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Three Signs To Look For If A Guy Wants To Be More Than Friends With You

Should you look for signs that a guy wants to be more than just friends with you?

"Do guys ever want to just be friends? What are some signs that they don’t?"

Hahaha! I've never met a Hannah that likes to ask me the easy questions. :p

It's a tough question to answer because signs can be misleading AND we have to know what kind or type of man we're dealing with to see the truth.

Yes. Some guys will forever only want to be "just friends" with a woman based on who he is, the circumstance, his maturity, and definitely on how the woman interacts with him.

If you go down the road of looking for them you're going to find a very long winding one where on certain days it feels one way, the next day or even minute it feels like something else. You'll find it exhausting and it never really comes to a hard conclusion.

You rarely ever get closure when you start looking for signals of any kind when it comes to the interactions of people.

"You’re better off NOT looking for hints or clues. Women are extremely good at sensing what is going on with men..." - A Few Clues That Your Guy Friend Wants To Be More Than Friends

The real problem is (aside from a man's ability to actually decide his love life) that no matter how a man is feeling about you, it makes no difference on whether he will act or not act towards something more. THAT part is primarily about the man and there's nothing you can do about it.

Some men will absolutely refuse to be "just friends" with women. You might not be able to see that because they keep the women in their lives (aside from family or friends of friends) who they want to sleep with just in case.

Their signals are easy because with them, it's always sexual. They tend to move in that direction no matter what is going on.

Some men have no problem having women as friends even if there's sexual tension because they tend to get women more than other guys AND they have an abundance of other women that they're either dating casually.

Their signals are tough to read because you're not a sexual priority to them.

Some guys hold a secret or not secret crush on one of their friends and will keep them close "just in case". They will often be nice guys who are always there for her. They don't normally have other women to choose from or are not happy with the women in their life.

This guy's signals will confuse you because they do anything and everything to hide their attraction for you.

Can you see how confusing it can be and how it's based on who the guy is and how he relates to women and not always on the signals he's give you?

My advice to you is to STOP looking for signs.

Your focus should be elsewhere.

Your best bet with ALL men is to focus on what attracts them to you and the right guy at the right time (who is capable and aware enough of himself) WILL move forward with you. Which yes, CAN include this guy.

"The biggest reason I do or have done it, is because I felt absolutely no physical attraction from the moment I met her." - Why Guys Put Women In The Friends Zone

The secret of the friends zone (avoiding it, staying out of it, or not allowing it to confuse you and delay your quest in life) is to take that person out of the picture.

Trust me, I was a friends zone junkie and have tons of pages and many broken hearts along the way to prove it.

When I learned to focus on myself and attraction and communicating in a special way with the women I wanted more with, EVERYTHING changed and the friends zone became a distant past.

Remember, just because someone is attracted to you or wants more does not ever guarantee that person will act accordingly. Again it depends on who he is, the circumstance and situation, his maturity, where he is in his life, and how the woman interacts with him.

BUT... I hear you Hannah. You WANT signs, don't you?

Fine. If you insist.

One sign:


Wanting to talk to you is one thing. Wanting to hang around with you like he does with a good friend is another thing.

However, I’ve found almost every man who has wanted someone as more than a friend made her a big deal in his life and made a real effort in one way or another.

When a man does something with you he normally doesn’t do, you can consider that a REAL effort.

Here are some clear examples of a man showing REAL EFFORT:

  • He wants to go with you to a concert featuring country music but it’s not what he normally listens to or even likes.
  • He is willing to change his schedule around your life. He's putting the importance of your life either equal or above his own life.
  • He tries new and exciting foods (or anything) when he is with you. You make him courageous in a way but in another way, he's always trying to show off in front of you. Men (people) do generally like to show off in front of their friends but if a woman is involved there's something more to it.
  • He calls and tells you he just wanted to hear your voice. Male friends don't normally do that with their male friends... EVER! Well unless they're gay an are in love with their friend.

Another sign.


If you never hear the words, “Where have you been?” or something like it in a slightly angry tone mixed with jealousy then he only sees you as a friend. He talks to you as if you’re a child being patronized, “Awwwwwhere have you been?” which is more of a friendly gesture.

He'll avoid talking to you about other men in your life or will get sightly angry when you bring up men who might be courting you.

He may be okay with it making it seem like he's not jealous but that is usually the overly nice guy type.

Men just don't like "other" men messing around with women they're attracted to and based on the guy - will act accordingly.

Remember - people who get overly angry about what someone else is doing (or not doing means) they have feelings for them which typically extends beyond just being friendly.


Sex is a major topic between men and women. When I was secretly in love with certain women, sex was always off the table for discussion.

If he can talk openly about sex with you, you might think that's a clear signal he doesn't want you but that's not the truth.

Again, depending on the guy, if he's getting it or not concerned with it, he'll talk openly. If he's not getting it, needs it, wants it, specifically from you, he's less likely to bring it up or to talk openly about it with you.

If he's only interested ( at that time) in having it with you - then he'll happily listen to you talk about screwing or wanting other guys.

