Why do guys tell you that they love you, then get scared and tell you they don’t want to ruin the friendship?
The average “dude” can fall in love with a friend. It happens a lot, especially if he’s a nice guy who is not trained or understands attraction and/or the mating ritual most women instinctively understand.
“Men reported more attraction and a stronger desire to date their female friends than women did their male friends.” – Platonic Love Or Lust? The Science Behind Men And Women Being ‘Just Friends’
My experience caught me in several “friend zones” because that is the only way I knew how to connect with a woman. We’d become friends and start hanging out a lot. My obsession over her would grow as I secretly wanted her. This happened often because I did not know how to take things to the next level of dating.
We would share a connection which was friendly based but inside, I always thought it was more than that. My mind would convince me that she secretly wanted me back but wouldn’t admit it. Needless to say I was wrong every single time without fail.
Men rarely (if ever) “fall in love” with a woman and then claim they don’t want to ruin the friendship unless there’s an ulterior motive.
One motive or reason would be: He’s used the friendship or love angle for sex and is looking for an easy way out. Of course he’s not considering the consequences of remaining friends with a woman he just used.
In his mind though, by using the friend option is still keeping casual sex as a future option – thinking he can get it when he wants.
“It means that given half a chance, most men would jump at the opportunity of having sex with their female friends.” – Sorry, ladies – but we men can NEVER just be your friends: As scientific research confirms
Another motive or reason is: He’s clearly is not IN LOVE and merely used the word love to describe how he feels about the friendship or woman. The sad fact is that a guy might tell a woman he loves her but he’s not in love which includes attraction and a desire to be intimate with her.
“In love” is different from “loving” to a guy and probably to lots of people. You love your family but you’re not really “in love” with them because that typically implies sexual desires and unless that’s your thing, it’s not normal in any sense of normality.
Sometimes a guy is way too nice and if the woman says it, he’ll say it to avoid having to reject her. Although inside his mind, he only ever saw a friendship.
The truth is that, depending on their experience and choices with women:
Men will almost always risk a friendship for true love and sex.
REVEALED: 7 Telltale Signals All Men Give That Show You If He’s In Love … Instantly know what he really wants from you – How To Read His Signals
When you take the average nice guy, who prefers to form a friendship first, he will definitely risk it. He has little or no experiences with women and believes this is the way things start anyways.
He doesn’t understand attraction or how it works. He often finds himself extremely attracted to a woman, confuses it with love, convinces himself it’s true-love BEFORE he even gets to know her, and will risk the friendship because he can’t see past anything else. He wants it so badly he ignores or can not see it ever falling apart.
When you take a guy who is good with women but not necessarily a player, he opts for a different strategy. He’ll make it known clearly that sure, a friendship is possible but that will be his choice. Love is not at play here. He’s feeling attracted and understands love usually comes at a later date. (This guy is actually rare.
His choice of friendship actually came after being intimate and since he chooses not to use the love when it’s not real – will rarely if ever say it will ruin the friendship because he’s actually okay with just being friends.
Another but possibly unproven fact is that men fall in love quicker than women.
“…although both men and women believe that women will fall in love and say “I love you” first in a relationship, men reported falling in love earlier and expressing it earlier than women reported.” Women and Men in Love: Who Really Feels It and Says It First?
It’s my belief most men fall in love quicker because they confuse love and attraction more than women and refuse to believe what they’re feeling could possibly be anything but love.
The friendship thing doesn’t exist a lot of the times. They’re friending you because they’re feeling something and that could not possibly ruin the friendship.
All in all – when and if a guy tells you he loves you and then backs out afraid of ruining the friendship, I’m going to say a lot of the times he’s full of shit whether he knows it or not.
“Thus, a man might not actually be in love, but will say it when the feelings are strong and believes that he is.” Why Men Fall In Love Faster, According To Science
For one reason or another he wants out and this is the easiest way to reject you with an excuse more often heard by women than man. A woman is less likely to argue or proceed if she’s given an excuse which is more common among women because – based on her experience, it’s feels legitimate. Despite how bad she wants him she may feel obligated to agree or see his way because it makes sense.
Lastly, take a guy who this says this and make it somewhat real to him. This means he gave in to a woman he was friends with and chances are something intimate happened between them. Since he gave in and didn’t feel it too much for her, (she was just a friend) he said it anyways because it felt right or she said it first or he felt guilty for sleeping with a friend he wasn’t attracted to.
This guy will obviously use the friendship angle to back away and save her a real rejection by stating,
“I wasn’t really attracted to you. I slept with you or did things with you because it was something I needed and you’re okay. After all we’re friends so you’re not a bad person. Just someone I wouldn’t normally be sexual with.”
OR… Straight from an actual guy the reasons he gives are clear:
“I’m a straight man and I have two very close female friends who I’m not remotely attracted to – mainly because neither of them is that attractive!” – Anonymous guy from Facebook.
You can see this guy believes it is for real and rather risk telling the truth and hurting his friend, he states it will ruin the friendship. Which in his case it will because sooner or later after the breakup the truth will surface and since he’s not into her that much, a breakup is rather imminent.
Why would a guy say they love you, get scared, and then back of because they don’t want to ruin the friendship?
The biggest question women asked in the survey was: Does He Really Love Me? Open your eyes forever to the emotional truth of men. Does He Really Love You? 7 Questions To Tell If He Really Loves You
Sure they can realize a relationship with you might have been a possibility and then he could realize it’s not what he wants – and then use the friendship excuse to back but I think he’s less worried about the friendship and more concerned with hurting a woman’s feelings OR… like above:
- He used the word love to sleep with his friend. He played her.
- He did he did when it sort of felt good but wasn’t all that into her anyways.
- It’s an easy rejection all too many women can relate to which is less likely to cause drama or bigger issues.
- He “thought” it was love when it wasn’t. He said it and then realized it was only a sexual urge. He meant no harm… it just happened because men confuse love and attraction all the time.
Still I firmly believe men will almost always risk a friendship for love, attraction, or sex – therefore saying it doesn’t really make it the truth. There are many other things at play here.