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Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men

in Dating, Game Playing
Will It Drive Him Crazy If You Ignore Him? The Problem of Ignoring Men post image

Man or woman, no one actually likes to be ignored.

With a catch though – the person being ignored must actually care because ignoring someone who couldn’t care less is more or less, doing them a favor.

With regards to attraction – it can be seen as a game, a test, or call it a validation.

For example:

“If I ignore him and he does nothing – he must not care.”

“If she’s ignoring me – she must be seeing someone else.”

Crazy as all this seems it becomes an internal struggle to validate whether or not someone gives a shit ( or not. )

It’s used to illicit a response and we’re hoping ( mostly ) it’s a positive statement that someone DOES care.

The strange part is – a guy can ignore a woman purposely or by accident or by being too busy and wrapped up in his own affairs to notice the things around them.

A guy can also ignore a woman because he’s trying not to appear needy or desperate.

The more approval seeking the guy, the more attention he needs, the more he’ll absolutely hate being ignored while a man on the other end might not care as much or at all. Why Do Guys Hate Being Ignored?

For him – it’s merely a way to keep his attraction in check. He trying to NOT scare her away like he did with all the rest.

This guy – it may go without saying BUT, if you ignore him back you more than likely going to amp up his attraction AND drive him crazy.

Two things which rarely go well together for the less than stable man.

A guy can ignore a woman by accident.

Yes, it does happen.

Both could be at fault or maybe there’s another woman who is catching his attention more.

Just maybe he’s not feeling it enough to notice you – or some other woman is capturing his attention and doing things which make HER more irresistible.

In other words his attention is diverted – and whether he knows it is happening or not is another thing all together.

Ignoring THIS guy won’t drive him crazy – it will probably push him on to someone else all too easily.

A guy can also ignore a woman because he’s so self-involved to see what is going on around him.

He’s always wrapped up in his own world, maybe a little selfish, maybe a little determined to find his way, or yes, it pains me to say it but not really socially inept enough to notice he “appears” to be ignoring the people around him.

No matter how it happens his focus never seems to be in the right place at the right time.

It’s narrowed to one thing at one time and if you’re not in his cross-hairs it can feel very personal.

Like he’s doing it to you on purpose.

Ignoring a guy like this won’t drive him crazy because he won’t even notice it’s even happening. It becomes a waste of your valuable time.
So where does all this testing or game playing come from?

Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but… What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

As stated above – it’s an internal struggle for validation.

If you didn’t care it wouldn’t matter.

We ALL want to be heard when we feel we have something to say or share.

It also depends on the nature of the relationship or our connection to the world around us.

In a relationship it’s important to be heard but it’s probably MORE important we’re being understood.

Therefore the “ignorance” hurts twice. They don’t even understand how much it hurts to be misunderstood while we’re being ignored.

In our connection to the world or people around us – it feels lonely…

No one notices us.

No one cares.

It’s frustrating.

Like we don’t even matter or if we were to disappear off the face of the earth it wouldn’t matter or make a difference.

Therefore the internal struggle continues as we reach out for validation in any way, shape, or form.

From the loud-mouth characters to the game playing attention seekers to the young girl looking to get back at Daddy by dating your lovely host ( me ) … and the list goes on…

Whereas in attraction something else happens, doesn’t it? Or is it any different?

What, we’re not GOOD enough for them???!!!

Why won’t they notice me???!!!

I ignore her and she comes running to me, I show a little interest and she runs away – confusing beyond frustration.

He’s ignoring me on purpose – it must mean he likes me.

It either causes us to re-focus our mind to something less distracting and hurtful or causes us to lash out for attention to validate how something “should be” because we believe it “must” be.

These are valid reasons why people don’t like to be ignored.

The double hurtful thing…

It’s one thing to NOT be heard but it hurts worse to be misunderstood.

Some go the desperate needy way – hoping someone will give us a chance.

Some go the sexual way – sleeping with person after person hoping the sex will make the pain go away. A quick fix to an apparently long-term problem.

Some go the commitment route – if we’re dating, we’re in the relationship “clause”. In a relationship, you’re NOT supposed to be ignored – whereas while dating it’s not uncommon to go a week or two without talking.

Some move towards physical validation – Look at me!!!! Seriously… look at me dammit!!!

Mostly ( I guess ) guys do it by being loud and obnoxious, get in fights, overly state how their opinions are more right than yours. Whistle at you. Holler at you. Remark on your feminine wares or womanly body parts.

Girls can do that too but may have found more effective means such as showing off their sexually feminine and alluring body parts. πŸ˜‰

The whole ignoring thing is not one simple answer, I’ll give it that.

BUT…

I still feel it’s a personal thing…

We FEEL like we’re not being heard or understood giving more importance to the person or people who are doing it to us.

The answer, if there was one – is not to simply avoid seeking the truth of the ignorance.

