Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach Her

Guys Staring At Woman

Guys will stare and it's inevitable fact that most of them, will NEVER approach a woman. The reasons why are actually simple so let's get right to it so you can get back to that hopefully cute guy who was checking you out and not saying a word.

Many guys fear the approach as much or even more than speaking in public and if you know how scary that can be for people, that is a lot of fear.

They get way too nervous.

They think way too much about what to say and if they can not come up with something clever, they don't, won't or never will approach a woman.

Some even think you're amazingly hot and can only think of telling you how beautiful they think you are. (A comment they know every guy has already said to you sometimes a thousand times.)

Here's a fact:

Men are not conversational driven like women which presents many more problems on top of the nervousness.

They're not taught how to approach a woman in school or anywhere.

They have to rely on their friends to help them and since many of them, don't know how to do it themselves, there's not much knowledge being passed on. Of course there's you tube, movies, and pick up ebook and programs but it's safe to say most guys won't or don't get the right education on "picking up" women or girls which become another problem in itself.

You can assume most guys are nice and seeking help through a pick-up book is not something they will ever invest in because they don't want to pick up women. They merely want to talk to the woman they're staring at because... and here it is...

They're feeling instantly attracted to the object of their stares!

Here's the whole of the problem:

They're feeling nervous and believe being nervous around a woman is not attractive - one reason to not approach.

They don't know what to say which will make it feel like they're not trying to pick you up. Anything they come up with in their head, if anything does beyond "Hello" feels like a pick up line and they simply do not want some pretty girl think they're a sleazy player pick-up dude just trying to get in your pants.

Another reason to just sit back and stare.

Some men also don't really know how to talk to a woman let alone make a public approach to a stranger. Yes, men suffer from stranger danger too but in a way that's a little different than you.

They fear public rejection. They imagine the worst scenario. They become so wrapped up in their own projected future thoughts it compounds the fear and just choose to remain silent.

Some DO understand women are not solely into looks and you might think that's a good thing, but to a guy, it's not. When they consider how much attraction needs to be created through their body language, attitude, social status, and conversational approach - the pressure mounts and starts running through their entire body and more.

Because now they believe if they screw up the conversation and (any or all) of the so-called attraction triggers they must create in you (after the approach) you'll never give them a chance. Hence the fear of rejection continues to grow at an alarming rate.

A guy stares at a woman and does not approach because he's nervous, doesn't know what to say, fears being publicly rejected and humiliated which will all but destroy his confidence.

Guys Checking Out Staring At Girls

By now it's safe to assume you are wondering WHY is he staring then and that's a great question I hear a lot. No worries - I'm going to reveal that too although I did mention it a few paragraphs ago.

He likes what he sees. He's feeling instant attraction. 99 or more time out of a 100 it's pure physical ATTRACTION!

This is how the "notice her and don't approach" goes most of the time for men:

We notice her from afar. Wow. She's hot. A friend might even smack them on the arm and say,

"Dude. Look at her. She's incredible."

We would check her out casually and turn away quickly when she caught us. Yeah, we try to be all smooth about it thinking you didn't notice... but you did or else you wouldn't be here on this article today.

We don't want her to think we're like every other "creepy" guy. We don't want her to think we were objectifying her body even though in part, we were. Can you blame us. You're quite hot!

Let's say we're out playing pool and notice you. We will use every opportunity to admire your beauty but of course at the same time find every excuse to not approach her:

  • She probably has a boyfriend or worse yet married.
  • She wouldn't like us.
  • We could embarrass ourselves if she shot us down.
  • If we only knew what to say to get her interested but doubt "that's" going to happen.
  • What if she says something hurtful or worse yet, calls us an ugly loser... ouch!
  • Who are we to believe we could ever have a woman like you. We've never even been given the opportunity before so we wouldn't even know what to do if she talked back. Ahhh yes, the very real and compounding fear of success!
  • We could stutter like some fool and look totally pathetic.

Hopefully you can now see the full effect of our attraction towards you, what goes on inside our minds, and why you find most men will not approach you but continue to stare.

Let's go deeper into the "Staring" part so you can fully understand why and how it happens.

Men are generally drawn to the physical attributes on a woman as if you didn't already know it, but there may be some details you're not aware of that is happening which is associated with the fear of approach.

When we see a girl that we are highly attracted to there's a mysterious force ( attraction ) which draws our eyes to her. Some guys stare right at the breasts. Some try to position themselves to check out her ass. It all depends on the "type" of guy.

Some gaze at her eyes hoping and praying she will approach him and magically they will run off together. Okay this one is absurd but believe me, it does happen.

This staring mechanism goes deep and the feelings or imagery create last a really long time. That's how effective and powerful it is for us.

