We've been in a relationship for a year and some months. My Christmas gifts was a Snuggie, a deck of old Chicago cards, a stability ball and a necklace. What is he telling me? And should I tell him I don’t like the gifts?
Today's post is an important one to build a strong relationship with your man. I take you inside his thought process and show the exact reasoning behind a few simple gifts which could make or break your relationship IF you don't know how or if you should tell him you didn't like them.
This will all lead you to the three keys to a secure and open relationship and the communication skills needed to form one.
Let's start with my answer to Meadow's great question and all will be revealed as we move along.
Hello Meadows - if you've been in a relationship with a guy for that long - you both should be a point where you can tell each other how you really feel AS LONG as it's done and said the right way.
Communication between couples goes both ways. It's his responsibility to learn what you like and what kind of gifts you'd like to receive (assuming of course some "people" are just not good at those kind of things so always keep that in mind) AND it's your responsibility to share with him in a way which he understands and gets what you want from him.
I understand you might not like the gifts but try to look at it from his perspective before you bring it up.
Each one of those gifts (most likely) meant something to him as it's connected to you. I can not guarantee he put that much thought in them but it's certainly a strong possibility, right?
I believe most men (especially early on in a relationship) want to give their partner the best possible gifts they can and will at least try hard to make it happen. (Not all, but certainly a fair share of them so let's assume you're in a relationship with a good and decent man.)
You just have to learn to look at it all positively and from a man's point of view.
I'll help you figure him out this time so you're ready to do it yourself on many occasions and of course it won't be limited to the gift giving thing.
Starting with the Snuggie.
He wants to make sure you're warm and comfortable and maybe you're always complaining about being cold so he bought you one. Not really the prefect gift by itself BUT along with the others it's really not that bad. There are far worse things to give a woman.
This could be his way of telling you that he listens to you, understands you're cold a lot, that he gets you, and he wants to make you feel good (and warm) as often as possible.
He also wants you to feel special and look good. He believes you like to wear jewelry. He might not be good at picking one out so that's certainly open to discuss with him in the right way of course.
I'm sure if his taste is that bad he'll happily go with you and trade it for something you'll like better because I'm positive, making you happy makes him happy.
There are many ways to tell a guy something without hurting his feelings and in this case about how he doesn't understand a woman's taste in jewelry.
Think about it - if tell him he has terrible taste and you don't like the necklace it could some bad feelings BUT if you come at it from the angle of,
"Hey, you're a dude and I LOVE the fact you just don't get women's jewelry."
It's just better communication with a positive twist.
You like HIM as a man and not many REAL men know women's taste in jewelry. You wouldn't expect it from him and he should not assume he can think and see like a woman - if he's still hurt he'll get over it and will consider his actions next time.
He gave you the stability ball because you probably mentioned getting one for yourself or mentioned how you could use something like that around the house.
This, again, could be HIS way of telling you that he LISTENS to you. He hears what you're saying. He knows your hobbies, goals, wants, needs AND is determined to be supportive PLUS offer encouragement whenever he can.
Remember men are not normally cryptic creatures. They rarely speak or act mysteriously even though it may seem like that sometimes.
In their mind - it makes logical sense.
In his mind - he's giving you something to show that he listens and is telling you he supports you in every way he can.
That is HOW guys work.
So he got you a deck of old Chicago playing cards?
I will admit this is a tough one. Not impossible just difficult because I don't know you both personally.
Here's a bunch of positive "maybes" off the top of my head:
Maybe he's telling you he wants to spend more time with you - no Internet, no movie, no tapping away silently on your phone. He wants to play cards with you because he feels you'll connect with each other during it.
Perhaps he played cards a lot growing up with his family and wants to re-live those experiences.
I remember playing cards with my family and friends growing up in camp. We bonded during those moments. It brings up warm emotions and good feelings that I associate with summer and just having fun with the people I love the most.
This could be HIS way of trying to tell you he wants to bond with you in the now considered "old-fashioned" way of his past.
Maybe - you play Solitaire on your phone a lot and he's heard you mention how tough it is and how you thought about getting a real deck. When he ran across one - he thought it would be a perfect add-on gift for you.
He's once again showing you he listens even when sometimes it might not feel like he does.
It's remote but certainly a possibility.
