He’s Making Eye Contact & Staring At You Means This – How To Approach Him

Guy Stare Eye Contact Shy Approach

Hello Peter,

There’s this guy who has been staring at me. I met him this week and at the start of the week he sat across from me in the classroom so that I was in his sight of vision.

He would stare at my occasionally during class and when I would leave, he would sometimes lean back on his chair and stare at me. He’s starting to move closer to where I sit.

For instance today my friend sat between us and when I asked her a question, he turned around and I just felt a pang of guilt when I saw his realization that the question was not directed to him.

When he’s with his friends I don’t think he stares at me but I cannot be sure because I don’t look his way/I’m usually walking in front of them. The thing is, I think I may have also developed a small crush.

My question is that, I am quite shy around guys so when I catch him staring at me I always break the stare first because I am too shy to maintain eye contact.

Would he take this as a sign of rejection?

I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them.

What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move?

Or should I initiate conversation?


Hello to you too Annie. I'g going to answer all your questions. When we're done you will understand what all this eye contact stuff means, the approaching thing, the interest part, and if you should approach or start a conversation with him instead of waiting for him to make the "first move".

First let's talk about proximity - when a guy positions himself close to you and doesn't say a word.

When a guy gets closer to you or is finding excuses to be around you, he's what I call a lurker or he's basically lingering. It's a typically thing for a type two guy to do.

He's unsure of what to say or how to approach you and he thinks it's more likely to happen if he "accidentally" finds himself talking to you.

Which is why he positions himself close to you.

A guy generally knows he's doing it, and he senses it's wrong, but he just can't help himself... most of the time.

Your reaction to it or how it makes you feel will in part depend on HOW he does it. Some women find it creepy, some don't even notice, and some are only confused by it. Such as in your case.

You have to realize (if you don't by now) that lots of guys don't understand how all the approaching women after making eye contact works.

They either approach too early, too late, fail to make the right eye contact, don't read the signals properly, or, as in your case, try to put themselves closer and closer to you "hoping" a conversation will happen OR that you'll take the pressure off of them by taking the first step.

Now let's talk about eye contact - what it means and how it's supposed to work.

When you make eye contact with a guy or he makes it with you it's (generally) considered a sign of submission in the human mating ritual.

It's not a sign or signal of a lack of confidence - it circumstances like this (dating and mating) avoiding eye contact shows a lack of confidence or is a sign of being shy.

Once your eyes meet the process begins.

Unfortunately lots of guys just don't get or understand the steps of mating - they'll actually believe when eye contact is made and you look away - that you're rejecting them.


If you hold your gaze for a second or two then look someplace else, normally down, then you ARE doing it right if you want to be approached because that's your "animal" side telling a guy it's okay to come and talk to you.

The "better" men will recognize it the right way. The less confident might not. The better men being the type one guys and the other are the type twos.

YES - it's VERY important to know or recognize which type he is to make things go much smoother for you - it's too easy to misread a type two because, again, they just don't GET IT. You can learn all about them in my free ebook below when you sign up: "Understanding Men Made Simple - There Are Only Two Types Of Guys."

A more precise NLP version of eye contact as it relates to our very developed mating rituals goes like this:

Women who look up, left or right (after eye contact) are generally showing the signal of not caring, disgust, or are not ready. Men will often take this as a sign that they do not want to be approached OR they must work harder to capture her interest and start a conversation.

Women who look to the sides (after eye contact) are unsure and perhaps are looking around to see if the guy is looking at someone else and not her. This sends an indecisive signal to a guy and you'll normally notice the guy will become undecided or unsure if it's okay to approach you.

Remember we're NOT talking about strange creepy weird staring. Just normal everyday eye contact. There's a difference but I'm sure you can and do notice the subtleties. This is about social approaches and reading further into gets very complicated and unnecessary.

IF you want a guy to approach you FIRST then hold your eye contact with him for a brief moment, then look down with your eyes (not your head) - then look back up at him and go about your business.

By doing that you're giving a guy the green light to approach you. You're telling him it's okay and you're open to him starting a conversation with you.

BUT, as stated above, lots of guys are confused over what is really happening and it in NO way guarantees he will approach you or start a conversation. There are too many internal and external variables as in his confidence and experiences in these things.

Next up - you wrote...

"I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them.

What should I do?

Should I wait for him to make a move?

Or should I initiate conversation?"

General interest in you may be hard to recognize from a shy or nervous guy but it's not impossible.

The good news is...

Men don't go "stupid" around women they're not physically attracted to. If you've caught him staring he DOES notice the small smiles. He is more than likely feeling that for you.