That would be absurd to ask.

If we understand or agree, whether it’s a test, a game, or an internal struggle to become validated…

We’re the ones giving “ignorance” the power to control us or affect us then we can begin to see it for what it really is.

If it’s a guy… who is just trying to look better in front of a woman he likes – it’s not really a bad thing – it may be sad BUT it can also be cute. If we or you let if affect you in that way.

If it’s a group… who won’t let us play in their “reindeer games”, well we can always find a better group who won’t exclude us. Fuck ’em! πŸ™‚ We’ll make our own fun and games.

If it’s by accident or done by the unknowing because they’re too wrapped up in their own world… it should NOT affect us negatively. We can reach out or poke them. Wake their asses up to something more exciting.

So… after all this will it drive a guy crazy to ignore him, as much as to amp his attraction up?

Or does it really involve something deeper is going on and we must look, understand, or engage a secret part of why it matters so much that some “dude” is ignoring us?

For some men, yes, it will drive his attraction higher IF he feels like he’s being minored on purpose. I can’t recommend its direct usage but I can certainly say… Give him the proper space and silence at just the right time and it WILL have amazing results.

Just do that on your own terms by just being too busy or self-involved in your own agenda and never do it just to play him.

Either way, it ALWAYS involves something deeper. We’ve already seen all the implications in this short article alone.

We’ve also already seen or been shown how it’s more internal than external.

No one actually likes or prefers to be ignored and again, the person being ignored must actually care because ignoring someone who couldn’t care less is more or less, doing them a favor.

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Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. πŸ™‚ Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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17 comments… add one
  • Missy

    Hi Peter:
    There is a man at work who useto talk to me a lot. We became good friends. As time went on, I think we both began to develop feelings. Hes separated. I would say in February, he became distant. He wouldn’t talk to me. As time went on, I began to step back and figured he wasn’t interested. In April, he began to come around again. Now, he has stepped back. I think hes trying to work it out with her. He seems angry. I know its not me. Can it be cause shes making him work on their relationship and he doesn’t want to?

    • Peter White

      Hi Missy,

      That sounds like a question you should be asking him, not me.

      You “think” he developed feelings for you but he did nothing to show it through action, words, or both.

      If a guy only comes to you “as a friend”, then it’s highly likely that’s all he wants which gives him every reason to back away and come back and back away. Men who are fully interested in a woman don’t normally act that way. They take action. They DO something about it.

      Since he only comes to you as a friend, then asking him the personal question you asked me (about him) is where you will find your answer.

      By focusing on all his actions you’re only avoiding yourself and the the things you have control of… you.

      Pete

      • Patricia

        If those actions of ignoring someone is intended to stop someone in their tracks then I would say proceed on until they have the courage to speak their mind. So text, call, or visit however all of this is done in moderation however never give up on your desires is what I say!

  • Star

    Hi Peter,

    I am currently using the No Contact Rule on my ex boyfriend. I told him that I did not want to be friends, that we should go our separate ways so I could move on. Less than a week now from last Friday. He called and messaged me last Sunday. To which I didn’t respond or contact him back, but read the message.

    He called me and messaged again yesterday afternoon, Wednesday the 25th. I read the message late.

    This morning, he messages again and says, “I see you read the message and guess you don’t want to reply. Guess its really over then. Goodbye and take good care of yourself. ”

    I’m assuming he didn’t know that I read his first message.

    What should I do now?

    I want him back and to make it work. Should I wait to see what he does, or contact him?

    Making him sweat or fear losing me and wanting to get back together is the goal, but what if it does the opposite?

    Any insights?

    Thanks,

    Star.

    • Peter White

      Hi Star,

      I’m assuming you broke up with him but either way it’s obvious to me he wants to get back together with you. Otherwise he would not have replied with this, “guess you don’t want to reply. Guess its really over then. Goodbye and take good care of yourself.”

      My insight is that you’re going about this the wrong way. Doing this “Making him sweat or fear losing me and wanting to get back together is the goal” is not how you communicate in a relationship. It’s a game. A bad game which might not do the opposite now but sooner or later, because of these broken lines of communication, will eventually cause more problems.

      Sure fear is a great motivator but it’s no way to start or rekindle a relationship. A man who acts solely out of fear of reprisal hasn’t really learned anything.

      Sure, giving space is necessary for couples to realize they want to be together BUT only when it’s agreed upon and happens naturally does it have a positive impact.

      Forcing these things only opens up more negativity, doubt, mistrust, and anything else you can think of.

      Of course I have no idea what caused the break up but that doesn’t change the fact that HOW you communicate with your partner is one of the most important skills any couple can learn. Feeling attracted is easy. Getting together is relatively easy and happens a lot. Staying together, growing together, being capable of getting through the fights or “low points” or the moments where your relationship is tested requires communication skills.

