When you find yourself attracted to a “shy guy” or interested enough to want to get to know him but you’re not sure on how to approach situation…
There’s this amazing guy and he is literally all I think about. I really like him but he’s really shy and doesn’t interact with many girls often. I’ve caught him looking at me several times but every time I try to talk to him the conversations are really short. I’ve made him laugh before but then it seems like he’s avoiding me whenever I see him. I know his family fairly well and him too, but I don’t know if I should approach him with the idea of being more than friends. I can’t tell if he’s into me or not and how to approach him if he is.
I wouldn’t suggest approaching anyone with the idea of being “more than friends” put out there.
It’s best (in my opinion) to play it neutral at first and let the moment develop naturally. This also alleviates much of the pressure in these kind of situations which sometimes makes us, in the very least look needy, desperate, controlling, or things which can deter attraction.
Never “sell” an early interaction too far into the future.
So many people are shy, at least from my view, because they’re afraid of the future. Socially speaking of course. They either try too hard or don’t try at all making things perpetually uneasy for them.
If you approach a shy person and apply social pressure, you can get some pretty strange results because they tend to internalize too much of what is going on and connect it to themselves.
When I was shy it felt like I was always being judged negatively. Like I was eventually going to do or say something wrong or socially unacceptable.
While interacting with the girls I was attracted to, I was putting on an act. I was monitoring my every thought or action to avoid doing something wrong. Women never got to talk to the real me in those situations.
Doing something wrong in those cases meant she wouldn’t like me or it was the reason she wasn’t attracted to me when I was rejected.
That’s the internal connection. It’s a limited belief system of a shy guy. ( Based on my observations of men and past shyness.)
Since then though, I’ve learned the mystery of it, maybe she likes me, maybe she doesn’t, creates a far better experience. Kind of like a “let’s have fun and see what happens” attitude.
That’s the attitude you can have when you do approach a shy guy, or when a guy approaches a woman whether she’s shy or not.
A little self-deprecating humor also helps because it alleviates stress.
It’s easier to be who we are when we don’t take things like just having a conversation so seriously. It should be an energetic exchange of ideas, wit, and humor practically devoid of most questions.
An example would be:
Bad question with pressure attached –> “What do you do for a living?” A shy response would have the guy (or person) thinking you might not like him for his job. Or maybe he’s not that passionate about it or doesn’t think it’s cool. Remember they internalize more when they’re talking to someone they’re attracted to. ( Explained as being overly self-conscious. )
A better idea without pressure would be –> “Amazing. You look like you work-out for a living. I have my good days and bad days but then again – I can be a little lazy. Haha!”
No questions. No pressure. Just a fun exchange of ideas.
Observe something unique. Relate it to something you’re used to or have in common. Bust your ass own a little ( Light-heartedly of course ).
Work in the flirting slowly if the chemistry happens to be there and is definitely building.
Shy guys NEED social safety before they open up. They despise, avoid, or act differently when they’re in situations which could lead to a judgement or their character or a social disaster.
“Shy guys open up easier when it’s socially safer. They work better one on one or in very small well-known social groups.”
Imagine something I’ve experienced many times in my past…
Here’s this new attractive co-worker and I was in luck, we met and started talking. No one is around and everything feels fun and easy. Like I could be myself.
But, as soon as one other person enters the group discussion the energy changes. It feels different. It adds pressure.
Suddenly I found myself time after time not acting like I was the minute before. I bow out of the conversation gracefully (or disappear) usually with some pre-planned excuse.
It no longer felt socially safe. My brain would switch over and I’d become much more self-conscious.
After something like that would happen the only time I would then come around is when she was alone. I might stare and wait for the moment to appear. Trying to look busy or like I didn’t care. Yet I’d be not so patiently waiting for “alone” time to come again so I pick up where I left off with her.
I know – us shy guys… aren’t we just so adorable Cat. 😀
You can approach a shy guy in a group. He’ll even deal with some larger social areas but rarely will you ever get any more than his persona if it’s too publicly.
Again, their self-conscious thoughts causes them to monitor their thoughts and action more because they’re worried how others might judge it.
“A common mistake that intelligent women often commit is to think too much about certain things. They get so caught up in their own world of thoughts that they’ll come off as aloof or distracted… when in reality they’re just petrified from FEAR of not knowing what to say next.”
COMMUNICATION AND CONVERSATION TIPS – HOW TO TALK TO MEN – – Mirabelle Summers
Both men AND women can easily have their self-conscious thoughts creep in and possibly deflate an otherwise great connection.
Advice on approach or those first meetings doesn’t seem to change no matter who we’re talking to.
If he’s shy, then again it’s best to be one on one but the supposed rules are no different to enjoying a “stimulating” conversation.
I believe Miralbelle Sommers did a great job on how to talk to any guy and how to quiet YOUR mind too, if that’s a problem.
Shy guys will feed off your quiet mind and are more likely to follow your lead. Give it a read – you might find some better pointers in it rather than me just repeating her words. You’ll find the link to the full article there at…”The Approach” That’s my side “gig” I rarely pay attention to. Haha!
You’ll find it above or just click here: Conversation Tips: How To Talk To Men
Approaching, talking, meeting, whatever it is – I do hope another shy guy doesn’t pass you or any other woman by just because he’s a little socially withdrawn and you were not sure on how to handle it.
I’m pretty sure there are some great guys out there who tend to stay a little quiet and just might need a push in the right direction.
Hopefully the course I’ve laid out gets things heading in the right direction for you Cat, and everyone who is passing by.
If anything, it does help to understand how shy guys think and the purpose of this was to give a better look inside “this” guy’s head.