He’s Making Eye Contact & Staring At You Means This – How To Approach Him

Guy Stare Eye Contact Shy Approach

Hello Peter,

There’s this guy who has been staring at me. I met him this week and at the start of the week he sat across from me in the classroom so that I was in his sight of vision.

He would stare at my occasionally during class and when I would leave, he would sometimes lean back on his chair and stare at me. He’s starting to move closer to where I sit.

For instance today my friend sat between us and when I asked her a question, he turned around and I just felt a pang of guilt when I saw his realization that the question was not directed to him.

When he’s with his friends I don’t think he stares at me but I cannot be sure because I don’t look his way/I’m usually walking in front of them. The thing is, I think I may have also developed a small crush.

My question is that, I am quite shy around guys so when I catch him staring at me I always break the stare first because I am too shy to maintain eye contact.

Would he take this as a sign of rejection?

I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them.

What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move?

Or should I initiate conversation?


Hello to you too Annie. I'g going to answer all your questions. When we're done you will understand what all this eye contact stuff means, the approaching thing, the interest part, and if you should approach or start a conversation with him instead of waiting for him to make the "first move".

First let's talk about proximity - when a guy positions himself close to you and doesn't say a word.

When a guy gets closer to you or is finding excuses to be around you, he's what I call a lurker or he's basically lingering. It's a typically thing for a type two guy to do.

He's unsure of what to say or how to approach you and he thinks it's more likely to happen if he "accidentally" finds himself talking to you.

Which is why he positions himself close to you.

A guy generally knows he's doing it, and he senses it's wrong, but he just can't help himself... most of the time.

Your reaction to it or how it makes you feel will in part depend on HOW he does it. Some women find it creepy, some don't even notice, and some are only confused by it. Such as in your case.

You have to realize (if you don't by now) that lots of guys don't understand how all the approaching women after making eye contact works.

They either approach too early, too late, fail to make the right eye contact, don't read the signals properly, or, as in your case, try to put themselves closer and closer to you "hoping" a conversation will happen OR that you'll take the pressure off of them by taking the first step.

Now let's talk about eye contact - what it means and how it's supposed to work.

When you make eye contact with a guy or he makes it with you it's (generally) considered a sign of submission in the human mating ritual.

It's not a sign or signal of a lack of confidence - it circumstances like this (dating and mating) avoiding eye contact shows a lack of confidence or is a sign of being shy.

Once your eyes meet the process begins.

Unfortunately lots of guys just don't get or understand the steps of mating - they'll actually believe when eye contact is made and you look away - that you're rejecting them.


If you hold your gaze for a second or two then look someplace else, normally down, then you ARE doing it right if you want to be approached because that's your "animal" side telling a guy it's okay to come and talk to you.

The "better" men will recognize it the right way. The less confident might not. The better men being the type one guys and the other are the type twos.

YES - it's VERY important to know or recognize which type he is to make things go much smoother for you - it's too easy to misread a type two because, again, they just don't GET IT. You can learn all about them in my free ebook below when you sign up: "Understanding Men Made Simple - There Are Only Two Types Of Guys."

A more precise NLP version of eye contact as it relates to our very developed mating rituals goes like this:

Women who look up, left or right (after eye contact) are generally showing the signal of not caring, disgust, or are not ready. Men will often take this as a sign that they do not want to be approached OR they must work harder to capture her interest and start a conversation.

Women who look to the sides (after eye contact) are unsure and perhaps are looking around to see if the guy is looking at someone else and not her. This sends an indecisive signal to a guy and you'll normally notice the guy will become undecided or unsure if it's okay to approach you.

Remember we're NOT talking about strange creepy weird staring. Just normal everyday eye contact. There's a difference but I'm sure you can and do notice the subtleties. This is about social approaches and reading further into gets very complicated and unnecessary.

IF you want a guy to approach you FIRST then hold your eye contact with him for a brief moment, then look down with your eyes (not your head) - then look back up at him and go about your business.

