What Does It Mean If He Asks, Do You Love Me?

Woman Wondering Why Asked Love Her

"What does it mean if he asks, do you love me? For the past two weekends, the guy I’ve been seeing has asked me many times... do you love me? Does that mean he loves me and is seeing where I am? or what??"

Hi Michelle,

If a guy has NOT told you he loves you AND he's asked you many times if you love HIM it typically means several things:

He's not good at reading your signals or signs about your feelings for him (and/or) you're not all that good at showing them. 

He needs to hear the words to believe it as he is constantly looking for reassurance about how you feel about him.

This could be his inability to read a woman or you're inability to show him you care in a way he gets and understands.

Chances are it's a little of both.

So yes - it is certainly possible he's looking to see where you are and comparing it to himself and his own feelings towards you.

He's insecure plus lacks confidence and a belief in himself that he's capable of being loved; therefore he probably doesn't like himself all that much.

Loving yourself is the precursor to being capable of accepting another one's love.

When a man is constantly asking you this question it strongly suggest the one doing the asking does not feel worthy of love and therefore does NOT love themselves all that much.

He can actually believe YOU are too good for him.

He's making sure you're the one who says it first because once you do, that makes it okay for him to share his feelings with you.

Men use the word "love" sparingly because it has a lot of weight and responsibility attached to it.

It's often perceived as the same as admitting a commitment or relationship is happening or will some time very soon.

If he's ready for it with you but lacks the ability or know-how to share his feelings in that way AND wants to make sure you feel the same way - he'll ask first and act later.

These are ALL the sign or mark of a type two guy.

OR he's trying to manipulate the situation to get something like sex out of you quicker.

He could be trying to manipulate you or the situation he's in with you.

It's rare but happens. If a guy can get you to say it first or say it often - some men believe that gives them every reason to do whatever they want OR get whatever they want from you.

So when he asks for something more like quicker sex and if you show any hesitation you'll  often get the, "BUT you said you LOVED me!" response.

It will also come up when he trying to control you and gain power when and if you do something wrong. If you miss a text or a call - you get the, "I thought you loved me."

When this occurs a few times - the man is playing a power move and trying to gain superiority in the relationship or get dating rights to do and say whatever he wants.

Now... to answer your biggest question:

Does it mean he loves you?

Absolutely NO.

Just because a man asks you does not guarantee or predict if he loves you.

In fact - it's a BAD thing or a huge WARNING SIGN when a guy asks you this not-so-innocent question.

Chances are it means every reason listed above:

You're both not on the same page. There are communication issues going on.

You both have different ideas or beliefs about what love is and unless you both communicate your definitions clearly with each other - it's often a predictor of bad things to come.

This all begins because he's not good at reading you, you're probably not giving him clear enough signals, and the breakdown of communication is becoming clear.

He's insecure. Has little or no confidence with women. He doesn't believe he's capable of being loved AND so does not love himself all much in one VERY important way:

In his version of love - how he defines it in his own head - YES, he probably does love himself a little in that way. Not 100% and for some men that number will be very small BUT more importantly...

He's predicting or guessing what YOUR definition of love is and by your meaning of the word, he feels incapable or finds it to be too feminine or "girly" to love himself in that way.

Guys who are like that will rarely EVER tell a woman they love her until they make sure without a doubt they're loved back, AND they want her to say it first.

It relieves them from rejection and it's a way of avoiding the pain, hurt, and emotional damage it does to them.

All this leads to the very common (type two guy) who feels POWERLESS in dating and relationships.

When a man feels that way - he will often attempt to gain control and power any way he can through passive-aggressive behavior and unsure questions.

It's not always a direct manipulation of you or the situation, sure that happens BUT...

Most of the time the man is not aware he's doing it which means he'll continually do it because to him it just feels right.

Men who are definitely in LOVE will let you know one way or another.

Since you're wondering if what he's done means if he loves I'm going to assume this is a question you (and lots of other women) are wondering about their guy right now.