Type twos can be very uncomfortable around women they find attractive. They'll act nervous and unsure about themselves and unsure what to do with their bodies. Therefore they tend to fidget a lot.

He's noticed the smiles BUT he's just not sure if they're directed at him or even what they mean.

Guys are not typically good at recognizing these subtle hints women throw out.

Your smile was a GREAT place to start - it's inviting to a guy whether he takes the invitation or not.

However - in cases like this IF you want him to come to you - more must be done to boost his confidence and so he understands it's okay to start a conversation with you AND that he MUST do it if things are to proceed forward.

You could play with your hair casually when you notice he's looking at you. Men take it as sign of a woman being attracted to them.

They may not be right most of the time - in other words reading a woman's body language in that way and out of context is totally useless BUT if a guy thinks that's what it means AND you want him to approach you - then why not use it, right?

Keep up the eye contact, the right way.

Smile like you've been doing.

Play with your hair once in a while when you notice he's looking at you.

IF all this fails and he still won't come to you... don't wait forever and DO something about it or you could be waiting forever especially if he's young, inexperienced in these matters, and scared too.

Don't hesitate or delay anymore because it will get harder the longer you wait.

Just say "Hello." and start talking about anything which pops in your head - within reason of course if you actually want him to stay interested in you.

That's all there is to it.

Here's a more precise plan which will make him feel at ease and more comfortable to open up to you.

Walk up to him - give him a small coy smile, look in his eyes for just a moment, look down at his mouth for a very brief second, and then back to his eyes and say with a slight "accusational" but cute funny tone to your voice,

"Hello. There's something I know about you..."

Reach down to shake his hand lightly and then say,

"I KNOW You have a name... ... ... What should I call you? I'm Annie."

This works so well on shy and type two guys because:

You started off by showing confidence in yourself and that will inspire confidence in himself.

You made the approach and disregarded all the who-should-approach-who nonsense which erased his fears of public rejection or starting a conversation without knowing what to say.

Your soft gaze to his mouth back to his eyes actually motions a guy that you're available and since it's normal a prelude to a kiss - it tells him that you're feeling attracted to him AND you're open to a conversation fully.

This also adds a little flirty and sexual edge so he doesn't feel like you're just looking for a friend which also boosts his confidence and helps secure his self-esteem around you.

Your shaking of his hand immediately breaks the touch barrier. By doing so it eliminates a lot of the tension and uneasiness guys like this feel when they're close to a woman.

By starting the conversation with, "I know something about you..." lets him believe you've noticed him and guys love to be noticed. That's for sure. Especially their physical attraction.

You also give him the opportunity to flirt with you by asking him what you should call him.

The last part.

Well it's your name "Annie" so make sure he never forgets it.

PLUS after all that - you're now in a great positive to gauge HIS reaction to everything you've done which will give you all you need to know to see if he's truly interested in you or not.

In conclusion...

Guys will often position themselves to a woman they're attracted to without saying a word hoping she will start a conversation. It's generally of sign of physical attraction AND a typical thing for a type two guy to do.

When eye contact is made - if you look away first and then down AND the guy gets it - it's a sign of submission and typically seen as an open invitation to come over to you and talk.

Some will take it as a rejection but others won't. It depends on the type of guy he is, his experience, his confidence, and  more.

It can be tough to figure out a shy or nervous guy's interest in you but if the staring is there, if he's doing the "getting closer to you" thing and holding his gaze on you - those are very CLEAR signs of physical attraction and interest in getting to know you.

If all these things are happening and he's still not coming to you - make it easier on him, give him more "go ahead" signals so he'll have a better chance at getting the point.

If that fails - you MUST initiate the conversation and when done right (as in what I wrote above or some version of it) all else will be shown.

What you want to achieve when you approach a shy guy is:.

  • Exchange smiles and eye contact.
  • Inspire his confidence by being confident yourself.
  • Look at his mouth and then back to his eyes at least once or twice.
  • Flirt casually almost immediately.
  • Shake his hand to break the touch barrier.
  • Offer your name and get his and get him to say your name at least once in the first few minutes.
  • Let him know "indirectly" that you've noticed something about him.

Here's another article I wrote to help you approach and start a conversation with a guy like this:

How To Approach A Shy Guy – When And How To Talk To The Quiet Men

Feel free to let me know how it all works out and if my advice worked for you and any woman who visits this post.

Always happy to listen.

I do hope the next time a guy stares at you you'll think of this post and through the positive knowledge you learned today - you're a little less shy - more confident - and open to quickly move on from eye contact, to meeting, to truly connecting with a guy.

