"I was texting this guy for like a month and then he told me he likes me, and literally four days later he just stops texting me, and it’s like I don’t even exist anymore. Can you please help me with this?"
The problem I see here (based on my limited scope of your situation) will show you the answers you're looking for:
- Did you text him back that you like him?
- Is this a texting only relationship?
- How long has it really been since his last message?
- He could be a RUNNER!
Did you text him back that you like him?
When a guy tells a girl he likes her it's a big deal to him AND if his feelings are not reciprocated in a way that he gets and understands that fact clearly - he will feel rejected and often hurt.
Men are very hesitant about revealing how they feel.
Sometimes they hold back because they fail to find the words to say.
Sometimes they feel incapable of discussing matters like like, love, and lust.
Sometimes a woman doesn't make it easy on him through how she connects with him.
AND sometimes the fear of rejection (typically originating from their past experiences and low self-esteem and confidence) is so great - they would rather BELIEVE you like them over risking being turned down AFTER something is said.
If you didn't make it abundantly clear then he is much more likely to disappear.
Is this a texting only relationship?
I understand long distance relationships and "internet" dating and how it's hard to meet up face to face when you met online, but you must understand and accept this is a big risk you're taking when you get into a "texting" only relationship.
Not only is it inadvisable to start this way BUT you'll also find that:
One - it's much too easy for any man or woman just to cut the communication off without saying a word.
And more important and relevant to your "probable" circumstance...
TWO: You can not build a firm and solid connection with a man by merely sending text messages back and forth.
If all you've been doing is texting each other you're missing an important element which brings two people together...
A close emotional connection and yes - a strong physical bond too.
The physical bond is needed but the emotional connection that builds or grows is more important and I firmly believe that is something that MUST happen and does happen when you're out doing things together and learning about each other through any form of dating.
IF you've only been texting each other you'll find that bond is never really created no matter what he says or how he says it.
While doing this you leave too many variables open as in: Him pretending he's someone he's not. Lying about himself and not being able to live up to those lies. Disappearing in a flash when he's found someone close or connected with physically and/or emotionally... AND only looking for a sexting buddy and if that doesn't happen - he runs and tries it with someone else.
How long has it really been since his last message?
You didn't mention how long it's been so I'll give you a broad answer here to help you determine if it's something you should be concerned about.
It's not how long it's been - it's if and when a pattern is broken and is not resetting itself.
Meaning - If you've been texting back and forth everyday non-stop with no missed time in between and that pattern abruptly changes then you have cause for alarm.
Otherwise - ANYTHING could've happened which had little to do with you and if you give him some time and he's still not getting back to you then text him something BESIDES and FAR FROM: asking "how he's been" or "what he's up to" or "where he's been" because those rarely get a real quick response.
Try my texting routine I posted up at Meet & Attract Him BEFORE you get too worried and start doing things that will only push him further away or cause more of his silence:
He could be what I call a RUNNER!
A runner in this context is a guy who bails quickly after revealing his feelings to a woman.
He freaks out and doesn't know what comes next. His confidence in taking things to the next level is not there and he feels like he'll only screw it up.
He may also feel unsure if it's what he really wants - especially if this is a primarily text-based relationship.
This is a VERY typical reaction from a type two guy.
You want to hear something strange about me and what I was which explains a lot of guys?
The NEXT STEP was one of my biggest stumbling blocks to get past. Even if I managed to get a woman's phone number or to even go on a date - I was so scared and clueless on how to even go for the first kiss - a lot of the time I found it easier to just let the "early interaction" with a girl just fade away rather than having to take the next step.
So yeah - in a way I was a runner and I'm positive rejecting myself made lots of women feel like I was rejecting them when in reality - I was CLUELESS and SCARED and was more worried about having to take things physical with her than I was of even being rejected by her.
Once again - it highly important that you figure out early which type he is and you can do so by signing in below and reading all about the two types guys - doing so can help you see and fix these problems BEFORE they even happen - IF you know his type:
So expect when you meet this type - he WILL pull back after he reveals his feelings to you - how far and for how long remains to be seen and is a little harder to predict but it will happen.
If you want or need to know if it's something you did in all this time then I STRONGLY encourage you to pick up my book:
...Because you're learn why men DO feel like they have to pull away even after he tells you he likes you.
There's an entire section just on that alone AND in the final chapter you get 49 VERY Specific situations or circumstances of why a guy might have stopped contacting you (you're bound to find a definitive answer there) PLUS you get an entire section dedicated to helping you figure out if it was something you did or if it in fact all HIM - giving you every reasons to just do your best to move on.
When it comes to learning and understand men like this and beyond - it will be the best money you've ever invested in your dating life.
There are many reasons why a guy will all of a sudden stop texting but the ones related to it happening just after he tells you he likes you are limited and relatively easy to figure out.
If you didn't say it back or make it clear to him how YOU felt - he could feel rejected and hurt and disappear to gather his feelings and figure out how to get over it.
Lots of type one guys will say they like you because they want you to make the next move for them which is related to them being a runner and not confident or sure on what comes next or how to do it.
IF you don't take the next step for them - they're typically too scared or don't know how so they disappear because it's much less painful than screwing up what comes next.
They become the classic RUNNER.
IF this was a text-only relationship EXPECT things like this to happen because you can not make a REAL connection with a man by just messaging back and forth.
Not only are you missing the opportunity to make an emotional connection and a physical connection, you're putting yourself at greater risk because it's all too easy in relationships like this to:
- One day just disappearing without a trace when he finds someone close to him or is convinced you'll never meet anyways.
- Be fooled or duped by a guy who isn't who he claims to be which means the closer he gets to being "found out" the closer you come to a time when he will disappear and cut off his contact with you entirely.
- Becoming his sexting buddy which since is not a real relationship - he feels little empathy or reason to explain his disappearance and will do it quite randomly.
Lastly - you must look for a break in pattern and NOT the actual stopping of his messages BEFORE you decide to seek out help as to why you're not hearing from him.
Meaning - how long has it been since his last text?
Is it reasonable to assume something happened which was beyond his control and if you give him a little extra time - he'll text you again?
Is a clear pattern of time between messages been broken entirely?
If so - then you have every cause for concern.
If not - time to relax a little and let things unfold naturally. No need to get all worked up, frustrated, or desperate for an answer or even a need for closure because you'll find lots of men pull away a little after they reveal their feelings AND acting from this nervousness and concern over "what happened" could lead you to do things which will only push him further away.
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