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What Does It Mean When A Guy Only Texts & Never Wants To Call You Up

Man Texting No Phone Call You

There are many reasons why a guy would only send you text messages and avoid or not call you at all. Some of them are not a big deal. Some of them may spell a warning for you. Others are more about a guy... just being a guy.

I'll get into as many as I can below to help you figure out why you only get texts from him.

Personally I've been guilty of this in the past so I have a lot of experience in this area and on numerous occasions a woman would get a little angry until it finally all blew up,

"You never call me, you only text me! Why?!!!"  

First, let's get into the "man" side of things so you better understand this texting problem.

It's very well-known or assume that guys are not as vocally "social" as women. Sure they discuss things a little with their guys friends and talk about what they're into like sports, gaming, women, etc... BUT their conversations are not always in the same realm as women.

They communicate differently and often it's to the point or get to the solution quickly and move on from there.

You can read all about those communications differences in the section titled, 'He Might Ignore You, Go Silent, or Fail to Share His Feelings Because There's A Breakdown In Communication.' in my book: "Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings".

For years the ONLY way men could talk to women (aside from face to face) was the phone call. There was no social media, no Facebook messaging, and certainly no mobile phones with SMS.

And I'm positive guys avoided it back then too and would simply use it to convey a quick message and get off as quickly as possible.

Talking (under those circumstances) I'd have to say wasn't a man utilizing his best known assets. Sure - there were probably a few who liked it but on the average they were outnumbered.

Since messaging has taken over as the standard form of any distant form of communication you have to realize how happy this made guys AND so they went with it taking full advantage of the shorter time involved and the ease of just pushing a few buttons and getting on with their day.

If you think about it, texting for us guys has literally become the "easy way out."

Yes , we have found a way to avoid talking once again.

So Reason #1: It's the choice that men prefer because it's quick, relatively easy, and they're able to get a point across in as few words as possible such as:

  • Set up a meeting.
  • Set up a date.
  • Get a list of things to pick up.
  • Figure out where someone is or will be later on.
  • Etc...

Reason #2: Men generally have trouble multitasking and if the situation isn't right - a phone call would be too distracting and take them away from what they were doing.

It's tough for lots of guys to jump in and out of conversations and re-focus on the job at hand.

Be it writing - as in my case. Working on a car. Crunching some numbers. Building something.

Any time a phone call disrupts that focus, it's much harder to get back into it.

Texting makes it a lot easier because with a few quick texts - we can get back to what we're doing with as little disruption or interruption as possible.

Reason #3: Avoiding a deeper discussion which should or "probably" should be done in person anyways.

There's nothing worse than trying to have a REAL conversation in a message. Which is obvious or you wouldn't be looking for an answer to this question today.

This means - rather than hop on the phone - a few quick messages can be a way not necessarily to avoid "the talk" or something deeper (although sometimes it is) but a quick easy solution to setting up a REAL face to face conversation.

Once a phone call is made - there's little chance of avoiding it until later unless he's just rude about it and ends the call abruptly.

Reason #4: It doesn't feel masculine and (sort of) requires actual conversational skills most men feel they don't have or believe is not their strongest asset.

I'm not saying men are master texters - not by far - but merely saying to a guy, being face to face FEELS more manly and they (mostly) believe they can handle that better.

While texting offers a less detailed approach - talking on the phone certainly requires some skill and dedication AND just doesn't feel like there is anything masculine about it at all.

Again - avoid the phone call - text a few times - and get her in person seems to be the "smart" thing to do for a guy.

Reason #5: He's up to no good and is trying to hide something from you.

Whether it's where he is - or who he's with - a phone call would certainly be more revealing than a few text messages.

If you haven't met yet (just messages online and no calls) there's a good chance he's trying to avoid the truth of whatever he is up to.

This can range from a wife, a girlfriend, faking his profile, or not even being close to who he claims he is to you.

If you're only getting messages from him under these circumstance - you have every right to be worried and concerned.

Reason #6:You just physically met and he's afraid he's going to screw it up with you.

Approaching you and getting your number to use later is a very big fear for men and actually doing it only brings up another fear and heightens lots of his anxieties as it's related to women.

