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Is There A Hidden Meaning To Why He Gave You A Gift?

in Quick Guy Question and Answers
Is There A Hidden Meaning To Why He Gave You A Gift? post image

Hi Pete…

I have a question. Do guys give girls gifts or anything, just because or is there hidden meaning behind what they give us women?

Thank you. Tara

Hi Tara,

I had this type of discussion with a guy a few days ago.

HE believed “gift giving” was a “romantic gesture” which was okay to do ( early on ) and how it showed the woman he believed she was special. Or in the very at least… How was he was willing to go the extra mile just for her.

If you listen to him – then yes, there is a meaning to his gesture and in his case, he’s hoping it’s not hidden. He’s interested in you.

He’s hoping you’ll actually like him more by doing it.

Of course – I argued with him,

“It only tells a woman you believe YOU’RE NOT good enough for her. How you have to buy her love. How you have to prove to her you’d make a great provider. AND you’re kind of telling some women – she’s the type of person who expect gifts and therefore can only fall for a guy who can afford to lavish gifts.”

I don’t think I made him see my side because he kept saying it was okay and how he’s the type of guy who likes to do those things and how he doesn’t see anything wrong with showing a woman he cares for her in that way.

In all honestly, he doesn’t truly understand what attracts a woman to a guy and how it has little to do with any physical gifts he gives her.

He’s trying to increase YOUR attraction to him by giving or buying you a gift.

If you felt nothing to begin with, it becomes creepy and you respect him less. It cheapens the experience.

If you felt a little it feels more sincere but becomes just a sweet gesture. Underneath you were probably wishing he could naturally make you feel more for him through his actions and words.

If you’ve already loved him and he knows you so well, then he “finds” something just for you… of course THAT gift would mean or represent everything to you.

That is how I see it all.

When it’s a symbol of your love you already share, a sweet something to remember, an encouragement to make you laugh smile or reach out and grab us – then yes… “Just because” seems to work great and I wouldn’t expect an ulterior motive.

When it’s a plea for your heart – an attempt to raise your attraction – a blatant attempt to prove his worth over another guy – then yes… the meaning is not so hidden.

When it comes from a guy who tends to give more than he accepts and although it may be a little selfish, it’s just who he is… it’s hard to tell if THAT gift means more than the gift he gave to someone else.

In THAT case I’d assume it means nothing sexual – since all his friends receive something from him too.

Your question reminded me of an article in the “man archives” at DiaLteG TM.

It’s not written by me but by this man – Carlos Cavallo, under his “other” name of course. He’s listed here at “why do guys”: Recommendations and Opportunities for Building Relationship Success.

You’ll find the article below gives some great solid advice to guys on the rules of gift-giving so we don’t go and mess up with you. Here’s a quote from it.

Gifts early on should be geared toward enhancing the experience of your time together, not to impress a woman.

Hold off on the flowers and the candy until you’ve built up some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be appreciated.

What Kind of Gifts Do You Give Women? No Exception Of Return

Although it is designed for guys it might help you decipher why a guy might be giving you a gift based on your current relationship with him. Even from a guy you’re dating or thinking about dating.

Honestly I would mostly and safely assume…

A gift from a guy when you’re both single means he’s trying to court you, convince you to date him, and wants to show you how special he thinks you are.

If he does it too early, unless it’s a social thing, he probably doesn’t believe he can attract you without it AND he’s hoping you’ll get the hint.

If he does it in a relationship AND is not lamely making up for a mistake, it’s probably meant to be  symbol of his love for you.

I’d say in the generalized world – a gift ALWAYS means something and it can tell you a lot about the person giving it.

Thanks for the gift of your great question and I do hope this has helped you,

Pete

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

You can visit my about page here. Stay in touch and learn about men by joining my newsletter below. Join other women discuss men by joining the new Why Do Guys Facebook Group. You can also Like or follow the Facebook Fan Page. And lastly Join me on Twitter. Current writer and owner of: DiaLteG TM | The Approach | Why Do Chics…? and The Nice Guy Approach. Yes, I’m a VERY busy guy.

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    9 comments… add one
    • Kennedy Otwoma

      yes

      • Peter White

        Interesting comment Kennedy. Glad you approve. HAha!

    • miranda

      Pete, thank you for your insight. I have been trying to figure out why this dear friend of mine has been giving me these outrageous gifts, and this was the only place where it made it a little clearer. But, I’m still confused about my personal predicament…and I hope you can add input.

      This guy and I had been friends for a couple years before he suddenly started buying me these crazy gifts – spa weekend, football tickets, large amount of $ for my retirement fund, iMac computer, etc..

      In the beginning, I declined to accept any of this, but it seemed to almost burst his happy bubble, so I began to accept. Now, we spend a couple weekends a month together kayaking, hiking, concerts, and so on…and, he drops another gift here and there – which is frustrating because throughout this time he has never made a move or expressed any clear romantic intension.

      Now, since the beginning I have always cared for him, but I’ve always felt we were so different that friendship seemed like the logical route, and so we were friends. When I say we’re different, I mean I’m a laid back-easy going single mom working on my career in social work – he’s all business with a PhD. He grew up with a maid and a mansion – I was raised on top ramen and learned how to hot wire a car at age ten. So, you can imagine we’re quite different.

      So, now it’s been a year of gifts, adventures, and events…and still no obvious romantic advances from Mr. PhD. So, I have a few theories:

      1. I’m his paid events buddy.
      2. He feels sorry for me and I’m part of his personal outreach program.
      3. He can’t figure out who else to spend his money on.
      4. He’s terrified of women and he read some book somewhere that told him that gifts were every ladies “love language”.

