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The Words He Uses To Speak His Love For You Means Little Without These Four Things

Love Words Used Describe

The word love is a deeply treasured word in a man’s world. It’s often reserved for extreme emotional connections and is rarely spoken lightly or just thrown around.

A man will use the spoken word “love” so sparingly it’s a safe bet or often a red flag that if a guy is using it too much – he doesn’t meant it. Scary thought, isn’t it?

This happens because men are about ACTION.

WHAT a man does and HOW he does it are much clearer and real ways to tell if he loves you or is IN love.

Words can be faked. Words can be lies. Words can be used to manipulate you and make you believe something is real when it’s not.

Also – from a man’s point of view – to express his love using words means he must know WHAT to say and not every guy can do that successfully.

For example:

He may not say how much he enjoys being with you but when he’s willing to give up sleep just to spend time with you…

That’s a TRUE sign of a possible love.

Rather than give you WORDS to help you figure out if a guy loves you or not I’m going to give you something more reliable.

It’s not a perfect system or “formula” but it’s a much more effective way to help you decode what a man is really saying and what it means to him – thus how it’s connected to you.

Remember this:

Words without fear, action, conviction and commitment never represent a deeper feeling and are often used to validate or vocalize something else.

Using that template or whatever you want to call it, you have all the tools to figure out if he means it AND what he means when he’s saying it to you.

If a man is telling you something which he has no fear over saying it or if it requires absolutely no courage at all – then how much can it really mean to him.

If a man is not backing up his words with REAL action then either something is holding him back OR they’re just words and you should not trust it as a successful path from heart to mind to mouth.

If a man has no conviction (a firmly held belief or opinion) behind what he’s saying to you then how much effort or resolve does it take for him to say it. The stronger the belief or opinion he has over saying means he feels a deep emotional connection to it.

If the words he is using to describe his love or affection to you requires no commitment at all – then it makes saying it all too easy. You should realize those words… are just words.

Putting it all together…

If a man is using words without committing to them by doing something or taking real action AND there’s no real risk involved in saying them AND they are not backed with conviction and/or some sort of resolve…

This mean they are just WORDS and may not represent what he is feeling.

If a man says he wants to give you the world which you might assume means he loves you and in a guy’s world it certainly means that BUT…

If he has no real plan of action, if he’s not connecting them to tomorrow or the future (commitment) and he has nothing to lose by saying it (fear or risk) and he’s not connected it to something he’s passionate about (conviction) then they are just merely words.

This does not mean he doesn’t love you or think that he means it because remember above, the path from heart to mind to mouth is not always a simple thing for a guy to traverse BUT it may NOT represent the kind of love you want from him at that moment in time.

It’s not what he says or the phrase he uses or even if he claims to “love you” …

It’s the risk he takes to say them, the commitment to back them up with action, and his conviction towards saying them that makes the difference between a guy who truly MEANS what he SAYS.

It may not always represent true love but you’ll find one or two more carefully chosen sentences mean a lot more from  him then from a  guy who “never stops talking” about how much he is in love with you.

Love is a strange thing to figure out if it’s real or not.

Putting it in to words for most men is an ever stranger concept.

Some guys may rarely say it but their actions are that of a man who is deeply in love with you.

If one man is always saying it but DOING nothing to prove it, you know it feels fake and forever question his conviction behind it. You’ll forever wonder if he really means what he says.

What complicates things further is what love means to a certain guy or what it feels like to him; and then getting THAT into words which actually make some sort of sense is even harder to fully decode.

Leading to the conclusion of my thoughts on how you can figure it all out:

Fear or risk – If it’s too easy for him to say it, then how much can it really mean to him or you?

Action – Without backing them up through doing, they’re merely concepts or ideas and sure they might mean something to him, but that doesn’t guarantee what it means to you and your relationship with him at that point in time.

“Guys don’t always say what they mean. As he’s working out his feelings he’s giving you mixed signals. His behavior will tell the real story if he loves you. These signs will tell you if he loves you or is faking it. You’re connected. Clarity. He cares about being together. He pushes your limits. Meets you halfway.”