By doing that you're giving a guy the green light to approach you. You're telling him it's okay and you're open to him starting a conversation with you.

BUT, as stated above, lots of guys are confused over what is really happening and it in NO way guarantees he will approach you or start a conversation. There are too many internal and external variables as in his confidence and experiences in these things.

Next up - you wrote...

"I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them.

What should I do?

Should I wait for him to make a move?

Or should I initiate conversation?"

General interest in you may be hard to recognize from a shy or nervous guy but it's not impossible.

The good news is...

Men don't go "stupid" around women they're not physically attracted to. If you've caught him staring he DOES notice the small smiles. He is more than likely feeling that for you.

Type twos can be very uncomfortable around women they find attractive. They'll act nervous and unsure about themselves and unsure what to do with their bodies. Therefore they tend to fidget a lot.

He's noticed the smiles BUT he's just not sure if they're directed at him or even what they mean.

Guys are not typically good at recognizing these subtle hints women throw out.

Your smile was a GREAT place to start - it's inviting to a guy whether he takes the invitation or not.

However - in cases like this IF you want him to come to you - more must be done to boost his confidence and so he understands it's okay to start a conversation with you AND that he MUST do it if things are to proceed forward.

You could play with your hair casually when you notice he's looking at you. Men take it as sign of a woman being attracted to them.

They may not be right most of the time - in other words reading a woman's body language in that way and out of context is totally useless BUT if a guy thinks that's what it means AND you want him to approach you - then why not use it, right?

Keep up the eye contact, the right way.

Smile like you've been doing.

Play with your hair once in a while when you notice he's looking at you.

IF all this fails and he still won't come to you... don't wait forever and DO something about it or you could be waiting forever especially if he's young, inexperienced in these matters, and scared too.

Don't hesitate or delay anymore because it will get harder the longer you wait.

Just say "Hello." and start talking about anything which pops in your head - within reason of course if you actually want him to stay interested in you.

That's all there is to it.

Here's a more precise plan which will make him feel at ease and more comfortable to open up to you.

Walk up to him - give him a small coy smile, look in his eyes for just a moment, look down at his mouth for a very brief second, and then back to his eyes and say with a slight "accusational" but cute funny tone to your voice,

"Hello. There's something I know about you..."

Reach down to shake his hand lightly and then say,

"I KNOW You have a name... ... ... What should I call you? I'm Annie."

This works so well on shy and type two guys because:

You started off by showing confidence in yourself and that will inspire confidence in himself.

You made the approach and disregarded all the who-should-approach-who nonsense which erased his fears of public rejection or starting a conversation without knowing what to say.

Your soft gaze to his mouth back to his eyes actually motions a guy that you're available and since it's normal a prelude to a kiss - it tells him that you're feeling attracted to him AND you're open to a conversation fully.

This also adds a little flirty and sexual edge so he doesn't feel like you're just looking for a friend which also boosts his confidence and helps secure his self-esteem around you.

Your shaking of his hand immediately breaks the touch barrier. By doing so it eliminates a lot of the tension and uneasiness guys like this feel when they're close to a woman.

By starting the conversation with, "I know something about you..." lets him believe you've noticed him and guys love to be noticed. That's for sure. Especially their physical attraction.

You also give him the opportunity to flirt with you by asking him what you should call him.

The last part.

Well it's your name "Annie" so make sure he never forgets it.

PLUS after all that - you're now in a great positive to gauge HIS reaction to everything you've done which will give you all you need to know to see if he's truly interested in you or not.

In conclusion...

Guys will often position themselves to a woman they're attracted to without saying a word hoping she will start a conversation. It's generally of sign of physical attraction AND a typical thing for a type two guy to do.

When eye contact is made - if you look away first and then down AND the guy gets it - it's a sign of submission and typically seen as an open invitation to come over to you and talk.

Some will take it as a rejection but others won't. It depends on the type of guy he is, his experience, his confidence, and  more.