Well I've got something really special for you, a little thing I just recently shared with the wonderful members of my newsletter.

I'm not allowed to share it all publicly because it's from a video titled:

7 Questions to Ask If He Truly Loves You.

It was written and produced for Secret Surveys - Why Men Lie and I liked the video so much I sent it to my members.

Thanks to Michael for putting it up.

It truly is a masterpiece when it comes to understanding men, love, and the all the complexities that arise from the differences between the way men see and describe love and the way women see it can be so complicated and confusing.

After reading the newsletter or watching the video you'll no longer ever have to ask if a man loves you or not.

It's cool self-quiz so you get INSTANT results.

As he puts, "These questions will kill and doubt and anxiety you might be feeling about a guy." 

Thanks for your great question Michelle - hope all has been answered for you.

The quick conclusion...

While there are many reasons why a guy will continually ask you if you love him, it's often not a good sign based on the type of guy, his confidence, self-esteem, and capability to love himself.

It definitely does not mean he loves you, there are more practical and definitive ways to find that answer out.

Thank You For Sharing

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This article was posted in Read His Mind – What Men Are Really Thinking & How To See His Thoughts, What Does He Mean – What He Says & What He Does Gets Explained Deeper

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15 comments… add one
  • Daria

    I am seeing this guy for a long time.He once said that he loves me while he was drunk and asked me do I love him but I did not say anything because I was not sure. Lately he ask me every time when we see each other do I love him, every time I say no, but next time he ask me again.
    Once I was at his place and he accidentally said that he loves me, I din not say anything then he coreccted himself. And after that he asked me again do I love him.
    Once I have told him yes but he said that I am lying t him, and again fter that he asked me agian do I love him. Why ?

  • Coltz

    I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months, he decided to stop dating and then we start dating again but he’s always been hot and cold and based on that I don’t really think he takes the relationship so seriously (he respects me and everything but I mean I don’t think he is really involved or loves me back) or think that it can be long term so it confuses me that he asks these questions if I’m in love with him or If I love him and he often asks me this and act serious, I actually think I do (the only thing that makes me think otherwise is the time we’ve been dating but I feel really attached to him), but I don’t know if he wants a real answer or he’s just joking

    • Men will not-so-generally be hot and cold in the early dating phase. You’re not in a relationship with him – you’re just dating and he is not convinced on where to go from here OR if he’s ready OR if you’re the one. He’s either still deciding OR has decided but is keeping you around for the shared intimacy and possibly more.

      Two months is not normally enough time for a man to take things to a serious level. That doesn’t mean he’s not taking YOU seriously – just the relationship. Which is different.

      Now – you failed to mention when he asks you if you love him what you’re answer was to him so I can not go further with that BUT…

      As a warning – IF he’s constantly asking questions like that and not saying he loves you or making any form of commitment THEN there’s a problem. He could be waiting for you to say it first and/or feels his direction on where to takes things hinges on what your answer is. As if he’s waiting and is concerned with taking the risk himself.

      AND/OR what’s written in the post above,

      “Guys who continually ask this question should give you lots of cause to be suspicious – not in the he’s a player or a bad guy – just that his self-esteem or confidence seems to NEED to be told – rather than just accept that a woman CAN love him.

      Questions like this from any guy is NOT normally a good sign of great things to come.Guys who continually ask this question should give you lots of cause to be suspicious – not in the he’s a player or a bad guy – just that his self-esteem or confidence seems to NEED to be told – rather than just accept that a woman CAN love him.

      Questions like this from any guy is NOT normally a good sign of great things to come.”

      I firmly believe you need to find a way to discuss this with him in a positive way. Not by asking where it’s all going or where he stands in what you’re calling a relationship BUT in a way to figure out each other’s time table on when it’s appropriate to become exclusive. You need to know what his is and he needs to know what yours are – if things are not moving forward at a pace you’re accustomed to and he feels they are – then you both need to find some way to agree on someplace in the middle.

      Keeping in mind your requests must be reasonable and so must his.

