put his life on the line everyday or climb a mountain or defend his country does NOT mean he doesn't have a deep-rooted fear of being rejected.
NEVER FORGET THIS next part IF you want to truly connect with ANY MAN on a deeper level...
When a man faces the unknown, risks his life, puts his possible death in front of him even just a little bit, he understands the consequences of his actions.
When a man feels rejected and thinks he has no control over it or why it happened or if or when it's going to happen...
They're not so easily felt as being a direct consequences of his actions.
He chooses to risk something but YOU are choosing to reject a part or the whole of him and that is something which can destroy a relationship INSTANTLY or stop him from moving forward into one with you.
When a man climbs on a roof to clean the gutters and he falls and breaks his arm - he somewhat gets it. This makes sense to him. He'll seek medical attention and heal himself.
However, if that same man climbs on the roof out of duty to his wife or girlfriend (risking himself rather than her) and the same fall happens - imagine what it does to him when his wife seriously or jokingly calls him an idiot or a clumsy fool.
That is something which can NOT be fixed in his heart so easily.
The fall - he'll recover from - but the rejection or lack of acceptance on her part is not so easily recovered from and often leaves a lasting BAD impression on him.
He becomes scared of screwing up in front of you.
He becomes withdrawn and more silent, afraid you'll reject another piece of him.
A man's fear or rejection runs so deep it's a huge reason why men do withdraw so quickly or never bother to get involved with a woman all in an effort to avoid it from happening.
IF a man feels like he can be himself, that you'll accept him and all his minor faults or flaws, AND you know how to communicate that acceptance to him in a way he UNDERSTANDS then he'll feel like he DOES HAVE CONTROL OVER IT.
And so... will risk anything and everything to be with you.
Time to give credit to the guy who first showed me about a man's fears...
Carlos Cavallo revealed these fears to me in one of his many letters to men and women and if you're open to listening and learning about men you have a few options:
You can watch his video he set up for you:
- The Enchantment Effect and how it makes a man chase and desire you.
- The 3 Mistakes that scare men off.
- When men pull away and the "Soul Mate" signals he needs to fall in love with you.
- Is He telling you the truth? The reverse chase trap women fall for and how to avoid it.
Who Doesn't Love To Feel Free...
Let me ask you as question...
Do you feel free?
In every sense of the word.
Free from persecution.
Free to decide what's best for you.
Free as in having choices because you might suspect without any real choices, freedom doesn't really mean anything at all, right?
Does the word freedom urge you sing a quote from a Janis Joplin song? It does for me.
"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."
How ever you answered this enormous question as it relates to you and your life says a lot, doesn't it?
FREEDOM is a big deal. You know that as well or better than me.
What does it mean to a MAN?
The next insight into men is based on his second biggest fear in dating.
Fear #2. Losing his freedom. He will lose his freedom in his search for connection.
On the surface this one seems easy and I'm sure most of you already know or think you know what it means...
He wants to date around.... a lot.
He's afraid of giving up multiple sex partners.
He's afraid of being stuck with one woman for the rest of his life.
And you're right - it certainly is a big fear a lots of guys have and a few of them will NEVER give up that freedom until the bitter end.
But there's so much more going on here and if you want to truly connect with a guy, this is stuff you need to know.
Me and my wife discussed this topic the other day and the big question was brought up...
HOW to make a guy feel free? How do you give him the freedom he desires and still have him CHOOSE to be with you?
You obviously don't want to give him the freedom to sleep with other women. That would be absurd.
However that last one is based on the assumption that ALL men want multiple sex partners and can never be satisfied sleeping with only one woman.
Eventually his eye wanders and "the other woman's" grass looks greener on the other side.
That's a terrible misconception.
When a man meets a woman who grants him certain freedom or makes him feel more free with her than being without her AND his character is far from being narcissistic or the cheater type - he's not at all interested in the other side.
A man's focus is determined and when that focus is on you and the relationship - it takes an awful lot to break him from that focus.
You were asked those questions in the beginning to give you a little glimpse into what freedom actually means to you and also to men.
