Eye contact can mean so much to guys regardless if it's made with a man or a woman. However for today's purpose let's stick to when it's made from a guy to a woman as the beginning of the mating ritual. It's often the prelude to two very important decisions a guy has to make:
Fight - In this case would be to start mating ritual or the beginning of courtship.
Will he approach you after the eye contact?
Will he let you know or let you see he was checking you out?
Does he confidently stare for a moment and let it pass?
OR Does he puff up his chest and grumble a little just to show you he's a man?
Typically this is what a type one guy will do as you'll read more about below.
Flee. (Flight) - In this situation would be to avoid any further contact.
Will he hide in shame after like he did something wrong?
Does he whimper away hoping to further the approach next time?
Will he hide the fact he was checking you out?
OR will he continually stare as if he's caught in your headlights?
This is what most type two guys do which will only be lightly covered today.
Here's a recent "experience" I've been through which will reveal what this all "eye contact" thing means to guys.
UPDATE: Since this was posted before my marriage I don't "work" this way anymore but it's helpful for you to still hear the story.
Let me tell you this one woman was amazing!
We made eye contact with her but I kept my distance. She was busy, so was I. And no I did NOT look away first.
I looked again but this time I was drawn to her entire body. My aim was to avoid getting caught and making her feel awkward.
Yep, it's why us guys do to selflessly divulge our sexual drive associated with sight.
Later on, when the moment came, I so classically and confidently introduced myself as I can be quite smooth.
I reached out my hand put it a foot from her heart, where it belongs, and she understood.
She put out her hand and we shook as we exchanged our names and how wonderful it was to meet each other.
Great story. Right?
That was it.
It wasn't a "meet cute". It wasn't a prelude to a passionate night. We did not exchange contact information or even saliva. Yeah that sounded kind of gross, didn't it?
Anyways...
I walked away rather slowly and continued to "do my thing".
The secret of all this is what I was doing...
Planting a seed. (As some have so eloquently called it.)
She saw some guy. She might have felt I was checking her out. She might be thinking I'm attracted to her. She DID felt my presence though, I made sure that happened.
Before things got too distant and strange I made sure we met.
That's all.
She met some guy who wasn't afraid of her beauty. A guy who wasn't interested in seeing how quickly I could sleep with her.
A guy who was confident enough to:
Make Eye contact - Fight. Yes. I approached her to open up something later.
It's what some of type one guys do.
It also reveals the types of men you're going to deal with on an everyday basis.
Some flee. Cower. Run. Avoid. Procrastinate. Most of them are the type twos.
Some fight. Chest up or whatever. Get right to the point. PLANT the seed so the next time goes smoothly and is more appropriate to the circumstance.
Take a closer look at what I wrote you and you'll see something very interesting.
Notice the timing.
When we were busy or she was distracted, yes I DID manage to divulge myself a little, BUT I held back from approaching her.
So what would have happened if I never got the moment to alleviate the tension of our eye contact can create for a couple days?
She could have easily been misled into believing or thinking,
"WHY? Why is he staring at ME?"
It shows us how easily you can mistake something when you take it out of context.
It also tells us there's absolutely no way of telling what type of guy you're dealing because of circumstance. If I didn't get the moment to approach her I could have come off as some slimy stalker, pathetic fool, or just another guy gawking at her body.
Let's face it, she had to know at some level how "hot" she was.
Okay in a way I was... "gawking" but I have no reservations about my sexual appetite.I mean she was pretty hot and I'm positive women even do the same thing to each other - except they add, "She's so beautiful!" or "I hate how gorgeous she is!"
No need to mention the guys you check out because I'm sure you already know what goes on in your mind when you're doing it.
This is how us guys think.
When it comes to eye contact, if the moment doesn't arrive, we tend to resort to the "worst possible outcome" making it much more difficult to once again, begin the courtship process.
That's the flee part.
I would say most of the time we WANT to "plant a seed" and sometimes we do, but because of circumstance, personal inhibitions, luck, and more... the seed doesn't get watered or firmly planted.
We're left with a staring contest... and forever unsure.
Eye contact can mean everything because of what happens after and not necessarily why it happens between a sexually aware man or woman.
Think about all this the next time you catch a guy "checking you out" or making prolonged eye contact with you and I'm sure this understanding will leave you in a better place, smiling in that coy way you do.
Please check out the related articles I posted below to further explain the stares, the gawking, and if a guy does or does not approach you.
- Why Do Guys Stare at Girls?
- He’s Making Eye Contact & Staring At You Means This – How To Approach Him
- Why Guys Stare, Say Hello, Get Your Number, But Not Make The Next Move
- How To Approach A Shy Guy – When And How To Talk To The Quiet Men
- Why Does A Guy Stare At A Woman But Not Approach Her
Credits:
Photo by Daniel Xavier found at Pexels.
“‘So what would have happened if I never got the moment to alleviate the tension eye contact can create for a couple days?””
A couple of days? Months.
Amber,
I’m going to say that if it lasts for months it’s probably that the guy can not approach her. Meaning he’s not single OR doesn’t know what to say AND/OR doesn’t have much confidence around women.
I’ve mentioned before that when a guy crosses a line and stares for too long, he’s less likely to ever act on it.
The guy feels at this point, either SHE doesn’t want him to approach OR she’ll think he’s creepy OR even might be thinking, “Why bother at this point. She must know I’m checking her out and since she hasn’t come forward, she must not be interested or find me attractive anyways.”
I hugged this man once & gave a ‘tight squeeze’ just as i was leaving.
Afterwards; he gave piercing eye-contact & with a very serious face.
