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What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

in Game Playing, The Disappearing Man
Ignoring women – Do you feel ignored by a guy?

Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games ,how should we girls react or behave.its so confusing. plzzz guide.

There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here… Women feeling ignored and they don’t know what to do about it.

First we must figure out if it as a game or not. That is, if you’re actually being ignored on purpose and if that specific game is a smaller part of a greater scheme a man might play.

I can honestly say, whether you believe it or not, MOST men do knowingly NOT PLAY GAMES. They don’t have a greater scheme in mind. They’re not thinking that far ahead. They wouldn’t know how to accomplish a feat that great anyways. Read this if you want The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex

Think about how hard it is to play such a grand role in someone’s life to which all that could be accomplished.

Okay sure it happens but it’s not the norm nor is it most guys goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it. Game playing is a lot of work.

With that said, let’s skip the massive “game playing” answer.

You’ll find the all the reasons guys ignore women in my series: Why Men Go Silent

Most men ignore women for a few reasons based on their relationship with them:


#1 reason… You’re in a relationship and the communication has broken down.

He’s sick of listening to you. He doesn’t feel heard. He doesn’t feel like he has a say anyways. He even might feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways.

He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it’s what he always did anyways or he doesn’t know what else to do.

There’s no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it’s going to be saved, needs real work.

If I could solve this kind of ignoring problem in a sentence or paragraph I would but that’s impossible.

Look and research these people or articles to get you started in learning how to communicate with your spouse. They ARE just some the best.

From Katie and Gay Hendricks:

“These aren’t skills we “know how to do” on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods.”
What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?

“Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship.”
Phrases That Kill Intimacy

From Rori Raye – Have the Relationship You Want:

You’re doing everything for him and he won’t even meet you half way. You’re missing the big tickets items in your relationship. You’re just not satisfied in with what is happening in your relationship.
Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve

He’s good friends with someone and it just happens to be a woman. You can stop talking about her. You can start changing your energy and stop being so combative over it.
If He Is Friends With Another Woman – What to Do and How To Handle It

From Dr. Phil:

What type of communication pattern have you and your partner developed within your relationship?
A Relationship Communication Test from Dr. Phil

From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:

These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.
Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

#2 reason… You’re NOT in a relationship and you’re just casually dating.


This case is a little more complicated but I’d say it’s most likely because you’re not being ignored. He’s just living his life, probably dating others, and you’re contacting him more than he cares to answer.

Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you’ll believe it’s a relationship or misread that he’s ready to commit when he’s not.

This leaves us with these two sub-reasons:

A. You’re not being ignored and contact him more than he cares to answer. You’re not giving him a good reason to answer. He doesn’t feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.

B. He’s not interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is. He’s not ready to give up more of his time to you. He’s not ready to “be” there for you under most circumstances.

Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.

How to deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it’s A or B.

If it’s A then we need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you’re contacting him and other guys too. This could be a circling pattern. When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it’s failing you.

As a guy I can say, early on or after meeting a guy, sending or contacting less is better. Sure you’re going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you’re looking for anyways. They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.

We need to learn to miss you and think about you or what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing it with. We need to left on a high note and left wanting more. Our interactions need to be short and as powerful as they can be.

We also need to be generally teased. I’m not saying to go quickly into giving us blue balls but create a sexual connection early on but don’t follow through with it. This connection does not have to be physical but it helps. Use THAT connection to send random messages you don’t plan on responding too.

If it’s B then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.

B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that. 🙂

All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work. It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life…

Even if it doesn’t center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you’re looking for.

This means, early on I tried to solve my “woman” problems by burying my self into my music and also my passion to become a better than average golfer. It failed because I used them as an excuse to seclude myself from meeting people.

Those two things, when used differently and from a stronger sense of value in myself, helped me to succeed because I started using those talents differently and made sure they were used to help me meet more women and not seclude myself as a distraction from the real problem.

#3 reason: He doesn’t feel good enough or capable of dating you or being with you.


Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but because I didn’t want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.

Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely. Haha!

Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her. They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.

Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you’ll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and I can see how easily you might be confused by what he’s doing.

But the fact remains, he’s doing it for his own reasons with only have to do with you in the sense that he can not believe you’ll ever want to be with him.

Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.

HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.

The fact is, deep down inside this guy, he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.

Dealing with or solving number 3 is not easy. You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within.

My few suggestions would be to first, NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.

Secondly, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.

“Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages.”

Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

Third he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.

He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he’s also not the determining factor of you.

He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through not-so-nice means or games. You don’t have to put up with his bullshit if it’s affecting you negatively.

“Men cannot thrive in a deep passionate type of relationship unless they feel they have a woman’s admiration and respect.”

The Respect Principle – Video Presentation Only

Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.

He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.

