There are no "hard" rules in texting back and forth when it relates to men and women who are either dating or in the "liking each other" phase because each circumstance appears to be a little different but...
If you want a guy to like you (more) a constant stream of texting will not help or make that happen. Take it from a guy who has dealt with many over-texters - it will only make your problem worse.
I think you know this too but for your own personal reasons, a need to know, perhaps a little impatience, closure, or just a plain bad habit you've developed - you just can not find a way to stop yourself from sending another one.
Today's post will reveal to you:
- Why a guy won't text you back or why you're being ignored.
- When and why you should or should NOT text him back again or a second time.
- What happens to a guy when he feels he is being over-texted.
- Two easy texts to send him which will reveal how he feels about you.
- AND a story which will help and stop you from sending another text with the strangest dating advice you've ever read.
Why a guy won't text you back or why you're being ignored.
It's rather strange how this whole phone stuff works. Texting someone or sending a message back is not that difficult, right? Pick it up, type some words, hit send...
But trust me from a guy's point of view, it is work.
(This even includes the "young ones" who are constantly on their phone. Playing is one thing - but texting back - well - yeah - it means stopping what they're doing to send one back knowing they'll probably have to answer a few more. So they just let it go.)
Which means we (us guys) need a good reason, desire, want, or need to get back to you AND we must be able to get back to you.
Here's a list quoted from one of my modestly stated most-famous articles on texting:
1. He’s busy at work.
2. His phone service sucks.
3. He has a wife or girlfriend who is close by.
4. He’s on a date.
5. He’s having sex with another woman.. or man. :O
6. You send him too many “forwards.”
7. You don’t send him any real pictures of you.
8. He’s not interested or attracted to you.
9. He thinks texting you back too quickly goes against the “dating code.”
10. He’s driving somewhere.
11. His battery is dead or his phone is lost once again.
12. He is showering or doing something in the bathroom.
13. He is masturbating.
You can see there are many reasons (absurd or not) when we get a message and we can't or won't respond to you so never forget this IF you want the guy to like you and continue texting you ... sending another message will not change that fact at all.
Sending a multiple stream of texting over any period of time will not change the situation we are in. It doesn't change what we are doing.
Sometimes it's because we just don't want to respond because we're doing something we don't want a break from it.
Sometimes it's because we know you all too well - replying to a text message means ten more are coming OR we're bound to discuss the same old issues again and again.
Sometimes it's impossible to get back to you because our focus is somewhere else.
We're NOT good at switching our brains on a whim and practicing that "art" is not high on our list and we like the way we are so we won't be changing anytime soon.
In other words - a man's mind is typically a one way street.
When our focus is on something specific, switching to something new (even if it's just a text) is extremely tough. As I'm writing this article and get a text, I won't respond because I lose focus and it takes me that much longer to figure out what I was writing about so unless you're my wife, there's a 1% chance, if that, you'll hear back from me until I'm done.
Take notice to something very important I wrote in that last paragraph - my wife - because that's very important in texting...
9 times out of 10 a guy will NOT ignore a woman's text he is "into" unless you give him every reason to start ignoring you.
You can see I'm totally INTO my wife. She's not texting random shit. It's important and she's important to me. Which is why she gets priority.
BUT she's also fully aware and understanding there are times when texting back is literally impossible. I'm not choosing to ignore her. The only reason is that I can not physically message her back as in reasons 1, 2, 10, 12, or in the rare (now that I'm married) event #13.
Chances are IF a guy is actually ignoring your text something else is going on and that is:
He's not that interested or attracted to you as much as you'd like.
Yes, that sucks but think positive here.
If it only takes a few texts to figure out whether a guy likes you or not, that leaves you more time, less hurt, less being bullshitted or pushed aside, and lots of new time to find a guy who IS going to text you back quicker because he actually does like you.
Here's my quick two text message you can send any guy which will reveal how he feels about you:
I was just thinking about you. 🙂
If you get no response within five minutes…
HA! And now you have the pleasure of thinking about me. 😉
Make sure you follow the rules which are listed in the post:
You can send that to reveal his feelings - it's quick and easy and works quite well.
If you're just looking to turn him on, here's an article where I reveal a few more texts you can use on him to get him to respond quicker and in a "flirty" - How To Turn A Guy On With A Text So He Will Reply - Includes Texting Examples.
Both will definitely give him a very good reason to put down whatever he's doing and make him want to get back to you... quickly.
You might be great at texting your friends but texting a possible date or romantic partner requires a little more thinking on your part to get it right.
Honestly - most guys don't think about your texting habits but that's worse.
