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Why Do Guys…?

Are Guys Really Only Attracted To Looks Or A Sexy Body?

Man Attracted Physically Sexy Woman

In each man there is a trigger when switched on, causes him to feel attraction. This switch is stock issued at birth and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it.

A beautiful women to him - when representing a match to procreate successfully can bring about hormonal changes in his body.

Theses chemicals causes a reaction better known as attraction.

There are many difference of opinions on the strict definitions of attraction and attractive which need to be addressed:

Attraction - beyond control. It's triggered typically by sight - it just happens and a man has no real conscious control over it.

Attractive - is something he would call someone who he feels has certain features which is pleasing to the eye of who is looking at the person. Which means what you find attractive on a man or woman is not necessarily the same as someone else.

They are NOT the same and typically, what a man finds attractive changes throughout his life.

A man can find a woman attractive WITHOUT feeling attraction towards her. There have been plenty of woman who I would say they are attractive and can see how other men and women could feel attraction towards them - but nothing is triggered inside me when I look at them.

A man can also feel attraction towards a woman he doesn't find typically attractive because...

Attraction for men generally comes in two forms:

The PHYSICAL and the EMOTIONAL.

Both affect each other in select ways based on many factors.

This means a man can become MORE physically attracted to a woman (and often does) as his emotional attraction is engaged or triggered continually.

BOTH will also FEEL the same to a man  in the sense they are BEYOND HIS CONTROL as to how or when or if it happens.

Neither one of them is a CHOICE.

You'll find lots of arguments on both side with regards to what is more powerful BUT I believe (based on my observations and experience of being a man and studying both men and women) that his EMOTIONAL attraction is more powerful and drives men more forcefully in one direction or another.

(Feel free to prove me wrong in the comment section below because I am always willing to learn and grow and expand my mind and thoughts as long as it's discussed intelligently.)

MY proof is simply EVERYWHERE you look.

Observe some couples.

Observe some single men ogling some women.

You'll quickly notice some commonly agreed on "hot" woman getting her fair share of attention from lots of guys in a sexual manner BUT you won't see that high of a percentage of men willing (or able or capable) of connecting with her on an EMOTIONAL level which forms the basis of a REAL relationship.

A man will almost ALWAYS get into a relationship with a woman based on an emotional connection alone and rarely will on a physical one alone.

SEX is just not enough to get a REAL MATURE man to commit. I emphasize REAL and MATURE with reason.

Now you could argue that men are settling with women they find less attractive because they're compromising and merely getting with women who are on their own level in self-esteem, confidence, and looks which is not entirely wrong...

BUT I find it hard to believe that the vast majority of men are settling with women and are lying about how they feel about their looks.

The FACT is ANY type of woman can trigger a physical attraction in a man regardless if someone else will feel the same way. If he's triggered to feel it - he will; and although you will find similarities in every race or culture around the world - there's no definitive example of a woman who could physically attract ANY man.

HOWEVER - ALL equally assumed women in any culture can trigger a man's emotional attraction because:

And here's my "proof" ...

The EYES are merely one sense and most men use ALL their senses when it comes to an emotional attraction.

A man limited to one sense will only EVER feel a physical attraction. The rest is made up in his brain as being more than it actually is.

Such as a guy falling for a hot movie star he doesn't know. The emotional attraction he feels is certainly not real if they've never interacted in any way;  leading me to conclude his brain is doing something it does all too well - filling in the blanks based on past experiences and beliefs. In the same way you can still read a sentence where half the letters are missing.

An emotional connection NEEDS all of his available senses (in some part) to be fully triggered which generally equates to a REAL feeling of LOVE and the desire to want to commit based on that connection.

In one of my newsletters I open up a man's mind and dig deep exposing how a man he can feel like he's in love with a woman he's never been intimate with in any way.

Part of that is in his head, sure, but it also proves just how much a man needs to feel and experience before LOVE or the EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION happens.

And a pure physical one is NEVER enough to make that happen by any far stretch of the imagination.

Men are definitely NOT only attracted to looks or a sexy body.

I suppose you'll have to trust that I'm not writing this to be "nice". In reality I'm not THAT much of a nice guy anyways.

