There's something about the way a woman looks (her actual physical appearance, personality and placement aside) that us guys can rarely or barely resist.
It's feels like someone has flipped a switch inside. Probably why it's often referred to as a trigger.
Here's something you might not know: It's also extremely addictive to gaze or blatantly stare at what we're deeply attracted to and drawn toward.
Most of all, it actually FEELS GOOD when we do it.
Attraction seems to have its own agenda and since so many of as men experience it daily, looking at women appeals directly to our sexual desires. Since "attraction" knows this, it releases hormones which make us want to do it over and over and over again.
Our eyes are trained from puberty and on to pick any woman out and our minds are designed for focus leaving us in a sometimes state similar to a deer staring in the headlights of a car.
Yes, it's that that powerful.
Doing it requires very little effort and the reward is a somewhat of an addicting sensation which we can do practically achieve everyday...
Being in love with someone else may or may not make a difference.
We are even known (as I've done myself countless times) to put ourselves in situations where it's more likely to happen very often such as where you'll find loosely clothed women BUT it can happen anywhere, anytime, no matter HOW we're feeling and sometimes WHO we are with at the time.
Before we get into this love thing OR to prove a point leading up to the love thing, I'm going to share with you something odd which happened to me last night to show you just how powerful it can be for guys.
Do you know who Kaley Cuoco is? (If not, there's the link.)
I don't find her all that physically attractive. It's the broad shoulders which looks kind of masculine to me and something about her face which turns me off.
(Although I'm quite positive based on the conversations I've had with men - I'm in the minority here and most guys DO find her more than just sexually appealing.)
Keep the part where I'm not really into her in mind as I go over the next part.
Just last night while I was writing I caught a glimpse of her in the early days of "The Big Bang Theory" and her cleavage popped out at me and caught me attention. (Like the Deer in the headlights things above.)
I felt a rush come over me. She, sorry - her cleavage stopped me dead in my tracks and I HAD to stare. Tanned. Beautifully shaped. I tried to imagine what her breasts looked like. What shape her nipples were. The exact shade and length and then for a brief second I imagined them playfully hanging above me while she was on top.
It didn't stop there and here's the truly odd part.
Her face then became more adorable. More sexy. She turned around to reveal an ass which truly amazed me. Perfectly shaped. Toned but feminine as if inviting a playful slap. I swear I felt my hand palm up in that moment as if it was actually getting ready to do it.
Remember - this is a woman I DO NOT find that attractive at all. Maybe I've grown accustomed to her looks and her slightly younger self became more appealing.
But that's not the point here. I'll save that little bit for another time.
The point is how my complete objectification of her body happened without a second thought to who she was, where I was, or what I was doing.
Realizing she was just a blip on my screen played its part and in the everyday world I can and DO exercise better control over my glares.
However that still doesn't change or stop something from happening which FELT great.
She aroused my sexual desires within a fraction of a glimpse and I found myself not hours later contemplating getting in touch with an old "friend" to let out the sexual desires I was feeling in that moment.
I now believe this is where this whole "loving a girl" comes into the explanation.
Kaley wasn't real to me but the sight of her aroused me enough to want to reach out to someone real.
Not so I could compare her to Kaley.
Not so I could objectify my casual affair.
Not even so I could think about or imagine screwing Cuoco while having sex with someone else.
Because - and here's the part you want to definitely hear about men and how we often stare at our attraction.
Looking at women feels good but it's all surface stuff.
It's not real.
Comparing THOSE feelings with the reality of being with someone is not even possible because they're not even close to the same thing.
It quickly turns disappointing and leaves us unfulfilled and searching for someone who is real, responsive and perfectly attractive in her OWN unique way.
The FEELINGS and EMOTIONS that come with LOVE, when mutually shared or not, is something far greater than what our eyes can ever make us feel from a glimpse up to even a longing stare.
The "deer in the headlights" phenomenon is fleeting. Sure sometimes it's uncontrollable. Sure sometimes we find ourselves doing it at the worse possible time BUT it tends to be a passing moment void of any REAL long-lasting emotional connection.
Unless we're one messed up dude with severe mental issues or suffer from extreme loneliness and depression which may cause obsession or have a guy to stalk a woman. But even in the latter case - the man is SO choosing his obsession and stalking excuse not because of how she looks...
But because his claim to be madly in LOVE with her.
It's an unfortunate method of proof but it does work: LOVE is and will always be a more powerful emotion to a man over what he experiences when he's checking some woman out or staring her down.
Love will always be more to a man and will override any sense of judgement, character, and even morality if he follows it too blindly.