Instead of thinking what your text means or how often you message him - a guy goes by his FEELINGS first and if you're not making or relating the right feelings - he just ignores it or gets completely turned off - AND he's NOT going to tell you why.
It's just way to easy to ignore a text than it is to respond with honesty, right? You probably do the same thing yourself. Tell me if I'm wrong.
Focus on being pro-active and you'll feel less anxious and unsure about what to do when he's not getting back to you.
When and why you should or should NOT text him back again.
I imagine most of you came to this article for this quick answer and I won't make you wait any longer. If you've followed along so far (which I know you have) you're smart enough to have already figured out it anyways, but I will elaborate more and make it as clear as possible for you.
If it's not obvious, if you know he's at work or possibly driving somewhere or in any circumstance where getting back to you could cause some real problems like getting fired, getting in an accident, falling off the toilet, etc... then just wait.
Give him a reasonable amount of time to get back to you and do NOT send another message.
Sending a guy way too many messages (unless you're absolutely positively sure he could be in serious trouble which is rare) before you hear back from him will only lead to him not getting back to you or losing his interest in you altogether.
Think of a guy who is always up your ass and you want nothing to do with him. You're nice to him and respond to his messages but he's doesn't seem to get the point. Drives you crazy doesn't it? Of course!
BUT WHY does he keep sending you messages - because you're a nice person who hasn't made it clear to him that you don't like him that way. He's misinterpreting your answering him as to being interested in him... and so the texting continues until you find a polite way to tell him to bug off OR...
Sooner or later your niceness turns to anger and frustration.
WELL, the same thing happens to a guy too and you do NOT want to be that girl. You have a chance up until you start pissing him, annoying him, or pushing him away with the over-texting You'll destroy the little interest he had in you quickly and there's little chance of turning it back around after that happens.
If he's not getting back to you AND he's a little interested in you something else is happening which is just yet another reason to NOT text him back until you hear from him.
One, because he knows texting you back will lead to many texts or a conversation which he doesn't want at this point in time or can not, depending on the situation and TWO:
Because you want to CREATE MORE ATTRACTION AND INTEREST and not destroy it.
By not sending many unanswered texts again and again shows him: You have a life outside of him. You're busy too. You're not needy or desperate for him to respond. You're creating good tension.
He'll understand or GET that texting you back is a good thing. He'll relate it to feeling happy and anxious to text you back.
You're okay with leaving him in suspense.
And many other things too.
The way or timing in which you text a guy must get him to relate texting or talking or sending messages to you to a fun positive attractive feeling because then you'll get more messages back and he'll be eager to respond to you.
The point is to USE your texting to create more interest and not destroy it.
If you want a response - give him a really good reason to get back to you and make sure the pattern you've set for messaging gives him a need or desire or want to get back to you as quickly as he can.
These or those are normal everyday circumstance between two people who are getting to know each other or know each other and are exploring attraction and interest or are just friends who might be turning into something more.
What if you went on a date or even a few with him?
Here's a reader's question I answered in my newsletter and you're going to learn EXACTLY what to do in these situations with a guy.
"So i was dating a guy for about 4 weeks, been on about 5 dates. Organised another one and since the 4th date (after we did the deed), his texting became awful. I decided to try one more date and in person the date was great as per always. We organised another date for the week after but texted him over the weekend to see how he was. Nothing back and now I’m wondering if I should see if the date is still on! HELP!"
Tough position to be in... I hear you.
The obvious answer would be - once he got you in bed, (or did the deed as you wrote) he's slowly disappearing, right?
He took one more date, just in case, but is now probably blowing you off because sex is all he wanted.
Seems to me the REAL problem is just that - you're thinking he was only interested in sex and you want or need to know if that is what happened so you can move on OR if he was interested in more then he SHOULD be arranging and securing another date....
BUT, he just doesn't seem as eager or responsive to another date as you are.
You were worried that you've been used for sex and because of that you're worried he's blowing you off.
And in turn - you're double checking by texting or asking him how he was - hoping he would reconfirm the date you both set.
That's great and all but you left out some very important information:
What was his texting habits before you did the deed?
Were that really that amazing OR did you get worried after you had sex that he was going to disappear so you started texting him more?
As if the sex part was a jumping point to the next stage of dating.
Who was organizing these dates - you or him? You said "we" but that's not clear enough for me.
What exactly did you text him that he didn't respond to?
Do you both know what you're looking for from each other? Was he clear about it? Did you tell him what you expected?
WHY did you decide to do the deed after the fourth date?
Were you worried for one reason or another that he would not want to date you if you didn't do it OR did he mention how SO important it is to know if you're sexually compatible before you get serious?