I remember seeing this incredible woman at a baseball game and by the end of the ninth inning my mind had us doing the boyfriend and girlfriend stuff together. Sure it was pathetic but let's not focus on how sad and lonely it was for me during those times.

Well let me tell you I can't remember a thing about who won the game or who was playing, but I still can see her in my mind... and that was over twenty years ago.

Consider this...

If the attraction mechanism that is put inside a guy is that powerful, just imagine how powerful the fear associated with approaching a woman is too.

Man Fear Danger Approach

Think back to how all this started. You know, before our modern social world was built. Years ago we could get smacked up pretty hard for approaching the wrong woman. We could even lose our lives.

Imagine a group of 20 humans living as animals in the wild. Chances are during our small lifetime we would be extremely lucky to even come across another group.

Therefore if we were to approach a woman we felt attracted to and failed, we could ruin our chances with every available woman in the group. On top of all we've covered today - this fear - is very real because it feels like if we screw it up with one woman - every other woman sees it and therefore we've blown our chances with them also.

We realize it's not true but remember, it FEELS that way so it become very real to us.

Hmmm I wonder how many of you actually googled this question on your phone while some guy, at this very moment was staring at you and not approaching - feel free to leave your story or comment below because it's something I am very curious to know.

Guys stare because they're feeling attracted to one or more physical features on you.

It varies from man to man although there are some features most men are agreeable attracted to under any circumstance.

We won't, don't, or feel we can not approach because:

A fear of failure, public rejection, and sometimes the very real fear success. (Yes, getting you to talk to us is one thing but then what do we do if we succeed in that.)

Not knowing what to say, how to say, how to act, or basically how to approach a woman we're attracted to which causes us to overthink, become nervous, and freeze up internally.

Some men at some point did gather their courage and approached some woman they were checking out and was interested in meeting and it didn't go well.

Maybe it was him screwing it up and just maybe the woman (or women) made them feel like a loser and publicly humiliated them causing them to relive the same feelings of anxiousness over and over again.

Anxiety and nervousness based on old "fight or flee" modes experienced long ago which still run through our bodies. Back when approaching the wrong woman at the wrong time could easily lead to death or forever being banned from finding a mate.

I didn't mention this but it is very real: Some women appear unapproachable to us.

As if they're doing everything they can (knowingly or not) to make themselves less available to start a conversation.

Whether it's a look, surrounding yourself in a group, nervousness yourself, not paying attention or noticing what is happening, some women just put out a vibe,

"Do NOT under any circumstance approach me. I do NOT want to talk to you or anyone. Stay away please!"

Guys stare at women, check them out, eye them from afar because it's a driving force behind how their initial attraction triggers work.

And it feels GOOD to experience that attraction so we want or sometimes can not help ourselves from doing it.

More than 99% of the time, when a guy is staring at you it's because he sees something he likes.

He's feeling ATTRACTED to you.

Something about you is triggering an instinctual emotion which has been around a very long time.

It does NOT matter how attractive you THINK you are at that stage (mostly) or how you're dressed, where you're going what you're doing, who you're with, whether you're married, engaged, in a relationship, NOTHING makes a difference.

If we feel attracted to you we're more likely to check you out and for some guys this leads to stares, glances, up to and unfortunately including creepy longing looks which become all too annoying and confusing at the same time IF you don't know why it's happening or the guy doing it.

Now for the ULTIMATE question I know you're thinking of asking...

How do you get more guys to STOP staring at you and just APPROACH you already?

The answer to that question is unfortunately not so simple.

You can't erase a man's fears with just a look - most of them won't even understand it anyways. They're generally not as good at reading signals as you.

It's certainly not advisable to wave him over even with a smile. Sure it will work sometimes but it just doesn't feel like the right way to meet a guy.

You also can not just yell loudly, "Hey you! Stop staring at me and get over here." That would only make him believe you're mad at him for checking you out and he'll probably run.

It appears THIS problem is not entirely under your direct control but there are certainly things you can do to make it more likely he'll give up on the staring and start a conversation with you.

Here are some things you can do to make it easier on a guy:

Make direct eye contact for a few seconds.

Smile - not too big, not too small. Just enough so he sees you're not angry at him for looking at you.

Go back to what you're doing.

Repeat it again - just once.

What you're doing is giving a green light and by doing it a second time you're reassuring to him that what he saw really happened and your focus was on him.

Beyond that - it's up to HIM. Don't get too excited though because as you can see from all the reasons listed above - approaching a woman is NOT something men do very well at all or even try a few times in their entire lifetime. (Depending on circumstances of course because where and when makes a big difference on if he'll come over to talk to you.)

Above and beyond all that here are some more tips:

Don't bury your head in your phone or a book or surround yourself with lots of your friends. This is seen by men as being a STOP light - it's saying DO NOT APPROACH ME!

