In each man there is a trigger when switched on, causes him to feel attraction. This switch is stock issued at birth and there's absolutely nothing he can do about it.
A beautiful women to him - when representing a match to procreate successfully can bring about hormonal changes in his body.
Theses chemicals causes a reaction better known as attraction.
There are many difference of opinions on the strict definitions of attraction and attractive which need to be addressed:
Attraction - beyond control. It's triggered typically by sight - it just happens and a man has no real conscious control over it.
Attractive - is something he would call someone who he feels has certain features which is pleasing to the eye of who is looking at the person. Which means what you find attractive on a man or woman is not necessarily the same as someone else.
They are NOT the same and typically, what a man finds attractive changes throughout his life.
A man can find a woman attractive WITHOUT feeling attraction towards her. There have been plenty of woman who I would say they are attractive and can see how other men and women could feel attraction towards them - but nothing is triggered inside me when I look at them.
A man can also feel attraction towards a woman he doesn't find typically attractive because...
Attraction for men generally comes in two forms:
Both affect each other in select ways based on many factors.
This means a man can become MORE physically attracted to a woman (and often does) as his emotional attraction is engaged or triggered continually.
BOTH will also FEEL the same to a man in the sense they are BEYOND HIS CONTROL as to how or when or if it happens.
Neither one of them is a CHOICE.
You'll find lots of arguments on both side with regards to what is more powerful BUT I believe (based on my observations and experience of being a man and studying both men and women) that his EMOTIONAL attraction is more powerful and drives men more forcefully in one direction or another.
(Feel free to prove me wrong in the comment section below because I am always willing to learn and grow and expand my mind and thoughts as long as it's discussed intelligently.)
MY proof is simply EVERYWHERE you look.
Observe some couples.
Observe some single men ogling some women.
You'll quickly notice some commonly agreed on "hot" woman getting her fair share of attention from lots of guys in a sexual manner BUT you won't see that high of a percentage of men willing (or able or capable) of connecting with her on an EMOTIONAL level which forms the basis of a REAL relationship.
A man will almost ALWAYS get into a relationship with a woman based on an emotional connection alone and rarely will on a physical one alone.
SEX is just not enough to get a REAL MATURE man to commit. I emphasize REAL and MATURE with reason.
Now you could argue that men are settling with women they find less attractive because they're compromising and merely getting with women who are on their own level in self-esteem, confidence, and looks which is not entirely wrong...
BUT I find it hard to believe that the vast majority of men are settling with women and are lying about how they feel about their looks.
The FACT is ANY type of woman can trigger a physical attraction in a man regardless if someone else will feel the same way. If he's triggered to feel it - he will; and although you will find similarities in every race or culture around the world - there's no definitive example of a woman who could physically attract ANY man.
HOWEVER - ALL equally assumed women in any culture can trigger a man's emotional attraction because:
And here's my "proof" ...
The EYES are merely one sense and most men use ALL their senses when it comes to an emotional attraction.
A man limited to one sense will only EVER feel a physical attraction. The rest is made up in his brain as being more than it actually is.
Such as a guy falling for a hot movie star he doesn't know. The emotional attraction he feels is certainly not real if they've never interacted in any way; leading me to conclude his brain is doing something it does all too well - filling in the blanks based on past experiences and beliefs. In the same way you can still read a sentence where half the letters are missing.
An emotional connection NEEDS all of his available senses (in some part) to be fully triggered which generally equates to a REAL feeling of LOVE and the desire to want to commit based on that connection.
In one of my newsletters I open up a man's mind and dig deep exposing how a man he can feel like he's in love with a woman he's never been intimate with in any way.
Part of that is in his head, sure, but it also proves just how much a man needs to feel and experience before LOVE or the EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION happens.
And a pure physical one is NEVER enough to make that happen by any far stretch of the imagination.
Men are definitely NOT only attracted to looks or a sexy body.
I suppose you'll have to trust that I'm not writing this to be "nice". In reality I'm not THAT much of a nice guy anyways.
I'm not doing it to make the women I don't find sexually appealing FEEL better about themselves and give them the confidence they can still find a man despite feeling unattractive.
This is NOT a pep talk. I have plenty of those and sometimes I quite good at giving them.
The reality of my world is that I see lots of couples. Some are happy. Some are not. Some will stay together forever. Some will fall apart in less than a month. Some will drag out a relationship ten years past its expiration date. Some will stick around happy to be miserable together as they annoy each other to extreme every chance they get.