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This article was posted in Is He Interested In You? Does He Like You? Signs & Signals Of Attraction, What Men Are Thinking About When They Stare, Gaze, or Look At You

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115 comments… add one
  • Joanna

    I use the same tactic of being in close proximity in hopes my crush will talk to me. I thought it was a typical shy person thing to do. I tried it on my commuter crush but after a few minutes I walked away. I could have started the conversation but I didn’t want him to bother him as he was on his phone as usual. He could also be taken but I have no clue.

    Well it had been months since I saw him then out of no where there he his at the bus stop. I never seen him at that time so I was caught off guard. He sat down in the closest seat near me. I couldn’t tell if he did it on purpose but I was ecstatic because maybe we’d actually have a conversation. We’ve made eye contact multiple times before but I always look away because I feel too overwhelmed. We have spoke briefly in passing for manners such as saying “excuse me” and “thank you” when walking by.

    I saw him again about a month ago but looked busy when he passed by me so my interest wouldn’t be obvious. He did not sit near me that time. He had on a new nice jacket and I wanted to compliment him but I chickened out.

    I should probably let it go but if I ever see him again I’d still like to talk unless he’s taken of course. I didn’t see any ring on his hand but that doesn’t mean he’s single. Plus he hasn’t made any moves to start a conversation with me so I figure he’s not interested. Granted I didn’t give the clearest signals but I can take this as a lesson learned.

  • Stacy Hannah

    My sister’s neighbor is always starring at me whenever I go to visit her.
    He will go out of his way to come out of his apartment to see me but won’t even nod his head to say “hi.” I said “hello, how are you doing?” when I ran into him at the super market. That was totally out of character for me, because I never approach or make the first move, ever. I gave him a smile. I always made the effort to at least say “hi.”All I ever get from him is staring. After a while, I stopped saying “Hi” because I felt he wasn’t really interested or he might be staring because he has a habit of staring at people. I don’t go to see my sister often but when I do, he will run out to see me and bring his friends out with him. He owns the store in the same building as his residence. He will bring out his friends and they all stare at me. He even followed me on my rout back home but he never followed me all the way back home. He always drives past me when I am exiting the highway. I don’t know what to think.

  • Avy nicole

    Hello Mr.White,

    There’s this guy who is my childhood close friend way back in 2007
    but as the time goes by our friendship fades, things got awkward between us, we rarely see and talk to each other, Inshort we drifted apart. fast forward..
    After the awkward thingy years for us,
    He started act different all of a sudden around me everytime we see each other like He’s always staring at me for soooo longggg , he never looked away , he teased me once that he’s falling inlove w/ me, He always stood/sat beside me , he’s w/ his gf when He loudly call my name so that ill notice him around many people, he never really care if he catches peoples attention and only care about if i noticed him , He randomly ask me about my life and kinda cares where i live now.

    I just wanna know if he wants to talk to me coz i’m very bothered and at the same time confused of how strange he acts even he has gf now.To be honest, he’s gf hates me, she giving me snob look all the time even if i show kindness to her.

    I wanna know what’s on his mind? and
    How will i act or What to do?
    Can you pls tell me Mr.White?

    please help me Mr.White,Thanks!
    p.s- pls bare with my grammars. 🙂
    I’m asian Btw hahaha

    • I’ll give you a quick answer Avy – he’s playing games with you and his girlfriend. He’s not acting respectable at all. which is why his girlfriend does not like you.

      I’m not in the habit of “telling” people what to do and I’m not in a position to “help” you get him or figure him out, because he has a girlfriend.

      I will only say, stay away. He’s bad news.

  • Kammy

    Hey Pete, just need a direct-to-the-point advice on you regarding this matter. It’s about a guy in the gym that I’ve gotten familiar with for the past 3 months since he is a regular like me. Thing is, we haven’t talked at all, not even a “HI” or a brief smile. I really don’t understand why he just won’t start any simple and quick conversation the least, and just get near to where I usually workout… He always have his earphones on so it takes me millions of second thoughts to even approach him finally. Anyway, I would like to share a recent event that has happened to us. I went to the gym yesterday, did a couple of routines and he came by. As usual he did some exercises that I am familiar of him doing. And then he was putting some discs on his barbel then did some shoulder push-ups. A girl who did not know he was still using it got it and he said, hey, i’m not yet done with it, put it back. SO the girl was kinda embarrassed about it and put it back. I was so off about what he did so as soon as I finished my routine I walked away. I went to this leg machine, then he walked towards me – looked at me and I looked back bit rolled my eyes a bit. He sat beside me with another machine. He did a few legwork and then walked away. I saw another guy and smiled and chit chat… The guy I am crushing on was partially looking at our direction with serious eyes. He was not in a good mood I bet and was fixing his barbel like he was annoyed or something. Since there was a party after, there was a buffet so i got foodies… I passed by him and he was looking back but then slightly rolled his eyes on me… After like 20 mins… of food eating… I walked to the locker to get some things… He was apparently there fixing his stuffs… I saw him first so pretended that I did not see him and just continued on my with fixing. But I know (I could see from periphery) that he was looking at me. And he stood behind me but did not say a word or anything… estimate around 5 seconds too…. then he left right away after.