Use your intuition to guide your body language so you appear more open and relaxed. Whether a guy gets it doesn't matter. He will sense it even if he doesn't realize what he's seeing.

Getting a man to approach you is mostly about him but it also will come down to how open and approachable you appear to him.

It's unfortunate but you'll find the more attractive and confident you are, the less you'll likely to be approached because it intimidates most type two guys.

They'll believe every guy is already out to "get" you causing them to think and believe they would never have a chance with you anyways. Causing them to just opt for staring.

This makes for another problem because you must never downplay yourself - you shouldn't become less confident AND you certainly must not dress down just to get more guys to approach you - that would be absurd.

I understand this leaves you in a tough position and makes so much of it out of your control BUT its okay but you want a balance anyways.

Too many men approaching means you'll be wasting a lot of time and have guys trying to open you up that you would never want anyways.

Too little leaves you wondering why you're getting the stares and no one coming over just to say hello.

This leaves one final section...

The REAL secret to men approaching you as it relates to meeting men.

You now know everything there is about why a guy would stare and not approach you AND how much of it has to do with you and how much of it has to do with him.

You also now understand some of it will always be out of your control. You can only do so much to get a guy to come to you especially if you're looking for something more with him.

It's time to move on - make yourself your approachable - and let the meeting men part take care of itself. You have so much more control over the meeting part than you might think so that is where a lot of your focus should be.

There's no more to this approach problem than the answers you've been given today.

All that really matters or will make difference is how many real high quality men you meet and knowing why a guy stares is not really all that helpful in dating men.

Thanks for stopping by.

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When you're satisfied and understand why guys stare but never approach, it's time to put it away and focus on meeting some men.

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This article was posted in What Men Are Thinking About When They Stare, Gaze, or Look At You

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30 comments… add one
  • Kattya Juarez

    During my walks, I always see this guy that I’m attracted to. I had not paid attention to him until now. He gave me intense eye contact, smiled when I look at him. I started to say hello to him but now, he’ll answer back and just put his head down every time I walk by him . Not sure what happened but he seems either shy or tries to look not interested. When I’m not looking , he’s is definitely staring at me, very confusing .
    He will not talk to me of course, only if I say hello , he’ll answer but puts his head down every time. Wish he would talk to me more , not sure what to do next ?

    • Hello Kattya. Thanks for asking and here’s I see it. My male perspective.

      He feels rejected and doesn’t want to try again because of that. When a man puts his head down with a woman after eye contact, it’s a sign of low confidence, esteem, lack of skills, etc..

      His rejection may be entirely internal. You may or may not have caused it directly. Hard to tell from here.

      However, he’s definitely attracted to you which is why he still stares. It feels good to stare and sometimes we dream, there or later.

      Read this please: Here’s What It Means When Men Are Always Looking At You

      This is a tough situation for him, to have to get over his shyness with the added pressure he’s feeling because he knows his stares has creeped you out a little. To him, the creepiness is a very real thing. He probably feels bad for it but has done it many times in his life.

      There’s only ONE way to get him to speak up and enjoy a conversation with you, you have to start a conversation with him to put him at ease and make him feel comfortable.

      I’d start with a statement and you must attach a question to keep him around longer than usual.

      You might start with something similar to, “Hello, we’re both here everyday.” You can add why you’re there and then, “What brings you around?”

      That’s it. Make the statement. Add a question.

      Thanks for asking. This will help you out. Promise. 🙂

      All the best.

  • Herselfsaid

    I just started my new job and since first week of working (untill now, its third week already), this guy keeps looking and always look at my face when we walked pass each other. But he never said a thing and i feel so awkward when our eyes met cuz idk what to say.

    • Thanks for sharing Herselfsaid.

      I understand, it feels strange to all of us when we’re being eyed, hope it’s not too creepy.

      I wrote this, might help you:

      Here’s What It Means When Men Are Always Looking At You

      You shouldn’t have to say anything. He started the eye contact and it’s up to him to follow through. If he’s not bad or creepy, just smile and keep moving along. If you want to pull him in a little to encourage a chat, gaze a little longer, let your eyes fall down a bit, then look up at him as if you’re going to say something but don’t.

      Thanks again and wishing you all the best.

  • Dolores Cook

    When I go on my daily walk there is a guy that-work for the city. Every time he see me he stop in he’s track and check me out. I went up to him and and say something to him related to he’s work and I walk away. I panic)! Help!

    • No need to panic. Relax. Let him come to you a little more and if he’s up for it. He will. I’d personally stay away from discussing work. It really doesn’t go anywhere especially if you’re in panic mode. Flirt a little and have fun with him.

      DISTRACT him from his job. He’ll like that for sure.