You can try anything and everything on him if you’d like but I won’t guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.

My absolute gut feeling about this reason or “type of guy” , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely. In other words, seek out “better” more confident men immediately.

Wow!!! Once again I’ve gone too far with words. 🙂


I reiterate…

Most men don’t play games, especially when it comes to ignoring the one thing they need in their lives… women!

Sure, a few of them do it on purpose because they think it’s the only way to get you but I do hope you can see right through these guys.

Sure, some of them are flaky and can’t keep a thought in their for more than five minutes if it doesn’t have something to do with typical man things.

But most of all it’s an indirect consequence of:

  1. A breakdown in communication between a couple.
  2. You’re in two different places. You’re casually dating and one of you isn’t clear on that or made it clear enough to the other.
  3. He’s sabotaging himself because he doesn’t feel good enough to be with you.

Thanks for your wonderful question and I will do my best to not ignore any comments on this page. 😀

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

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    59 comments… add one
    • Maya

      I found a guy on Tinder, was instantly attracted towards him as he was sophisticated, funny, handsome and all the other good things in the world. And he seemed to be interested in me as well. We texted each other every day and after a couple of weeks, we met at a bar and ended up spending the rest of the night at his place. So, we happened to meet up once again and this time in the comfort of him being at his place! All that said and done, my problem is that he is not the one who is expressive about what he wants. I know we are casually dating and I was able to relate to the above article, where I figured he’s simply going with the flow of casual dating. But he calls and checks on me once in a while. Texts me, but doesn’t reply back instantly when I do. I feel that I’m being very nice by responding to his texts and calls and whereas he’s just talking or texting in his spare time. We never spoke about serious things especially about us dating… and he seems to have all the good traits except the fact that he’s not all that into me. So, you may ask what is my damn problem… Well, I don’t wanna look like a loser in front of him. It’s so obvious that he’s not looking for anything serious. He is not completely out of contact neither he’s constantly in touch. I don’t wanna be this person who he can reach out to whenever he wants. But he makes it so difficult for me to say ‘No’, be it responding to his texts, melting over his phone call or showing up when he wants to meet me! How can I be smart and let him know that I’m aware of what’s going on and tell him that I’m not interested in this on and off, unstable so-called ‘casual dating’?

      Please help!


      • Lei

        I have the same situation, what did you do ?

      • Peter White

        Hi Maya, and for Lei,

        Okay, let’s get real here. … you want to tell him you’re not interested in this on and off, unstable so-called casual dating thing BUT your actions are proving the opposite. Especially to him. Guys read actions better than words. If you were positive you’re not interested in it, you would have been done with him long ago, right?

        If you don’t want to BE that person “who he can reach out to whenever he wants.” then STOP being that person. That’s actually the “smart” thing to do. Feelings aside – we’re not talking about them, are we? We’re talking about YOUR self-control, we’re talking about your ability to pass up something casual for something long-term, not unlike passing up a great but fatty meal for a “healthy salad”.

        Hey, I hear you. I’m clearly not perfect in this area. I know exactly what it feels like to go for the quick fix, or to give in to temptation, or to settle for short-term over long-term when the short-term feels so freaking good.

        But that doesn’t change any of the facts of what is happening and I think you know that. After all you DID figure all this out for yourself and you’re spot on right. So that means you ARE smart, just making the wrong decisions (probably) hoping he’ll prove you wrong one day and actually commit to something more with you. Some men put up that carrot and let women chase them indefinitely, BUT some men just go with the flow and women dangle their own hopes and dreams on the end of the stick.

        Sometimes HOPE is not a good thing especially when it comes to dating, relationship, sex, and the lottery. 🙂


        Okay, quickly here, you’re only going to look like a loser in front of him when you beg, plead, and not hold your own in this world. You’re not doing that so don’t worry about it.

        I’m going to say – based on the assumed length of your interactions with him – stop waiting, stop sort of hoping, and start doing.

        Tell him exactly how you feel. Get it all out. Don’t let him manipulate you. Don’t let him talk you into anything. Just have a real conversation and it will take care of itself one way or another.

        All the best,

      • L

        Try to find a new lover. Or date more guys, soon enough you will adore somebody new.

    • Carey

      So, I started dating one of my very best friends. We had been friends for 11 years prior to dating. Long story short, he did a flip overnight from telling me he loved me to saying that he didn’t want to “fuck up” our relationship by having it at the wrong time. He is going through a divorce and pursuing his Master’s degree, as well as being in charge of the area in which he works. So, true statement or not? He STILL tells me, unprovoked, that he loves me and that he loves my kids. So confusing.

