There are no "hard" rules in texting back and forth when it relates to men and women who are dating or in the "liking each other" phase because each circumstance is a little different but...
If you want a guy to like you (more), it's a guarantee that a constant stream of texting from you without an answer from him, will not help or force his fingers to push the buttons on his phone.
Take it from a guy who has dealt with many over-texting women in his life - it will only make your problem much worse than a guy who is ignoring your messages.
But you already knew that - didn't you?
Yet for many reasons you just can not help to ask the question,
"Should I text him again - just in case?"
Maybe you're a little impatient and it seems to always have a negative effect on your dating life. You want the answer now and you know it's simple for him to send one, but he won't and it's ANNOYING to say the least.
Perhaps you have a need for closure and loose ends in relationships and/or dating tends to always leave you unsatisfied, unwilling, and reluctant to move on.
It could be a habit of yours and something inside you won't let these things go, so you send text after text hoping to finally break his silence and tell you what's going on inside his mind.
Whatever your reasons are, I have a definitive answer for you and much more to help you get through this problem.
Today's post will reveal to you:
- Why a guy won't text you back or why you're being ignored.
- When and why you should or should NOT text him back again or a second time.
- What happens to a guy when he feels he is being over-texted.
- Two easy texts to send him which will reveal how he feels about you.
- A story which will help you to stop sending another text with the strangest yet best dating advice you're ever going to read.
Why a guy won't text you back or why you're being ignored.
Texting someone or sending a message back is not that difficult, well you might assume that:
Pick up the phone, type some words, hit send!
It can not be any simpler than that, but trust me from a guy's point of view, it is NEVER that simple.
Guys will ALWAYS need a good reason, a desire, a want, or a need to get back to you.
They must also be in a position to actually send the text.
They must also have the time to send one if they assume or have experienced something many guys get: Send her one text and it opens the door to many more messages they either don't want, or can not be involved with at the time.
Here's a list from one of my modestly stated most-famous articles on why a guy won't or can not text you back:
1. He’s busy at work.
2. His phone service sucks.
3. He has a wife or girlfriend who is close by.
4. He’s on a date.
5. He’s having sex with another woman.. or man.
6. You send him too many forwards or purposeless memes.
7. You don’t send him any real pictures of you.
8. He’s not interested or attracted to you.
9. He thinks texting you back too quickly goes against the “dating code.”
10. He’s driving somewhere.
11. His battery is dead or his phone is lost, once again.
12. He is showering or doing something in the bathroom.
As you can see there are more than just a few reasons (absurd or not) that after getting your message he can't or won't respond to you.
I advise you to never forget that list and this little piece of advice, IF you want the guy to like you and continue texting you later on...
Sending another message after being ignored is NOT in your best interest.
Sending a multiple stream of texting over any period of time will not change the situation he is in. It doesn't change what he is doing.
Sometimes a guy doesn't want to respond because he's doing something and does not want or can not break from it.
Sometimes it's because they know you all too well - replying to a text message means ten more are coming, OR he feels he's bound to discuss the same old issues again and again.
Sometimes it's impossible to get back to you because his focus is entirely somewhere else.
Men are NOT good at switching their brains on a whim and practicing that "art" is not high on their list either. They like it that way and it will NOT be changing anytime soon.
In other words - a man's mind is generally a one way street.
When his focus is on something specific, switching to something new (even if it's just a text) is extremely tough.
As I'm writing this article and I get a text, I won't respond because I lose all my focus and it takes me that much longer to figure out what I was writing about. So unless you're my wife, there's a 1% chance, if even that, you will not hear back from me until I'm done.
Take notice to something very important I wrote in that last paragraph - my wife - because that's very important in texting...
9 times out of 10 a guy will NOT ignore a woman's text that he is seriously into, unless you give him every reason to start ignoring you.
You can see I'm totally INTO my wife. She's usually not texting me random shit. It's important stuff and she's important to me. Which is why she gets priority in my life.
When a man truly loves a woman - he will ALWAYS make her one of the priorities in his life.
My wife is also fully aware and understanding there will be times when texting back is literally impossible. I'm not choosing to ignore her. The only reason is that I can not physically message her back as in reasons 1, 2, 10, or 12 from this list above.
