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The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex

in All Kinds Of Guys, Game Playing
The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex post image

Why Do Guys Tell You They Like You, Do Sweet Things and Memorize Everything You Say, If They Only Want To Sleep With You?”

This was a question put on me years ago and it was asked by a woman I was only slightly involved 🙂 with but I’m sure questions like this are still being asked.

My first response is, you found a player.

A guy who will use your “soft spots” to sleep with you.

Remember, the timing is not important.

This means if a guy does this with ten different women over a certain period of time, not only will he become skilled at the memorization part making it feel like he is only saying to you, he also increases his chances of sleeping with each one of them sooner or later.

Think of it this way.

Let’s say I know ten women I’m going to play. I tell each one of them what they want to hear. I also do “nice” things to appear genuine, or not “playerish” AND I have a knack for remembering what they like.

At first some women resist. It doesn’t feel real. To them it feels like I’m only playing them. Which is fine because if I can keep up that “act” for an extended period of time, just by that it almost becomes genuine because what guy would give that much attention to a woman he only wanted sex with, right?

Except you must remember I’m doing the very same thing with lots of different women. Some don’t care. Some fall for me quicker. Some I must stick around for longer.

And it doesn’t really matter because sooner or later, since I’m skilled in this area, I believe the harder ones will eventually cave in and sleep with me.

That’s the mark of a skilled player/seducer.

Some are more skilled at seducing women quicker without regards to something more meaningful and some are more aimed at long-term seduction and spread out the odds with several different women so they’re always getting it.

Lots of them are skilled in both areas which makes it easier to keep up the act of telling you what you want to hear without pressuring you to have sex.

Remember, when a guy is getting it all the time with reasonably exceptional women, he is less likely to act from his sexual attraction and can always hold out longer than the women. ( Generally speaking of course.)

All this may seem to only apply to extremely good-looking guys. Perhaps guys you might not be so sure would ever be attracted to you.

Whether or not that is true remains to be seen ( because I haven’t done the research there exactly) BUT I do know one thing, the guys who are masters at playing women tend to go after a piece of your self-esteem and whether or not the guy needs to be drop-dead gorgeous or not may not applied to the truly skilled.

Sure it might work better on women who are not so sure about themselves and would revel in the fact that a “hot” guy might be interested in them but in my experience with lots of different women (and men) we all have soft spots where out self-esteem is not as strong and the really clever players tend to focus or poke from that angle while showering you with compliments and attention in the areas which you’re already comfortable with.

Making it feel like to you again he’s being genuine when in fact… he’s not because you might be overlooking what his communication is doing to you.

Here’s something terribly revealing which I might add is difficult for me to put into words but I’m going to try. 🙂

Within each one of us there are soft spots. No matter how strong we look and feel and present ourselves to the world, there’s always something which we’re not confident about personally. Of course that item tends to change or migrate as we live our lives.

Insecurity doesn’t always disappear. It merely shrinks, grows, moves, and in the worst cases are blatantly transferred to others through bullying or the negative words we use against them.

With that said, the wrong guy, KNOWS your soft spot or spots. He’s clever at finding them.

He’ll reinforce your strengths while at the same time secretly playing your weakest areas which masks what he’s really doing.

You might then consider how spotting a player like this, unless you’re only interested in sleeping with him anyways, is practically impossible.

How can you know without a doubt whether or not he’s only saying these wonderful things just to sleep with you or he’s showing a genuine interest?

Classic player moves. This plays on her weakness. They key “moves” are generally used to have a woman acting outside of her stronger role and has her doing things against her intuition and they are ALWAYS by his rules.

Signs You Have Met A Player and The Games He Uses On You.


First of all, if you have slept with him already and he becomes a different person, disappears, or seems to alter his behavior by side-stepping the next step, then you might already have guessed, you WERE played.

Secondly, I could ask you to not take compliments as a genuine appreciation of your beauty but where does that lead men who are lovely admirers and believe it’s in everybody’s best interest to share their feelings with you?

Truth be told, minus the sex of course, lots of guys who are attracted to you will tell you they like you, they will do sweet things for you, and they will try to memorize important facts about you because to them, it’s their way of showing you how much they do care.

Where does that leave us in figuring out if you’re being played or not?

It is the final part… sex?

Probably not because so many of us love sex and just because we’re dating and sleeping with a few women, one night stands, or looking for a little sweaty intimacy doesn’t prove we’re players or that we are trying to play you, it just means we’re probably healthy, normal guys with sexual desires who are more than likely (if we’re real men) open about it to those who ask appropriately.

I believe if you want to spot a player you have to dig a little into his character.

…if you’re ever looking for something more “long-term” with a guy, it would be best to avoid his place on the second date.