    • Peter White

      Hey Kammy,

      Okay, direct and to the point.

      You haven’t spoken to this guy. He’s made no effort to introduce himself to you. He appears to be at the gym to do one thing and one thing only – workout.

      So… chances are he’s not interested, doesn’t want to start a conversation, doesn’t want to use the gym to meet women, could be his private get away, could be that he doesn’t want to get too involved with any of the women there for reasons which may ruin his experience there if something goes wrong.

      Whatever his reasons are IF he’s not approaching you and saying “hi” and you’re not introducing yourself to him in any way – then just let it be. Check him out if you want but why get so involved or wrapped up in something that is not happening, especially if you’ve made no effort like him, to meet each other.

      I would expect him to be put off by your “eye rolling” and he just gave it back to you. He probably felt judged. He probably felt like you were upset with him and although it did affect him a little, it appears it’s not that big of a deal to him.

      Also, with all this “eyeing” him and then you so easily started a conversation with another guy. I will tell you that any man who is in the least aware of his surroundings will almost INSTANTLY assume you’re playing a game. Like you’re trying to make him jealous. When a guy feels a woman is playing a game, any guy with choices or respect for himself will probably stay away.

      Now I’m not one to so nothing going to happen between you two. Hey, anything goes and I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen people hook up under the strangest conditions and I’ve seen man and women get together who “apparently” hated each other.

      BUT… if he’s not making the effort, he either is not interested, doesn’t know how, or doesn’t want to ruin the gym experience for himself.

      Which means YOU must be willing to put yourself out there and say “Hello” and start the conversation. Otherwise – why worry- why bother – it’s just a guy, right? And there are plenty of guys out there for you.

      All the best and hope this has helped you figure out some stuff about your situation,

  • Beth

    Hi, so I’m still in high school. Since the start of this year I’ve developed this crush on a boy in one of my classes. I’ve always found him attractive but at the beginning of the year he went out of his way (and got told off by a teacher for getting out of his seat in class and also shouting at classmates to get up and help me out- because I was carrying a chair) to hold open a door for me and ever since I just keep noticing all of the sweet things he does. I don’t know whether he likes me or not but I stare at him a lot in the class I have with him. I have to turn around to do so but I do it anyway (probably not very subtle.) but anyway; sometimes when I go to stare at him I notice him staring at me. I’m not sure if he looks away or not but I’ll hold eye contact for a couple of seconds before chickening out and turning around or starting a conversation with someone in that direction in order to play it off. it’s really distracting me in this lesson and I really can’t work out whether he’s interested or not. I feel like he’s way out of my league so it’s difficult to believe that he could possibly be interested but I’m just really confused. I’m scared to approach or tell him I like him but I feel like he might need a push if he is interested. Any advice?

  • Jasmine

    Seven months ago I randomly noticed this guy at the gym, I didn’t think anything of it at the time because I don’t ever notice guys at the gym, I usually just go to get my workout in and leave. I was definitely attracted to him, but I didn’t think I would see him again. Well, after a month we ended up at the gym at the same time…I was putting a weight away when I walked past a machine and caught a glimpse of him staring at me, he immediately looked away. Ever since that time we’ve been showing up to the gym at the same time and I slowly started noticing that he was staring at me A LOT. He would even go work out at machines that were right in front of me just so he could look at me.

    He always shows up to the gym with a couple of his friends, but they each do their separate thing. He started doing things that would get my attention, like passing the room I was working out in on purpose every time he came in and he even tried several times to approach me, but never had the courage to say anything or introduce himself. Sometimes he ignored me and I was getting so frustrated because I thought he was being rude on purpose, but it took me a while to figure out that he was a shy guy. My friends kept encouraging me to talk to him and make a move because I wasn’t losing anything by doing so, but I am more traditional and I prefer when a man is the one to approach me.

