≡ Menu
Why Do Guys…?

What To Do When You Think A Guy Is Ignoring You and If He’s Playing A Game

in Game Playing, The Disappearing Man
Ignoring women – Do you feel ignored by a guy?

Plz telll when a guy plays such ignore games ,how should we girls react or behave.its so confusing. plzzz guide.

There seems to be a problem or question that keeps popping up here… Women feeling ignored and they don’t know what to do about it.

First we must figure out if it as a game or not. That is, if you’re actually being ignored on purpose and if that specific game is a smaller part of a greater scheme a man might play.

I can honestly say, whether you believe it or not, MOST men do knowingly NOT PLAY GAMES. They don’t have a greater scheme in mind. They’re not thinking that far ahead. They wouldn’t know how to accomplish a feat that great anyways. Read this if you want The ONLY Way To Spot A Real Player and If He’s Using Your Body for Sex

Think about how hard it is to play such a grand role in someone’s life to which all that could be accomplished.

Okay sure it happens but it’s not the norm nor is it most guys goal to put so much time and energy and effort into it. Game playing is a lot of work.

With that said, let’s skip the massive “game playing” answer. If you’re looking for the entire list of categories this “ignoring” falls into to then I suggest you subscribe to my Secret Dirty Truth of Men. Just keep in mind getting both of my newsletters might be a little overwhelming and occasionally you will be sent the same email twice. Can’t help that. 🙂

Most men ignore women for a few reasons based on their relationship with them:


#1 reason… You’re in a relationship and the communication has broken down.

He’s sick of listening to you. He doesn’t feel heard. He doesn’t feel like he has a say anyways. He even might feel like whatever he says will only cause another fight anyways.

He chooses to ignore or be silent either out of frustration or play the passive aggressive role because it’s what he always did anyways or he doesn’t know what else to do.

There’s no simple answer for this because it falls on both of you to learn how to communicate with each other and to both be ready and accept that your relationship, if it’s going to be saved, needs real work.

If I could solve this kind of ignoring problem in a sentence or paragraph I would but that’s impossible.

Look and research these people or articles to get you started in learning how to communicate with your spouse. They ARE just some the best.

From Katie and Gay Hendricks:

“These aren’t skills we “know how to do” on our own. Most of us just imitate whatever we witnessed in our childhoods.”
What Happened To The Incredible Connection The Two Of You Shared?

“Ignoring Your Loved One’s Feelings Will ALWAYS Have A Negative Effect On Your Relationship.”
Phrases That Kill Intimacy

From Rori Raye – Have the Relationship You Want:

You’re doing everything for him and he won’t even meet you half way. You’re missing the big tickets items in your relationship. You’re just not satisfied in with what is happening in your relationship.
Stop Overfunctioning and Get The Love and Relationship You Do Deserve

He’s good friends with someone and it just happens to be a woman. You can stop talking about her. You can start changing your energy and stop being so combative over it.
If He Is Friends With Another Woman – What to Do and How To Handle It

From Dr. Phil:

What type of communication pattern have you and your partner developed within your relationship?
A Relationship Communication Test from Dr. Phil

From Help Guide. A trusted non-profit guide to mental health and well-being:

These tips can help keep a healthy relationship strong, or repair trust and love in a relationship on the rocks.
Advice for Building Relationships that are Healthy, Happy and Satisfying

#2 reason… You’re NOT in a relationship and you’re just casually dating.


This case is a little more complicated but I’d say it’s most likely because you’re not being ignored. He’s just living his life, probably dating others, and you’re contacting him more than he cares to answer.

Perhaps he feels smothered or believes if he answers you every time you’ll believe it’s a relationship or misread that he’s ready to commit when he’s not.

This leaves us with these two sub-reasons:

A. You’re not being ignored and contact him more than he cares to answer. You’re not giving him a good reason to answer. He doesn’t feel compelled to answer and is most likely receiving several messages or calls daily from many different women.

B. He’s not interested, ready, or willing to enter a meaningful relationship with you at this time and feels answering you too much will only lead you to believe he is. He’s not ready to give up more of his time to you. He’s not ready to “be” there for you under most circumstances.

Both A and B tend to be true when the woman is too needy, acts too desperate to have a relationship, is too self-centered, or possibly is living an overly dramatic lifestyle causing him to avoid most contacts.

How to deal with this problem first starts with figuring out if it’s A or B.