It can be tough to figure out a shy or nervous guy's interest in you but if the staring is there, if he's doing the "getting closer to you" thing and holding his gaze on you - those are very CLEAR signs of physical attraction and interest in getting to know you.

If all these things are happening and he's still not coming to you - make it easier on him, give him more "go ahead" signals so he'll have a better chance at getting the point.

If that fails - you MUST initiate the conversation and when done right (as in what I wrote above or some version of it) all else will be shown.

What you want to achieve when you approach a shy guy is:.

  • Exchange smiles and eye contact.
  • Inspire his confidence by being confident yourself.
  • Look at his mouth and then back to his eyes at least once or twice.
  • Flirt casually almost immediately.
  • Shake his hand to break the touch barrier.
  • Offer your name and get his and get him to say your name at least once in the first few minutes.
  • Let him know "indirectly" that you've noticed something about him.

Here's another article I wrote to help you approach and start a conversation with a guy like this:

How To Approach A Shy Guy – When And How To Talk To The Quiet Men

Feel free to let me know how it all works out and if my advice worked for you and any woman who visits this post.

Always happy to listen.

I do hope the next time a guy stares at you you'll think of this post and through the positive knowledge you learned today - you're a little less shy - more confident - and open to quickly move on from eye contact, to meeting, to truly connecting with a guy.

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This article was posted in Is He Interested In You? Does He Like You? Signs & Signals Of Attraction, What Men Are Thinking About When They Stare, Gaze, or Look At You

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115 comments… add one
  • Memtua

    There is this boy in my school who is a notorious fuckboy and since recently we have been having eye contact, it started one morning when I came to school and saw him in the corridor and I looked at him and didn’t know whether to smile or not so we just stared at each other.
    The next day at the canteen I stared at him and he stared back at me and I ran out, later in the day he told my friend to call me to the library and he asked me why I was staring at him and I gave him a lame ass excuse
    Then we started talking and soon school was over and I told him I had to go home then he told me to stay then I told him I will talk to him another time then he told me that won’t happen because he just wanted to find out something
    Even since that day he and I have been having constant eye contact.

    • Peter White

      I didn’t find a question in your comment so I’ll assume you want to know what he’s thinking. I’ll keep it brief and blunt.

      You called him a fuckboy. He’s making eye contact with you. You’re checking him out. He’s checking you out. He’s being illusive. He’s being a little ballsy.

      If a “fuckboy” leaves victims or has a pattern which works for him – he’s betting on that you’ll be the next one. Be careful.


  • Susan

    Hello – I like this guy and I visit him occasionally for business. He shows interest by staring at me, sitting close to me, looking right in to my eyes, and flirting. He used to smile but now gives me blank stares. He makes me nervous so I can’t make long conversation with him. I break his blank stares by either looking back at him or looking down. This has been going on for couple of years. He hasn’t asked me out. He doesn’t seem like a shy guy but I know I am a shy girl. What should I do? Ask him out myself? Am I giving him wrong signals?

    • Peter White


      Two years of flirting and staring is a long time to go without asking you out or moving forward. This tells me one of a few things might be happening:

      1. He isn’t that interested in you.
      2. He is seeing someone else and only enjoys flirting with you.
      3. He won’t get involved or ask out a business partner or someone he does any kind of business with him.
      4. He can not find the right time or words or doesn’t know how to move from your current arrangement or circumstance to something more. LOTS of guys get stuck this way. They find it impossible to go from flirting to getting your number or asking you out. They either chicken out, come up with excuses to back out, OR never find the right opportunity to do so and when that moment arrives, they talk themselves out of it.
      5. You are not being painfully clear to him that you’re open to something more and even if you could, most guys just miss all the signals. They just don’t “get it” or see them.

      It’s probably a mixture of 4 and 5.

      The best thing you can do is find some common thing to talk about which will lead to doing something outside of work. Of course this means you’re going to have to engage him in a real conversation. It doesn’t have to be a long one. Just long enough to motion him to move forward or back off already.

