I am just wondering if it’s possible that a guy could be ashamed of liking you? Like perhaps he likes your personality and sense of humor but wouldn’t pursue you because he is embarrassed about the way you look (either you are overweight, not as appealing as he typically would date, different race/ethnicity, etc). Do looks always trump everything with guys? Would they hold back out of fear of what their friends/family might think?
What a great question and with so many ways to answer this question I don’t know where to begin, but I will try. 🙂 Read on as I sort it all out but I’ve also included a short answer for you at the bottom.
First this must be said, that is EXACTLY why I thought some women were turning ME down before. I just couldn’t believe or want to admit they didn’t have feelings for me. It had to be some other reason!
Lots of guys believe women turn down or refuse to admit their feelings for a guy because SHE is too embarrassed to be seen with him. More appropriately, what would her friends would say about her being with a guy they didn’t approve of. O:
Strange how sometimes men and women think alike when it comes to self-esteem.
Sadly enough, you’re somewhat right but there’s more to it when it comes to guys being ashamed or embarrassed.
Now I like to believe I’m different. In this case being “different” is a bad thing. A knock on my superficiality to a certain extent.
For me, looks do trump everything but only at first. That means I follow a pattern as I have since the very beginning.
Sight alone – when I see or meet you I’m either physically attracted to you a little or a lot. In other words you do NOT have to be some hot sexy model with a great body. It only takes a few or possibly one physical part that I’m attracted to.
“When you ask guys want they want in a woman you have to look past the normal responses like bigger boobs or delicately shaped firm butts, and you have to study his ever-longing love to be with the least dramatic woman in the world.” What Guy Doesn’t Want A Really Cool Girlfriend?
The personality – Just because you’re hot doesn’t mean I want to hook up with you short or long-term. Although I will admit sex IS more probable, you know for a one night stand, that is IF I’m that physically attracted to you and not much of anything else.
Truthfully, as I have aged and my “options” have grown beyond my time for them, personality and attitude has played a much greater role in the one night stand area.
More options means being more selective as far as personality goes and that’s true for lots of guys.
Long term qualification – Are we compatible? Can I see a future together? How do we get along in some of the areas where being close becomes a daily thing? How do you see or respect me? How do you judge me or how much and does that affect the way you see me?
“It’s clear I have a lot of doubt surrounding her and any future which might ultimately leave me… NOT interested but physically attracted.” Why He Might Be Attracted To You But Not Interested In A Relationship
All things considered, long-term qualification seems to have a greater impact than the rest and there’s way too much to cover all of that today.
You can see from the pattern above there’s no room for shame or embarrassment because if you don’t get past the first step, chances are you’re not going to be pursued by me.
Again, as I have aged I must admit there’s definitely been a HUGE decrease of letting other people’s opinions, including my family and friends, affect me one way or another. I assume that goes for lots of men too.
As we mature respectfully, because some guys NEVER do, we tend to care less about what others think about us and it affects us less.
Remember, what you just read is mainly how I have lived my life.
Yes. I turned down women or didn’t let myself get close to them IF I wasn’t in some way physically attracted to them.
The problem is or the reasons was … Personality, attitude and a sense of humor has never been enough to cause me to feel a deep enough attraction to chase a woman regardless of shame or embarrassment.
They are merely enhancements of something that already exists instinctively and their role determines qualification for something more long-term.
Meaning rarely ever will a guy ignore them just because of how a woman looks although I’m sure it happens. It’s just NOT the norm or average depending on the guy, his options, and his maturity.
“What most of the journals fail to take into account is what I feel the most important part of attracting men which has little to do with how she looks.” Are Guys Really Only Attracted To Looks Or A Sexy Body?
BUT and this is a huge one because this is where way too many women get confused about men and our lack of ability to control what we’re instinctively “physically” attracted to.
What I find attractive, what I see, is different than the guy next to me and so on although there always exists some similar or agreed upon attributes which seem to be universally attractive.
What attracts me is based on my genetic makeup and the specific point I am at in my life. It changes depending on how I feel, where I’ve been, who I’ve been with, and my balance and yes, my health too.
It is also affected by my early childhood including my Mother and Father and the role they played in my life.
Oddly enough it is also based on time, distance, and once again options.
Men who feel like they have less or no options tend to be more open to feeling attracted to a woman who makes them feel in the very least special.
The time and distant part is… if a man feels a little attracted to you and then for one reason or another is separated from you, will tend to have their actual physical attraction raised based on the images in their head and their emotional need to see you again. Something I recently covered in my newsletter.
Men ARE definitely into looks but it’s never the bigger picture of women that they feel attracted to.
“Some of them border on preferences meaning they vary in how they affect certain guys and they can change over time and the experiences a guy goes through.” The Top Ten Things That Guys Are Attracted To
We see pieces, parts, shapes, and for each and every man alive it varies so greatly it’s hard or impossible to determine one definitive definition of attraction. There’s just too many factors.
So yes, some men will refuse to chase or admit an attraction because of shame or embarrassment and as always, it’s dependent on their social status, where they are brought up, AND definitely their maturity.
I’d say their age and maturity tend to play the biggest part. If a guy just wants to fit in he’d be more likely to avoid getting too close to a woman who his friends would not approve of or find attractive.
BUT looks do NOT trump everything with MOST guys because within each of them exists their own definition of beauty and what he finds attractive.
In my long history 🙂 on this world, I’ve noticed beauty to a guy is ever-changing AND he only needs to be attracted just a little to a woman.
It’s what happens after, in what I call the “second stage attraction” that makes him either chase her or not or look for something more long-term or not at all.
And it’s in this “second stage attraction” is where love finds its way.
Your very short answers are: 🙂
- Is it possible that a guy could be ashamed of liking you?
Yes, but it’s rare and reserved for only certain types of men, social upbringing, and maturity.
- Can a guy actually be embarrassed by the way you look but still like your personality, just not enough to have him chase you?
Highly doubtful and extremely rare.
- Do looks always trump everything with guys?
Nope. Definitely not. It happens, yes, but most normal average men will prefer or become more attracted to you long-term in the second stage of attraction.
- Would a guy hold back out of fear of what their family/friends might think?
With regards to looks that is highly doubtful unless he is still very young AND/OR is considered to be extremely self-conscious.