      Based on my experience and in being a man – two months is NOT long enough at all. It happens but it’s rare and not something you can count on. Seems like you might be getting too far ahead of him and he keep withdrawing a little because of that as he tries to slow things down.

      Aside from all that – men must have a lot of things in place (emotionally and physically) before they’re move forward with a woman. You must learn what that is for him.

      Hope that helps you a little,

  • Jessica

    I ran into my first love about a year ago(it had been 16 years). We had many conversations at first about how we both always had a special place for the other but we were both married so we have tried to keep it on the up and up and have a polite friendship. Despite that effort, we slipped up a couple of times(I know it was wrong). Since then I got a divorce for unrelated issues. About 2 weeks after my divorce he called me and we spent most of a night talking on the phone. He asked me to come see him and I refused because he is married and plans to stay that way as far I know. But the weirdest thing happened. At one point he said “well it is getting late. Tell me you love me and I’ll get off of here.” I told him “no! I am not saying that.” (He has never told me that he loves me directly and he is still married). He responded with “good!” And changed the subject and continued to talk for several hours. Please also know he had been drinking. The think that I can’t figure out is if he loves me and can’t say so or is he just trying to get some? I have cut off contact since and will not ack on the situation either way but I hate it when I can’t figure things out.

    • Peter White

      Good for you on cutting of the contact. What he is doing with you IS actually cheating. Whether he loves you or not is not important as you’ve probably already figured out.

      AND… it leaves a bigger question… can a guy “love” two women and actually know what love is?

      Highly doubt it.

      He was looking for some from you and was hoping you’d relieve him of his guilt.

  • Patricia

    Gud morning Peter, l have be talking with a guy on phone like two months we have not see each other and him like everything about me we exchange picture and the family have see me and say ok but my fear is l haven’t see him and he ask me do l love him but l told he that we need to see face to face before l will answer his quetions peter what l did is right

    • Peter White

      You’re exactly right Patricia. Plan a meet up as quickly (and safely) as possible and don’t waste anymore time “waiting” for him.

  • Dayna

    Someone I have been seeing asked me the same thing do I love him in a similar way I’m confused by that comment as well. He said he doesn’t want any commitments so I’m confused why he would ask me this I said no that I needed more time to build those feelings since we only met little over a month ago. I haven’t seen him the last two weeks sound so similar to Michelle’s storey.

    • Peter White

      This unfortunately could be his little way of relieving him from any responsibility to you. A guy will ask you this, then tell you he’s not looking for anything serious. This will either help him to know how far to go with you, so you don’t get too attached OR in the worse case scenario – be his way of getting you to sleep with him earlier.

      Strange as it sounds – a guy is more likely to sleep with a woman who is not in love with him because he feels they’ll be less drama and it frees him up to do whatever he wants after.

  • SHY

    Me and my guy friend have not yet established a title but I have told him that I love him and yesterday he asked me why do I have those feelings for him. I can tell he care but it is as if he is scared of a relatinship. He exhibits confusiongg when I ask him what are we and he asked me what did I want him to say. I have commited myslef to him and refuse to speak with other guys am I making a mistake or should I give him time

  • Sarah

    This happened to me too… my first boyfriend asked me if I loved him literally the day he asked me out and I had no idea what I was supposed to say. My initial reaction was almost to laugh and tell him “We just started dating, obviously I don’t love you yet!”, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings or come off condescending because he was a year younger than me and I knew he was more insecure than he let on. In the end I smiled a bit awkwardly and said something along the lines of “Uh, I think it’s a bit early to know…” and changed the subject. ^^ Most uncomfortable moment of my life.

    • Peter White

      Sounds very uncomfortable Sarah. Hahaha!!!

  • Renee

    Want information to help understand a mans thinking

    • Peter White

      Please join the newsletter Renee. It’s the main topic of every discussion. Join the facebook group too. The link is above. Other than that – if you have a specific question – keep it short with relevant details and I’ll try to help you out.

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