Is There A Hidden Meaning To Why He Gave You A Gift?

Man Holding Giving Gift

"Hi Pete... I have a question. Do guys give girls gifts or anything, just because or is there hidden meaning behind what they give us women?

Thank you. Tara"

When a not-so-specific type of guy gives you a gift, there's always a meaning behind it.

However, what is actually being hid from you is not so obvious to him and possibly to you.

I recently had a conversation with a gentlemen who believed it was okay to give a woman a gift early in the dating stage and I don't agree with him.

He said it was a "romantic gesture" to show her that he felt she was special and how he would go the extra mile for her. He explained there's nothing wrong with showing a woman that he cares for her.

In his mind - SHOWING HE CARES and GIFT GIVING were connected and that he would expect the woman to "get his hint".

Clearly he missed the fact that there are countless ways to show a woman you care for her that don't have a physical  gift attached to it, but that's neither here nor there now.

According to him there was a definite meaning to his gesture. He's hinting at something he wants you to get, but can not (or does not) want to say it directly.

He's interested in you beyond friendship. He's hoping you'll like him more or at least begin to feel something based on the intended sincerity behind the gift.

Then what IS he trying to hide from you or himself?  What's the REAL hidden meaning?

He doesn't feel good or skillful enough to attract you.

He's trying to impress you.

He believes he has to make himself look better in your eyes, that you're better than him.

He's trying to prove he's make a great provider someday and he'd be there to take care of you.

He is trying to buy your love and affection behind the mask of "supposed" romance.

He believes you're in charge of a mating process he does not understand.

YOU are the chooser.

HE is the chaser.

Clearly, he doesn't understand how attraction works for women, the human mating process, and won't admit it to himself or others that if he wants a more productive path to love and dating, he must learn some other way to make things easier on him and women too.

He doesn't want you to know he's a type two guy who just doesn't get it.

*A type one might give you a gift if it's a deeper part of their character, but as far as his interest or intention to further date you, it won't reveal much and leave you more confused. So for type ones- please don't read into it too much because you'll only get more confused.

So yeah -there's definitely a lot more going on underneath the surface but is now no longer hidden from you.

The ACTUAL gifts, what they are, what they represent, and the message a guy might be intending to send you are somewhat of a different story because of the connection you've already made and the endless gifts which can be given to  you.

Here's an article I wrote which breaks down a few real gifts given and the message a guy might be trying to send you:

What Is He Trying To Tell You? Should You Tell Him You Don't Like Them?

Here's some other meanings behind the gift giving based on his type and the relationship you have with him.

When it's a symbol of your love you already share, a sweet something to remember, an encouragement to make you laugh smile or reach out and grab us - then yes... "Just because" seems to work great and I wouldn't expect an ulterior motive.

When it's a plea for your heart - an attempt to raise your attraction - a blatant attempt to prove his worth over another guy - then yes... the meaning is not so hidden and was covered above.

When it comes from a guy who tends to give more than he accepts and although it may be a little selfish, it's just who he is... it's hard to tell if THAT gift means more than the gift he gave to someone else.

In THAT case I'd assume it means nothing sexual - since all his friends receive something from him too.

When you're both single means he's trying to court you, convince you to date him, and wants to show you how special he thinks you are to him.

If he does it too early, unless it's a social thing, he probably doesn't believe he can attract you without it and he's hoping you'll get the hint.

If he does it in a relationship and is not trying to make up for a mistake he thinks he made, it's probably meant to be symbol of his love for you.

All in all.

A gift ALWAYS means something and it can tell you a lot about the person giving it.

Thank you Tara for the wonderful gift of your great question.

We'll talk again real soon.

Some further reading just for you:

Your question reminds me of an article in the "man-chives" at DiaLteG TM. Carlos gives advice to men on the rules of gift-giving. Although it is written for men, it can help you decipher why a guy might be giving you a gift based on your current relationship with him.

Gifts early on should be geared toward enhancing the experience of your time together, not to impress a woman.

Hold off on the flowers and the candy until you’ve built up some genuine rapport and interest from her, then your gifts will be appreciated.