I'm not doing it to make the women I don't find sexually appealing FEEL better about themselves and give them the confidence they can still find a man despite feeling unattractive.

This is NOT a pep talk. I have plenty of those and sometimes I quite good at giving them.

The reality of my world is that I see lots of couples. Some are happy. Some are not. Some will stay together forever. Some will fall apart in less than a month. Some will drag out a relationship ten years past its expiration date. Some will stick around happy to be miserable together as they annoy each other to extreme every chance they get.

I find PEOPLE are amazing creatures. A beautiful blend of imperfections. Complex yet simple. Predictable in many ways while unpredictable in other ways.

BUT I do NOT look around and see that many ATTRACTIVE people (men and women) and even less that trigger my instinctual "birth given" physical attraction towards them.

That's MY reality. Maybe we live in the same one and you agree with me - maybe we don't and you'll fight me every step of the way.

With that bold statement - it's clear to me that looks, supposed and certainly biased attractiveness one see in another, can NEVER be the deciding factor that brings two people together.

Physical attractiveness is fleeting and clearly doesn't withstand the test of time. Our bodies literally fall apart as we age.

Physical attraction is unreliable, unpredictable, and far from something most would agree on with certainty.

HOWEVER...

EMOTIONS are not fleeting. They mature with age. They grow as we grow.

They are reliable to happen in a most predictable way for any non-sociopath, or relatively sane person.

Our emotions DRIVE us and they're easily detectable AND we all tend to agree on what they are without question too.

Making THEM the clear deciding element which brings people together be that man on man, woman on man, woman on woman, or whatever on whatever.

Back to men.

The emotional connection can build a physical attraction. A man can become more physically attracted to a woman once an emotional connection is made.

Imagine it's the same as how a little spark can grow into a raging fire when the conditions are set AND the right material is being used and ignited.

This ignition or process is commonly called CHEMISTRY.

The material used is communication.

The right way is attractive communication which challenges a man and triggers his emotional connection so the bonding (or fire starting stage) can build and rage on.

When a man experiences a physical attraction a certain pattern emerges in his brain which sets up the hormones to release and he FEELS every bit of it.

This powerful surge can not be kept up and needs to be replaced with something that can last longer. The body can not produce them indefinitely causing the man to look elsewhere for a more reliable source of the human made drug that make him feel good...

Hence the search for an emotional connection which feels similar and makes him believe it's all happening in a way which tells him - it's BEYOND HIS CONTROL.

THIS is my little PEP talk.

As stated above - physical attraction is unreliable and unpredictable.

Pure physical attraction can not withstand the test of time and ANY relationship entered on those terms alone are the most likely to fail.

Lots of chemistry and pure physical interactions burn out quickly because the right material is not used to kindle and stoke the fire so it can burn forever.

Once the fuel runs out, so does the fire. I think most would agree on that.

Chemistry alone doesn't work. Physical attraction alone doesn't work. Both used together often EXPLODES leaving nothing behind to continue the burn.

This is GREAT news because relationships and commitments require something which is more reliable AND that something is a skill of communication which CAN be learned therefore making them both a controllable burn - so to speak.

Here's the part which gets me in trouble.

Men are NOT good at learning the skill of emotional connection.

Their brains are certainly equipped to handle the job but most either refuse to learn it, don't know how to learn it, and are less willing to accept help finding a relationship or acquiring an exclusive commitment.

You'll find them looking in the wrong direction all too often and relying on their physical attraction to guide them even further down the wrong path.

All this simply means - you'll RARELY find a guy who knows how its done and is capable of making it happen. Something you have probably experienced many times in your life as you watch a guy get scared and run from the relationship (or "accidentally" destroy its likelihood to happen just before it does) leaving you scratching your head as you wonder what  just happened - was it something YOU did - or was it HIM or men in general.

This leads me to believe IF you want this emotional connection to happen between you and a man -  YOU have to find a way to trigger it yourself.

You can not WAIT for the right man who knows how to do the right thing to make it happen.

Yes - he has his part in all of it too. HIS responsibility is equal but just a little different but that's neither here nor there.