  • Why does he call?
  • What will he say?
  • Will you even answer it?
  • Will you even remember him?
  • How to ask you out for an actual date?
  • How long should he talk to you on the phone?

Under these circumstance - the rules or requirements to send a few texts are far less stressful than an actual phone call so you'll get lots of guys who try to avoid it entirely by just sending you text messages.

AND the longer he waits to call - the harder it gets - so he relies on his texting ability instead - not because he believes it's the right thing to do - just because he believes it's harder to screw it up - say the wrong thing - and he doesn't have to worry about WHAT he's going to say to you in as much depth or length as a phone call would require.

Reason #7: He's into you but his intentions are not so appropriate and his plan with you most likely stops there.

This is where a guy "farms" lots of numbers because he wants to entice or convince you to send naked pictures of yourself OR he's THAT guy who wants to send dick picks to every girl he meets.

There's no guarantee that he doesn't want more but when his only interest is sleeping with you or getting you naked or sexting you - he has little reason to get on the phone with you.

I'm positive this reason is rare but it's certainly something to keep your eye out for - so when he just seems to always want to get sexual in his messages or is coercing you blatantly asking for naked photos of you to send him then it's probably why he's only texts you and never calls.

Reason #8: He has time to figure out what he's going to say BEFOREHAND making him feel and possibly look more attractive in your eyes.

Way back when I could talk to women quite easily BUT they never went anywhere physically because I lacked the skill in that area.

To solve this problem - I of course first learn HOW to communicate attraction and then practiced them online which give me lots of time to prepare what I was going to say and formulate a much more attractive response.

I did manage to bring it on the phone or face to face but it was so much easier when I could think about what to send before it happens.

You'll find lots of men will use text messaging the same way.

Time to prepare an appropriate response which will attract you and make them look better in your eyes. Something you must admit a lot of guys (and women) can benefit from doing from time to time.

This all-text conclusion...

Men are women tend to communicate differently to each other and to their friends too.

Texting may not just be his easy way-out or another way to avoid talking once again BUT it certainly plays a part of this problem.

Even though most men prefer talking face to face over talking on the phone it doesn't guarantee their conversational skills are any better - but a few text messages are easier, requires less thought, AND face to face talking usually gives him more ability to connect with you because it feels a little more masculine.

Men typically want to get a point across quickly and easily and texting fits that role perfectly.

Men also can struggle multi-tasking and when they're focused on anything at work to a movie or show they're watching or anything they're doing which requires a fair amount of attention - a quick text or two is less disruptive than a phone call.

Since texting normally doesn't allow for a deeper discussion - it can be his way of avoid the "talk" until there's time to make it happen face to face.

Some men are trying to hide something from you and the phone can give him away easily whereas so much easier to keep a secret while texting for obvious reasons.

If you've just met - he probably is worried about the dreaded and stressful first call and every aspect of it such as when, where, and what talk about it. This means you'll get lots of texts because there seems to be less rules and more time to consider a response over a phone call which seems far easier to blow it with you.

Lastly - maybe his intentions with you are purely sexual or voyeuristic. He's only looking to send nasty dick picks or get you to send him naked pictures. Now I understand there is video calling now but mainly - texting is still the preferred method to accomplish his rather seedy objective of seeing you naked or him just exploring his prevented self.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

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This article was posted in Online Dating, Text Messaging, & Social Media Meanings & How To Do It, What Does He Mean – What He Says & What He Does Gets Explained Deeper

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10 comments… add one
  • nycd

    Most men that rely solely on texting as a main point of communication are lazy, complacent, most times socially awkward and often times lack conversational skills to hold interesting short conversations.

    Not all women want to stay on the phone either, but I get it there are way more overly talkative women that talk way too much. Then there are those that only want to stay on the phone for no more than 5 minutes. Phone conversations do hold some significance.

    Any man that solely texts should not hold out any expectation of any rational female to want to build anything significant with you, much less want to have any type of emotional ties to you. Text-only situations allow one to be emotionally disconnected and lazy.