Which - as you might've guessed it, is not good news because...
IF a guy is actually ignoring your text on purpose, something else is going on:
He's not that interested or attracted to you as much as you'd like, OR you've given him many reasons to not message you back.
It sucks but think positive here.
If it only takes a few texts to figure out whether a guy likes you or not, this leaves you more time, a lot less deeply ingrained hurtful moments to get over, less being pushed aside and ignored, and lots of new time to find a guy who IS going to text you back quicker, because he actually does like or love you.
Here's my quick two text message you can send any guy which will reveal how he feels about you:
I was just thinking about you. 🙂
If you get no response within five minutes…
HA! And now you have the pleasure of thinking about me. 😉
Make sure you follow the rules which are listed in the post:
You can send that to reveal his feelings - it's quick, easy, and works quite well.
If you're just looking to turn him on, here's an article where I reveal a few more texts you can use on him to get him to respond quicker and in a "flirty" way - How To Turn A Guy On With A Text So He Will Reply - Includes Texting Examples.
Both will definitely give him a very good reason to put down whatever he's doing and make him want to get back to you... quickly, even at the risk of losing his focus or interrupting his day.
Listen, you might be amazing at texting your friends but texting a possible date or romantic partner requires a little more thinking on your part to get it right, especially if it always seems to lead to a guy ignoring your message.
Honestly, most guys don't really think all that much about your texting habits but something worse is happening which you'll want to avoid.
Instead of thinking what your text means or how often you message him - a guy goes by his FEELINGS first, and if you're not making or relating the right feelings - he just ignores it or gets completely turned off - AND he's NOT going to tell you why.
It's just way to easy to ignore a text than it is to respond with honesty, right? You probably do the same thing yourself. Tell me if I'm wrong.
Focus on being pro-active and you'll feel less anxious and unsure about what to do when he's not getting back to you.
I realize some of you may already be in a some form of committed relationship with a guy, so you know he's interested. This is where Michael Fiore can help you out.
Not only do you get a great texting routine to help you out - more details are covered on these items:
BIG CONCEPT NUMBER 1: Your Manʼs Cell Phone is the closest thing to “Telepathy” that you can get.
BIG CONCEPT NUMBER 2: Guys Respond to VISUAL stimuli. Guys are NOT as emotionally complex as women and are a lot more blunt in their communication.
BIG CONCEPT NUMBER 3: A Manʼs Greatest Pleasure Comes From The Ability To Give A Woman Pleasure and to be Appreciated for it.
BIG CONCEPT NUMBER 4: Romantically, Your Man Needs To Feel Like Heʼs “Winning” You And Feel Like Heʼs In Charge.
He shows you how you can use those four concepts to perfect the PERFECT text message.
When and WHY You Should or Should NOT Text Him Back.
I imagine most of you came to this article for this quick answer and I won't make you wait any longer. If you've followed along so far (which I know you have) you're smart enough to have already figured out it anyways, but I will elaborate more and make it as clear as possible for you.
If it's not obvious, if you know he's at work or possibly driving somewhere or in any circumstance where getting back to you could cause some real problems like getting fired, getting in an accident, falling off the toilet, etc... then just wait.
Give him a reasonable amount of time to get back to you and do NOT send another message.
Sending a guy way too many messages (unless you're absolutely sure he could be in serious trouble which is rare) before you hear back from him will only lead to him not getting back to you in a way you'd like, or losing his interest in you altogether.
Think of a guy who is always up your ass and you want nothing to do with him. You're nice to him so you respond to his messages but he's doesn't seem to be getting the point. I bet it drives you crazy doesn't it? Of course! Why wouldn't it?
SO WHY does he keep sending you messages - because you're a nice person who hasn't made it clear to him that you don't like him in "that" way.
He's misinterpreting you answering him as to being interested in him, and so the texting continues until you find a polite way to tell him to bug off OR...
Sooner or later your niceness turns to anger, frustration, and eventually you start ignoring all of his texts.
WELL, the same thing happens to a guy too and you do NOT want to be that girl.
You have a great chance to developing this into something more, up until you start pissing him off, annoying him, or pushing him away with the over-texting, because by doing so you'll destroy the little interest he had in you VERY quickly.
Unfortunately, there's little chance of turning it back around after that happens.