8 Actions Of A Man Who Loves You – How To Tell If It’s True Love or Fake

Conviction – Without passion, beliefs, strongly expressed opinions – words become merely a way to figure things out in our head. To you, without his conviction to his statements, you can rightly assume he hasn’t truly figured out what he wants or even if he means them.

Commitment – A man can tell you he wants to meet up with you on a given day but if he doesn’t show up, his words become something less than a commitment. It’s narrow example but when it comes to him saying lots of stuff about the future and he never follows through or makes it a point to commit to his words – then they certainly mean less than what he or you might have believed when they were said.

Instead of thinking or over-thinking about what something a guy is saying to you means, consider what you’ve been shown today first and ask the right questions and you’ll find by doing so – will explain a lot more.

ASK:

  • What risk is he taking to say it? What courage is required?
  • Is there conviction in what he is saying? Is it tied to something he feels strongly about beside you?
  • Is he backing it up with real action? The action doesn’t have to be big or life changing, just something to prove to you he actually wants it enough AND is working towards making it happen (with you) in the future.
  • Is how he describes what he is feeling with you or want with you require a real commitment or does it feel like shallow promises of something he can never deliver or truly achieve?

Each and every one of those questions are not meant to be singled out.

They work together.

When one is clearly missing – it means something else or less than what you might be led to believe.

This does not mean he might not love you or that he might not believe or feel that way – it could just mean he’s not ready, willing, or capable at that point in time and to you – that could be the difference between giving him the space or time he needs or to remove yourself from him so you’re not stuck waiting for him forever.

Let’s be real – you know as well as most others that WORDS are just WORDS.

What matters more are the feelings or emotions which creates those words.

Love is NOT always about what someone says or even what they think they mean to the individual saying them.

Love is a coming together of many things which always seem to include every WORD or similar word used today.

  • Fear.
  • Risk.
  • Courage.
  • Conviction.
  • Belief.
  • Desire.
  • Passion.
  • Action.
  • Doing.
  • Commitment.
  • Dedication.
  • Emotion.
  • Connection.

When you love someone you’ll find each one of those “words” can and will come into play and without them – love is just another WORD.

Thanks for stopping by today. I do hope you found the answer you were looking for and you’re now ready to ask those important questions about the words he says to you and if he actually means it.

You can learn a lot more about men, how we think, why we say the things we do, and more  by signing in below and joining lots of curious women just like you in the why do guys newsletter.

One last thing… please take a look at this promotional video below because it fits perfectly in today’s post. If by some chance you didn’t find the love answer you were looking for today, this is another opportunity to help you “figure him out”.

(Please read my privacy page to explain the link below.)

 

If you’ve ever found yourself laying up at night, chewing your lip and feeling incredible anxiety in your chest because you don’t know if a man truly *loves* you (or is just using you or waiting for something “better” to come along)…

Then you need to go watch this presentation and answer the 7 questions it asks right now…

7 Ways To Know If A Man Truly Loves You

7 secret “signs” men unconsciously give off that tell you if a guy is truly in love with you or not…

What’s crazy is that you’ll discover a man can be head-over-heels in love with you and never say the words…

OR he can say the words “I love you” but if he doesn’t pass the other 6 questions it means he’s LYING through his teeth (even if he doesn’t know it himself.)

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
9 comments… add one
  • Amira

    I have another question which was raised by this topic.

    The words, action and risk thing, does that also imply the other way around? Let’s say that a man I know says he would sleep with someone else if someone else offered to have sex with him. But he is not looking for sex with someone else himself. He thinks it’s more than fine what we have.

    He says this without taking action (sleeping with others), although I can’t be sure if someone has offered in the time we’re “together”. But he promised he would tell me and so far he sticks with just me. And it has hardly any risk because I agreed to have a casual relationship, even though he knows it’s over if he has sex with someone else.

    Does this mean that it is not truly how he feels (having sex with someone else) because it’s not covering the deeper self/thoughts? It might actually be a desire to validate or vocalize something else?

    Not sure if he is rejecting certain feelings for me out of fear falling in love, by saying things to test me or hurt me. Or if it’s just me who isn’t stepping back to view the bigger picture.