    • Blümchen

      Hi, Peter!
      First of all, thanks a lot for this article and for the wonderful and helpful work you’re doing.
      My situation is complicated. I met a guy on social media. I commented to a picture he posted .So I never thought he’d looked for me and send me a private message to thank me for liking his page. So I kept it cool since I know he’s just another human being and we started texting back and forth. He asked if I was married, I said yes and he asked if I had children and I opened up and said I was struggling with that in my marriage. Then I stopped revealing since I found out he was still a stranger. I asked him if he had a girlfriend and he said no and that he wished he had one. A week later he asked me to text him in another texting app. So we exchanged emails and started texting there. He was sweet calling me honey while I didn’t react to that since I felt he hasn’t earned that yet lol so he went a bit colder but it was normally him who reinitiated the conversation. I must admit I didn’t react super excited sometimes but I was must of the time expressing my admiration for his work. Once he asked me what I did for charity and I explained what I did and that certain organization was not trustworthy and it happened to be the one he partners with. He seemed a bit irritated to what I said but genuinely I said I was sorry fir being harsh on my comments and he made a comment like “next time you don’t speak negatively about this organization” due to the fact I didn’t hear the tone of his voice, I told him that it sounded really scary. He apologized and we were ok. For a day was no reply and then he texted again saying hi but it all felt awkward. I was rather cold and so was he and I didn’t invest much in keeping the conversation going. So he didn’t reply to my text (my text was just a statement) for two weeks. After that I got a “yeah” as a response lol. I waited a week more until I reached out to him and asked him what was going on and that he could be open to me. Then he wrote this:”Baby I just wanna spend time with you and it’s been killing me inside, that for some reason we aren’t together yet.. ”
      So my reaction to that was a big mistake.

      I didn’t really know how to react and I sad: you’re making me smile big time and I must admit I was very surprised by your lovely words and I really appreciate your honesty”
      Then he said: “But we both have to take sacrifices for that to be possible..”
      I replied” Yeah, I know. It’s like everything in life but at the same time, enjoyable…right?”
      Since my last message I haven’t received any texts from him. I might’ve not invested enough but the last thing I wanted to be was the one pushing forward. I know it’s complicated. He was millions of options. But I always hated being the one to reach out first. I think that my be the first time. I don’t want to reach out again but I want to put my cards on the table.
      Please, what can I do? I’m sorry for this long email!
      Thanks in advance!

      • Peter White


        I must say this, if you’re married (whether it’s working out or not) as long as it’s still ongoing then I’m not the person to seek for advice on another guy. I don’t go there.

        You say it’s complicated, that’s partly because you have another man in your life and trying to start something with a new one which is obviously going to make matters even more complicated.


    • Tamara

      There’s this guy that I have a crush on he said he likes me too but we are both in different relationships, thing is he gets shy, nervous etc around me. We both exchanged numbers but he doesn’t text if I don’t. Any help there?

      • Peter White

        I don’t think you’re at a point where any of it will or should matter UNTIL you’re both out of the relationship you’re already in.


    • Kimberly

      I have a question, I think #3 applies but not sure what to think with this guy. Sorry, kinda long. This guy and I were fwbs for 2 years, he didn’t want a relationship since he was gone overseas for work and his last relationship ended up with him being cheated on due to the distance. We were talking every day and were best friends and then one day it just stopped and he told me couldn’t be the man I needed as much as he wanted to but we still kept the sexual relationship going when he was around. I finally told him after another year that I wanted more since I wanted to get married and have kids. He still said he couldn’t be what I needed so I told him I was moving on then. I let him know when I was going to start dating and told him I wanted to be monogamous in my dating but he just kept sending me sexual messages and when I asked him why he was doing it he sent me a goodbye message while I was sleeping and blocked me on everything. I tried to move on and was hurt he didn’t let me say goodbye and then after 3 months he texted me with sexual messages again, but also said he had stopped talking to me cause he didn’t want to stand in the way of my happiness. I told him he wasn’t but I can’t do this where he pulled me in and pushed me out playing yo-yo with my feelings and emotions, and that I would either contact him when I was ready to just be friends or he could me if he wanted more with me. So it’s a month later now since then and he messaged me saying he wants more with me and decided to try us. But it’s all one worded conversations, I rarely hear from him, and the only time it’s a full conversation is if it’s sexual. I know I just need to talk to him about it, but what is he doing to me? Either it’s #3 where he thinks he’s not good enough and keeping me at distance, or I’m just a side piece. I’m scared he is playing games but he has always told me how he respects means has been honest about things. I know I don’t deserve this though.


      Hi Peter,

      This guy and I have this on & off texting thing. Texting is great for weeks, then he ignored me for weeks. Like I’ll text him and he won’t respond. Fast forward 2-4 weeks later he texts again. I respond within 24 hours usually, and I’ve been tried the ignoring completely. I like him of course and j know he is busy, but I don’t know from this point on if i should give up and not respond to him completely or just respond normally if he reaches out again. Help!