    I was still observing his behavior around me and noticed that he was still acting the same way and still showing interest, but no communication was being made. One of his friends was even looking at me and smiling, as if he knew something. I also wanted to make sure that he wasn’t trying to flirt with any other girls and thankfully, he only had eyes for me. 🙂 After 4 months of the non-communication I finally decided to approach him, also because I didn’t want to have any regrets in my life. I had asked someone about him and they told me that he has a lot going for him and he’s working on several projects (work-wise). One night, he was working out right where he could see me, I ended up grabbing weights in that same area and we ran into each other. He said “hi” and smiled and I also said “hi” and smiled back at him, then I proceeded with conversation and said “I see you here all the time but I don’t know your name” and he sticks his hand out and goes “oh, I’m Jay” and I gave him my name and said “nice to meet you”. He looked nervous as hell so I continued the conversation asking about his work and his website. He told me the name of his website and he tried joking with me asking if I would remember. I told him “yes, I have pretty good memory”, he smiled and I told him that he can come and say hi any time, he smiled and said “ok I will”.

    We kept seeing each other again, but he still didn’t feel comfortable enough to come and say hi, but he was still working out in front of me hoping to get my attention. Two weeks later, he came to work out in front of me again…he went to get some water and looked at me and smiled and waved…I smiled and waved back and he just kept walking back and forth looking at me. I didn’t want to wait any longer so I just waved for him to come over. He ran over to me and again looked nervous…I said hello and he said hello back and smiled. I started conversing with him again asking about work and how he’s doing and he stared at me and said “wow, you’re really short…how tall are you?” I just looked at him and laughed at how cute he was, I knew he wasn’t trying to be rude, it was just the nerves talking. He was having a hard time giving me any eye contact during our conversation.

    After a few minutes of us talking, he told me he was going to finish working out and before he left I had my phone number written down on a piece of paper. I put the piece of paper in his hand and he was gripping my hand and smiling and I said “this might come in handy” and he sheepishly laughed. We said our goodbyes and I was excited to talk to him the next time. I knew he wasn’t going to text me right away, being he’s a shy guy and all, but I saw him at the gym again the next week and I tried not to be offended that he didn’t text me. He was still really cute and friendly…still coming around me and making it a point to see me and say hi. Well 2 weeks went by with no text and I see him again and he looks at me and smiles and he was trying to approach me. I went up to him and we talked and we shook hands again as that was his signal lol, then I welcomed him to text me, just in case he was still feeling nervous. When I told him that, he said “I will, I promise” and then I said “you will?” and he goes “I give you my word.”

    I still didn’t get any text from him and was still seeing him at the gym. I didn’t understand why he would say that if he had no intention of wanting to date me. He was still coming by me and saying hi. I was still friendly towards him but I decided not to do anything further since I did all I could and the rest was up to him to pursue me. One night, he randomly came up to me out of nowhere and said hello, smiled, we joked again and then he goes “I need to talk to you…I don’t want you to think I’m being an asshole because I know you gave me your number and I don’t want you to think “why hasn’t he hit me up”, I’m not that kind of guy that does that. But right now…I really don’t have time for anything else. I’m working 20 hour days and I’m working really had now so that I don’t have to work as hard in the next 5 years…I’m just being honest with you.”

    I was so shocked and blind-sided when he told me that. To be honest I was kind of heart-broken too. Why would he do all the things he did to get my attention? Why would he make it so obvious that he is interested and even attempt to approach me when he doesn’t have the time? If he knew he didn’t have the time from the very beginning, why would he even try to get my attention in the first place? If he didn’t make all those attempts, I never would’ve even tried approaching him let alone even talk to him. I’m just so pissed at how the whole situation ended. Then the next week he still shows up to the gym as if nothing happened, I felt so awkward. Yet he was still working out in front of me and staring and I was ignoring him of course because of how pissed I am. He obviously knows I’m annoyed, but I’m not really sure how he feels about it, I don’t even know if he cares. I’m sure he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings on purpose and I don’t think he’s lying about being busy because I know he’s working a lot, I just wish he didn’t approach the situation the way he did. I’m still pretty angry and I’m not sure things will ever change between us.

  • Ray

    So there’s this guy who is always staring right back at me. Not sure which one of us stares first but I can’t stop looking. I’m too shy to approach him first and my pride won’t let me look away first. What should I do?