If he sees you or wants you as more than a friend - but is not clearly showing it - SEX will not normally come up in any discussion at any time. Especially if he believes you find the subject taboo.

If he's always bringing it up with you - maybe prodding for your secret life with the guys - well then you wouldn't be wondering if he's in to you or not, would you?

The secret to great sex starts in our imagination. 😉

Ooops - I mean the secret to sex and this whole "friends zone sign"s thing is:

Whether it's happening in our lives or not - No matter what we choose to do with regards to it - No matter how much we might distance ourselves from it - it's ALWAYS a part of us and what we desire as humans to feel happy, healthy, and balanced.

It's safe to assume that IF and WHEN a guy wants you as more than just a friend, sex, or what we do together which is sexually based, tends to be a signal most men will give away at some point or another.

All you have to do is bring it up and pay close attention.

Sometimes you might have to get real close to him and see how he reacts.

Now that I've given you a glimpse of these signs and what they might mean, ask yourself a few questions to help you figure out whether this guy is looking for more than just a friendship with you.

  • Does he make a REAL EFFORT is his life to be with you, do things with you, talk to you above and beyond what a guy will do with "other" guys?
  • How much REAL attention does he pay to you and your life outside of him?
  • Does he show signs of jealousy, anger, or complete avoidance when either one of you are talking about other potential dates or lovers in your life?
  • How often is the topic of sex brought up and how deep is the conversations about it? Is it open for discussion, taboo, or avoided entirely based on lifestyle yet you get a feeling of sexual tension when you are close to each other?
  • What type of guy is he? Good with women? Experienced? Overly nice guy? Not good with women generally?
  • Where is he is in life? Ready for a commitment? Starting a new life? Anxious to explore his options? Just become sexually aware?
  • How mature is he? Friends who want more from each other often leads straight to a relationship and maturity will play a role in his decision.
  • How do YOU interact with him? Are you giving out signals yourself? Do you make it too obvious? Do YOU give the signs already listed above?

Thanks for your wonderful question Hannah.

As you can see, I'm no "hero". 🙂

Just a guy who thinks way too much and is determined to confuse women. Hahahaha!!!

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
8 comments… add one
  • MaryH

    So what i’m hearing is; that if he is talking about it or isn’t talking about it-
    He still wants it? Is this correct? hahaha! 😀

    What does it mean if he said “that i’ll have to get a sugar-daddy to buy me a BMW, but i’ll have to perform? i.e. sexually!”
    Why do men put us women in these kind of scenarios’!
    Got to admit i found it a bit insulting even though i’m sure he meant it as a joke.
    Like he thought i was a gold-digger, or prostitute!
    He would just want me for one thing?
    I just stayed quiet and thought to myself- WTH?

    • Peter White

      Exactly MaryH – he still wants it. We ALL do. 😉

      What you’re hearing is correct and it’s why figuring out whether a guy wants to be just friends, looking for signs may not be the best way do approach it.

      Some men put women in those kind of scenarios to see how she reacts. Some do it on purpose. Some are just good at blurting things out. Some think it’s a form of flirting. Some do it to get a heated response from you which reveals your character AND in turn gets you feeling “something” which he might be able to direct towards him.

      What you wrote is out of context so it’s impossible for me to tell exactly what he meant. I can only speculate. But sometimes I’m right. 🙂

      I would say it to a woman in a situation where we were talking about money, husbands, and possibly her venting on how life is tough without money. How just maybe she’s thinking about selling her body (jokingly). In that context it IS flirting because we’re creating false future scenarios we can play out further at a later time. Something we share personally which when brought up later, forms a deeper connection.

      If it’s said out of context and he’s not some dumb ass who hates women – chances are it’s to see where you stand on the gold digging issue or to see if you actually are one. He wants to know how much money plays a role in your dating life.

      Your quiet response to him probably confuses him. Nice. Haha!!!!

      However, IF you liked the guy, I would’ve played along with it because that will reveal his true character. But that’s out little secret. :p


      • MaryH

        Pete, thank you ever so much!
        Your speculations were 100% spot on.
        The context is that I am in a need of a car quite desperately at the moment and am finding it hard to get to work & finish a project as a result; so as a student financially its hard. Also he’s older than myself and guess what? he has a BMW!
        I’m also quite feisty at times and would have plenty to say about lots of things. He was just being outrageous to illicit an amusing reaction out of me. Glad to think I may have confused him! haha 😉
        You were correct that he was probably just sussing out how desperate I am, he’s a flirty cheeky character anyway so I wouldn’t take it too personally.
        I don’t think he would really in reality want to do anything with me. Is this correct; to just give the benefit of the doubt? Or am I being totally naïve and overly trusting?
        I like how you emphasize who he is ; needs to be taken into consideration- I think this would just be his style with many women. In other words I don’t really take him serious at all. There’s no badness in him; he’s actually a really good and compassionate, funny man.
        Him creating these ‘false scenario’s I think was a type of game to him as another time he’d ‘hypothetically’ be making me dinner or going shopping with me or other innuendo’s.
        I did play him at his own game just once too & made up one of these scenario’s where he had to take his shirt off; His reaction? He just starred wide-eyed at me in disbelief with his hand covering his mouth so really I was none the wiser! haha! It was quite funny actually to turn the tables on him for once.
        The thing is; It was highly inappropriate for me to engage with any type of flirting with this man & him likewise, even though it may have been just a fun way to pass the time to him. When does flirting mean business?
        I would love if you would advise more on how to draw a line between fun and inappropriate flirting, maybe in a future post.
        I know him using sexual jokes was probably just his character and meant nothing; but they did have an effect on me & I feel a bit bad about it all, as though there wasn’t enough respect going on from both of us.
        How to interact with a man; without it getting inappropriate? How to cope when it does get inappropriate so he doesn’t get the wrong idea.
        How do you men know we really just want to be your friends?
        He got me playing his game & you know it did work. He got me feeling for him! You men are such heart-breakers! 😛
        Thanks Pete so much for helping me work it out! ♥