If he's not getting back to you AND he's interested in you, something else is happening which is just yet another reason to NOT text him back until you hear from him.
One, because he knows texting you back will lead to many texts or a conversation which he doesn't want at this point in time or can not, depending on the situation and TWO:
Because you want to CREATE MORE ATTRACTION AND INTEREST and not destroy it.
Patience is MORE than just a virtue in dating and texting, it's your responsibility to practice it, if you want things to progress more organically.
By not sending many unanswered texts again and again it shows him:
You have a life outside of him.
You're busy too.
You're not needy or desperate for him to respond.
You're creating GOOD tension and the right amount of space ALL men need to feel from you - if you want him to fall for you.
PLUS - you're setting an example:
He'll understand or GET that texting you back is a GOOD thing. He'll relate it to feeling happy and anxious to text you back.
You're okay with leaving him in suspense.
You're not overly eager or pushy to always get a quick response.
All those things above makes a guy feel more freedom being with you, than without you, which in turn causes them to feel more attracted to you - leading to a much deeper desire.
The way or timing in which you text a guy must get him to relate texting or talking or sending messages to you to a fun positive attractive feeling, because then you'll get more messages back and he'll be eager to respond too.
The point is to USE your texting to create more interest and not destroy it.
If you want a response - give him a really good reason to get back to you and make sure the pattern you've set for messaging gives him a need or desire or want to get back to you as quickly as he can.
These or those are normal everyday circumstance between two people who are getting to know each other or know each other and are exploring attraction and interest, or are just friends who might be turning into something more...
Let's move on to specifics and the GREATEST dating advice you can take away today.
What if you went on a date or even a few with him?
Here's a reader's question I answered in my newsletter and you're going to learn EXACTLY what to do in situations like this with a guy.
"So i was dating a guy for about 4 weeks, been on about 5 dates. Organised another one and since the 4th date (after we did the deed), his texting became awful.
I decided to try one more date and in person the date was great as per always.
We organised another date for the week after but texted him over the weekend to see how he was.
Nothing back and now I’m wondering if I should see if the date is still on!
Tough position to be in, I hear you.
The obvious answer would be - once he got you in bed, (or did the deed as you wrote) he's slowly disappearing, right?
He took one more date, just in case, but is now probably blowing you off because sex is all he wanted.
Seems to me the REAL problem is that you're already thinking, or worried, he was only interested in sex. You want or need to know the truth so you can move on, OR if he was interested in more then he SHOULD be arranging and securing another date....
BUT, he just doesn't seem as eager or responsive to another date as you are.
You were worried that you've been used for sex and because of that, you're worried he's blowing you off.
In turn - you're double checking by texting or asking him how he was - hoping he would reconfirm the date you both set.
That's great and all but you left out some very important information:
- What was his texting habits before you did the deed?
- Were they really that amazing OR did you get worried after you had sex that he was going to disappear so you started texting him more, as if the sex part was a jumping point to the next stage of dating?
- Who was organizing these dates - you or him? You said "we" but that's not clear enough for me.
- What exactly did you text him that he didn't respond to?
- Do you both know what you're looking for from each other? Was he clear about it? Did you tell him what you expected?
- WHY did you decide to "do the deed" after the fourth date?
- Were you worried for one reason or another that he would not want to date you if you didn't do it with him, OR did he mention how SO important it is to know if you're sexually compatible before you get serious?
For me to advise you, AND for you to better see your circumstance for yourself next time, THOSE are the questions you must be asking before you can decide the texting part.
You have to first understand that men don't see sex as a prelude to a relationship. Most men at least.
They see it as a perk of dating.
Some even see it as a reward for taking you out, asking you out, being attentive, and as sad as it sounds - doing the work necessary to be "rewarded" with sex.
What's very important is how you act around men when you get worried, anxious, or feel like a guy is pulling away or might pull away AFTER you've had sex or even just been on a few dates.
This is DESPITE the guy, because you shouldn't think for one minute this guy is in charge of you, your destiny, and or how you feel inside.
Having a few great dates, sleeping with him, or whatever must NOT change anything for YOU.
This means, regardless of the anxiousness your feeling inside YOU are still in charge of yourself and changing that for one guy - will only do two things:
Push away a guy that might be right for you - which I know you don't want or...