This Guy A Player? The Game He Might Playing If He’s Just Wants Sex

His moral compass. How does he live his life? Who his friends are? How he treats those around him. Whether or not he’s willing to share his friends and family and his private information with you.

His strange ability to have secrets wrapped in secrets and when you pry too much, steers the conversation quickly and often places blame on YOU for asking.

He’s a drama king often surrounded by troubled women who just don’t seem to get him. At least that’s what he tells you when you accidentally bump into one.

He’s dated and slept with every girl at work the “other” guys wish they had and blames the break up on them. How they were too needy, too demanding, too messed up for his liking.

He plays the “poor poor me” role all to well. Using your nurturing and empathy against you so he can climb in your pants and catapult out of your life quickly because he can’t handle another heartache. ( Granted this one might be reserved for the pleasant to look at guys.)

He’s a “but” guy always talking about HIS future which rarely if ever includes you BUT things just don’t work out for him the way he wants. More of the “po po me” shit but with a twist, he acts like he wants something out of life.

He’s not like everyone else. He’s different when he’s with you. He makes you feel like you’re the only one he opens up to yet he refuses to do anything about getting in a relationship. He’s on standby circling and circling and circling and never seems to land.

I believe the ONLY way to spot a real player and not just some guy who just happens to be good with women and likes to be with them comes down to his honesty. How upfront he is with you about his life and what he wants from it.

Players tend to steer you away from getting too much information which might reveal that he’s only interested in sex. Mind you that’s different from a guy who blatantly tells you or his actions are telling you he doesn’t want anything more. In that case you’re NOT being played.

Again, search for his character any way you can because it’s (almost) impossible to hide.

“…meet a real player. I mean this guy was ruthless. He had women fighting over him. He hid certain ones. He used them to make the tougher ones jealous. He talked about his success with other guys.

Three Types Of Guys Who Do Play Games – Does That Mean ALL Men Are Playing You?

Players reveal their hand through character flaws which might be too easy to overlook. Or easily overlooked because you don’t want to believe it because you might think, this time he’s different… with you. How those “other” girls were not for him anyways.

Players also reveal their hand when they “play” on your weaknesses, those soft spots I mentions above. Real guys just don’t do that.

Players PLAY with you.

Real guys have FUN with you.

Spot the difference and you just might never have to ask the top question again, “Why Do Guys Tell You They Like You, Do Sweet Things and Memorize Everything You Say, If They Only Want To Sleep With You?”

You might have a better chance at finding a guy who will show you how much they like you, do sweet things, memorize everything about you, and sure the sex will come but it’s not the only thing he’ll want from you.

If you have any experience in players or have been played yourself, I want to hear about it below.

About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

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14 comments… add one
  • Nikki

    I’m dealing with my Ex. He’s a true Player. But when he met me, he met his match. We fell madly in love. But he was still cheating. One time, I got him back, and cheated on him. He didn’t leave me, he just made me “pay” for 3 days. He said no one ever cheated on him. Then I broke up with him, for the other guy. I thought he would always love me. I was wrong. For the next 10 years, he played with me and broke my heart. Acting like he wanted to get back. Maybe he did. But he never followed through.
    I can’t figure out why he still contacts me? Is it just to see if I will contact him back? Because when I do, then he plays me and disappears. When I ignore him, he keeps calling. Does he really still want me, and is afraid? Or just wants his ego boosted every 6 monthes?

    • Peter White

      It’s probably a little of everything Nikki.

      Needs the Ego boost. Found you to be an amazing challenge. One that got away. He still wants you and when he feels lonely, ignore, down, insecure, probably calls you to prove to himself who he is (or was).

      He’s going through some changes and chances are, his feelings for you has changed too. Into exactly what is hard to tell but since he keeps contacting, you’re definitely a part of that change AND he still feels something for you.

      Players tend to be afraid and use women to fill a void that they don’t know how to do themselves, or refuse to admit there is a void.

      Chances are, you became a part of all that void and will continually come back, searching.

      Hope that helps you out a little,


  • Taurus

    Hi pete..ur articles are sooo guudd ..Why do guys love working out ? The guy i met says he is shy but has a great body through working out…i need some understanding on this…cos i am a shy person and i look physically gud without workouts and i am comfortable with how i look..how do shy men differ in their idea of this…?