      Unfortunately those skills are rarely taught and it’s up to each one of us to seek out someone to show us how.

      While this is still up and relevant please read this and then watch the video because I believe it will pertain to your situation a lot more than it might seem at first.

      http://archive.aweber.com/whydoesaguy/5rf.a/h/The_Steps_To_Creating_Intense.htm

      Hope it all works out for you,

      Pete

  • Angela

    Hi Peter,

    I am really going through a painful situation. My bf and i are expats, we have live for 6 yrs together, its not a smooth relationship but somehow a worthy one.

    We recently seperated mutually because we both encountering a huge financial problems. I went back home for temporary and he is still stayed in that country. He went back to his well to do Ex whom he has a long time relationship to before me. He said he is needs to do this for temporary because he really needs to depend into someone financially. I have seen how hard hits our lives where we came to the point that all his friends couldnt really help him also because of their own issues which is understandable.

    At some point i really pity & understand him coz i know that no one can really help him on his situation right now but this girl. This girl loves him so much that despite of the 20 yrs– she knows him even if he has cheated and fooled her so many times, she still cares and accepts him with open arms.

    He told me once he will find a better job or cracked a business deal- he will take me back and help me again which i know it’s genuine coz we have gone through a minor problems before similar to this but different reasons, he has really took me back and live together again.

    But the thing is– with the current situation it is more painful and no matter how hard i try, it really breaks my heart so much. I am trying to understand the situation but still it hurts so bad. It breaks my sleep because of nightmares abt him and that girl. It completely makes me wana loose myself. ?

    Now because he is staying with this girl. Our communication is limited. Its actually ok for me to send chat messages to him as often as i want. But only when he is free he can answer. And as much as i am dying to send him messages and wanting to hear his recorded voice or request pictures from him, i am also trying to limit myself because at some point im also considering and wanted to give a little respect to the other girl.

    Please if you have any good advise or insights about my situation,,, i really badly needed it from a guys perspective… I dont know if its okay to show neediness. I want him to be afraid of loosing me… ??? although he is doing a little to effort to ensure sending me a message in a day whenever i dont seems to communicate. This situation is really breaking my heart, coz no matter how hard i try i am still holding on…. Coz everyday he is telling me to understand our situation and hold on coz he will take me back. Im tired of the pain. ???
    I hope u can really help me and will appreciate so much for any advice.

    Thanks,
    Mi Amor

  • Alina

    Hi,
    There’s a guy in my class. Initially I had no affection for him. Gradually , he showed interest in me and used to give mixed signals .. Later I fell for him. We used to share great understanding , similar interests etc. , used to spend much time from gym to class. He told me I was best and perfect and he also used to share about his family and future goals.
    Then I expressed my feelings for him.He became for caring for me but said that he doesn’t want to get into a relationship. I also made sure that my gestures shouldn’t choke him that I like him desperately.
    But 1 month back he started ignoring me out of no reason. Stopped attending my calls n kept some distance. When I asked him he again said he doesn’t want to do the obligations of a relationship.
    I was hurt because I never forced him neither I showed desperation.
    We stopped talking , later after a week I made an effort to end the friendship with a good note. But he reacted in a kiddish manner n didn’t listen to anything. It’s been a month we are not talking to each other. Now , I avoid making any eye contact , Ignore him at gym , class’es.
    I just need to know why he’s doing this n whether he had feelings for me or not.

    • Caramel

      Alina, don’t worry much about this guy. Just thank God that you didn’t get really close to him and then he bailed. I know you are hurt, but believe me when I say this, the pain will subside. Just keep being the beautiful woman that you are. And, most importantly keep acting like he doesn’t exist. You’ll find a man who values you and who would never treat you like that. And, yes he did care. But, perhaps he’s trying to focus on other things in his life, like school. He may be afraid that he was falling for you and he backed away before things got too deep for him. I do believe at some level he did care. Of course, unless he’s a robot. But it seems he clearly have other priorities. And, unfortunately right now he’s not interested in making you one. So live your life beautiful woman! And find out what the world has to offer….God bless;-)

  • Mickey

    Hi Peter,

    My boyfriend of 2 months left 5 days ago for a business trip and I haven’t heard from him since (I was the last one to text him, asking about his flight, and he never responded). Obviously, I am upset that he hasn’t responded and also hasn’t texted me since then. He regularly texts me every day. Should I ignore his texts when he returns? Or promptly respond?

    • Caramel

      Mickey, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe something truly happened to him. I wouldn’t initiate any type of communication thus far. Wait for him. It may seem really hard not to contact at first, but it’ll get easier as time progress. When he does contact you, I would hear him out. He may have a rational excuse. But, if it sounds like bull, then it’ll be left up to you to evaluate the relationship. Either way remember your worth. You’re worth more than rubies. And, he has to see that.