What Kind of Gifts Do You Give Women? No Exception Of Return

From Why Do Guys:

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This article was posted in What Does He Mean – What He Says & What He Does Gets Explained Deeper

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13 comments… add one
  • Mari P

    I just counted how long I’ve known this guy and apparently it’s been eight months. Because of the pandemic, we actually met through video conference with a large group of mutual friends. He has become close to both me and my younger sister and he came to a drive-by parade event for my parents’ anniversary. He brought both my sister and I gifts but I had no idea what part of my gift was going to be. I just expected maybe some of it would be candy and maybe a few prints from his photography endeavors but no. A week or so prior, he had told my sister and I as well as another friend (via group chat) that because he had been going to the gym he grew out of his favorite flannel. Apparently he had very sad as well as very happy memories attached to it. The flannel also happened to be my favorite color which I’m sure he realized. Anyway, he didn’t want to part with it so I said maybe he could keep it as some sort of memento. He replied “Maybe” to my suggestion and I actually almost felt annoyed because I thought it was a good idea! If you don’t want to get rid of it, just keep it, right? Maybe I’m a little too practical. Anyway, little did I know he was going to GIVE it to me on the day of my parents’ anniversary parade. So far I have worn it in front of him only once (not in person) and he commented on it. He never really makes definite comments on my appearance. He always notices things about me but maybe next time he says “Oh you’re wearing that one dress…” maybe I’ll ask “What do you think?” That was probably super long but I would appreciate any input about the gift 😂 Another note, we are in our early twenties (not sure if that helps.)

  • Adlera

    Hi Pete, uhm… I just want to ask or clarify something. Lately, there’s this certain guy who always throw some sweet punchlines for me and he always compliments me. He always says that I’m beautiful and he always says that he likes my smile. But sometimes, he completely ignores me. But after few minutes, he will approach me and act sweet like he always does. The next day, we were preparing for a party, I have a gut friend helping me with the decorations and he’s saying something like he’s being jealous. Then, at the day of the party, it was so unexpected for he gave me a gift. And I remember that I said that I want that thing and he is around that time. So, from that, what can you conclude? Does that guy likes me or he’s just being friendly or whatsoever? I’m hoping for your response, thank you.

    • Hi Adlera,

      I feel like acting like a gay guy snapping his fingers at you right now!

      “Girl – he likes you!!!!!” SNAP SNAP —

      But I’m not gay, just ask my wife, but I won’t go there.

      You’re getting obvious compliments – he approaches you, he acts all sweet to you – he’s acting a little jealous – he GAVE YOU A hopefully special and thoughtful gift – which you didn’t expect. (Why you didn’t expect it is NOT beyond me… more to come on that.)

      Think HARD!!!!!

      If your GIRLFRIEND was acting that way towards you, would you wonder if she was a lesbian? NOPE!

      So ASSUME and EXPECT when a guy does things for you that the same sex wouldn’t, without it appearing rather forward and sometimes strange, deepening on which way you go…

      HE IS INTO YOU as more than just a friend!

      Hopefully you can see – you have a problem. A VERY common problem… so I’m not knocking you for it.

      Your mind instantly goes here,

      “This guy couldn’t possibly be into me because WHY would he be into me?”

      Chin up Adlera – ACT like a guy can like you as more than a friend because it’s happening…

      You have a front row seat – ENJOY THE SHOW.

  • meadows

    We been in a relationship for a year and some months. My Christmas gifts was a Snuggie, a deck of old Chicago cards, a stability ball and a necklace. What is he telling me? And should I tell him I don’t like the gifts

  • Naila

    So the guy that I like has a girlfriend. He never brings her up. He recently gave me a key chain of a character from a TV show that we both like. It was a random gift. Does receiving a gift necessarily mean anything?

    • Peter White

      Yes, aside from the countless reasons or excuses the guy might use for giving the gift – it would be considered cheating on his girlfriend by the girlfriend and quite possibly lots of other people too.

  • Jane

    Hi Pete,
    So I became friends with this guy around six months ago. We met while working on a project and clicked very quickly. The guy seemed very interested (and I felt attracted) from the beginning, asked very specific questions about my interests and tastes and we talked quite a lot. Three months after we first met I found myself chatting daily with him and waiting impatiently for the weekly project meetings for us to get to talk more. Around this time I started to notice some things about him which I didn’t see before and started feeling that maybe the special treatment he showed me wasn’t exactly special and I felt that I was almost sure to develop feelings for him which he might not reciprocate so I asked him that we talk less because I didn’t know where this was going. The guy said that he thought of me as a very close friend whom he trusts and that even though it would “hurt” him to be distant he’d do it for me. After sometime we talked again; he knows I’ve been under so much stress with my masters lately so we ended up by saying that whatever it is we agreed upon was the result of so much stress and that things will be fine later. He kept messaging me after that and checking up on how I was doing and asking if he could do anything to help. I was usually cold and responded with very little and didn’t initiate conversation except for very few times in the last 3 months. I remember him once telling me that it was totally okay if I responded coldly because he knew I was tired, so no worries!