  • J

    Last winter I started talking to a guy. He broke up with his girlfriend for me. We casually dated for a couple of months. He admitted to be a player but I shut down every move he made, meaning I didn’t give him the reactions he wanted when he would be immature, or talk with other girls. I didn’t let him walk all over me either. I was going through the worst times in my life personally and mentally and he had a “breakup” so it’s understandable why we ended up not working well the first time. We had a terrible fall out, because of distance, he pushed me away badly, and broke my heart. We didn’t talk all summer and he had a new girl in his life. In the fall, he and this girl ended, and he came back into my life. We reconnected, would talk all the time, he apologized for his behavior and how he treated me, we intimately reconnected at a party. I told him that he’s just using me for drunk and meaningless sex, and he said that wasn’t true. The next few weeks, friends of his has confronted me telling me how this guy is really gushy about me to them and his roomies. Him and I are literally perfect together after the summer. We had a great time spending time together a week before Christmas, but literally in the middle of hanging out he emotionally and physically shut me out. He would barely look at me, talk to me, didn’t want to touch me. I knew I didn’t say anything or pressure him to do anything that would make him be mad at me. His roomies said that I didn’t do anything and “that’s just him for ya”. I asked him what was wrong and he said “don’t worry about it”. I gave him space, I wished him Merry Christmas, and he was very short with me via text. He’s also flirting with girls through social media. I know this is complicated but what gives haha? Is he just an immature guy who has caught too strong of feelings for me and doesn’t want them? Or am I being cocky? Or delusional? The mixed signals are driving me insane. We have a very deep connection. And I love him. I just wish I could know the truth.

    • Peter White

      Yeah, sounds like a tough one J.

      Chances are he has internal issues he’s dealing with which are related to Christmas and the holiday season. Probably has low self-esteem. A lot of players do and as they try to fill it from an outside source, women, it all comes crashing down when it doesn’t work.

      I’m sure he doesn’t feel “worthy” of you or your love. That normally causes guys to go blank abruptly. It’s not in his “normal” habits to allow himself to be vulnerable to a woman by telling her how he’s feeling about everything.

      Remember, you mentioned you didn’t act like the other girls, you didn’t give him the reactions he might have expected, you didn’t let him walk all over you, BUT after all he’s done to you, “We had a terrible fall out, because of distance, he pushed me away badly, and broke my heart. “ you still sort of took him back. Which kind of goes against everything so far. Not at all bad for you I suppose but in his mind, it puts you on a pedestal. Almost like you’re too good for him. Almost like he might believe he’s not deserving of you. And the build up once again happens until he either explodes, or shuts off.

      Now I’m NOT a therapist. So don’t believe for one minute I have all this figured out.

      BUT I do know men. I DO know players. I do know if he does have strong feelings for you and doesn’t feel worthy of them, you’re going to get some strange actions up to and including cheating, flirting with other girls, self-sabotage, emotional flare up, self-loathing, self-pity, etc…

      Personally I don’t see any mixed signals. Believe that or not. He’s acted consistent with who he is (on the inside) the whole time. What you see as “mixed” is just a guy who has some guilt for using women BUT women keep coming to him and giving him every chance to be someone better than HE thinks he can be BUT until he believes it for himself, that I’m afraid will never happen.

      Hope that is not too much of a mixed answer for you J.

      All the best,


  • Amba

    Hi Peter i need help to figure out if my guy is a player. He is from Germany and new to Australia and we met online. While messaging he seemed cold and direct but we did have a date a few weeks later. We did make out on the bench hehe. He was nice and sweet and apologized for ignoring me on the train because he was messaging his mum about his grandmothers death. We talk everyday but it is not information to get to know each other. The topic came up about moving and i mentioned im looking for places to live, he offered me to live with him, share the room and his bed. He also mentioned he needs to move in may and wanted to know if i would move in may with me (we havent slept together). Please help me haha