I believe this:

It's the sole responsibility of the communicator to get their point across to another person.

If you want to say something and have it perceived in the way you intend it to be taken - that makes it entirely up to you to get your point across in the most effective way.

THIS is where and how you can learn it from the best source I've found:

Natural and Lasting Attraction.

It's very specifically designed to show you HOW to EMOTIONALLY CONNECT with a man in the way mentioned above.

Produced by Christian Carter - (Free Newsletter Sign Up Page)

I'm not going to explain the details, they are all there on his page.

I will say - he shows you exactly how to communicate to a man in a way which will have him believing and feeling the same powerful stuff he gets from a physical attraction (as explained in my newsletter) but lasts longer and is more reliable.

The inevitable conclusion...

Physical attraction is triggered in a man and it's something he has no control over - by sight, it either happens or not.

Attractiveness is subjective and is rarely a reliable source to determine if it will trigger a man's attraction.

Emotional attraction is also triggered (through communication of many types) but tends to last longer because it is based on how one connects emotionally with another person.

It is my belief and something I've attempted to prove today that men are not just attracted to how a woman looks or a sexy body. Sure it happens but it's never enough or reliable or something which can easily be predicted to happen.

For a complete "attraction" to be triggered, emotionally and physically, ALL senses must be used and sight alone is never enough for that to happen.

You have every right and I will encourage any discussion to prove me wrong as long as we learn something and it is done intelligently.

Credits:

Photo:  Ana Maria Moroz

Today's recommendation to learn about how to emotionally connect with a man:

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
10 comments… add one
  • So Confused

    Hi Pete!
    Glad I ran accross your blog. Sounds like you fall somewhere in the middle. I was concerned men only went for bodies. I do believe I am an attractive woman but I don’t have a barbie doll figure. So then my question is: Do men ever date girls they are not attracted to or interested in more than once? I went on 3 dates with a guy I really liked. He was very flirty, affectionate, and kept saying how much he was attracted to me and how much fun he was having with me on all 3 dates. In the middle of the first date he asked me for a second date. The 3rd date we played it by ear because he had to work. It has been 2 weeks and he hasn’t asked me for a 4th date. We don’t talk or text everday. We have texted a few small texts every few days and just says he is working a lot (no I’m not text harrassing him or “trying” to determine if he likes me through texts or begging for a commitment to another date. Just stating have a good day and how are you?). I took this as he wasn’t attracted or interested in me and I should move on. My friends say a guy wouldn’t date and be affectionate with a girl if he wasn’t interested in or attracted to. Is that true? Was he attracted and interested in me or Is he blowing me off in a nice way? BTW…We only kissed.

  • cat

    but what if im not even a nurterer, im not feminine or girly and im not thee kind of person to stroke someones ego just so theyll like me, i feel like im a completely different type of female that no man would be interested in, ill never be the type who wears makeup and does my hair up all pretty or prances around giggling and drinking tea , i act quite alot like a man, i use strong language, i fart ,wear basic clothing, i speak in frank terms about whatever i want without being afraid of “unladylike topics” etc i see nno point in making a man “feel” like a man by acting dainty, or weak . i find that most guys are immediately turned off by my rough demeanor and open attitude. i fear i will never find a partner without having to change my personality and act like im someone else. any advice ?

    • Peter White

      Well hey Cat,

      I suppose my advice comes as more as encouragement with a tip.

      The tip: You don’t have to act dainty or weak or even all that feminine to make a man you desire feel more like a man. Remember, hetero men ARE wired to please women. Making a man feel masculine sexually is the easier part. The other is just allowing a man to be his masculine self without overstepping the bounds of who you feel you are.

      And you should never have to stroke a man’s Ego just to get somewhere with him.

      Now, men like all types. Yes ALL types. Just because you’re not the picture you believe is a typical female sure, might narrow your selection a little, but that does not mean no man is looking for someone like you.

      If how you dress doesn’t do it for you. You still have eyes which can be sexy and alluring to lots of guys. You have your voice and even if it speaks frankly and sometimes profane, STILL can present a luring tone to lots of guys too. You have female parts which tend to fir well with man parts. 🙂

      My suggestion would be to work in a little sexy attitude with men. It’s not the rough demeanor op open attitude which turns off men.