  • Annie

    I noticed a guy at the gym staring at me multiple times. ( he’s always there at the same time as me) One time, as i walked by and saw him looking, I smiled, then he smiled back. After that there was more eye contact and smiles. On many occasions, I could tell that he maneuvered himself so that he was close to me. I really felt like he was going to approach me.
    But he never did.
    So I, stupidly, decided to try to break the ice. I told him that; I noticed hom working out hard, and that the way he worked was “impressive”.
    He responded with something along the lines of ” i never noticed you noticing me”
    It was EXTREMELY awkward. I felt like he was trying to make sure I knew that I wasnt noticeable to him 🙁
    ….I kind of excused my self by saying that he probably wanted to get back to it …and walked away
    I spent a few days…making sure that i didnt look in his direction at all. And then I had a week off of work…so I went at a different time everyday.
    When I did go back…he perked up when he saw me…he kept trying to make sure he was in my line if vision.
    From that day on, it has gone back to lots of catching each other looking, him postioning himself close…and today, a shared smile.
    I really would like to meet him/ know his name…but i feel as though Ive ruined my chance.
    Do you think that there was ever a chance…if so…
    What should I do?

    • Maduabuchi

      The first time it happened he was being a true knob. Whether he noticed you or not, he could have just said thanks and be done with it.

      You should not let people turning you down get to you, even though as a guy every rejection takes me at least two weeks to get out of my system. But the lady in question makes it easier for me to forget them if they were rude to me. You can say know to an unrequited advance but treat people with respect.
      My advice is, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