  • Tristopher

    Hi Pete,

    So I’ve been reading your blog post and I have gotten some great pointers, but I’m still struggling to figure this guy of mine out! The man I’m talking too now is someone I went out with 4times last year but we slowly fizzled out because I felt he just wasn’t serious or ready for commitment and I was so I didn’t want to waste neither of our time. I later starting dating another man and entered into a relationship with him for nearly 5-6 months, I started feeling that relationship had tan its course and wasn’t going to amount to anything further than it was and started doubting it. Well the guy I was interested in before him started texting me out of the blue and telling me how much he missed me, and wanted to see me again . I explained to him I was in a relationship and couldn’t and I apologized and left it be. He was persistent in at least texting me at least once or twice a week , just to chat and see how I was all while still making it known he missed me. Eventually I broke up with my boyfriend (not because of him) but because our relationship had fizzled out to barely seeing each other and communication was dead. Well I waited a few weeks to even tell this other guy I had broken it off with my BF. Which I’m glad I did , he stepped back for a while with talking to me and started focusing on some personal issues in his life with work and his daughter. But once he got it resolved he started texting again. We spoke and planned a night to see each other which he flaked out on for whatever “personal reason” he had but apologized several times about. I was flat out blunt with him and told him that I wasn’t playing dating games with him. I would be planning to date other guys so if he was interested in me he needed to make it known, that I refuse to be his booty call girl and not to waste my time cause I would read through his bs and walk away. He informed me that he didn’t want me dating anyone else that he was serious about me and he was all in for pursuing a relationship with me. Ever since I’ve known this guy he has not been one to text a whole lot or call. He says what he needs to then he gets back to working on whatever project he is working on . I went over to his place this past weekend and helped him with a building project he is doing for his little girl and he talked to me some about what to expect with him and his schedule with his daughter… He kept thanking me for coming over and just being with him even though he was busy trying to finish the project for his little girl before she come back home this week. He asked me to stay the night with him and I did… We have always been physical but we always knew that was all it was at the time but he had never asked me to stay all night with him after we had sex till this past weekend. The thing that kills me is I feel he is being honest with his intentions but yet guys today are seriously so good at playing I do have a issue deciding if he is for real or not… I left him Sunday morning and he said he would text me later , he never did … I text him twice and no response …( it bugs me but yet I know that’s just how he had always been) I guess I figured if he was serious about me he would communicate with me .. Period and I shouldn’t have to text him first or wait a day or too to hear from him. Maybe I’m wrong in my thinking I don’t know , but to me a relationship is to end the mind games … I want to trust he wants to be committed to me and I don’t want to have a great weekend with him and be completely honest and blunt with him about what I want so he knows if he can’t give it then don’t waste his or my time. And we did have a great weekend so to have my messages ignored baffles me completely … Am I letting my past relationships make me feel insecure with his lack of communication ? Should I be nonchalant about it and just talk to him when he finds “time” to message me or am I wrong in feeling like maybe he is wasting my time?

  • Shoshanna

    The worst thing about real players – at least from my experience – is that sex is not enough for them. They don’t only want to get to your pants. The really horrible ones want to break you, leave you devastated, because ‘the more you suffer the more you care’. I have been briefly involved with one recently and I only wanted casual sex myself! So that would be fine, even with a player, you’d think. Wrong. Because for him it turned out to be incredibly frustrating, that I am fine with just sex, that I don’t care about other girls… That I don’t trust him and that I see through his games. He started to see me as a competition, I suppose, and turned to a real, abusive jerk. Just sharing some thoughts…

    • Peter White

      Interesting point – good to know. I’ll add it to my up and coming sub-type of guys pages which honestly I am having a difficult time finishing. One page for each one, The jerk, The Bad Boy, The Player, and the Nice guy. Keep your eyes out for it.

  • Mat

    I liked the advices you are giving here,mine is that I was married and divorced due to the issues we had. Then came in this boyfriend promising all sorts of things and was taking a good care of me and my kids,suddenly went to work outside the country and he changed he really broke my heart coz I am sure he was seeing other girls coz he would spend a month or weeks without communicating. Now he is back he would come to my place and then back to his place and doesn’t want me to go to his place. He is not interested in sex like before and even taking me out nor taking good care like before. He always ask for advice about his future things and when home will call me telling me how his goats n cows are. So who is he a player or what coz I don’t understand him

  • Soriya

    I had a guy checking me out like 3 times in like 30 mins while buying ice cream.He keeps staring and staring.I know he was checking me out because that it was only me and him in the Frozen Foods isle in the store.Later on I bumped into him again with his girlfriend,and he looked ashamed /or embarrassed. His girlfriend looks nothing like except we share the same race.I gave him and his girlfriend a big smile.

  • Kay

    Love your articles, they’re really helpful!
    The more I read the more I realize.. maybe I should have been a man?! My friends are always telling me that I act like a guy and the older I get the more I start to see it.
    I have a big problem with commitment and whenever I meet a guy I get really close to them, convince myself I like them and by the second date decide I don’t.
    Some people say it’s because I haven’t met ‘the one’ but I’m almost 30 and i have very little desire to find him. Truth is, I love the start of relationships- getting to know guys, have them chase me, and when I know I can have them I run away.
    I guess what I’m trying to ask is- will I be like this forever?! Do players (guys or girls) grow out of it?

    • Peter White

      Thank you Kay. Glad you like them and I appreciate you letting me know they’ve helped you.

      Sure players “grow” out of it all the time.

      I think when you’re ready – you’ll find a way to make it happen.

      I also slightly agree with the people you mentioned but I don’t see it as not meeting the one.

      I think you just haven’t met a man who truly KNOWS how to challenge you. That’s why you get bored and move on to the next.

      The RIGHT guy WILL offer you a never-ending challenging and fun time so you don’t feel like you’ve won. He won’t chase you all that much. He won’t ever make you feel like you “get him”. He’ll constantly make you work a little harder for him. And lots of other “good” things too.

      Now… stop playing guys please. 🙂 I have enough men to “fix” without you messing up all my hard work. Hahaha!!!

      Seriously – you’ll find (if you’re willing, ready, and open to meeting a new type of guy) you don’t need to grow out of it. It will happen all by itself.

      Thanks again and all the best,

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