    • Peter White

      Sounds like he’s telling you what he thinks you want to hear. Almost like he’s assuring things are cool with you about your situation (whatever that is) and making it clear that it’s not a commitment and if something happens, you won’t get mad at him for it.

      Which would mean yes – He’s validating his lack of commitment to you.

      I won’t get into the idea of a guy who “claims” he afraid of falling in love because normally it’s just another excuse to avoid commitment while making himself feel justified for “sleeping” around IF the opportunity arises and once again, trying to defuse a situation where he might actually sleep with someone else and risk pissing you off.

      Whether or not he says he’s not actively looking can simply mean, “I’m not good at picking up women or I couldn’t have a one night stand anyways AND I’m just not good at getting women that way… so I just wait and hope they come to me”

      Pete

      • Amira

        Thank you for your reply, Pete.
        I really appreciate it 🙂

  • Vero

    Hi Pete,

    I have been seeing this guy since September of last year and things have gone well, to the point of now i have a key to his house we see each other a lot more, and we feel comfortable around each other. Just recently though during intimacy he whispered in my ear “i love you” and minutes later he asked me if i loved him, its happened a couple of times now but the thing is that he only says that during sex, and i dont know why only then!

    • Peter White

      Hi Vero,

      I haven’t done much research on how guys act after or during sex, well besides my own. 😉 However I have heard of a clear drop of our testosterone when we’re done causing us to be a little less “masculine” and a little more open.

      That (and much more) is the scientific part and I’m sure there’s a lot to it which is interesting and factual based.

      What I DO know is that some guys get caught in the moment and will feel so connected that they will ONLY say it at that time. Other guys will say it because they believe that’s what a woman needs to hear.

      Men AND women can become very vulnerable during intimacy and saying it might be a way to protect ourselves and reassure our partner it’s more than just about sex. It’s an intimate connection and a shared moment.

      Since he’s also asking you if you love him too, I’m going to say it’s a genuine feeling for him and it simply his way of wrapping up the experience into something more meaningful and unforgettable for the both of you.

      As the moment passes and the feelings diminish the testosterone is replenished. It’s quite possible he finds it tough to say at any other time.

      As you know guys use the word “love” vary sparingly (when it actually means something to them) but saying “love” also has a strange feminine connection to it. Which is why (among other reasons) so many men avoid using it unless it’s during a discreet private moment.

      Sure, sex can be fleeting to men. We can separate our feelings and not put much weight on the act itself but if you look at the bigger picture here and based on what you told me, it’s in those moments where he feels comfortable enough, truly safe, and will happily tell you how he really feels and ask of you the same.

      Thanks for asking and hope that helped a little,

      Pete

  • Crones

    So I have a crush on a coworker, who works in a different department. A few months ago, he began asking me to join him for breaks and most of the time, it includes one of his friends. On one occasion, I was talking to him and his friend. His friend asked me for my PS4 gamer tag, and he blurted out. I need to be single and walks away. On my last night before I left on medical leave, he tells me that he was going to miss me. That the thought would make him cry. But that he wouldn’t cry because he doesn’t cry. I told him I’d miss him too. He asked me to come see him at work once I felt better. He asked me for a hug before I left, he had asked before doing it and I said I would like it very much because I have a crush on him. I stop by work once a week since then to run errands and stop by to see him. He says I make his day and when I said I should leave because I didn’t want to bother him, he tells me that I should know by now that I could never bother him. Each time I see him he asks me to come over so he can hug me. But I’m thinking I should stop to for fear of becoming too familiar.

  • Rhea

    I have a boyfriend for almost a year and a half, we met online and he never really asked me if I can be his girlfriend, it just happened. Whenever I say “I love you” to him, I feel like I don’t get the right response.. The first time I said it he’s like “huh” and I have to repeat it 3 times, and he responded “you know I’m crazy about you” but when I’m being clingy he’s telling me that I shouldn’t go crazy about him. I stopped saying I love him since he’s trying to avoid it anyway.

    Another issue is that he’s bad at texting.. you won’t see any messages all that much in my inbox coming from him. We only text if we’re meeting each other.

    I’m just not sure how he truly feels. He told me one time that after all these years, I’m the one he’s looking for.