I was afraid he actually hated me for doing it, like i’d done something wrong. Thought he was going to fight & annihilate me. It was quite an intense experience.
Now i don’t know what to think!?
What do you think Peter?
I will admit that yes, there are rare circumstances where the guy might feel that way after a tight hug BUT they are definitely not the norm. A guy might be harboring deep feelings and feels rejected. Therefore he’d resent her for “doing that” to him OR if a past experience might in unsuitable to do something like that (in public.) There may be a few more I haven’t thought of yet.
Still – my intuition tells me this is a feeling you’ve crafted yourself.
YOU were afraid he hated you for doing it.
YOU felt like YOU did something wrong.
YOU imagined his serious stare as a prelude to a fight because…
YOU went in flight or flee mode after the eye contact.
When you experience something which feels intense to you, your emotions are heightened and are more likely to “project” on to someone else and easily misread the situation.
This type of thing happens a lot to guys who are afraid to approach women AND because men are not usually as good as women in reading subtleties of social interactions with women.
Okay, yes MaryH – I’m willing to say that his stare was probably misread by you, meaning you projected a little BUT there IS a chance, because of that last statement, he was definitely reading or guessing the hug meant something else.
I’m sure, based on your knowledge of the experience and how it relates to your life with him in it – and from what I’ve given you – you’ll have the answer which fits perfectly.
That’s what I think. 🙂
Thanks very much Peter.
You really help to alleviate my mental anguish i appreciate you!
I am worried just encase he was reading or guessing the hug meant something else.
( Yep, i feel its wrong, but this was only after seeing his reaction, i started to second guess myself. I wasn’t expecting that outcome. i.e the piercing gaze!)
It felt uncharacteristically intense & different from our usual easy breezy interactions.
I really need to be more aware of boundaries and it all gets a bit overwhelming at times.
It wasn’t a prolonged squeeze i gave.
(He actually did that to me once, i think he was trying to lift me up off the ground, i felt crushed to death in a bear-like grip!)
He always gave a hug on greeting and leaving so this time i kind of
gave a quick squeeze whilst hugging as he was leaving.
(Gosh, never thought hugs could be such hard work! haha! )
Well, I managed to get myself rather unexpectedly kissed by a married man at a party at the end of last month.
When he went out to smoke his vape, I went out to talk to him, because I’d shouted at him earlier for eavesdropping on me when I was talking to somebody else about him and my situation with him.
He told me it didn’t matter – he wasn’t angry with me for being attracted to him.
We lapsed into silence for a time – and ended up staring deeply into each other’s eyes.
Then he bent down and kissed me.
But he had to turn it into the Spanish dos besos goodbye because his wife and my male flatmate were watching us out of the window!
He is Spanish, I am English and he has never before (or since) greeted me or said farewell this way.
I did get the distinct impression that it was a bit too passionate for a Spanish goodbye.
He kissed me on the cheeks, yes, but a bit too close to my lips. He hugged me the Spanish way, but a bit too close to him. He had a very serious, slightly strained expression on his face as he kissed me – and he closed his eyes, which I really don’t think Spanish people do with dos besos.
So I gave him dos besos back.
My flatmate later told me that it all seemed too intense for a genuine Spanish goodbye.
I don’t know what his wife thinks – apart from the fact that she seems to be SCARED of me – and he doesn’t seem to be terribly close to get or like her all that much.
Now I am seriously wondering if a woman can force a man to kiss her …
I think he’s probably one of your type 2 men, by the sounds of things.
Usually when he sees me, he grins broadly and stares at me intently while he speaks to me.
He keeps making excuses to come up and talk to me, he talks for such a long time that he’s often held other customers up (he’s a barista in a coffee shop) – and I am pretty sure
that management have occasionally reprimanded him for it.
He seems to be perfectly professional with all the other customers the rest of the time, from what I can gather.
Other people definitely think there is something going on when he talks to me like this. Just the other week, two teenage boys were in hysterics at the sight.
Yet occasionally he goes very quiet and cold on me.
Like yesterday.
Didn’t speak very much. Didn’t make any excuses to talk to me when he went past. Didn’t stare at me.
I don’t know if this is due to him feeling guilty because he is married, guilty because his boss reprimanded him – or angry with me because he really doesn’t like me.
I don’t know what to do, I find him so attractive it’s very difficult for me, and so I’m here to learn more about men.
Thanks for sharing Fiona.
I do believe you’ll learn about men here so keep coming back of course, tell your girlfriends too. Share it as much as you like.
My personal advice to you is to stop trying to figure out married men and why they do the things they do. You’ll only find yourself in bad positions which are not only confusing but not very helpful when it comes to attracting men and such. A man’s type should not matter to you if he’s in a relationship UNLESS you are the one who he is in a relationship with, right?
Thanks again for taking the time to leave your experience. I do appreciate it… all the best.
Well, you’re quite right his personality type shouldn’t really matter to me – but I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being played by him.
I admit I am not very experienced with men, which is probably why I’ve been feeling so flattered at all this attention I’ve got from him.
I know you’re going to tell me I’ve now got to go out and date all these other attractive men – but where ARE they?
Or do I have to force myself to have a relationship with a man who’s not so attractive to me, just as long as he’s highly attractive to me – and genuinely single, not just telling me lies and omissions about it?
Nope – never force yourself to date you’re not attracted to just because he’s attracted to you.
Lucky for you I’ve wrote a plan on how you can meet men over at meet and attract him. Maybe it will help you out.
Advice on How and Where To Meet A Guy, Getting Out Of Your Own Way