  • Banshee

    Okay, well, those are the excuses. Depending on texting too much is just for kids and cowards. There are no two ways about it. Give me a break. Why is your time more important than that of your dad, who actually had to call your mom at some point to make a date with her, and had to keep calling her to stay in her good graces? If you are really interested in a woman, don’t be a weenie. Call her.

    • Yep. Texting has a purpose but calling says more. Unfortunately guys don’t read these pages 🙂 so they might not get your advice.

      If you want to leave guys your opinion I highly suggest you visit DiaLTeG TM and the Facebook page and leave it there. I promise to pass it along for you and I always encourage guys to speak too, sadly though they rarely do. Guess that’s say a lot about men doesn’t it? HAha!

  • mec

    Hello, met this guy two months ago…..he asked for my number and texted the next day that it was nice to meet me. The texting continued as he asked every week for a month if we could have coffee or dinner. The texts have always been well wishes for a good day, or at the end of the day “hope you had a great day”. A bit boring with no real context but still appreciated. I finally agreed to go out with him and after three dates (the last two consisted of heavy, passionate make-out sessions) the guy is STILL texting, not once has called! Still with the well wishes for a good day or shift, and at the end of the day “good night, sweet dreams”. Almost everyday! Okay…..what’s going on here? It’s thoughtful…..but, NOT thoughtful enough.

    • Julia

      Sounds like he just doesn’t like talking on the phone. But he’s obviously thinking about you and making efforts – in his own way – to spend time with you.
      What do you think you’ll get from a phone call that you don’t get from text?
      Nice to hear his voice, sure. But I bet if he called you’d be complaining that the conversations are always short and end a bit awkwardly.

      • mountaingirl

        I understand what she’s saying. I’ve been going out with this guy for about a month now and all he does it text me. I’d even asked for his email address early on but he seemed a bit nervous and refused to give it to me (I assumed he didn’t want to give me his work email, which is fine, but most people have a second email account so I’m not sure why he wouldn’t want to exchange something like that). I’m not a big fan of texting as it is, and when he sends me novel length texts I wonder “why couldn’t he just tell me this over the phone?” To me texting messages that length is cumbersome and awkward. There are other issues I have about him, such as only wanting to get together once a week on a specific day at a specific time. This is the first guy I’ve dated that solely texted. All the others who texted me also either called or emailed. It’s just a bit off-putting.

        • Erik

          I met this guy through Grndr and in his profile he stated sex is good and everything, but why is it so hard to meet a guy to just be good friends with and build on it. I thought okay, I’ll message him and we started texting each other on our personal phones by trading phone numbers. He was so kind and sweet and we texted each other back and forth for weeks, shared pics of our families, pets, etc. He is married to a woman, which I get and stated he is separated. But that’s where it ends. He started saying things that he misses me terribly, loves me, I am such a good guy, etc. I asked if I could call him or just meet for freaking coffee! No go. He dodges the question or says he’s not ready to meet me. Yet, he has hooked up with other men for sex in the past. I am not looking for sex and he doesn’t make it a priority. This was very frustrating for me because he would text and say he is hanging out with a friend, picking stuff at the store alone, etc. What is wrong with this guy? He cant even let me call him? Not even just briefly meet to say hi? I’m like wtf! I really believe he is playing games with me so I just ghosted his ass! Why bother saying these nicey nice BS comments if the actions do not match his texts. I wasted so much time texting for nothing! hope I did the right thing. This dude has issues. Once I did that, he tries texting and says “What’s going on Erik? I was not born yesterday and he’s not stupid. I feel lied to and played like a string!