Staring at woman is just not that extreme because again - it's not close to being REAL. Sure it feels good but that's the extent of it for most "normal" situations.
I LOVE Claire's explanation of the REALNESS as it relates to a woman's body. She wrote, or collaborated on a piece called Capture A Man's Heart - Info Video link: Three Steps To Make A Man Love You Forever ... I like her style and the point she makes:
"A man loves a REAL woman.
Of course he looks at the naked, “perfect” girls in the magazine or online. And of course you’re bombarded with “perfect” skinny chicks on the runway or the billboard.
But a picture of perfection – whether it’s real or not – is no competition whatsoever for a living, breathing, fragrant woman sitting next to a man at a restaurant.
Or pressed slightly against him in the elevator.
Perfection can go hang; you are up close and personal.
Stepford wives are creepy.
You can be assured that while he might fantasize about a playmate of the month, he’ll take a real woman over a figment of his imagination EVERY time."
(The prior or this video link is my personal affiliate connection which means when you purchase through it and keep the product beyond the refund date - you support my work, you learn something beneficial about men, and I make some money too.)
So... here it is.
Lots of guys will still do the staring thing. They're going to check out women they find attractive.
Some will have more control over it than others. Some will be more crass and obvious about it. Some will still DO when you're with them and in love.
Some will show proper restraint and respect you and do it less or at least try harder when you're with him.
Some guys are terrible at it and have little control and you'll catch them watching movies with hot girls or staring at the cute cashier and once in a while.
BUT if you look hard enough and pay close attention I guarantee that guy who has professed his love for you and ACTS that way...
You will definitely catch him checking YOU out too... more often than any other woman.
Here's a strange twist of the story to follow which may or may not help you out if your guy is checking out other women naturally and not just being a prick about it.
A man is highly more likely (when he's in love with a woman) to clearly objectify some other's woman's body.
He feels he has to because doing anything less scares him and makes him feel like he's cheating on you or is interested in another woman more than you.
His objectification or stares at other women must be downplayed in his head because the more he's in love with you - the less comfortable he feels doing BUT since it's a trigger - something built inside him - something he's naturally done for years... and truthfully it DOES feel a little good: It's a very difficult thing to resist.
It's almost like we have to train or retrain our brains or at least distract ourselves enough so we do it less and less.
YES - it's true - the look or sexual appeal of ANY woman who triggers a man urge to look or stare does slightly engage his sexual desires.
And yes - even guys in a long-term relationship WILL stare at other women.
(MY personal theory or observation in this area tells me the longer a guy is in a relationship, the more likely he's going to start staring. What that means is a different subject though so don't go there today.)
The stares happen because it is a trigger. The trigger is the only part that is beyond our control. The stares however are within our control - it's just hard for some men to resist or care or even want to resist the urges because it's addictive...
AND it feels GOOD to do it.
However - those feelings are surface stuff. Highly superficial. The emotions for many average or normal men pale in comparison to the feelings associated with LOVE.
Men will always search for something MORE than just a hot flash in the pants.
They will choose something REAL over something trivial any day. (With a few exceptions of course.)
Unless HIS STARES lead to other actions like chasing, cheating, talking about it too much, a constant battle for attention, demeaning your looks verbally, and so on... are a definite PROOF that something is wrong in the relationship or with him - then there's not too much to worry about or be concerned over.
Just because he checks out another woman at some point does not mean he doesn't or isn't in love with you.
You'll ALWAYS find a definitive proof of that by looking into other areas of your interactions or life together.
Here's a few articles I like and posted up outside why do guys to help you out if you're questioning his love or devotion to you (mostly) beyond the staring:
- 8 Actions Of A Man Who Loves You – How To Tell If It’s True Love or Fake
- 7 Signs That He Totally Adores You and 5 Signs He’s A KEEPER
- 10 Signs He’s Falling In Love With You
Check them out when you get a chance.
Here's a little something else from one of my other affiliates from the guy who collaborated with Claire Casey from above:
"What’s crazy is that you’ll discover a man can be head-over-heels in love with you and never say the words…
OR he can say the words “I love you” but if he doesn’t pass the other 6 questions it means he’s LYING through his teeth (even if he doesn’t know it himself.)"
(Remember the affiliate link I shared with you above - that video is another one.)
I'm beyond positive that you have strong opinions on this subject and I'd like to hear them all - share them below and I'll get right to approving them.
Today's post is very specific about what triggers a man's urge to stare and a little about love and how it feels to a man.
You'll definitely want to hop on my newsletter below because I try to keep understanding men simple and being a man - my perspective can and will give you some insights you're not going to hear anyplace else. I'll see you there.