      • Peter White

        Hello, It seems you are both on different time tables. Meaning you want something quicker than he is willing to commit to. However I’ve found that if a guy will only contact you or text you every few weeks, it generally means he’s not that interested in you OR he’s only interested in something very casual predominantly sex.

        That is something I talk about here:


        It’s basically saying he might not be in relationship mode with you right now but you are.

        Hope that helps and the best of luck to you,

    • Chloe

      So I have been talking to this fella 3+ months, but we’ve only been on 3 dates. Everything went really well and he never tried anything.
      He’d told me how he deleted the website we met on for me because he knew I’d appreciate that and how he’s really interested in me and glad we met or whatever.

      On the third date I went over to his, he made me dinner and it was lovely. We had sex. After, he said how doing that felt so normal because he feels he’s known me for so long. I told him I didn’t even think we’d make it to a second date and he said he was trying really hard to show me he was keen and said he still is.

      I went home the next day after he left for work and texted him I’d a lovely time seeing as he texted me first the other two times. He replied he did too and he’ll see me next week. We chatted for a little bit and he just disappeared.

      As much as I’d like to feel like he didn’t just use me for sex, I do.
      He keeps opening my messages but not replying them. I’m starting to feel really upset and I don’t know if I’m right to feel this way for letting my guard down or wrong because I’m not sure what his story for not replying is?

      Should I say something to him?

      • Peter White

        Chloe, the one thing I’m not getting is how much you’re contacting him and how long it’s been since he’s contacted you. Obviously if he just started ignoring you after the sex and is pulling back in any way, then it’s a good sign he was only interested in sex with you. (Or quickly changed his mind about wanting more after you did it.)

        You wrote he that he said, “he’ll see me next week” – did you wait a week to contact him again? Has it been up to that week when you continued to text him awaiting a response? These things matter. If you’ve messaged too much after and that’s not what he wanted, then expect he will pull away even if he didn’t just use you for sex.

        From another angle, when a guy waits a week or more to contact a woman (not including the initial had a great night can’t wait to do it again because that doesn’t count) then you can assume he’s looking for something more casual. So by texting him more or trying to continually contact him after he said he’ll see you next week, could easily have him thinking you’re looking for and want an almost instant relationship with him just because you two had sex. When, according to his time table, want to take things slower than you. Which means it’s a miscommunication and something which maybe should’ve been discussed before the sex.

        Hope that helps you a bit and best of luck to you,

    • Marianne Ryan

      I met a man and after he got sex he blocked me on messenger. All I do is cry. I saw him one night and he asks me to see him later and he never shows up at is this?

    • Spring Girl

      I’m in a unique situation and wondering if you can help me. Few months ago a guy started showing up around me everyday, but never looked at me nor approached me. This was the guy who works nearby and I’ve spoken to him a couple of times. Then he stared at me intensely one day and I looked away as I realized he was maybe attracted to me because of his intense eye lock. He took it as rejection as I looked away and started behaving cold. I felt sorry for him as I knew him before as being a kind man and I confronted him if he liked me, I liked him too but can’t pursue any relationship right now. He denied the whole thing saying he thinks i’m great as a person but he never had any intentions otherwise. Besides he said he was married too! I didn’t know about this. Earlier he used to get upset whenever I didn’t say hi, or didn’t greet him when we passed each other, and used to visually show disappointment. He was also quiet around me a lot, like clam up. Well his denial upset me as to why he lied, it automatically implied I was crazy to think he was coming on to me. He saw me upset and avoided me for a month giving me the silent treatment. He then showed up one day and I took the opportunity to apologize for my misunderstanding. He said not to worry about it but next day onwards started ignoring me again, talking to other girls while ignoring me, etc. This went on for a while all the time I was left confused why he was ignoring me when I apologized already. He has some stalkerish tendencies as well as he would appear out of nowhere sometimes when I’m out and about, only to be around me but never approach. He blew hot and cold so many times,cold phases much longer and constantly making me feel ignored, guilty by making disappointing faces at me. If I drove past him without acknowledging him while he is around, he makes a show of moving on. Only to come back and show up again around me after a month. Till date I don’t know what to make out of it, I always had a feeling he wants me to approach him. But I already did when I confronted him and he denied, and he is married too, so there is no point. So I never went to him. Once I tried casual conversation but he disappears for days after that leading me to believe he is not interested. If I talk he disappears, if I don’t he makes me feel guilty. Lately he is avoiding eye contact with me but behaves shy. He no longer is around me though. What does this mean. I can’t move on because I feel I couldn’t read him. Can you shed any light? What does he want from me. Since the confrontation we hardly speak, only ‘hi’ sometimes. Rest is all body language. I know 🙄

      Confused girl

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