If it’s A then we need to take a closer look into what, when, and how many times you’re contacting him and other guys too. This could be a circling pattern. When you meet a guy you go into another mode or state of mind which has you acting automatically and it’s failing you.

As a guy I can say, early on or after meeting a guy, sending or contacting less is better. Sure you’re going to scare some guys away but those guys may not be the one you’re looking for anyways. They tend to be in relationship mode too early on anyways and bluntly put, tend to take a feminine role leaving you all the masculine work.

We need to learn to miss you and think about you or what you’re doing or WHO you’re doing it with. We need to left on a high note and left wanting more. Our interactions need to be short and as powerful as they can be.

We also need to be generally teased. I’m not saying to go quickly into giving us blue balls but create a sexual connection early on but don’t follow through with it. This connection does not have to be physical but it helps. Use THAT connection to send random messages you don’t plan on responding too.

If it’s B then you need to find a way to objectively look into your life, how you live it, how much you truly love yourself, where you think you are, and where you want to be.

B sucks. I know it does. Been there and done that. 🙂

All I can say is that it IS worth doing the work. It pays off in many areas of your life AND it has a strange side effect on your life…

Even if it doesn’t center around dating and guys and relationships, those things tend to naturally take care of themselves IF you keep putting yourself in the right positions to meet the type of guys you’re looking for.

This means, early on I tried to solve my “woman” problems by burying my self into my music and also my passion to become a better than average golfer. It failed because I used them as an excuse to seclude myself from meeting people.

Those two things, when used differently and from a stronger sense of value in myself, helped me to succeed because I started using those talents differently and made sure they were used to help me meet more women and not seclude myself as a distraction from the real problem.

I’d recommend you start with these few people from a scratch to help you in this area. Again these are the people who I have learned from and just giving away their ideas in anything more than a general sense would be unethical and illegal. 🙂

First for building a new you from the ground up.

Evan Marc Katz – Truly a man who understands men and women too. His popular program, Believe in Love – 7 Steps to Letting Go of the Past, Embracing the Present, and Dating with Confidence has changed the lives of many women.

Second for attracting quality men who won’t ignore you plus lots of tools to make sure you’re always doing the right thing.

David Wygant – Upfront and honest and truly inspiring. His master program will show you how to Connect With Men on a level you might not have ever experienced.

Third for learning about how attraction works for men and how to stop so many of them from pulling away from you.

Christian Carter – His Catch Him and Keep Him book has proven success for many years now and is an inexpensive education.

…more to come please feel free to let me know who YOU think is the best.

#3 reason: He doesn’t feel good enough or capable of dating you or being with you.


Early on, the women I wanted to most I ignored. Not because I was playing a game but because I didn’t want to be like every other guy kissing her ass and trying to get in her pants.

Of course little did I know I was ruining my chances entirely. Haha!

Guys WILL ignore women they want the most because they do not feel capable (or worthy or good enough) and will either sabotage themselves or avoid her. They pre-reject themselves to lessen the pain.

Even if you manage to start talking to this guy you’ll find he is always a little distant or not responsive and I can see how easily you might be confused by what he’s doing.

But the fact remains, he’s doing it for his own reasons with only have to do with you in the sense that he can not believe you’ll ever want to be with him.

Unfortunately this type of guy is EVERYWHERE.

HE can even be a guy you think is good with women just because he has a natural ability to attract women.

The fact is, deep down inside this guy, he is sabotaging himself constantly because he can never admit or is not willing boost his esteem high enough to get through it all AND in the meantime his ignorance or silent towards you, only has you (probably) wanting him more.

Dealing with or solving number 3 is not easy. You can NOT make or force someone to change themselves from within.

My few suggestions would be to first, NOT treat him like a child. You do not want to over nurture him or act like a Mother to him at all. This will only make him see his efforts are working on you and he will continue doing them.

Secondly, do not restrict yourself to dating just him. Date other men at the same time.

“Only again proving to me, dating multiple guys or exploring our options or securing our present FIRST proves to establish better more happier marriages.”

Why Dating Multiple Guys At The Same Time Can Lead To Better Marriages

Third he must understand through your actions as a woman that your happiness does NOT depend on him or his mental state.

He must realize his place in the world is not only as valid as yours, but he’s also not the determining factor of you.

He must also feel your respect for him is unwavering UNLESS he does something to ruin that through not-so-nice means or games. You don’t have to put up with his bullshit if it’s affecting you negatively.