  • Bella

    I hve a crush on my senior at my university hes in 4th year and im in 1st year the frst time we met was when i was sitng on the path waitng for somone to pik me up from home it was late about 8:00pm so i was the only one left there so its like i was bored of siting so i strtd walkng on the path it was thn whn he approached me from nowhere and he was like have u seen my frnd here and i was like n-no im frst year i dnt know whos ur frnd he was like ok strtd on the phn
    I startd to walk bck and forth slowly on the path he thn said r u afraid of me i was like no im not he was like realy i was like yea thn he said whyr u movng bck i said u-um im just moving he was like ok so he cald his frnd so i sat bck on the path he thn again aprchd me and said which year r u frm i said frst year and he askd my name i told him thn he was like whyr u so afraid of me am i scary i was likee noo no thats not true im not scared so he was smiling he said ok so come have a walk with me i lookd at him and said ok he smiled nd we strtd walking and talking after a few minutes i got a cal tht my mum was there to pik me so i got bck nd pikd my stuf he walkd with me bck there nd said tht my name is ***( i didnt evn askd his name … I was really shyyy ;_; ) and this isnt a movies dialouge but if u evr get in trouble anytime just call my name and smiled i lukd bck nd smiled thn he said god by nd said hope we meet again at uni i said sure
    I realy got a good vibe from him but just a friendly one it was the other day whn i reachd my uni nd saw him sitng at my bck bnch i stood up from there and went off i was taking my class when i saw him walk with his friend out side and he lookd at me and stoped there i got red and i dnt know wht i thought i just packd my stuff nd rushed out side i was going out the door when he just popd in again and it was so close we could hve had a bad crash i stepd aside and he looked at me and said how r u nd i was scared and cnfused nd said im fine i didnt know wht to do i just walkd the other way thn and he walkd in the room
    I used to met him till i got a arangemnt for the bus but when we met about a five times thn i dnt realy know what to thnk of it as i really love him alot hes like the perfect man i ever dreamt and wantd looks rough and tough and is soft as cotton ball from the inside
    When we met aftr the just about to crash thing it was again late but a few people wer around he aproachd me nd said hi and was like hows it goin and did u make friends i was like going gud but i hvnt made friends yet just one so he was like ok did u met anothr senior i was like no then he said do like some one i was likee 😶😶😶 no not realy he was like comon dnt lie theres always someone u look at and say i like him nd i was like in my heart uu ur the onee 😂 but i said him tht u cant judge someone by his looks and he smiled and said thats right nd thn i had to go so we said by the next time we met was also late me waiting he again aproachd me and said still here no one to pik and smiling i was like yeah he thn came by and strtd talkng so hve u made friends i was like ummm nahh just one he was like ull get used to it i was like no im not gona get used to it i know i dnt open up to people much and im not like the cool girls im not like anyone here(like cvrng with make up tht cool dressings and selfie madness and going to anyone and talkng to thm) he was smiling and said ull chng dnt worry i was like no i wont i know he smiled i thn said its like my star he askd whts ur star i told him nd he thn askd my birthday nd thn told me he has a friend whos just realy soft heartd nd hes a capricorn thn i was like hmm there was a bit silence for a sec thn i askd him hesitating whns ur BDay he told me i just pased a week a ago i was hmm he thn smiled nd said now wish me a late birthday i smiled nd shyly said hapy belated Bday he thn smiled nd laughed a bit and moved his hand for a friendly shake it was thn when we frst shaked hands thn i had to go too 😑
    So the next time we met he came and there were some of his friends siting the oposite side where we wer standng (around the tree) he was like so watsup i was like nothing much how were ur papers he said good thn his friends strtd making odd voices like owls nd monkeys and i looked bck he smiled and said if u stay this late these kind of people will scare u said no this is nothing when i used to sit on tht path there were people pasing by tht looked at me moved ahead and there eyes were still rolled bck he laughed 😍 (he looked so sweet) and said well theres a thing i was like silent and scared for a moment and didnt knew wht he might say so i was listening closely he continued ur eyes are really killing i was like whattttttt 😶😶😶 i had no idea if i had kiling eyes no one had evr complemntd that way before except my mum who used to say u hve drunken eyes nd stuff i kept my self stable not to react to much and laughed and looked away thn there was his friend who cald him nd said tht u said 5 mints and its been 10 mints since thn he was like ok im coming thn he again shaked my hand and said good by and went to his bike ( he had to drop his friend ) but he still even being on the bike kept waiting for another 5 mints for me tht someone would come but his friend was being annoyed so told him to go already he looked at me and they left nd aftr a while i also went
    Tht thing tht bothers me is he always looks at me he used to sit behind me when i was doing my work kept lookng at me i was extremly nervous and didnt know how to aproach him and talk to him i tried to talk to him alone so many times but i couldnt there wwas always a reason everytime and i know whenever i saw him and we made eye contact i could stare him bck i couldnt evn same him hi till now until he said hi i know i look so stupid but i just cant i havnt ever been in a relationship ever
    So the nxt time we met was aftr a long gap of two weeks or more and i know i used to come daily early and stAyed late that he might come and we’l talk but he didnt came regularly so the last time we talked was then when i missed my bus and came bck in and saw him going to the toilets i sat where i used to he came bck and was looking at me ( this was aftr a very long time tht we met again alone and i was looking frwd to this ) he said no one came to pik u and was smiling i was like no i went for the bus but missed it so he smiled nd said the driver left u i was like yeah so he said ok ill stay with u put his bag nxt to me and walkd to someone who just came out and asked him for a lighter and started to smoke he then moved to my right and started to smoke i got a call from my mum who told me tht the driver will be there to pik me in a few minutes when he saw me on the phn he came to me and sat next to me he had finish his smoking i said can i ask u somethng he was like sure i stoped for a moment and he was lookng at me being so silent then i just said why do u smoke he laughed and said i knew u were gonna ask it i was like no really why do people smoke so much here when they know its un healthy nd smoking kills he was like it hasnt been long sinc i strtd smoking i just got a cal tht the drivr was here he got silent and so i stood up and he looked at me and i said to be continued and he laughed and moved his hand to me and shaked good by i moved one step ahead and said smoking kills he said i dnt smoke alot thn i said poison in small amount is also enough he thn giggled and said yeahhh ( his tone chnged into a depresng serious and sad one ) looked in to my eyes nd said im also poison nd its all inside me his eyes looked so deep nd serious for a moment and his mood lookd chngd i didnt knew how to react i wantd to talk more i lookd at him and held my head down it was thn tht my phn rang again i quickly turnd it off he said u should go i felt so guilty tht i made him sad 😒 thn i left him saying him thnku for i dnt know wht
    And aftr this i know i hve seen him so less hardly once a week or mayb not i got so upset even though its not like we were in a relationship but still i was down the whole time
    Then when i saw him there he used to leave early because of his job i realy got depressed but when we still saw each other no one from each of us aproachd anyone of us but we stil kept looking
    Looking at each other noticing eachother
    Then this happened a few days ago when i saw him again with his friend after a whole two weeks he looked weak i got worried but excited the same time to see him me and my friends went to sit somewhere and have fun and by chnc they sat right infront of him we had about 50 feet distnc between us and we could see each other i was trying to act stupid and make him feel uncomfortable so i kept on talking casualy with my friends so one by one they all left during tht time he walked towards me with his friend talking at looking at me and thn moving around and laughing
    When all my friends left i still sat there waiting tht mayb he’l come by or somethng i knew it was stupid but i had to give it a shot i was sitting alone quietly when he came with his friend and i noticed like his friend was lookng at him and laughng And he was also laughing but had his head down and walked away then again he was coming from my left i saw his friend and quckly sliped a bit bck and had my head down quickly his friend noticed it and said him somthng so when he walkd again infrnt of me he was walking the othr side while his friend on my side and while they were walking his friend said somethng and laughed and the only thing tht i heard clearly was lover and they went to the other side i felt really odd and mesed up i knew i had to get up but my legs were shaking for i dnt wht he again came by with another friend of his
    The three of them were walking where they were sitng before and the other friend of his just said (saying his name ) u should sit here(tht position was just infrnt of me about 15/20 feet ahead ) i was like (fuc**) now what
    He thn moved abit far about 35/40 feet ahead and sat on a bnch there facng his bck at me while his friend facing me and the other one sitting somewhere else people were going and coming and in this time when a rush passed he looked bck at me i pretended i didnt saw him lookng at me i thought i had enough of it so when i saw a few girls from my class coming i went up and left for home
    Thts all and i dnt know what i shld b doing whts on his mind but its true tht i hve never seen him with anyother girl like hanging out alone and stuff its been 5 mnths that we hv met and the 6th is going
    Please tell me what to do im messed up so much