I find PEOPLE are amazing creatures. A beautiful blend of imperfections. Complex yet simple. Predictable in many ways while unpredictable in other ways.
BUT I do NOT look around and see that many ATTRACTIVE people (men and women) and even less that trigger my instinctual "birth given" physical attraction towards them.
That's MY reality. Maybe we live in the same one and you agree with me - maybe we don't and you'll fight me every step of the way.
With that bold statement - it's clear to me that looks, supposed and certainly biased attractiveness one see in another, can NEVER be the deciding factor that brings two people together.
Physical attractiveness is fleeting and clearly doesn't withstand the test of time. Our bodies literally fall apart as we age.
Physical attraction is unreliable, unpredictable, and far from something most would agree on with certainty.
EMOTIONS are not fleeting. They mature with age. They grow as we grow.
They are reliable to happen in a most predictable way for any non-sociopath, or relatively sane person.
Our emotions DRIVE us and they're easily detectable AND we all tend to agree on what they are without question too.
Making THEM the clear deciding element which brings people together be that man on man, woman on man, woman on woman, or whatever on whatever.
Back to men.
The emotional connection can build a physical attraction. A man can become more physically attracted to a woman once an emotional connection is made.
Imagine it's the same as how a little spark can grow into a raging fire when the conditions are set AND the right material is being used and ignited.
This ignition or process is commonly called CHEMISTRY.
The material used is communication.
The right way is attractive communication which challenges a man and triggers his emotional connection so the bonding (or fire starting stage) can build and rage on.
When a man experiences a physical attraction a certain pattern emerges in his brain which sets up the hormones to release and he FEELS every bit of it.
This powerful surge can not be kept up and needs to be replaced with something that can last longer. The body can not produce them indefinitely causing the man to look elsewhere for a more reliable source of the human made drug that make him feel good...
Hence the search for an emotional connection which feels similar and makes him believe it's all happening in a way which tells him - it's BEYOND HIS CONTROL.
THIS is my little PEP talk.
As stated above - physical attraction is unreliable and unpredictable.
Pure physical attraction can not withstand the test of time and ANY relationship entered on those terms alone are the most likely to fail.
Lots of chemistry and pure physical interactions burn out quickly because the right material is not used to kindle and stoke the fire so it can burn forever.
Once the fuel runs out, so does the fire. I think most would agree on that.
Chemistry alone doesn't work. Physical attraction alone doesn't work. Both used together often EXPLODES leaving nothing behind to continue the burn.
This is GREAT news because relationships and commitments require something which is more reliable AND that something is a skill of communication which CAN be learned therefore making them both a controllable burn - so to speak.
Here's the part which gets me in trouble.
Men are NOT good at learning the skill of emotional connection.
Their brains are certainly equipped to handle the job but most either refuse to learn it, don't know how to learn it, and are less willing to accept help finding a relationship or acquiring an exclusive commitment.
You'll find them looking in the wrong direction all too often and relying on their physical attraction to guide them even further down the wrong path.
All this simply means - you'll RARELY find a guy who knows how its done and is capable of making it happen. Something you have probably experienced many times in your life as you watch a guy get scared and run from the relationship (or "accidentally" destroy its likelihood to happen just before it does) leaving you scratching your head as you wonder what just happened - was it something YOU did - or was it HIM or men in general.
This leads me to believe IF you want this emotional connection to happen between you and a man - YOU have to find a way to trigger it yourself.
You can not WAIT for the right man who knows how to do the right thing to make it happen.
Yes - he has his part in all of it too. HIS responsibility is equal but just a little different but that's neither here nor there.
I believe this:
It's the sole responsibility of the communicator to get their point across to another person.
If you want to say something and have it perceived in the way you intend it to be taken - that makes it entirely up to you to get your point across in the most effective way.
The inevitable conclusion...
Physical attraction is triggered in a man and it's something he has no control over - by sight, it either happens or not.
Attractiveness is subjective and is rarely a reliable source to determine if it will trigger a man's attraction.
Emotional attraction is also triggered (through communication of many types) but tends to last longer because it is based on how one connects emotionally with another person.
It is my belief and something I've attempted to prove today that men are not just attracted to how a woman looks or a sexy body. Sure it happens but it's never enough or reliable or something which can easily be predicted to happen.
For a complete "attraction" to be triggered, emotionally and physically, ALL senses must be used and sight alone is never enough for that to happen.
You have every right and I will encourage any discussion to prove me wrong as long as we learn something and it is done intelligently.
Photo: Ana Maria Moroz