      What do you two have in common? You could break off for lunch. It could be anything simple. It does not have to be complicated.

      Feel free to message me on twitter or facebook (or sign up so you can get my email) so you can give me some more details and I’ll see what I can come up with for you personally.


  • Kana

    Hi, I’m a highschooler and I’m not sure whether or not this guy stares at me. Whenever I look to my left and he’s to my right in class, I feel like he also looks my direction but when I turn back straight ahead, in the corner of my eye, I can see his head quickly jolt back. He’s done it quite a few times. Sometimes I think I can see his dark brown eyes by the corner of his eyes, trying to take a glimpse…but I’m so unsure….I shake it off and think to myself “oh, he’s probably looking at something else or the teacher was lecturing loudly and got his attention.” Oh and your article helped quite a bit! Thanks ♥

  • Gee

    Hello Peter,
    I really appreciate your thread as it gave me insights on how a guy’s mind works. In one of my humanities classes in college, I caught this guy staring at me out of nowhere, his face was blank and when I noticed him I was the first to break contact (I looked to the right). Ever since that day, I can feel him trying to sneak in some glances at me and it is weird because we never really talked. When the teacher says something funny in class, I sensed him looking at me as we all laugh. I was pretty sure that he has a thing for me but I was trying to ignore his hints as I was not ready to develop relationships at that time. However, one day I tried to make a small talk with him and asked how did the exam go for him but his response was really apathetic and he didn’t even look me as he walked quickly to the door. It was as if he does not want to talk to me and I found it a bit rude. I am confused now, does he like me or was it just my imagination?

    • Peter White

      Hello Gee,

      The thing about guys who stare a lot without ever doing anything about it, tend to be very shy. They might not be open to your advances because you’ll catch them off guard and spook them. 🙂 Either that or he was in a big hurry to get to somewhere. HAhaha!!

      I have no way of knowing if he likes you. That would be impossible for me to know. All I can keep saying is that (generally) guys stare at women they find attractive. Liking is something different.

      I doubt it was your imagination. Do guys stare at you a lot? Are you attractive, beautiful, pretty, have no problems with guys, etc… Those are clue that yes, another guy is checking you out and finds you attractive. But again, that’s attraction not “like” and doesn’t imply he will accept your advances or actually like you. There’s more to it for that to happen.

      Your guy friend,


  • Megha Patel

    Before the Christmas break started, the guy I used to like, has been making more and more eye contact with me. He even stops for a few seconds while making eye contact and smiles. He only stops for a while if I’m alone. I’m not sure what it means but, he slightly turns his body towards me. I dont know why but whenever we make eye contact he always make me nervous, even though I don’t like him. What does this mean about him?

    • Peter White

      Aside from everything else you wrote THIS means the most to me: “He only stops for a while if I’m alone.” Men are more likely to approach a woman (after eye contact) when she is alone. He’s waiting for the okay signal from you to start a conversation or for you to start it for him.

      If you’re showing signs of being nervous he might be feeling that for you although I’d say lots of guys would not get that signal or misinterpret it anyways or feel it, and think it’s them that’s nervous.


  • nithya

    There is a guy in my apartment and he stares at me a lot. Many times he is the first to stare and me second. he doesn’t look away when i see him immediately but slowly he walks away without talking at all. This happened many times and his stares haunt me. So one day i found him on fb and sent a friend request. He neither accepted it nor deleted it. Neither did he try to message on fb. I waited for 5 days. He added other people from his college.He still stared at me a day after that, standing near his car in the parking lot BUT didn’t smile or try to talk. I realized he will never accept me on fb (we do not know each other in person). Also he will not have courage to talk in person. I do not know how to approach either. I am shy too. Stuck in paradox, i decided to give up on him reasoning that he is a rich doctor with good looks and that i will never stand a chance anyhow.