      All the best of luck to you Dolores and thanks for asking. Let me know how it goes. 🙂

  • John Doe

    It keeps happening to me over and over, sometimes multiples times in a single day, I think for a big part my issue comes from when I was a kid, I was a very shy and insecure kid and saw myself as plain ugly. Nowadays I get spoiled with compliments that I’ve bloomed like a fine whine, that I’ve became very handsome, but I simply can’t intake this internally into my system. I even remember as a kid feeling envy about good looking guys getting easy female attention, thinking that that was all to it. Nowadays I keeping catching girls staring at me, but I simply freeze up and kick myself in the head for wasting such opportunities, specially with girls which I feel the most attraction towards, which is pure ironic frustration, since the ones I desire the most are the ones I fear the most. I’m so tired of panicing and feeling unable to find the courage to approach them even tho I’m 99% certain the girl on the other side is as attracted to me as I am to her. This leads to pure frustration, just imagining the potential of every situation but never ever being able to fulfil any of it

  • Erica Edwards

    Thank you so much for sharing this! I had a neighbor that would stare at me constantly. I didn’t realize it until one day I started having a hard time while I was eating. Things would keep catching in my throat. At first I thought I’d developed a swallowing issue but it only happened in my apartment. I looked up what may have been some of the reasons and as strange as it sounds, one cause was that someone might be staring at you and that sixth sense could feel it.
    When I realized that I always felt when he was staring at me, it didn’t bother me, I had developed a crush on him after while. I’d even heard him say my name through the walls (I hope while he was pleasuring himself) but he never really pursued the relationship. One day I got up the courage to tell him that I had a crush on him and nothing happened. Yet he continued to stare. Only he knows why we never got together, I have no clue but I had to move from underneath of his apartment because it was really starting to feel like a heartbreaking rejection. I couldn’t keep letting myself wonder why and feel like crap in the process.
    Thank you again for your help. 😊

  • Nichola Matthews

    On my first job as a burger king hostess there was a customer one day who I could literally feel him looking at me. I could sense he was attracted, but for some reason didn’t talk. Now that I look back, as a hostess it was perfectly within my role to speak to him. But I really don’t remember if I did or not.
    His interest was so tangible. I haven’t forgotten it.
    But at the time I was caught up in a celebrity crush.
    This is why they’re so destructive, girls can’t see the real men right in front of them.

  • ashanti

    I- god I can’t stress this enough I like my neighbor but I don’t know if he likes me back I really want to go to talk to him but what if he rejects me and he does stare at me this one time he was walking to his car and he opened the door and well he took out a water bottle and started drinking while staring at me I got so nervous I had to go back inside does he like me or is he just mentally making fun of me?

  • Vicky

    So there’s a guy at work I catch him looking at me all the time and then looks away when we walk passed each other sometimes he will look at me and then other times it seems like he’s just trying to avoid me it’s confusing I wish he would just come up and talk to me or anything I wanna give him my number should I just be the first to do it does he seem interested? I’m not sure what to think or do. Help

  • John

    Why does he look (I hope he isn’t staring … that’s creepy) but not approach? Because he got what he wanted. Men know that women who are considered “hot” are usually bitches. Why would we want to talk to or date a bitch? We don’t. So we just look. And I only look once; I don’t stare. And now that I’ve seen your “hotness”, which is all you have to offer, I’m done. I save my approaching and my dating budget for girls I’d like to marry someday. You know, kind and intelligent girls with a warm personality. In other words, the opposite of you.

    • I’m sure you got a small percentage of men right, some of them obviously feel the way you do. As far as the majority or typical situation, I highly doubt most men feel this way.

      Besides, what you’re “offering” is merely just a prejudice against looks – good looking or “hotness” as you wrote does not equate to bitch or whatever.

      With that said, I’m willing to be those kind and intelligent ones with the warm personalities you speak of want nothing to do with a bigoted misogynistic ass.

  • Jessica

    There’s this guy that lives next door and he always seems to get nervous when I pass him or look at him to the point that he’ll even stop talking to his sister out of the blue. I mean he even changes his walk and attitude when I’m around. And when our eyes lock he looks away almost immediately avoiding eye contact but when I’m not looking his way my cousin tells me that he’s staring at me but he stares whilst his head is facing down and eyes to the side looking up. The only time I catch him staring at me is when he is scanning my body. And it also seems like when he looks at me his tongue gets tied, he becomes mute, he couldn’t even tell me to close my car door so he can park he just stared at me and when I looked up I found him staring at me so intensely like I killed his grandma or something, so that is why I’m here, it’s just creepy😕Oh and because he’s hiding away from me ever since that car door issue

    • A full blown – way down the ladder typical type two Jessica. The fear is very real and intense for some men when they’re around women they’re attracted to, and this sounds like him.

      Thanks for sharing. Hope this post has helped she some light on his actions.

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