The freedom to feel like he has a choice.
Give a man options (real or not) then he'll feel like the choice he made is the right one.
This is a big reason why you're asked early on to not pester or push a relationship on a guy - to him it feels like you're taking away his choice, which in turn triggers his big fear of losing his freedom.
Free from persecution.
When a man feels like he's NOT being judged by everything he says or does - he ultimately feels free.
If you're the woman that makes him feel less persecuted, then YOU become the one woman he wants to spend his time with.
Think of it this way.
Imagine a group of people you don't know accuse you of something - sure it's a big deal and you'll have to defend yourself AND it will be upsetting.
BUT imagine if it's someone you truly care about who is doing the accusation - maybe your Mother or Father, a sibling or worse - the guy you're madly in love with...
Suddenly the "persecution" takes on a whole new level.
Unfortunately if you're making a guy feel this way (before, during, or after a relationship) he's going to withdraw or worse - leave heartbroken and confused.
Of course these things may be unavoidable especially if he's actually doing wrong things to you BUT if he's harming you emotionally or physically then you have every right and should seek outside help and remove him from your life.
Yet we're not talking about THAT kind of thing, we're talking about HOW you make a guy feel and nothing more.
Free from nothing left to lose.
Nothing feel less free than having to do something just because you have nothing left to lose. It's often a last response or action of a person (male or female) who's reached the end and is frustrated, hurt, and usually alone.
Sure it's nice to erase certain risks at times BUT without any real RISK there's very rarely any real REWARD.
Give a guy a real risk or make him feel like it's a risk, he'll treasure the reward that much more AND being with you can become that REWARD.
Risk is perfectly acceptable in dating and is often advised because it makes the REWARD that much more valuable.
To make a guy feel this type of freedom, the freedom of loss is mostly done on your end.
When you become the best version you can be of yourself at any given day - risking emotional hurt and rejection with you will mean that much more to him.
Free to be himself.
I shouldn't have to tell you how BAD censorship is and what it does to humans.
When a guy feels like he can not speak his mind or is always concerned about what he does because he doesn't feel free to be himself - he will either slowly or quickly revert to something else to gain that control back.
Here's what me and my wife talked about...
When you try to control a man's actions or give him rules you want to abide by yourself and therefore think he should too - you're actually censoring him and not allowing him to be HIMSELF.
In a way you're telling him he's not good enough.
Trust a man of real high morals and character will make the right choice. Sure he might screw up once and in a while just the same as you or I do BUT take away that freedom, and try to control him - you will effectively do one of several things:
- Push him away.
- Cause him to go silent or withdraw from communicating with you.
The freedom to be ourselves sometimes only comes down to a feeling like someone else is not CONTROLLING us.
You're not giving him the freedom to sleep with other women.
You're not giving him the freedom to aimlessly flirt with women so he feels attractive.
You're giving him the freedom to BE HIMSELF and trusting his moral character will mostly make the right decisions.
You're also telling him he has every right in the world to screw up.
Again this is all about HOW A GUY FEELS when he's with you.
Free to be independent.
Independence is a very important thing to feel for every human. Man or woman it does not matter.
You're going to run into a lot men who will never commit to any one woman until he feels like he can support himself, physically and emotionally and therefore feels competent to offer the same support to the woman he loves.
It's understandable if you feel like there's nothing you can for THAT type of guy. You can't secretly put money in his account. You can't secretly give him the ability to be emotionally supportive.
You can't "grant" him independence because you know as well as I do that this is something we must earn for ourselves. It's a right of passage from childhood to maturity.
You can certainly make a guy FEEL he's self-reliant. You can make him feel like he has something special to give which is above and beyond money or even emotional support.
A man's feeling of self-reliance thus his independence can be simply of matter of YOU LETTING him to be there for you.
Of course you don't want to act like you're some helpless woman hoping he'll come to rescue, that would only attract a certain male and you'll be giving up your independence in the meantime.
These are best accomplished through the little things you do or say around him.