        [My avatar is hilarious! :D]

  • Hannah

    Thank you so much! You answered a lot of your questions. Now to answer yours.
    My cousin and him were best friends for like eight years, we always knew each other, but were never great friends. He came to a party for my cousin when I was in tenth grade and we hit it off and became close after that.
    I would have to say I was his only opposite gender friend before we graduated high school. But I don’t really know that much about his friends now since we go to totally different colleges. But I do know that he spends most of his time with sports so that he can keep his scholarship. He is terrible with girls and I can truly say I taught him everything he knows 😉
    At first he was fine with helping me with other guys, but towards the end he got really irritated when I brought them up and always insulted them to my face if I showed a liking to them. It is the same now.
    He is a really conservative guy. I mean he didn’t even know about anything until that party I mentioned earlier where me and my cousin broke it to him the hard way. Since he graduated he has distanced himself from a lot of people, including my cousin, but still talks to me. When I asked this question he was acting strange, now he isn’t anymore, but he still confuses me

    Wondering what you think and hoping this post makes sense,

    • Peter White

      So you’re the teacher Hannah – Hahaha! Nice.

      Your comments make a lot of sense and by answering my questions have shown me enough to entertain a strong possibility that you are considered more than a friend to him. Awwwww he likes you Hannah.:p

      We can’t use the sex angle because he’s obviously inexperienced and will accordingly.

      We can’t full use the “effort” part because of the circumstance. He’s away, young, and putting his future first. While it does seem like he’s trying to balance you in one way or another. It’s just not that easy to do and another reason why we shouldn’t get in relationships so quickly at such a young age aside from it helps us to practice communication with those we’re intimate with in some way.

      We can use the jealousy anger thing because unless he’s being an over protective brother, which he is not, it angers him when he thinks about you and other guys. No one seems good enough for you… except him.

      Chances are, while he’s been away he’s realized you get him. You’re his “go to” girl. He’s developed more deeper feelings from this distance. Something all guys tend to need to fully realize who they want in their lives.

      The only warning I can give you, besides the young relationship thing, is guys who are away at College will experience a lot of change. If, during this period he becomes more socially aware or socially outward and meets people he likes spending time with, IF you’re not in an actual relationship, you’ll find him pull away.

      Keep in mind, while you’re not committed to him, IF another woman he meets while away gets him like he thinks you get him, he might easily choose her and will act more “just friendly” to you while slowing disappearing. I’m not saying to “lock him down” to perhaps avoid that happening, just that it’s a possibility and something you should be aware of.

      That’s what I think,


      • Hannah

        Thank you! I am glad you think he likes me for now at least1
        You have helped a lot, now I guess I need to let nature and life take its course
        Your friend

  • Hannah

    You are a hero and don’t confuse me at all. Things are looking up again right now, but I will probably want to discuss this more with you when I have more time.
    He is definitely not a usual guy and that is kind of what adds to my confusion.
    Thank you

  • Mila

    Hi Peter. I have a guy friend who also happens to be my brother’s best friend who I’ve known for years who has never shown any interest but lately now during our social gatherings he would start sending me confusing signals. It’s always during our social gathering where me, my brother, mutual friends and cousins hang out with each other. But he doesn’t treat anyone else differently just me. First, he picks out the seat that is closer to me. Then, I always catch him staring and sneaking glances towards me. Not only that but he which I guess in his possible moments, he would find the chance to bump into me, and rub his leg against mine. He sends me funny faces, cracks jokes to make me laugh, a great listener, he also pointed out and took a look within my nose to see if there were anymore boogers that I should worry about. I don’t know if he was just being nice to me since I’m his best friend’s sister or hiding something from me. It’s driving me crazy! I don’t know his intentions but I do believe my brother’s role may have to be the issue. We had a mutual friend that I used to have a relationship with that had gotten desperate when we broke up but kept visiting to my house and tried to force himself onto me but when I told my brother what happened and their friendship ended violently. Since then, I haven’t seen that friend. But my brother’s best friend was also close in that circle so he knows how angry my brother gets. We’re all we have for eachother, no father, no mother. I don’t want to ruin their friendship but I do want to know what is going on so I may face him one-on-one and ask why does he continue with these signals. I’m 23, he’s 25 and my brother is 26 and married.

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