  • Mec

    Hello there Pete, great article on this! Great website! Writing again because I’m not sure if my first post went through. Sorry. Would really appreciate your feedback on my current situation. Met this guy two months ago at work (son of a patient, I’m a nurse, not theirs during his father’s hospitalization, we just crossed paths in the hallway). He waited until my shift ended and timed it perfectly that we left together, introduced himself, then asked for my number. I gave it to him, the encounter was unexpected , i was caught off guard, it was late, i felt bad so i gave it to him. He texted the next day that it was nice to meet me. The texting continued as he asked every week for a month if we could have coffee or dinner. At the time i was in a relationship and told him my guy would not be happy. He didn’t respond to that text. Instead, his texts have always been (since day ONE) well wishes for a good day, or at the end of the day “hope you had a great day”. A bit boring with no real context but still somewhat appreciated. I finally agreed to go out with him (after I ended things with my bf) because he was so persistent; and after three dates (the last two consisted of heavy, passionate make-out sessions) the guy is STILL texting, not once has he called! Still with the darn well wishes for a good day or shift with a now added “good night, sweet dreams” before he goes to sleep. Almost everyday! Okay…..what’s going on here? It’s thoughtful…..but, NOT thoughtful enough. He always wants to go out and have dinner, i don’t always make myself available because i don’t want to come off as desperate or easy. I was honest about having just ended a relationship and things being a little complicated giving me the opportunity to ask about his situation. He assured me there’s no one else. I conveyed to him that I wanted to take things slow. Our first date i actually canceled at the last minute. And for our 4th date, he planned a “non-refundable” overnight stay at an expensive resort. I canceled that too as i felt it was moving too quickly. I thought for sure he’s not going to want to see me anymore and i actually would’ve been okay with that. But, I was surprised when he texted a later asking when i would be available to have dinner again. Hmm, I am confused.
    *side note: I called the resort the day/night we were supposed to go asking to be connected to his room. In my mind, if I had been connected, he kept the reservation and took someone else. I was pleased they couldn’t find the reservation which tells me he cancelled it rather than taking another women there. Why I would have doubts….well, he’s 10 years older than me, a charming, nice-looking, successful, wealthy man….hmmm, no wife, no gf? Could he be dating around? He said no to all but I honestly DON’T know; it’s easy to say “no”. I appreciate that he consistently texts to let me know he’s thinking about me (not in so many words, unfortunately), but i would appreciate a call, or a nice vm more. Nights I work late, he’s offered to come by and bring me food which I declined. I so would appreciate your feedback. Am I wasting my time? What could be going on here? Kindly advise. Thank you.

  • Zoe

    I made the mistake of dating a guy for 7 months who never grew out of texting. He had social anxiety and claimed phones made him nervous and he didn’t like talking on the phone. I really thought that after a while, he would just push himself to do it. He didn’t. At the end of the day, I moved on for a slew of reasons. But texting conversations all the time never put us on a good foot to begin with. Real conversation takes effort and yes, sometimes facing fears. The lack of investment in one area will translate into others.

    • Yes, I agree Zoe. Every woman would benefit from hearing your words mixed with mine:

      The actions or what a guy does is EXACTLY what you’re going to get from him… later on. In the dating stage, while you’re in a relationship, when you have two kids and a lovely home to live in. Doesn’t matter. What you get from him in the beginning, will rarely, if ever, vary greatly from what you’ll GET from him down the road.

      So EXPECT it because when you do, ALL his actions become clearer, easier to predict, and so much less confusing. Which can be either good or bad, depending on what he’s doing, but so much easier to predict AND prepare for.

      This guy has some serious “social” communication issues and that was made quite obvious to you. To me, at the risk of judging him prematurely, he has some SERIOUS phobias and conspiracy issues he’s dealing with – sad, very sad. As if “big brother” is always listening in. Granted, the fear may not be all in his head, but we must admit people like that – tend to exaggerate the truth as it pertains to their social life. Regardless of where it originated and the state of mind it puts him in.

      Yet – aside from all that… it’s a GOOD thing to notice:

      His lack of investment or willingness to face a risk or put aside his negativity for the possibility of entering and enjoying a real relationship will inevitably lead him to forever and ever, keep you on the hook, never capable of commitment, never willing to risk it, never willing to BRAVE it all and show some courage – eventually leading to never-ending indecision and inability to CHOOSE!

      Good for you – great to hear you noticed and CHOSE to look elsewhere.

      When you (and any woman who reads this) wants a REAL man in their life: It may take some time, practice, and communication skills, BUT first things first: When a guy isn’t giving ANY clear signs of being capable or able to BE one – chances are very slim he will EVER suddenly become one – just because you decide to wait it out and date endlessly despite any change in him.

      Thanks for sharing – always great to hear personal experiences from those who are willing to share.

      Your guy friend,
      Pete

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