If you've been following me along you'll remember something James Bauer brought to light - it's called a man's Hero Instinct.
These articles explain it and give you some examples you can read through and start using:
- If Men Are Not Looking For The Prefect Woman – Then What DO They Want?
- The Strangest Thing Men Desire & How It Can Make Him Crazy For You
- The Attraction Trigger That Awakens a Man’s Deepest Longing for Love
- The 1 Easy Idea You Can Use Today… To Unlock His Undying Devotion
One or all of them will certainly help you to see how to sort-of make a guy feel FEARLESS when he's around you and therefore make you stand out from all other women he's ever met .
Before we move on to the next fear - Please don't forget where they all came from and the man who pointed them out to me, Carlos.
Here's the video link he set up for you: Watch the Shocking Truth About What Men Want AND/OR... Watch the First Chapter For Free - "The Soulmate Quiz: Is He THE ONE?"
On to his next greatest fear...
His Fear of Being Useless, Incompetent, or a Failure to You.
This insight into a man's fears is a big one.
Okay - they're all big!!!!
So let's get right to it...
Fear #3. He will be seen as incompetent or a “failure” (i.e., not a success).
This fear may seem obvious, right? I mean who doesn't want to be seen as a failure. Who doesn't want to be deemed as being incompetent in anything.
Okay, we're done then... No, seriously... most kidding aside.
Long ago I was dating a woman who was very skilled at "trying" to make me feel incompetent.
She had nothing nice to say. She wasn't very supportive. At times she was downright mean and did little if anything to contribute to my success.
And sure, I stuck with her for a little while.
You might be thinking, "Why?!!! PETE!!!! I thought you were smarter than that."
Well... you'll find some men WILL stick around if they're being treated that way.
Mostly it's because of a lack of self-esteem and they think they can not do any better. They put up with it all... honestly... just because.
And believe it or not - some men are just lazy and care little to leave and start the dating process all over again.
Yeah I know, sounds awful, doesn't it.
You'll find certain men who are confident, self-aware, & for some reason STILL "put up" with the minor bullying.
You'll find some men brush off the negativity quite easily. It's not taken to heart AND no matter how far or low you try to push them down - they just keep popping back up.
I will practically GUARANTEE you that if that's him and he's with a woman who is like that it's for one reason and ONE reason alone...
Yes, you probably guessed it. If he has any value of himself and sticks around - it's because for the sex and not much of anything else.
We all seem to "compromise" a little in our lives for a feeling and since sex FEELS good - certain guys will just deal with the issues, compromise, and give up a little sanity or calmness for it.
Judge them or me all you want. I can take it. Not sure other guys can though but that's for them to decide and not me.
YES... I do have a point above and beyond airing out my "dirty laundry" and incidentally - she's obviously long gone since I'm now happily married to a woman who doesn't act that way.
The real point behind revealing to you how an ex-girlfriend used me to make herself feel better by putting me down or to get out her personal hatred of the world around her is...
Guy's just don't marry women like that.
I'll rephrase that to avoid any confusion... REAL MEN do not marry women like that and you must know by now IF you want something more and deeper AND really special with a guy - treating him like that will only get you something far LESS than a man.
Hey now - I hear you loud and clear. Who am I to even suggest you're that type of person!!!!
Well actually I don't think you are and would never accuse you otherwise even if I knew you were that type.
However this case is the extreme.
Remember how some men can take a lot and how they don't crack so easily?
The majority of guys are not strong enough (or maybe stupid enough for this sake) to handle the abuse and still manage their lives.
And since they're not as Teflon-like or possess the ability to bounce back so easily or get offended or down on themselves by the actions or words of a woman...
All it takes is a FEELING.
A few careless remarks.
A seemingly innocent word or two to make them feel useless or incompetent - all good intentions aside.
You see you might not be aware that you're making a guy feel that way.
You might not be aware that just by communicating to him in a certain way - amps up his fears and he feels useless, incompetent, and un-loved or even un-liked by the ONE woman he feels the most for... and it sends him into a rather strange spiral causing him to act very unpredictable.