“Men cannot thrive in a deep passionate type of relationship unless they feel they have a woman’s admiration and respect.”

The Respect Principle – Video Presentation Only

Never forget this type of man may NEVER be turned or made to stop ignoring you or made to suddenly become someone different.

He is who he is and until he opts to change, you may never get to this guy.

You can try anything and everything on him if you’d like but I won’t guarantee the results will be satisfying to you.

“Hidden within a man’s genetic decision-making sequence is a ‘Commitment Switch’ all men have hidden deep inside.”

The Commitment Switch.

My absolute gut feeling about this reason or “type of guy” , which I will warn you lacks a certain empathy, is to sleep with him if you want sex and expect nothing more than that, push him back on your schedule until he proves he is capable and willing to act differently, or erase your connection to him entirely. In other words, seek out “better” more confident men immediately.

Wow!!! Once again I’ve gone too far with words. 🙂

Remember if you want ALL the reasons or categories subscribe to my Secret Dirty Truth of Men and remember you will get a ton of stuff on understanding men so be prepared and don’t bitch at me that you’re getting too many emails. 🙂 You’ve been warned.

Once again…

I reiterate…

Most men don’t play games, especially when it comes to ignoring the one thing they need in their lives… women!

Sure, a few of them do it on purpose because they think it’s the only way to get you but I do hope you can see right through these guys.

Sure, some of them are flaky and can’t keep a thought in their for more than five minutes if it doesn’t have something to do with typical man things.

But most of all it’s an indirect consequence of:

  1. A breakdown in communication between a couple.
  2. You’re in two different places. You’re casually dating and one of you isn’t clear on that or made it clear enough to the other.
  3. He’s sabotaging himself because he doesn’t feel good enough to be with you.

Thanks for your wonderful question and I will do my best to not ignore any comments on this page. 😀


Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. 🙂 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

An honest, REAL look at men:


  • What we really think about.
  • What we actually DO want and what turns us off.
  • PLUS “50 Reasons Why He Might Ignore You – The Shocking Truth!”

Sign Up below before you miss the next secret… 😉

( Cancel anytime – Your Privacy and info is never sold or shared – NO spam ever – 18 years or older only due to some adult content. )

25 comments… add one
  • Amy

    Hi Pete,
    I recently came across your website and I love it – I find it so truthful and to the point!
    I wondered if you can help me out with a situation. I recently met a guy on a trip to the US (I am British). We initially met very randomly (in an Uber cab!) and he offered to show me around, so for a few days we met up and he would help me out with places to go etc. I haven’t connected with somebody like I did with him in years, and very soon it quickly moved on and we began having sex. I knew he felt the same, as he said a lot more than me about how he felt and we even started talking about him coming to see me in England (his idea, not mine!) It was one of those rare situations where two people completely get each other and connect, so I guess we thought why not.
    Anyway, cut to the day before I leave and we decided to go out with a friend of his and a friend of mine who was also visiting. My friend got a little too drunk and a little too fixated on the idea of us, and began talking about how I could leave England etc to be with him. It really made me cringe and I didn’t want him to think I was moving to fast or I said these things, so it got kind of funny between us all.
    The next day he came to say goodbye but the dynamic had defintely changed. I asked him again if he was coming to England, and he said yes. Since I left, there has been no contact from him whatsoever.
    I feel like such a fool to fall for the holiday romance thing, when I should know so much better. I just wanted to know, from a guy’s perspective – why did he say all those things about coming to England, about liking everything about me, about meeting his friends and family….only to ‘ghost’ me? I would so much rather he made it clear that it was only about sex (which I’d probably have gone with anyway!)

    • Peter White

      Hi Amy,

      Let’s face it. HE got carried away in the moment also which caused him to go over the top and run with it. If you feel like a fool for falling for the holiday romance thing, chances are, he does too.

      And yes, I’m sure your drunk friend had something to do with popping the bubble. A fun time with a possibility suddenly became all too real… for the both of you.

      We get swept up in the moment Amy, just like women do 🙂

      Imagine this guy meets this hot British woman randomly in a cab and not only do you hit it off, he manages to say the right things and it’s working. Something lots of men dream of happening with a woman. Not only that, but you spend time together and have sex too. What more could a guy want from an exotic experience with a woman he’s into.

      Yet, as what usually happens, sooner or later the bubble bursts and reality sets in. This could be a relationship. A long distance one.