Maybe - and this is far-fetched - he wants to play Strip Poker with you. Believe it or not, a deck of cards is a very unique way of introducing some new and exciting sexual games into your relationship.
Being a man means I THINK like a man.
I will admit it's probably not true BUT you now have a positive way to communicate sexually to him and in a way, you BOTH can APPRECIATE this seemingly odd gift to further and deepen your relationship.
Last maybe - do you know WHERE he bought it for you? Perhaps that store has a special meaning for him and you. When he was there he instantly thought of you and picked out something small to see if you would remember.
Yes - I get it, probably not true but it's probable and what's more probable is that when he saw the cards - he thought of YOU and didn't hesitate to buy them for you.
The point is: He connects those cards with you in some way and this is his way of showing it. Which I believe is a good thing.
Men are not strange creatures who randomly do things.
They have purpose and a thought process which is not always so obvious but with a little searching and some help from me - another guy - you can find the reason or purpose behind ALL of their actions.
In this case - you might not like the gifts he bought you but it appears a little thinking and action went into getting them for you which shows you:
- He cares.
- He listens.
- He thinks about you.
- He's trying to connect to your needs and wants based on what he think he knows about you and has seen or heard.
- He's attempting to show you that he gets you.
- He wants to make you warm and happy at all times.
Now that you've heard my side...
Should you tell him you don't like what he bought you?
I'm willing to bet you won't say a word now that you've read what's above.
His sentiment seems real and genuine. His thought process centered around pleasing you in probably the only way he knows all based on his "man" way of thinking.
However if you must - BE POSITIVE first.
If you feel like something has to be said then don't hold it in. Don't let it come out in one day during a fight because that is very likely to happen.
Don't wait until your emotions are on the edge one day because it's counter productive and could damage your relationship unnecessarily.
Truth be told - I may have a lot of insight on these matters and my instincts are quite good. They actually surprise me sometimes.
BUT I am not an expert on how to communicate to your partner, husband, or boyfriend or else I'd tell you exactly how to handle this problem.
I think you have enough to go on BUT if times like this are happening to you or anyone reading this all too often I can stress enough how important communication is in a relationship.
PLEASE don't make your search engine your "go to" when you're unsure about what to say or do in any relationship.
You must know to communicate to him in a positive way which gets him to open up more to you so bringing up situations like this, and much more doesn't lead to a fight which could eventually tear the relationship apart.
You must dig deep within yourself too because your past experiences, your fears, your insecurities, and your anxieties if left unchecked and unknown will cause you to speak to your partner in ways which are less productive and sometime hurtful for both of you.
With a little "inner" work you can become a woman he naturally brings him closer to you.
The KEY to a what is commonly called a SECURE RELATIONSHIP built on open and positive communication skills:
- Knowing how a man thinks and connects with you and everything in his life.
- Getting him to open up before it's too late or so he feels comfortable an unafraid to bring things up himself.
- Being the secure woman who makes it easy for him to share and connect with you naturally.
Once those areas are covered you'll have most of the skills needed so you'll never go online searching for answers to your very personal relationship problems again.
Here's my suggestion again. Try it out. I believe it will work for you:
I firmly believe most men are good and decent people who DO want to make their partner happy. Gift giving is just one way of trying to make that happen.
A lot of thought may not go into it for everyone and sometimes - they're not good at showing you they care by WHAT they buy for you...
BUT there's a thought process that happens and when looked at from a positive perspective (and a man's logical mind) you can understand what it all means to him and to you too.
A few random gifts can certainly mean more than just the paper they're wrapped in - he's trying to show you how much he cares in the only way he knows.
Sure - they're not all created equally. Some will be just randomly pick up stuff they "think" you'll like or want but I don't think that's the norm because any real caring guy will at least TRY.
Most understand when giving you something how you'll read deep into it and they also get that it can be a way to make you happy AND to:
Show you he listens.
Prove that he cares.
He's trying to get you.
And among many other things ...
He's ALWAYS thinking about you.
Giving a loved one a gift can be a tough time for a guy just as much as it is for you.
Try to look at it from his point of view in a positive way and you'll get what it all means every time.
Remember one key to a secure relationship is understanding his thought process , how he thinks, and how it's ALL related to making you happy.