These cases are generally a sign of a breakdown in communication and they're not often easy to detect they're happening if you're a part of it.
Yet - if a woman makes a guy feel that way BEFORE he commits or while they're in the dating phase - you'll find one of what is listed today is going to happen:
He'll put up with it because he's lazy or has very little self-esteem and he'll SETTLE unsatisfied and miserable.
And you don't want to be with a guy like this dealing with it for a while just for the sex. You don't want a guy to stick around just because you're good in bed for him.
Because he will ALWAYS off any commitment to you and will generally act aloof and uncaring.
The point today is NOT to tell you that you're doing things wrong. I have absolutely NO idea is that is happening with you.
The point of learning about this fear in men is to learn HOW to MAKE HIM FEEL FEARLESS so you become the woman of his dreams.
Now I'm not saying when you meet a guy to build him up or compliment him on anything and everything he does so he'll feel great about himself.
That doesn't always work out for the better.
The other point is - in order for you to have a REAL man commit to you for the RIGHT reasons (love, intimacy, connection, etc..) you must communicate to him in a certain way which has him FEELING like with you - he can conquer the world.
How "together" NOTHING is impossible.
Bet it sounds tough, right?
Well it's actually not that difficult once you learn the skill. It becomes natural and even makes YOU feel better too.
I'll give you a little tip today to push you in the right direction.
You don't make a man feel important or competent by simply telling him. Sure reassurance has some value but it's limited and quickly loses its effect.
Men are all about problem solving.
Have you ever noticed that when you're with a guy and you open up to him about something that is troubling you - like when you just what to get it all out so you can move on - what's the FIRST thing most men do...
They try to solve your problem. They want to HELP YOU.
And of course it can piss you off.
Most guys don't understand that's normally NOT what they're supposed to do but you can USE this instinctive reaction guys have to be your knight in shining amour to YOUR advantage.
Go to him and ASK when you're not in the mindset of getting something off your chest.
The simplest things add up quick and make him feel wanted, needed, loved, smart, competent successful.
A Guy absolutely LOVES it when a woman they're dating comes to him for a little help.
WARNING: Do NOT overdo it. You will wear him out... literally.
Ask him HIS opinion on things that matter to him.
MAKE him feel like his voice matters to you.
"You know about this 'stuff' .... What do you think?" is a powerful phrase to men so use it wisely.
Allow him to use his best attributes to enhance your dating or relationship with him.
Again - this is not to be overused.
The last thing you want to do is make him feel like you can not take care of things yourself and you certainly don't want to be running to him 24 hours a day with everyone of your problems.
You must maintain a balance.
That's the harder part... knowing and learning the right balance.
All will come in time but try it a little at first and you'll quickly notice how responsive and attentive he becomes towards you.
A lot of those concepts above are sometimes known as the "hero" concept and you can learn more about here: His Secret Obsession - The Hero Concept.
AND PLEASE Don't forget to look into Carlos who brought these fears out to me and then to you.
Another word about Carlos and the connection to this fear.
He uses an analogy between a cookie and a piece of broccoli.
How ALL men want a cookie and not broccoli. Rightly so I suppose.
For today - consider when you make a guy feel fearless around you - YOU become the cookie.
USE the tips I've given you the wrong way or too much then you become the broccoli.
It's important to learn this balance.
From Carlos himself...
"The truth is that guys (almost) ALWAYS go for the "cookie" when they're looking for The One - a long-term relationship.
And most women don't realize that this "cookie programming" affects men MUCH MORE than women!
If he's running hot and cold with you, unsure and always changing his mind about the two of you...
Keeping you at arm's length when you have so much to offer him...
If he seemingly wants everything else - but he hesitates when it comes to your relationship...
You might have accidentally shown him a little too much "Broccoli" When what he really wants is the "cookie."
If you don't know what this "Cookie Secret" is, then you need to discover RIGHT NOW how to save yourself the heartbreak of another relationship with a man who won't commit to you.