      The next time we’re alone I plan to ask him what his intentions are, but until then, would appreciate any help.

      -Miranda

      • Peter White

        Miranda,

        You can tell your friend I’m open to his gifts also. 🙂 AND hot wiring a car… really? Now that’s a skill.

        Okay seriously…

        Yes. Sometimes it’s just who the person is or who they’ve become. And sometimes it comes with a price.

        For example a friend of mine did this to me for a while and the first time I refused to do something for lack of funds on me, everything came back in a fury. “After all I’ve done for you…” speech came blasting back at me. Not surprisingly, that’s who ho was anyways. Generous with a touch of instability or a short fuse.

        So be careful about the back lash when one day you don’t meet his demands.

        That’s at least one way to look at it.

        You could be his paid events buddy. He prefers your company and knows you can’t afford but enjoys your company.

        If he feels sorry for you, you’d probably know it. He’d treat you with kid gloves and constantly make you feel better with money. He’d say things like, “I know how difficult it is for you not having any money.” He also won’t be able to see things from your perspective. Assuming you KNOW money isn’t everything and you’re just fine without it.

        Some people do feel guilty and give it away. Whether or not it’s selfish or selfless remains the question but giving a little back sure soothes the guilty soul. Or at least makes them feel better about perhaps doing wrong in the past and making amends OR erases some guilt about growing up privileged.

        He could easily be terrified of women and believes it’s a way to your heart to try and buy your heart. You must admit a few women would be more than happy to be in your position too.

        As for the intentions, it seems to me you would already been given the signs of how he “really” feels about you. The little things would add up like touching you, making friends with your child, avoiding other women, getting jealous over you and a possible other guy in your life, etc…

        Look for those signs BUT I must say – communicating your concerns with him maturely will answer everything you need.

        If THAT doesn’t work, look for those little signs and I’m sure things will become much clearer for you Miranda,

        All the best… your guy friend,

        Pete

    • Abell

      I date this hot guy. He is 44, i am 32. Je ask me out. I agree. He pick me up, we hv dinner, he drives me home, i invite him to come to my house. Then i start to kiss him, take him to my bed and bla bla bla. He didnt bring condom cause he didnt expect sex. Cuddle till 4am. Act like a perfect gentleman all night long. Then he go home…
      And leave me some money
      Ans text me, thanking me for a nice night😕😕😕.
      Why he leaves me money?

      Ty for ur help

    • Atom

      No it’s a gesture of saying thank you; if you get a hair cut you tip if you go to starbucks you tip but if you go and spend time with someone you thank them by giving inexpensive gifts here and there your not buying them your thanking them.

    • Jaidan

      My boyfriend got me pajamas and I don’t know why he’s being this way I don’t know if you wants to break up or not

    • Jane

      Hi Pete,
      So I became friends with this guy around six months ago. We met while working on a project and clicked very quickly. The guy seemed very interested (and I felt attracted) from the beginning, asked very specific questions about my interests and tastes and we talked quite a lot. Three months after we first met I found myself chatting daily with him and waiting impatiently for the weekly project meetings for us to get to talk more. Around this time I started to notice some things about him which I didn’t see before and started feeling that maybe the special treatment he showed me wasn’t exactly special and I felt that I was almost sure to develop feelings for him which he might not reciprocate so I asked him that we talk less because I didn’t know where this was going. The guy said that he thought of me as a very close friend whom he trusts and that even though it would “hurt” him to be distant he’d do it for me. After sometime we talked again; he knows I’ve been under so much stress with my masters lately so we ended up by saying that whatever it is we agreed upon was the result of so much stress and that things will be fine later. He kept messaging me after that and checking up on how I was doing and asking if he could do anything to help. I was usually cold and responded with very little and didn’t initiate conversation except for very few times in the last 3 months. I remember him once telling me that it was totally okay if I responded coldly because he knew I was tired, so no worries!

      We haven’t met in 2 months time, but we managed to see each other 2 weeks ago in a group meeting. To my surprise, he got me an incredibly thoughtful (and kind of expensive) gift as a “graduation gift” with a small note which he signed “your friend 😉 —”

      I’m very confused by this gift and by his behavior in general. While everybody else (including myself) thought it enough to congratulate me, why did he feel the need to get me a gift and sign it as he did? Do you think this is typical behavior for a guy who claims we’re “friends” and nothing more?

      Would appreciate your insight. Thank you!

      • Peter White

        Hi Jane,

        Although I don’t know the guy (his character and how he normally is with women – which are both equally important) I’m going to have to assume a little.

        From what I hear, he seems to be a bit of a pushover with women. Being nice is one thing, being respectful is another thing, but when the line of overdoing it is crossed, it’s usually when I teach guys to be a little more selfish. In a good way. I’m telling you that because his actions are giving me an idea of the type of guy you’re dealing with and based on that I can somewhat confidently:

        He wants to be more than friends… period. He’s seems like he’s been there before and is used to it. With that said, that would explain the gift, the overly polite way he’s willing to let you be cold to him, etc…

        Now I understand it’s just how some guys and that’s really cool. It’s a wonderful trait when done right so I find nothing wrong with it specifically.

        However, all things considered – YES it was not a “friendly” gift. He has feelings for you and is willing to keep on being friends until a time when YOU decide it’s okay to proceed.

        Hope that helps you out a little. Best of luck,

        Pete

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