      But not using what you already have to tease and lure a guy in might hurt a little.

      Eyes, voice, the way you walk, how you present your inner sexiness you feel you have (if you’re not feeling it, find it first) and then show it off a little. Just hint at it. Guys will get it.

      There’s someone for everyone if you believe that everyone could be that someone.

      Wishing all the best Cat…

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • Helen

    Hi Peter,
    So can a woman’s value to a man be manipulated or are you done after the first impression? For instance if a man rates a woman as semi-attractive at first and keeps that opinion for a while can she change his mind? Or is she stuck in his impromptu classification?
    Thanks for your help,
    Helen

    • Peter White

      Hi Helen,

      Well I hate to use or say “manipulation” or to knowingly manipulate a situation SO, even without games, a woman can easily go from semi-attractive to something more in a guys eyes.

      You can do that by changing your look a little from time to time. You body language. Your eyes. How you talk to him. What you talk about it.

      There are a million different ways to appear more attractive to men and not all of them are physical.

      Women actually DO and already become more physically attracted to a woman well after the first impression. What we see at first is never the entire story in our minds.

      Pete

      • Helen

        Hello Peter,
        First and foremost, thank you! I have several guys I have a touch of a crush on and one of them is a guy that I’ve known for years. I have grown more attractive from weight loss and a change of dress and movements over the years and I was hoping it had a chance of making an impression upon him.
        If I may bother you for a third time: A) What are the odds it already has made an impression? B) If it hasn’t already made an impression might that abruptly change with some unforeseen improvement?
        Thanks for everything Peter, your a pretty incredible person. And thank you for your speedy response.
        Helen

        • Peter White

          You’re welcome Helen.

          I’d say most men, at some point, will notice so he already has. The odds very good. 😉

  • Sandra

    Hi!

    I have a different kind of question. Mainly for women the problem is that men want them physically but don’t want to commit. I have another story and I’m so confused, I need some answers.
    I met a guy about a half year ago. He is charming, funny and I really felt that he is my soulmate. He tried hard to get me. He did things that no one has ever done. He crossed the lines and gave everything to get my attention. Finally he got me. I just fell for him. We had really great time together, we had so much to talk about and we had so much in common! That’s why I think we were soulmates. He told me that it’s hard to find a woman like me with whom he has so much to talk about. Everything between us was great, our families loved us. BUT. It took about 2 months for him to kiss me. And that was when we were drunk. He didn’t try to get me in bed like every other guy does. At first I was impressed but as we didn’t have sex at all, I started to concern. In 4 months we had sex maybe 4? times. I spent lot of nights at his place. Slept completely naked next to him under the same blanket. But nothing. I don’t want to sound as ego but I know that I look good. I have beautiful womanish body with big breast, thight waist and beautiful peachy ass. Also I can’t complain about my face too as I get a lot of attention and have a lot of admirers.
    One night, after he told that he is tired as fuck and gonna fall in sleep immediately (like he said every night), I asked what is going on. What is the problem with his sexual life, is he asexual?. He told that he doesn’t feel physical attraction. He never felt it but as he also felt that I am something special and a woman with whom he wants to have kids (maybe he doesn’t know that for having kids we have to have sex, lol :D) He told that he had this kind of case some time ago, only one case. He ended the story right away but after regretted. This thing with me he wanted to last longer and he said that sex is something we can work on, that’s why he hasn’t folded. I have everything he has desired except sexual attraction. During our relationship we were really close. Kissed each other spontanously, hugged a lot, stayed physically together. How is it possible that he could have kiss with me but don’t want anything more. Doesn’t he have his own cravings? Of course he didn’t say that I don’t look pretty enough. He said that he don’t know what was it about. He wanted to continue with our relationship. There were many other little details but my main confusion is about he not wanting to have sex with me.
    My friends were sure that he is gay but I know him. There is really nothing, even the slightest detail to make me believe he is gay (expect that sexual life with me). Also he have had many girlfriends through years.
    What is your opinion?

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