I made this special video to help you avoid this mistake - and unlock the secret of a man's "Connection Style" for you
You need to match his "Connection Style"to really connect with him.
This short video presentation will show you how this works:
Moving on to the next fear...
He's less afraid of intimacy than he is of not being able to please YOU sexually.
Let's talk about sex! In article it has been revealed to you that men have lots of fears directly related to you as a woman.
It has also been revealed to you that knowing those fears can help you to better understand ANY guy plus give you some effective tools to get what you're looking for from him.
A man's fourth fear is typically misunderstood and with good reason - because the lack of communication between too many men and women in the bedroom.
Now let's get right to it... a man's fourth greatest fear in dating & relationships is:
Fear #4: He will not satisfy her sexually.
Most women assume a man's Ego or how he feels about himself (as a man) is wrapped up or connected to his ability in bed.
And that assumption is normally right on!
However another assumption that how a man feels about himself is connected to how many women he has sex with or how many he can do it with is WRONG.
Aside from the hardcore players, sex addicts, and the narcissists, most men are not basing their self-image on a number.
Their fear of not sexually satisfying a woman is about YOU or whomever they are closest to or their current partner.
I'm more than positive you too have this fear. You DO want to please a man in bed the same way you want pleasure from him too.
BUT a key difference between you and him is that you are given a better example of his pleasure. You might not be convinced he enjoyed himself fully yet you know without a doubt when he's done his thing, right?
Not all men have clarity in this area. They're not fully aware of a woman's orgasm. They guess a little. They can sense it happening a little. BUT they're not entirely sure it even happened or worse yet...
HOW to make it happen.
Okay - you sleep with a guy a few times and just maybe you weren't completely satisfied with the result. Sure it was good but not - great.
Chances are (if he is even aware of the complexity and huge varied intensity of your orgasms) he's going to be okay with it.
Over time though, as these pile up in his mind - he begins to feel incapable of pleasing you and it begins to take its toll on his Ego and then strange things begins to happen.
He pulls away a little.
He avoids having sex with you.
He initiates it less and less.
He becomes snappy, unusually angry, and even a little depressed.
Since he won't tell you why he's acting that way - you're left to guess and wonder and you might even assume because he doesn't seem so into you anymore that it's YOUR fault.
Communication within a couple is a two way thing - each must contribute as equally as possible - and so if you're in a relationship with guy it's legitimately expected to talk about sex IF you want things to progress and stay hot.
However - he doesn't think that way at all and it's all quite closely related to his fears of not sexually pleasing you.
He believes it up to HIM and him only to get you off.
Talking about it makes him feel less like a man. He thinks he should know and if he feels like he is failing - the last thing he wants to do is ask you how to do it.
He even fears asking you about it making matters far worst for both of you in bed and out of bed too.
Now... as far as pre-relationship stuff, like say if you're just dating and doing it once in a while it might feel like the situation is different - but it's NOT.
The same fears go through his mind whether you're committed to each other, married for twenty years, or had a quickie somewhere unexpected.
The undeniable fact about the majority of men (sometimes depending on social customs) is that they GET OFF more and feel more sexually satisfied when they know they can get you off.
They derive pleasure, fulfillment, accomplishment, a deeper love, and a greater to connection to you from it.
You can see WHY this fear is very real for them and controls many of their actions in dating and relationships. So much that it would require hundreds of pages just to note all the actions men make or don't make based on this fear alone.
Pleasing you makes him happy.
When you're not pleased (even out of bed) he will NEVER be happy.
This fear is very important for you in understanding men because the greater his fear, the more he believes he's not good in bed, the less he understands the female body, the less competent he feels in bed will ultimately cause him to act from or out of that fear.
Yes - it goes even further.
Kissing, hugging, emotional connections, intimacy in any way, shape, form, or fashion - are ALL part of this very same all-too-real fear of him.
For this one I won't be getting into the details of how to erase this fear.
I will say - as mentioned earlier - communication is so very important that when you start dating a guy, get these things out in the open.