  • I’m 35. I work at a place that employs a lot of younger folks and the men of all ages tend to show interest in me, which usually leaves me stunned. Many of them leave the job after showing interest in me which makes me feel like a trouble maker for my boss. Some of them have a hard time being around me, which is hard for me to take and makes me angry! When they try to stick around the tension is always tight. They always end up friending it up with other females and leaving me in the dirt of isolation. I want to know how to change this.

    I haven’t had a date in 14 years so I guess I exude a lot of desperation, although, I’m not willing to settle for a soul. I don’t hit on or flirt with men intentionally, and I try so hard to show them I’m not a threat to them by showing I’m 100% not interested and okay with their rejection. Maybe I’m mistaking their kindness for interest which is why I try so hard to reassure them I’m all about the job at hand. Even though a couple obviously show interest. I don’t know how to deal.

    I’m no knock out. I’ve had a hard life and it shows hard, and I bet if I cut my super long hair off they’d never approach me again.

    • Peter White

      Amber – Why do you feel those men have a hard time being around you? What kind of tension are you feeling? Do you think it’s purely sexual or more of them feeling intimidated by you?

      About the “friending” it up with other females, does that mean you feel you deserve more attention than the other women OR that they give up on you too easily and just go to those other women because they might be easier to become friends with?

      It seems like you push a lot of men away. You’re not flirting with them. You show them you’re not interested and that it’s okay to reject you. Does that mean you put out an initial vibe that says, “You probably won’t like me anyways and I’m okay with it.” ?

      You also said, “I try so hard to reassure them I’m all about the job at hand.” Does this mean you’re telling guys in one way or another that, “I don’t date guys at work and I assure you I’m not or will not be interested in you (as a man).”

      Perhaps I’m having trouble figuring out what’s your exact question beyond – “I want to know how to change the fact they are friending other females and leave me isolated.” even though I’m reading between the lines and understand a lot more than you might believe. Meaning everything you wrote makes sense to me and I can relate to it.

      Which also tells me that you are projecting a masculine edge at work which unfortunately most guys don’t respond well to with regards to sexual appeal above and beyond the normal everyday guys thing. And yes, it’s work so I understand that part too.

      My gut then leads me to say – Work is work. And if that’s where you intend to find your date or have it work more socially for you – and if this is how you treat work – then your first goal would be to immediately start looking outside work. That is where you solution is. Life is a balance. Balance the the other part (meeting men outside of work socially and more) and suddenly these work problems won’t have a big impact on your work life.

      I’m a firm believer that work relationships are socially different than other social events and must be treated that way. There’s too much “overhead” and other complications which go above and beyond outside activities making it that much more difficult to figure out.

      If you look objectively on how you interact with men outside of your career – you’ll find the solution will become much easier to read, fix, enhance, or whatever needs to be done. And again, will in turn downplay any of these problems you might be having with guys at work.


      • Amber Gardner

        “You probably won’t like me anyways and I’m okay with it.” ?
        I think this 100%.

        I would date a man from work if I dated at all, but I don’t date period because I have some physical issues that aren’t on the surface. I’m not looking for a man anywhere.

        Thanks for responding!

        • Amber Gardner

          It has happened again!!!

          2o year old starts job months ago. Hit on me the whole time. I go on vacation a week ago and my first day back I learn he quit a week ago.

        • Amber Gardner

          False alarm. He still works there. So sorry!

    • Stacey

      About a month ago, I noticed this guy who always looks at me and just stares as we pass each other heading to class. He doesn’t say anything, but he just stares, then I’ll look up at him and stare too. He’s absolutely beautiful and id love to get to know him but I just don’t know how to. I think about him all the time, I even put extra effort in how I look even though I just simply walk past him. I wanted to give him a hint, so when he was staring at me, I gave him a small smile, and he did the same. So now, whenever we walk past each other, we just smile and move on. We are both rushing to class, so what should I do in order to talk to him? The semester is almost over and it would kill me if I never can see him again.

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