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Words A Man Uses When He Loves You

in Is It Love
The words a man uses may not mean anything at all – just a jumbled mess of what he’s feeling inside.

Love is a deeply treasured word in a man’s world. It’s often reserved for extreme emotional connections and is rarely spoken lightly.

Which is why I’m assuming when a woman wrote this question she was looking for other clues to assure herself  his commitment is or was, real.

But I’m not sure if there are certain words a man uses when he’s in love with a woman because men tend to be more about action.

What they do and how they do it are much clearer ways to tell if he’s in love with you.

For example – he may not say how much he enjoys being with you but he’ll give up sleep just to spend time with you.

I’ll tell you a secret about understanding men to help you decipher his words a little better next time. That way instead of having to narrow down his speech by his actual words you’ll be able to see the real meaning. Knowing fully whether he is actually “in love” with you or is just saying it.

“Words without fear, action, conviction and commitment never represent our deeper self and are often a desire to validate or vocalize something else.”

A true commitment requires action which often puts trust in the future. Since the future is unknown it can easily represent a personal fear.

So as a man if I were to use words without committing to them by DOING something AND there’s no real RISK involved then quite honestly they mean barely nothing.

If your man says he wants to bring the world to you then you might assume he loves you. But if he makes no effort in any way possible to realize this promise, and his plans never include tomorrow, AND there’s no real risk to say them…

Then ask yourself honestly – “Does this guy really love me or is he just flirting and  discovering the connection between us?”

You know as well as I do words are too easily masked. That’s why our “social tests” are so important. How else would we find  something closer to the truth.

So it’s not what he says or the phrase he uses or even if he claims to “love you” …

I believe it’s the risk he takes to say them, the commitment to back them up with action, and his conviction to secure a future.

It may not always represent true love (we can reserve that for another question) but you’ll find one or two sentences may suddenly mean a lot more to him and you, then a guy who “never stops talking” about how much he is in love with you. (He may not even know what love feels like.)

Try it out. Grab a few sentences and keep them in your head. When you find yourself wondering if he really does love you think about my quote above and match it up to his actions.

I think you’ll find the answer will be much clearer than before.

The words a man uses when he loves you may not be what you expect and until you step back to see the whole picture you could easily drive yourself crazy trying to figure it all out.

As a guy I can tell you there’s a ot of men who just don’t know how to express themselves in words. We won’t get into all those details but if you’re basing how he feels on what he’s saying, then you could easily confuse yourself so much more.

This question is NOT closed so please, go ahead and leave some examples below. Tell us about your experiences with how men express themselves, what words you believed he used – when you realized his love for you was genuine.

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About the author: Honest & upfront but that’s for you to decide. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, about men and it’s easy to understand. Thank you, Peter White

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6 comments… add one
  • Amira

    I have another question which was raised by this topic.

    The words, action and risk thing, does that also imply the other way around? Let’s say that a man I know says he would sleep with someone else if someone else offered to have sex with him. But he is not looking for sex with someone else himself. He thinks it’s more than fine what we have.

    He says this without taking action (sleeping with others), although I can’t be sure if someone has offered in the time we’re “together”. But he promised he would tell me and so far he sticks with just me. And it has hardly any risk because I agreed to have a casual relationship, even though he knows it’s over if he has sex with someone else.

    Does this mean that it is not truly how he feels (having sex with someone else) because it’s not covering the deeper self/thoughts? It might actually be a desire to validate or vocalize something else?

    Not sure if he is rejecting certain feelings for me out of fear falling in love, by saying things to test me or hurt me. Or if it’s just me who isn’t stepping back to view the bigger picture.

    • Peter White

      Sounds like he’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear. Almost like he’s assuring things are cool with you about your situation (whatever that is) and making it clear that it’s not a commitment and if something happens, you won’t get mad at him for it.

      Which would mean yes – He’s validating his lack of commitment to you.

      I won’t get into the idea of a guy who “claims” he afraid of falling in love because normally it’s just another excuse to avoid commitment while making himself feel justified for “sleeping” around IF the opportunity arises and once again, trying to defuse a situation where he might actually sleep with someone else and risk pissing you off.

      Whether or not he says he’s not actively looking can simply mean, “I’m not good at picking up women or I couldn’t have a one night stand anyways AND I’m just not good at getting women that way… so I just wait and hope they come to me”


      • Amira

        Thank you for your reply, Pete.
        I really appreciate it 🙂

  • Vero

    Hi Pete,

    I have been seeing this guy since September of last year and things have gone well, to the point of now i have a key to his house we see each other a lot more, and we feel comfortable around each other. Just recently though during intimacy he whispered in my ear “i love you” and minutes later he asked me if i loved him, its happened a couple of times now but the thing is that he only says that during sex, and i dont know why only then!

    • Peter White

      Hi Vero,

      I haven’t done much research on how guys act after or during sex, well besides my own. 😉 However I have heard of a clear drop of our testosterone when we’re done causing us to be a little less “masculine” and a little more open.

      That (and much more) is the scientific part and I’m sure there’s a lot to it which is interesting and factual based.

      What I DO know is that some guys get caught in the moment and will feel so connected that they will ONLY say it at that time. Other guys will say it because they believe that’s what a woman needs to hear.

      Men AND women can become very vulnerable during intimacy and saying it might be a way to protect ourselves and reassure our partner it’s more than just about sex. It’s an intimate connection and a shared moment.

      Since he’s also asking you if you love him too, I’m going to say it’s a genuine feeling for him and it simply his way of wrapping up the experience into something more meaningful and unforgettable for the both of you.

      As the moment passes and the feelings diminish the testosterone is replenished. It’s quite possible he finds it tough to say at any other time.

      As you know guys use the word “love” vary sparingly (when it actually means something to them) but saying “love” also has a strange feminine connection to it. Which is why (among other reasons) so many men avoid using it unless it’s during a discreet private moment.

      Sure, sex can be fleeting to men. We can separate our feelings and not put much weight on the act itself but if you look at the bigger picture here and based on what you told me, it’s in those moments where he feels comfortable enough, truly safe, and will happily tell you how he really feels and ask of you the same.

      Thanks for asking and hope that helped a little,


  • Crones

    So I have a crush on a coworker, who works in a different department. A few months ago, he began asking me to join him for breaks and most of the time, it includes one of his friends. On one occasion, I was talking to him and his friend. His friend asked me for my PS4 gamer tag, and he blurted out. I need to be single and walks away. On my last night before I left on medical leave, he tells me that he was going to miss me. That the thought would make him cry. But that he wouldn’t cry because he doesn’t cry. I told him I’d miss him too. He asked me to come see him at work once I felt better. He asked me for a hug before I left, he had asked before doing it and I said I would like it very much because I have a crush on him. I stop by work once a week since then to run errands and stop by to see him. He says I make his day and when I said I should leave because I didn’t want to bother him, he tells me that I should know by now that I could never bother him. Each time I see him he asks me to come over so he can hug me. But I’m thinking I should stop to for fear of becoming too familiar.

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