Make it comfortable and completely acceptable to talk about these things open and honestly as quickly as possible.
IF he's not willing to open up early on then expect that problem will only get worst and just maybe he's not the type of guy you want to be dating anyways.
You must know men love to talk about sex and bringing it up should not be a problem BUT just talking about it is not the same communicating desire and passions.
Guys will tend to say anything because it makes them think they're going to get it quicker.
The real trick here is to get him open to taking advice from the one person who knows their body better than anyone else... YOU.
So yes - it's not as easy as it would seem.
It might feel like you'll bruise his Ego and unfortunately for some guys it will, BUT there are certainly ways to "educate" him in such a way he doesn't even know it's happening which will in turn make him believe HE has this manly power over your body and is in compete control of your orgasms.
For today - just understand it's not all about sex with guys, it's not all about him getting off or you getting off - it runs much deeper.
His fear of not being able to please you sexually is inseparable from what makes him feel like a man.
Down to the core of who he is.
His fear of not being capable of pleasing you includes making you smile and laugh, making you feel safe, taking care of you, supporting you, and the list goes on and on and on and on...
The REAL secret behind erasing a man's fears so he feels like you're the ONLY woman who gets him or the one he feels the most free with happens in your interactions with him.
Remember all the fears covered so far:
- 1. He fears being rejected especially by the one he values or loves the most.
- He fears a loss of freedom and all of which freedom means to him.
- He fears he will be seen as incompetent or a failure, again more specifically in the eyes of the one he loves or feels most connected to.
- He fears not being able please a woman sexually or through any exchange of intimacy.
IF while you interact with a guy AND communicate to him in a way which erases those fears YOU become the object of his desires.
Plain and simple.
HOW to do it all requires a little bit of skill and know-how but it's completely within your ability.
It's certainly a skill worth learning whether you're in a relationship or still dating.
Remember Carlos - the clever guy who put all these fears into writing - the one with the inexpensive offer for you to help you figure him out: How To Read His Signals - Instantly Know What He Really Wants From You
Well he also developed Passion Phrase, in it he reveals this type of communication. He calls it phrases you can drop into your conversation with men but it's the same thing... sort of.
The video is called "Is He Lying to you?" and when you watch it you'll learn:
- How to get him to adore you.
- The passion phrases to shut off all his excuses for not committing to you.
- The real reason he's lying to you.
- How to flick his obsession switch.
Carlos is also kind of a softy when it comes to giving away free stuff and if you're truly interested in learning something like this then: SIGN IN for your FREE chapter from Passion Phrases "Relationship Rescue: Before it's too late.."
Let's move on to the final but last fear of men...
#5. He won’t know how to handle or manage YOUR emotions.
The title (fear of not knowing how to handle your emotions) is very clear.
If he feels like when you're emotional (for whatever reason) that he doesn't know WHAT to do or HOW to handle it...
You'll see a guy who is so utterly afraid of a commitment he will do anything and everything to either not get into one with you, destroy it when he's in it OR withdraw completely until he figures it out - IF that even happens.
That's why this fear is huge!
The other problem with this one is actually finding and dating a man who doesn't let this fear stop him or finding a guy who's DOES know how to handle your emotions.
You DO want a guy who gets you. You DO want a guy who doesn't break every time you're sort-of get out a whack. You DO want a guy who is in a fair amount of control of himself.
You DO want a guy who is stable and strong enough to support you and be your rock, right?
It's a reasonable request.
So YOU CAN DO everything within your power to assure you meet a guy not only who is capable of handling this fear and your emotions...
And you can make sure you're a rock too.
Sure it's easier said than done but it IS possible. It's totally within your capability.
So why does a guy have this fear or where does it come from?
Because it is directly related to his masculinity.
A man is supposed to be strong.
A man is supposed to be more emotionally controlled than a woman, right?
At least that's what society and "others" teach them when they're growing up.
When a man feels ANY less than what a man is "supposed" to be he just doesn't feel like a real man.
Which I don't have to tell you makes some guys do some pretty strange stuff and act very oddly at times.