      AND to be completely honest (keeping in mind I don’t know how good this guy is with women), something happens to a guy when they “succeed” with women in any way… something about the sudden boost of confidence causes them to think, “I can do this… well if I can do this, then I can do that…”

      Meaning – When men experience large boosts of confidence and sex with a woman in a very short time, it causes them to look elsewhere JUST to see not only if there’s someone better, although that’s not ruled out, BUT if the confidence is real.

      Glad you love the website, keep on stopping by please,


  • Nsta

    That’s total nonsense, men especially insecure do play stupid games like hot and cold in order to gain power in relationship.

  • Daly

    Hi, I need a man’s opinion on me!
    I have never been with a guy, I’m almost 30, in fact I can’t even think of a time I’ve had a proper conversation with a guy… Dating was never that appealing to me so I just never got involved with the opposite sex and I just happen to have always been surrounded by females and only really attract females that want to know me. Recently I’ve been interested in a few guys as friends at a new workplace, but since forever guys treat me in a weird way. I mostly get the odd few comments (not suggestive, friendly) before they go silent on me and ignore me. I am now currently being blanked by both of the guys I wanted to know. They will physically turn their head to avoid making eye contact with me! I’d be flattering myself to think it’s the third reason on your list of why guys ignore you! It would be too coincidental the only two guys I’ve wanted to know fancy me and both don’t feel good enough! I’m average looking, i never wear makeup, kind of tomboyish, cause I know looks would probably make a difference… I am quiet and reserved cause I just dunno how to talk to guys after a lifetime of not doing so and I’m quite mature compared to a lot of guys. I don’t really do “banter” and teasing which seems to be what other girls get involved in to become friends.
    I don’t want to blame myself and think of myself as just being weird any longer… I’m not 14 anymore but the guys haven’t changed towards me since I was. Is it me??

    • Peter White

      Hi Daly,

      I believe you stumbled on your answer yourself when you wrote, “I don’t really do “banter” and teasing which seems to be what other girls get involved in to become friends.”

      I’m not into the blame game. So is it you, or is just how guys work? It’s not your fault that guys don’t respond (more or less sexually) to women who are kind of tomboyish.

      The makeup thing, yeah, not a big thing for us.

      The average looking thing, also not a deal breaker. An average face can have dynamic eyes which makes her attractive. Sure it’s not something we notice while you’re walking across the street or well across a room BUT during conversations, it IS what we notice.

      Remember, what you might feel is an average body is NOT to us. You have the female parts we desire whether shapely or not and we only have our bodies. It’s not a “deal breaker” for lots of men. It feels average to you because you have lived in your body. A man typically cares more about how his body looks than he worries about what yours looks like after the attraction is created. (No matter what type of nonsense you found written by guys about how hot a certain woman is or is not.)

      I will say the tomboyish thing can be tough for lots of guys to get past. That’s the honest truth. BUT it’s not a deal breaker WHEN you become aware and responsible for your feminine side. And that’s something EVERY woman can do because well, you ARE a woman. 🙂

      I say you can still be mature and banter and tease and play with men in a pleasantly coy and sexy way. Just watch, listen, practice, and learn. Develop your own style and men will respond differently. I will also assume as these things progress up to and perhaps including you becoming closer to guys, will take care of itself. Sometimes you just have to “go” there and explore and see how it changes yourself.

      There… you just have your first “proper” conversation with a guy. 😉

      Best to you,


  • Le Kaite

    Hey, I dont know if you’re still active but I need advice.

    I’ve been talking to a guy whom I like since December, and recently hes cut off contact. He seems fine in school. I’ll explain.

    We talked a lot before, and managed to stay consistently talking until about March where something happened to a friend of his and he told me (it was pretty personal.) I then said I am glad hes alright, and mentioned how I was a tad scared on approaching him to ask how he was.
    Lo behold, a few days later he approached me to ask about a lesson. I replied, but panicked. I then turned around and sat down to my friends, blissfully unaware that he was *still* behind me and looked down. He then walked away. When I found that out, I apologised after the lesson we had together, but it was a rushed apology because I was really anxious. After a day, he then unfriended me on facebook and wouldnt reply when I asked him if I did something wrong. A another two days and he then unfollowed me on instagram after he viewed my story. Now, a day after I’m still unaware on what I did. Have I annoyed him? Has he gotten bored of me? Im going to flat out ask him on monday if I had done something to annoy him, and I’m hoping he will respond to me.
    I was planning to give him a note and a present as a thank you in June. But now I’m not sure If he would accept it.