    NOW almost 2 weeks later, I saw another guy who does almost the same, stares at me, looks at me when i am near but pretends to not notice me if i am the first to obviously stare at him. But many times he stares at me but when i see him he becomes nervous (i assume since he looks away or at phone He is especially very interested in staring at me with that blank intense look when he seems me talking to guys in our building. He seems to listen to me when i am talking with others but i never know. THE PROBLEM IS HE IS THE ROOMMATE/FRIEND of the first guy who stared at me and rejected my fb request politely. Now if i try to connect or chat with this new guy will the other guy know? Will it look awkward or is it okay to try the same formula? He is a doctor and is busy so we do not have common timings where i can see him and try to converse face to face. So again fb is the better option to start with. Can i send him message and see how he responds?

    I realized that this new guy is better at showing his interest (a 3rd guy who is this new guy’s friend seems to know his friend is interested in me. He is always with him), I mostly see him either in gym or while he is parking lot. He stares at me and waits for me to look at him before he gets into his car. When in gym he looks at me too and i noticed the close friend who knows his interest notices that i stare at him and him staring at me. So at least this sounds less foolish than running behind a guy who did not talk on fb or tell his friends if he liked me. So.. It is fine to talk to him on fb?

    I don’t know what will happen but if this guy doesn’t respond too, then i will have to reevaluate the concept of guys staring at me and showing interest in me.

  • Girlll

    Hi Peter, I’m currently a junior in high school and so is this guy in one of my classes. The teacher just moved our seats maybe a week ago so i’ve never talked to him before. He sits directly in front of me now and the 2 other students sit so that they’re facing our direction(i know it’s kind of confusing but i’m bad with descriptions) anyways it seems as if he is constantly looking at me or either my direction. i say the last part becuase one of his friends sits behind me but to the side a little so that he can talk to him or look at him while looking like he’s looking at me. His other friend sits behind me but all the way in the back of the classroom so it’s obvious. In total he has 3 friends that i could mistake for him looking at me. anyways this guy seems like he is ALWAYS staring at me. as if he wants me to catch him so he can play it off(confident guy). He always makes eye contact with me even though i don’t always do the same. He does this even if he’s talking to someone next to him or his friend and he sees me listening and looking at them(even though I’m not in the convo). He looks directly ahead (which would be at me) for more than one would normally. And if i’m looking at something behind him then all of a sudden make eye contact, he’ll divert his eyes. Now we’ve only been in this group for a little while so i don’t know if this is something to bother with. Sorry for this essay of a comment and i hope i’ve given you enough details. THANK YOUUUUU!!!!!

    • Peter White

      Hi “Girlll”.

      Junior high, high school, college, into adulthood most men stare at their attraction because they’re attracted to you. It’s (normally) a prelude to something else. Doesn’t mean that “something else” will ever happen or come about but that doesn’t change why it happens.


  • Maan

    Sometimes he does ask personal questions but not many a times

  • Maan

    I joined a new organisation 1.5 yrs back. I noticed a guy in my office staring at me.h e then initiated a conversation. I did not speak much and it ended there. But he continues to stare at me and he sometimes talks to me regarding work and it ends there. He starts smiling without reason when we speak n keeps gazing for few seconds even after I have given answer to his questions n then reacts. Sometimes he ignores me and is rude. But he is quite sweet to others so I try not to approach him for my work related issues. Sometimes I feel he comes up with questions unnecessarily. I’m confused with his behaviour. Why is he being rude to me when I approach him and then why unnecessaryily initiate conversation n keep staring n smiling

  • Heather

    Hi peter,
    I’m a sophmore in high school and so is my crush. I don’t know if he likes me though that’s why i need help. I always see him staring at me and so i smile for a second than i quickly look away because i get nervous. Every time i laugh he would be the first person to stare at me and smile. I asked my one friend ( which is also his best friend ) to ask him if he likes me and he said no. But i’m so confused because then why does he always stare at me and smile. I’ve known him since 6th grade when i moved out here. I need help? Does he like me and just trying to hide it from everyone? Or does he really not like me like that?

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