What if he gets in a relationship with you and then when things get out of control, he screws something up?
Not only will he feel like he's let you down, sometimes a woman will make him feel even worse for it; which doesn't help at all - just makes him feel weak and less of a man.
What if you become upset over something and he doesn't know what to say to make you feel better?
Simple - you've probably already been in this situation more than once no matter how much you've dated a guy...
Rather than just hug you and be supportive - he tries to FIX your problem and make it go away.
That's HIS was of handling your emotions.
It's not what you want but it's the only way he understands and feel like he can handle - by FIXING the problem or by making it go away.
So you can see this fear runs deep.
It hits right to the core of how he communicates and deals with your issues.
You can learn all about how men communicate and his silence in these areas when you pick up my book: Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings because there's a very large section dedicated to communication and how men and women communicative differently. KNOWING these difference can certainly help you erase this fears of his and get him to commit.
Now what if he feels like you love him more than he loves you. It happens. I'm sure you have had questions like this yourself.
He wonders - "She loves me THAT much - does this mean if I'm not doing those things - I don't love her that much?"
Now he's thinking he can not handle your love and when he starts thinking like that - he starts thinking he's not good enough for you.
I'm sure you've known a guy or two from your own experience (or through a friend) who has broken up with their partner for the reason of, "I will only hurt you. You deserve better. I'm not good enough for you."
Bet you didn't know that his insecurity might've (not always) been heightened by his fear of not being capable of handling your love.
Told you this is a BIG one.
So... by you giving more to him because that's what you think you should do - GIVE to your partner - you could in fact be making him feel like less than a man and increasing this long-held fear of his.
Which in turn pushes him away.
No matter HOW you look at this - and there are hundreds maybe even more examples - you'll see things in ways you would not have ever dreamed were possible.
Thus you'll all too easily see why men are so afraid of commitment or how hard it can be to get a guy to commit to you or any woman for that fact.
Add all his fears up and that's one scared little puppy you have on your hands who just wants to be loved, sure, that's okay and important...
But what actually matters more is his NEED to feel like he can LOVE you back.
His need to be a man who can handle your emotions because that's HIS way of feeling like a man - and he firmly believes - in order to be attractive to you and get you and keep you - he MUST BE A REAL MAN.
Okay - let's move on a little.
I have good news and bad news.
The good news is that this topic is NOT done.
It's too important PLUS we have to fully discover ways in which you can make a guy feel FEARLESS around you which in turn makes him want to be with you FOREVER.
The "advice" for you today - in relation to this specific fear is to start doing things YOU have control of in your life.
Your strength. Your emotional control. Your ability to handle pressure. Those are within your capability. I KNOW they are.
These are things EVERYONE, including me CAN work on in our everyday life.
AND... more good news...
Just knowing what you've been shown today will have you looking at men a little differently than you ever have before. This kind of information or knowledge will ultimately change how you interact with men WITHOUT even thinking about it.
Trust when I say the NEXT time you look at a man, any man, from your father to your brother to a lost love of years before to the guy sitting across you at breakfast while you're reading this...
You WILL see him in a way which will change the nature of your relationships with ALL men.
The bad news is - the article is coming to a close AND be careful - what you learned today is dangerous stuff when used the wrong way.
Now... on to the guy who first enlightened me by the five fears you learned about...
Here's his really cool inexpensive offer for you to help you figure a guy out:
And a little something else...
When it comes to communicating to him in a way which makes him fearless with you...
One thing I've mentioned before is that a man needs to feel like you GET him.
You Must Show Him You GET him.
You don't show him this by appealing to his physical attraction by fixing your hair, makeup, or clothes to match what you think turns him on.
This actually only makes you look desperate and does little to make a guy fall in LOVE with you.
What he REALLY needs to feel is that you UNDERSTAND him as a man!
It's way too easy to send him the wrong signal and make him think you don't get him at all.
You don't show him you understand him by pretending to be interested in his hobbies or sports or television shows, that's just you "faking" good behavior.