    • Peter White

      Rhea,

      If you’re not hearing it after a year and a half there’s unfortunately many things to consider and either some of them are right or all of them are.

      He’s not saying it because he’s not feeling it.

      He’s not saying it because he’s afraid to say it.

      He’s not sating it because he’s not as committed as you think he is and he knows if he says it – it’s a definite sign that he’s committed to you fully.

      He’s not saying it because it’s too early for him.

      He’s not saying it because you haven’t opened him up in the right way which men need before they’ll say it.

      You’ve been involved with this guy long enough for him to know how he feels. How deeply he feels is another matter in itself.

      Use the article above to help you determine his true feelings and the attached article too:

      8 Actions Of A Man Who Loves You – How To Tell If It’s True Love or Fake
      https://www.dialteg.org/8-actions-man-loves-you-tell-true-love-fake/

      Obviously I’m not privy to knowing both of you and the relationship you have together. I don’t know him, his past, etc… and I don’t know how you two communicate to each other – which makes it difficult for me to say one way or another if you’re pushing him further away or if he’s resisting because of his own personal junk or baggage. Chances are it’s a little of both going on.

      BUT…

      I can tell you that something is wrong when you stop communicating a feeling to a guy because you’re not getting it back. It says to me you’re not getting what you really want from him which also tells me – you’re probably never going to get it from him.

      How and why or when it all came to this is, as mentioned above, beyond my scope of the situation. Making it extremely difficult to help you fix the problem you’re having.

      Here are some very relevant articles which should help you figure things out, where you two stand, how it all came to be where it is now AND hopefully help you decide your next step with him.

      Maybe he’s not ready for a relationship:

      https://www.dialteg.org/christian-carter-what-why-man/how-tell-he-ready-relationship/

      Maybe you need to change the WAY you talk to him about the relationship:

      https://www.dialteg.org/christian-carter-what-why-man/why-withdraw-steps-stop-drama-mistakes/

      How to open him up to better your lines of communication:

      https://www.dialteg.org/christian-carter-what-why-man/steps-push-his-secret-better-communication/

      Maybe he’s afraid of a relationship:

      https://www.dialteg.org/christian-carter-what-why-man/afraid-relationship-dating-love-happiness/

      Maybe it’s a timeline thing or the relationship roles are mixed up or misunderstood:

      https://www.dialteg.org/christian-carter-what-why-man/why-talking-about-your-relationship-hurting-it/

      I’m sure there’s plenty more but that will have to do for now. Somewhere with this article and everything I’ve shared is your PERSONAL answer. Go through them slowly and you will find it.

      Notice the common person giving the advice:

      http://offers.whydoguys.com/Christian-Carter

      I would suggest you look him up because he can certainly help you out a lot.

      All the best to you and please don’t be afraid to let me know how things work out for you,

      Pete

      One last item – my very personal advice – take it as you will, this is my gut talking…

      I don’t care whose fault it is or how it all came to be BUT I know one thing, IF you’re not getting what you want or need from a man after this amount of time – if you feel like you can’t be open, if you feel like he’s just not that into you as much as you are into him and it feels like it’s taking forever for him to give you ACTION or be pro-active about the relationship…

      Then that’s a lot of signs or reasons to walk away, take away something positive from your experience, take the time to learn about men and communication, get out there and meet a guy who won’t keep you guessing and wondering and hoping and who doesn’t just push you away when you tell him you love him.

  • Jolin

    We had broke up for almost a month or so,totally without any forms of contact.We worked in the same organization but different dept,seldom met each other.Met him couple of times,he seems great and coping good with our broke up.But recently,he sms mentioned he missed me.I don’t bother much when I replied and thought he was fine.But he said,he missed me but dunno what to do about it.Seriously,when one missed somemore he loved once,he should tell and don’t try to disturb the peace after one month.what is the point in doing so?Trying hard to control your feelings,tell your ex you missed her,will she believed in the first place?His reactions made me confused besides I am leaving abroad soon in one week time,does telling that helps in any way?what is his mentality and intention?definitely not getting back together for sure.Hope to hear from you soon

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