  • Aniah Holston

    Hi Peter,
    I’m a teenage girl and this boy and I have a good connection, we know like everything about each other basically best friends. He and I don’t really have a label but like we kinda have a thing. But the thing is that he has a on/off girlfriend. Now I thought they broke up again so I started talking to him but he told someone else that him and her were together, but she said that they’re not dating. I’m just upset because he kinda lied to me and I really just am kinda in love with him but he is stuck on her. And when I ignored him trying to see if he would come and talk to me, he didn’t but I know he was thinking about because he was staring at me the other day. So like what should I do, go talk to him or……

    • Peter White

      Hi Aniah,

      Take it from my very personal experiences… if you’re into someone who is into someone else and won’t give that up to pursue you – FIND each and every way to find someone else and let it go. A simple answer which is hard to accomplish but it IS possible.

      You do not EVER want to be some guys second choice… ever.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • ghost

    I have a girl friend, we have been dating for 3years, communication seems great , we do have ups and down, but lately she has been complaining over irrelevant issues , due to some distance we have, she suddenly drops the communication to not calling me more frequently like she does and i kept calling because i cant do without talking to her, i asked severally to know if i did something she kept saying nothing and keep getting at me in a rude manner even in the midst of her friends. I guess she found a new guy right? or should i just try my best to stop caring about her. I want to know. Kindly help with an answer on what to do .

    • Peter White

      What makes you thing she found a new guy? The way you’re acting towards her may not push her into some other guy but it will certainly cause her to not want to talk with you as much as the past.

      Now… is she complaining about irrelevant issues with you or just generally complaining? I can tell you lots of people need to vent. Let it happen. Let them get it out. Don’t offer unnecessary advice or down-play their complaints. Just offer an ear to listen and let it be.

      If she’s complaining about you (consistently) and more than usual then it’s often a sign something else is wrong.

      I can tell you asking women in these situations if “you” did something wrong will not give you the result you’re looking for. She will say you “should” already know what you did wrong or not even bother answering your question. You’ve already experienced that.

      First, don’t assume her complaints have anything to do with you unless she’s using specific examples. When a woman vents, again, let it happen.

      Second, this is long distance right? So when she stops calling or texting so much, do NOT double your effort to get a response from her. Give her space. Don’t become so needy and desperate because again, you’ll only make things worse.

      Who knows, maybe you two are done, maybe you’re not. Anything is possible and since I don’t know your whole story I have no idea what started all this.

      BUT I can say is that HOW you’re handling things and the attitude of ” I guess she found someone else” AND “I should stop caring about her” AND Begging for answer when she keeps saying nothing is wrong is not going to work. Getting women to speak their mind is simply a matter of listening better and hearing what their saying and letting them work it all out in their words – first- BEFORE you jump to any conclusions.

  • Jessica Moreno

    Hi Peter,

    So my ex boyfriend and I started talking again after a few months since we broke up. I’ve noticed that whenever I text him first or call him he seems distant. Almost like he would rather prefer that I don’t talk to him at all. We’ve talked about our past relationship and what went wrong from both of our sides and I want to say that maybe we do want to try again. The problem is that I feel that I’m the one putting in the work this time and if I suggest that we meet up it makes me look desperate.

    I do want him back though. I’m just scared that if I put myself out there, then he won’t want to be with me anymore for various reasons.

    Referring to the ignoring him part, there are some days where I don’t talk to him at all and then a few days later he’ll send me a random snap chat pic or message. If I keep distancing myself on the communication part, is it possible that he might contact me more?

    Also, what do you suggest for a girl who wants to get her ex back? Without her looking like a crazy person?

  • MP

    Great article. Very much enjoyed. 😊

  • Ellie

    Hey Peter,

    I’m a teenage girl and I have this guy friend who I really like. We’ve been good friends since fourth grade, and he’s always teased me. For a couple years in middle school we didn’t have any classes together, but now we both take drama and we are in a five-person acapella group together. He’s dated like five or six of my friends and I’ve dated like two of his friends.
    We always tease each other. He’s really popular, but he’s also smart. I’m I guess midway between popular and average. Also he has a type. And I’m not it. And he has a few other friends who are girls, and he flirts with all of us. It’s super confusing. I know he can be such a sweetheart sometimes, but he can also be like super mean sometimes.
    When he teases me, he’s always touching and hugging me, but today he was relentless in his teasing, and he’s been so confusing lately that I told him I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. And I ignored him for the rest of the day. In between classes and stuff, he was sudeenly always looking for me, and he would hug me and block my way to get a reaction. It didn’t work. Unfortunately, I really think he’s probably just leading me on for fun because his other girl friends can tell that I like him and they tease me about it.

    WHAT is he doing?!

    Please help me, from a guy’s pov.

    -Ellie

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