You have to show him that you not only understand MEN - but the unique things about HIM as a man...
A man know when a woman "GETS" him and when it's just a trick to get him to open up...
But if you show him something called the "Secret Signal" - he instantly melts for you.
And NO - the signal is not sex.
If you'd like to know what this Secret Signal is that makes men desire you uncontrollably...
It appears men have lots of reasons to be afraid of a commitment. Some of them are brought on by how you interact or communicate to them, other are brought on by their fears as shown above:
- His fear of rejection.
- His fear of being or feeling in competent.
- His fear of loss of freedom.
- His fear of not pleasing you sexually or intimately.
- His fear of not being able or capable of handling and dealing with ALL you EMOTIONS.
Looking at everything above, which I'm sure barely touches the reasons behind a fear of commitment, but it does give you a better idea of what is going on inside a man's mind and heart and how it's all connected.
Whether you play your part or if it's mostly him is only a piece of this very large puzzle and well-talked about subject.
The GOOD news is no matter what you believe or what you experienced with men - there seems to be a way around it - a way to turn the commitment-phobe man into a guy who is ready, willing, and capable of commitment.
Based on my life experience and all the men I've talked to and coached and helped along the way - when you filter out a certain small group of men, you'll find one fact:
Lots of men DO want to commit and do so daily despite their fears and the risk they feel is taken by doing getting into one.
Only a small majority of men are incapable of commitment. Only a small majority are doing scrupulous things to avoid getting in one. I'm not sure at this point if the number are greater for men than women but when you add it all up - it seems about equal.
Men are without a doubt in my mind actively seeking and looking for a relationship - just like you - and just like you - because of all the emotional risks and fears involved - just want to make sure the partner they commit is...
The RIGHT one for them AND naturally erases many of the feats associated with committing for a lifetime.
Credits and links from above:
- Opening image by Nathan Cowley at Pexels.
- Rori Raye - Have The Relationship You Want Free Newsletter.
- How To Make Him Feel Safe – Overcoming Your Fears and Being Secure - Article posted at Meet and Attract Him by Rori Raye.
- Me & Bobby Mcgee - Lyrics to song by Janis Joplin.
- Three Ways You’ll Push A Man Away – How To Inspire His Total Devotion - Article posted at Meet and Attract Him by Rori Raye.
- Katie and Guy Hendricks - Hearts In Harmony free newsletter page.
- Your Greatest Barrier To Attracting Genuine Love Is Not What You Think It Is - Article posted at Meet and Attract him by Katie and Guy Hendricks.
- Watch the Shocking Truth About What Men Want - Video presentation by Carlos Cavallo.
- First Chapter For Free - "The Soulmate Quiz: Is He THE ONE?" - Sign in page for free chapter.
- Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women? - Article posted here written by Peter White.
- Unlock The Secrets of the Male Mind - Video presentation by Carlos Cavallo.
- How To Read His Signals - Instantly Know What He Really Wants From You - Exclusive discounted offer from Carlos Cavallo.
- Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings - Online book written by Peter White.
- How To Stop Him From Lying To You! - Video presentation by Carlos Cavallo.
- FREE chapter from Passion Phrases "Relationship Rescue: Before it's too late.." - Free offer from Carlos.
- Don't Call Him, Text him, See Him - or Sleep with Him - Until You Watch OR Read This... - Video Presentation by Carlos.
- His Secret Obsession - The Hero Concept - Video and text explaining The Hero Concept by James Bauer.
- James Bauer - Product list and articles written by James Bauer.
- If Men Are Not Looking For The Prefect Woman – Then What DO They Want? - Posted at Meet and Attract Him by James Bauer.
- The Strangest Thing Men Desire & How It Can Make Him Crazy For You - Posted at Meet and Attract Him by James Bauer.
- The Attraction Trigger That Awakens a Man’s Deepest Longing for Love - Posted at Meet and Attract Him by James Bauer.
- The 1 Easy Idea You Can Use Today… To Unlock His Undying Devotion - Posted at Meet and Attract Him by James Bauer.