Yep, there’s a difference.
He’s not “maybe” interested in casual sex, but even after you become his girlfriend, sex is usually part of the deal, isn’t it?
Generalized of course but true.
When a guy says he loves you but he’s not “in love” with you…
It either means “I’ll take the sex part occasionally but I don’t want to be your boyfriend.”
OR, “I love having sex with you but I don’t see a relationship happening.”
OR, “You’re a great friend but I do not want to have sex with you.”
When a guy says,
“Things are moving too fast for me.” it means…
“The sex was great but after getting too heavy too quick, I’m realizing it’s probably all I wanted.”
“I want sex but I feel like IF we have it, you’re going to think I want a relationship with you. Not that I might not want one later, but I definitely don’t want one right now.”
“I DO want you but I feel like you’re the one who is controlling the pace of the relationship.”
Now the absolute truth about what us guys say is…
We’re awful liars. 😀 … or as it was recently stated in a movie, “Women ALWAYS figure out the truth.”
You normally don’t have to read between the lines because there are no lines.
It’s a big reason why guys goes silent so easily.
They just don’t know how to say exactly what’s on their mind and they don’t want YOU to misunderstand them.
Rather than say it, they’ll sit and think about what to say (sort of) hoping the problem might go away by itself. (Of course WE know that rarely happens and the problems just mount up, don’t they?)
Anyways, this is absolutely huge for guys.
Having ANY woman we’re attracted to… not understand us.
When we’re in a committed relationship with you it becomes even that much more important.
Okay, let’s go back.
We’ll say anything to increase our chances of possibly (someday) have sex with you.
BUT…. we’re terrible liars.
AND… we don’t want or like to be misunderstood because IF we’re attracted to you we’re also hoping you just get us with as few words as possible.
Which by the way, if you want a guy who is already attracted to you to be more likely to invest more in a relationship, make sure he understands you DO get him. Just how that’s done is a little more complicated.
As a guy, I know if a woman is constantly telling me how she does get me, it does very little to make me believe it. In fact I’ll trust it even less.
If you’re constantly telling us how you DO get us, we’ll often take it the wrong way… it actually becomes an insult.
Telling a guy “vocally” that you DO get him is normally taken negatively because, “I know you. I know what you’re going to do or say about it. I know how you act.”
See how easily something so important to a relationship develops a sarcastic overtone which hurts the connection and drives guys into an abrupt SILENT MODE.
I told you IT was complicated. :p Not guys. We’re simple.
When a guy says things… Often he just wants you to understand what he means because if you do, then he himself understands how much you DO get him.
Yes. I DO hear you.
It often doesn’t FEEL like we say what we mean because our “real” words are often said by WHAT WE DO and not the actual words we put out there…
Which brings us all the way back to the “sex” thing in the beginning.
“We do NOT imagine sleeping with very woman we know.” – Do Guys Imagine Sleeping With Every Woman They Know?
Guys who WILL say anything to have sex with you are normally playing you. Not always but it’s a very high percentage. You’ll find they are often telling you exactly what you want to hear. It’s ALL too perfect.
His actions appear to be more physical. He doesn’t want you to understand him because if you figure him out, you’ll quickly realize he’s just playing you.
Guys who MIGHT say things to increase their chances of sleeping with you are just being guys and might be afraid that if they push the sex thing too early, you’re going to think he’s just like every other guy.
His actions appear to be less physical. He would rather or just hope you understand him or what he wants. His physical respect is actually HIS way of telling you he DOES want you but he’s also worried if he crosses a physical line, you’ll believe he only wants sex when sometimes he does, but sometimes he doesn’t.
My point, if there ever was one…
Guys will say ANYTHING and I mean anything just to (not have sex with you, that’s wrong) he will say anything to you to INCREASE his chance of possibly someday, in some way… have sex with you… given we can all agree that sometimes saying NOTHING is actually saying SOMETHING BIGGER.
If you’re not confused by now that means you’ve followed along much too closely. 🙂
Assume when a guy is feeling attracted to you – he wants to have sex with you. His instinctual desires are there BUT they can be overridden based on many things such as beliefs, infidelity, low self-esteem, no confidence in bed, etc…
Whether he says too much or too little or all the right things or all the wrongs things won’t change that fact.
For you, as a woman, to understand men a little better than you did before you started reading this, UNDERSTAND this… 😉
Aside from the players or misogynistic men who will cater to your feelings with words alone just to have sex with you, most men DO feel misunderstood by women.
Sometimes it’s because of those “other” guys, sometimes it’s because, out of fear, you’ll believe just because he’s attempting to increase his chance of having sex with you, that’s all he wants.
Which is not true.
Sex is just part of the bigger package deal which comes along with dating and/or relationships with the women we’re most interested in something more.
We just want the whole thing.
We just want to be understood and that our words are not taken for granted.
We don’t want to be lumped in a category along with the men we don’t respect.
Apparently… the differences between men and women are narrowing as we explore what we all want and desire from our closest partners.
You want the whole thing, right?
You don’t ever want to be taken for granted.
You do NOT enjoy being labeled and put into a category which you don’t feel is deserving or lacks respect.
And YES, I’ll just come out and say it…