  • LFT

    Ok Pete, I think I screwed up. There’s a a guy, we had feelings for each other at one point but became more on the friend level. He is very insecure and has a lot of self-doubt. I wrote him a letter to convey he is a strong person, etc. Now I may have used conveyed my message a little too prominently. I didn’t meant it to be romantic nor have I ever tried making a move on him in any way. He got angry with the letter and told me I was pursuing him and that made him uncomfortable. Grant it, we are currently not speaking. I tried to explain my intend, but he will not listen. I guess what I am asking is will he continue to cut me off and never speak to me again? What should I do??? Please help!!! Here is the letter:
    One day you look at a person and see them as something more than as “just another person” or another “face in the crowd” (not necessarily in the context of lust).
    You begin to observe what others and he himself may be blind to. You see the enigmatic look in his eyes & his warm smile when he sincerely shows it, the alluring way he rubs the hair around his mouth and chin when he’s frustrated or nervous, the intriguing way his legs quiver unconsciously, his witty humor that makes you laugh when implicated in a light hearted teasing manner, how desirable he looks in a button down checkered shirt, that cocky expression he makes when he thinks he’s being a smart-ass (in a peculiar but yet fascinating way), the care and generosity deep inside that he keeps secret to hide his vulnerabilities, his tenacity and intellect that drive him towards higher achievement and his penchant to work hard which makes him an admirable and respected person.
    The world has unfortunately made him blind to all that makes him a desirable and incredible person. He only believes in his own self-doubt and the insecurities of who he thinks he is that have been developed from past and possibly current life experiences. It has eradicated his self-worth therefore causing him to employ a guarded facade and engage in egotistical conduct in order to push away others to hide what he feels makes him appear vulnerable thus resulting in misunderstanding and wounding infliction onto those who care about him, but his ego refuses to accept that responsibility at this point because he is too intrinsically guarded.
    If only he could see through those same eyes how attractive, desirable, smart & efficacious he really is and therefore learn to accept himself.
    I wish him the best in his independent journey of self-improvement and acceptance and hope he learns to see and accept himself for the great things he has to offer.

    Caveat: the intent in composing this letter is not to be misconstrued as romantic intent, but instead as a mirror of sorts to hopefully reflect the light inside that has become overshadowed by darkness.

    “It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.”
    ~Henry david thoreau~

  • Etsegenet

    Hey, I need your advice with this. I met this guy about two years ago and had a crush on him ever since. Recently we started talking a lot and I told him I was interested in having sex with him, even though I was in a relationship and he was too. He both agree abs talked about it for a long time. We recently met up and we hooked up. We didn’t go all the way but I gave him a blow job and he was satisfied. We talked for a while it wasn’t to bad, I was a bit nervous so I might have said some stupid things. But it all seemed okay. Ever since that night I’ve text him a little bit but he was being short so I just stopped talking to him and was giving him time to text me and communicate and now it’s been a whole week and I still haven’t heard from him but he is active on social media I know fe looks at some of my stuff. I like him for more than just sex but he doesn’t know that. I thought maybe if we were sexually involved he will eventually like me too. Why is he staying distant and not contacting me like he used to?

    • Peter White

      Hey, I normally don’t give my opinions on getting people together who are IN a relationship. It’s tough to tell exactly by what you wrote if that actually is the case.

      All I will say is that of course he’s going to be short – if he’s committed to someone else.

      No, just because he might become sexually involved with you does not lead to liking you. You can not “sex” a man into feeling something more.

      I’m going to say you’re only going to hear from him when he wants something purely sexual and then he will go back to his world.

      He’s not pursuing you. He’s not giving you any signal that he wants something more. Unless that happens, it’s doubtful that he does want something more.

      If you like him for more than just sex, don’t give him it. It’s much too difficult to go from sex to a relationship and it’s never advised. That of course does not include kissing and fooling around a little but definitely includes blow jobs. They are much too personal.

      His distance, or him not contacting you, is not long… BUT if it’s much different than the pattern you saw before the blow job can simply mean exactly what it looks like. He’s doing his best to show you he’s not interested in anything more by not giving you the wrong idea.

      Hope that helps you out a little. All the best,

Leave a Comment