    We haven’t met in 2 months time, but we managed to see each other 2 weeks ago in a group meeting. To my surprise, he got me an incredibly thoughtful (and kind of expensive) gift as a “graduation gift” with a small note which he signed “your friend 😉 —”

    I’m very confused by this gift and by his behavior in general. While everybody else (including myself) thought it enough to congratulate me, why did he feel the need to get me a gift and sign it as he did? Do you think this is typical behavior for a guy who claims we’re “friends” and nothing more?

    Would appreciate your insight. Thank you!

    • Peter White

      Hi Jane,

      Although I don’t know the guy (his character and how he normally is with women – which are both equally important) I’m going to have to assume a little.

      From what I hear, he seems to be a bit of a pushover with women. Being nice is one thing, being respectful is another thing, but when the line of overdoing it is crossed, it’s usually when I teach guys to be a little more selfish. In a good way. I’m telling you that because his actions are giving me an idea of the type of guy you’re dealing with and based on that I can somewhat confidently:

      He wants to be more than friends… period. He’s seems like he’s been there before and is used to it. With that said, that would explain the gift, the overly polite way he’s willing to let you be cold to him, etc…

      Now I understand it’s just how some guys and that’s really cool. It’s a wonderful trait when done right so I find nothing wrong with it specifically.

      However, all things considered – YES it was not a “friendly” gift. He has feelings for you and is willing to keep on being friends until a time when YOU decide it’s okay to proceed.

      Hope that helps you out a little. Best of luck,


  • miranda

    Pete, thank you for your insight. I have been trying to figure out why this dear friend of mine has been giving me these outrageous gifts, and this was the only place where it made it a little clearer. But, I’m still confused about my personal predicament…and I hope you can add input.

    This guy and I had been friends for a couple years before he suddenly started buying me these crazy gifts – spa weekend, football tickets, large amount of $ for my retirement fund, iMac computer, etc..

    In the beginning, I declined to accept any of this, but it seemed to almost burst his happy bubble, so I began to accept. Now, we spend a couple weekends a month together kayaking, hiking, concerts, and so on…and, he drops another gift here and there – which is frustrating because throughout this time he has never made a move or expressed any clear romantic intension.

    Now, since the beginning I have always cared for him, but I’ve always felt we were so different that friendship seemed like the logical route, and so we were friends. When I say we’re different, I mean I’m a laid back-easy going single mom working on my career in social work – he’s all business with a PhD. He grew up with a maid and a mansion – I was raised on top ramen and learned how to hot wire a car at age ten. So, you can imagine we’re quite different.

    So, now it’s been a year of gifts, adventures, and events…and still no obvious romantic advances from Mr. PhD. So, I have a few theories:

    1. I’m his paid events buddy.
    2. He feels sorry for me and I’m part of his personal outreach program.
    3. He can’t figure out who else to spend his money on.
    4. He’s terrified of women and he read some book somewhere that told him that gifts were every ladies “love language”.

    The next time we’re alone I plan to ask him what his intentions are, but until then, would appreciate any help.


    • Peter White


      You can tell your friend I’m open to his gifts also. 🙂 AND hot wiring a car… really? Now that’s a skill.

      Okay seriously…

      Yes. Sometimes it’s just who the person is or who they’ve become. And sometimes it comes with a price.

      For example a friend of mine did this to me for a while and the first time I refused to do something for lack of funds on me, everything came back in a fury. “After all I’ve done for you…” speech came blasting back at me. Not surprisingly, that’s who ho was anyways. Generous with a touch of instability or a short fuse.

      So be careful about the back lash when one day you don’t meet his demands.

      That’s at least one way to look at it.

      You could be his paid events buddy. He prefers your company and knows you can’t afford but enjoys your company.

      If he feels sorry for you, you’d probably know it. He’d treat you with kid gloves and constantly make you feel better with money. He’d say things like, “I know how difficult it is for you not having any money.” He also won’t be able to see things from your perspective. Assuming you KNOW money isn’t everything and you’re just fine without it.

      Some people do feel guilty and give it away. Whether or not it’s selfish or selfless remains the question but giving a little back sure soothes the guilty soul. Or at least makes them feel better about perhaps doing wrong in the past and making amends OR erases some guilt about growing up privileged.

      He could easily be terrified of women and believes it’s a way to your heart to try and buy your heart. You must admit a few women would be more than happy to be in your position too.

      As for the intentions, it seems to me you would already been given the signs of how he “really” feels about you. The little things would add up like touching you, making friends with your child, avoiding other women, getting jealous over you and a possible other guy in your life, etc…

      Look for those signs BUT I must say – communicating your concerns with him maturely will answer everything you need.

      If THAT doesn’t work, look for those little signs and I’m sure things will become much clearer for you Miranda,

      All the best… your guy friend,


  • Kennedy Otwoma


    • Peter White

      Interesting comment Kennedy. Glad you approve. HAha!

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