You have to first understand that men don't see sex as a prelude to a relationship. Most men at least. They see it as a perk of dating. Some even see it as a reward for taking you out, asking you out, being attentive, and as sad as it sounds - doing the work necessary to be "rewarded" with sex.
That's well and fine and all but it is just a reminder so you can see it and remember it next time.
What's equally important is how you act around men when you get worried, anxious, or feel like a guy is pulling away or might pull away AFTER you've had sex or even just been on a few dates.
This is DESPITE the guy because you shouldn't think for one minute this guy is in charge of you, your destiny, and or how you feel inside.
Having a few great dates, sleeping with him, or whatever must NOT change anything for YOU.
This means, regardless of the anxiousness your feeling inside YOU are still in charge of yourself and changing that for one guy - will only do two things:
Push away a guy that might be right for you - which I know you don't want or...
Have you continually keep giving something to a guy who is NOT right you.
Which leads to me to a sometimes unthinkable solution to your problem:
You don't need HELP.
Say it to yourself or out loud if you have to...
Screaming help won't help you. Becoming anxious won't help you. Worrying what his intention won't help you.
If he's blowing you off now - that means probably the worst BUT not for you - for HIM...
Because he's let someone like you go after a few dates and after he got him some.
That's how you handle this "texting" problem or not knowing if he's going to keep the date...
He's missing out on you and that's HIS problem, not yours!
Don't text him back.
Sure - there's a possibility you mishandled it or chose to date the wrong man or that you're not communicating the right things early on with him or other men...
Yet that's for YOU to work on and being strong enough to do that means not letting something like this change YOUR course... so stay on it.
Say it one more time...
Yes it's probably the strangest dating advice you ever heard but it's an important step each and everyone of us has to take.
Hopefully you can see why I brought up all those other questions earlier - they're there to help you see your side of it, maybe for you to figure what is really happening BUT they're also there to help you see the questions which come about when you're worried and putting so much stress on yourself.
With all that said - No. You should not check to see if the date is on.
Hope you found this advice comes from the heart and its intention are to merely encourage STRENGTH of yourself so you're not giving it all the way to some guy who probably doesn't deserve it anyways.
If he re-confirms or shows up - great - I wish you the best of time.
But if he doesn't ... so what!!!
The world might feel devoid or lacking in real men to you - or it might feel like you've let someone good go - but trust me when I say MEN are NOT an endangered species - there WILL be others.
Okay.... moving forward...
Remember in the first paragraph how I said there are not "hard" rules of texting, well I lied, hey it happens - we're going to make one for you because just by being here you might want or need one.
Meaning you came here because you feel you're being ignored or you just want to know an exact time or rule to follow to re-text a guy AND because up until now - it hasn't been made clear to you based on what I've written for you.
Here it is.... drum roll please....
Do NOT text him again twice the normal length of your average silence.
Yes. I made a hard rule of texting. Follow it if you dare.
Twice the normal length of your average silence.
If you text back and forth and don't again for a few days, wait twice that time before you send a second text AND the second text should have little or nothing to do with your first.
This tells the guy you're not a "stalker". How you're not going to get all bent out of shape when he won't get back at a moments notice. It will also suggest a better pattern for the next time.
It gets the guy thinking, "I am free to text back without fear of having to answer forty more texts." which will make him more likely to get back to you sooner.
My best advice is to AVOID sending several texts without a response. Be patient and real about the situation.
I understand this problem of "ignoring" a woman goes much deeper.
There are way too many areas to discover and discuss being ignored by a guy goes pretty deep.
Today's topic was just about texting and a little about interest and attraction.
Please remember what I wrote above:
"9 times out of 10 a guy will NOT ignore a woman's text he is "into" unless you give him every reason to start ignoring you."
So what if you're not giving him every reason to not get back to you...
What if you're just not creating enough of the "right" kind of attraction and interest for him to WANT to text you back almost immediately...
Well I'm confident in saying - it's fixable.
You CAN compel any good decent man to not make you sit around waiting for a simple text message.
One - Learn about how emotional attraction works for a man because the physical won't do you any favors and if it's all physical, sure he might get back to you - but it's probably because he's just looking for some.
Two - Become the type of woman who emotionally connects with a guy naturally. You'll be more than pleasantly surprised just how well it works and how easy it is to do once you know how.
Three - YOU are the key ingredient here. If you put all your focus on men and why he (or they) are not getting back to you and your mindset gets wrapped up in trying to appease them - and that's not what a guy really needs from you.
What men really want is someone who challenges them, who understands them, who gets them, who connects with them, and who makes him work for her by simply just being WHO you are and I know you can do all that.