Have you continually keep giving something to a guy who is NOT right you.
Which leads to me to a sometimes unthinkable solution to your problem:
You don't need HELP.
Say it to yourself or out loud if you have to...
Screaming help won't help you. Becoming anxious won't help you. Worrying what his intentions are or were won't help you either.
If he's blowing you off now - that probably means the worst, BUT not for you - for HIM...
Because he's let someone like you go after a few dates, and after he got him some.
That's how you handle this "texting" problem or not knowing if he's going to keep the date...
He's missing out on you and that's HIS problem, not yours!
Don't text him back.
Sure - there's a possibility you mishandled it or chose to date the wrong man, or that you're not communicating the right things early on with him or other men...
Yet that's for YOU to work on and being strong enough to do that also means not letting something like this change YOUR course... so stay on it.
Say it one more time...
Yes, it's probably the strangest dating advice you ever heard but it's an important stance each and everyone of us has to take at some point in our lives.
Hopefully you can see why I brought up all those other questions earlier - they're there to help you see your side of it, maybe for you to figure what is really happening, BUT they're also there to help you see the questions which come about when you're worried and putting so much stress on yourself.
With all that said - No.
You should not check to see if the date is on.
Hope you found this advice comes from the heart and its intention are to merely encourage STRENGTH of yourself so you're not giving it all the way to some guy who probably doesn't deserve it anyways.
If he re-confirms or shows up - great - I wish you the best of time.
But if he doesn't ... so what!!!
The world might feel devoid or lacking in any real men to you - or it might feel like you've let someone good go - but trust me when I say:
MEN are NOT an endangered species - there WILL be others.
Okay.... moving forward to the last section of this post...
Remember in the first paragraph how I said there are no "hard" rules of texting, well I (sort of) lied, hey it happens - we're going to make one because just by being here, you might want or need one.
Meaning, I firmly believe you came here because you feel you're being ignored or you just want to know an exact time or rule to follow and re-text a guy, AND because up until now - it hasn't been made clear to you based on what I've written.
Here it is.... drum roll please....
Do NOT text him again for twice the normal length of your average silence.
Yes. I made a hard rule of texting. Follow it if you dare.
Twice the normal length of your average silence.
If you text back and forth and don't again for a few days, wait twice that time before you send a second text, AND the second text should have little or nothing to do with your first.
This tells the guy you're not a "stalker". How you're not going to get all bent out of shape when he won't get back at a moments notice.
It will also suggest a better pattern for the next time.
It gets the guy thinking, "I am free to text back without fear of having to answer forty more texts." which will make him more likely to get back to you sooner.
My best advice is to AVOID sending several texts without a response. Be patient and REAL about the situation.
I understand this problem of "ignoring" a woman goes much deeper.
There are way too many areas to discover and discuss being ignored by a guy goes pretty deep.
I actually cover them ALL in my online book so if you want the whole sorted story, please pick it up here:
Today's topic was just about texting and a little about interest and attraction.
Please remember what I wrote above:
"9 times out of 10 a guy will NOT ignore a woman's text he is "into" unless you give him every reason to start ignoring you."
So what if you're not giving him every reason to not get back to you...
What if you're just not creating enough of the "right" kind of attraction and interest for him to WANT to text you back almost immediately...
Well I'm confident in saying - it's fixable.
You CAN compel any good decent man to not make you sit around waiting for him to send a simple text message back to you.
Learn about how emotional attraction works for a man because the physical won't do you any favors, and if it's all physical, sure he might get back to you - but it's probably because he's just looking for sex.
Become the type of woman who emotionally connects with a guy naturally. You'll be more than pleasantly surprised just how well it works and how easy it is to do once you know how.
YOU are the key ingredient here. If you put all your focus on men and why he (or they) are not getting back to you, and your mindset gets wrapped up in trying to appease them - that's not what a guy really needs or even wants from you.
What men really want is someone who challenges them, who understands them, who gets them, who connects with them, and who makes him work for her by simply just being WHO you are and I know you can do all that.
Of course ALL of that can and will not be accomplished through texting or not texting alone - but it's certainly one of the many tools you can use to make to happen.
Hop on my newsletter below and I'll help you any way I can.