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He’s Making Eye Contact and Staring At You, But You’re Shy – What Does It Mean? Do You Approach Him?

in Stare and Approach
He’s Making Eye Contact and Staring At You, But You’re Shy – What Does It Mean? Do You Approach Him? post image

Hello Peter,

There’s this guy who has been staring at me. I met him this week and at the start of the week he sat across from me in the classroom so that I was in his sight of vision. He would stare at my occasionally during class and when I would leave, he would sometimes lean back on his chair and stare at me. He’s starting to move closer to where I sit. For instance today my friend sat between us and when I asked her a question, he turned around and I just felt a pang of guilt when I saw his realisation that the question was not directed to him. When he’s with his friends I don’t think he stares at me but I cannot be sure because I don’t look his way/I’m usually walking in front of them. The thing is, I think I may have also developed a small crush.

My question is that, I am quite shy around guys so when I catch him staring at me I always break the stare first because I am too shy to maintain eye contact. Would he take this as a sign of rejection? I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them. What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move? Or should I initiate conversation?

Annie

Hello to you too Annie,

I loved your question so much I decided to give a little more.

One because I love to talk. 😀 Two, because so many women have asked questions like this. And three because I get to cover some interesting things about guys – you may have never realized before.

This is where you’ll begin to truly understand the meeting, approaching, staring thing with guys (…and a little more too) and how different men react AND how to make sure the guy you really wants stands out.

First let’s talk about proximity.

When a guy gets closer to you or is finding excuses to be around you I call him a lurker. If he’s unsure of what to say, or how to approach you, he thinks it’s more likely to happen if he “accidentally” finds himself talking to you.

I did it for years myself in more social situations than just the classroom. It’s weird the way it happens because we know it’s going on but just can’t stop ourselves. It’s like you’re a siren calling us in with your song.

Your react depends on how he does it. Some women find it creepy, some don’t even notice, and some are only confused by it. Such as in your case.

I’ve taught guys to NEVER do this. How a woman will give you every available signal that she wants to be approached and to not hesitate doing it. How he must project confidence, overcome any fears of rejection, and after the right amount of eye contact – SHE will put herself in a place making it easy on him to approach.

For example I once had a “client” of mine sit next to me in a bar. We “scoped out” the women and noticed a few who were “checking us out.” He got nervous and excited and wanted to jump all over them.

But since I could tell they were not ready I told him to sit back and relax. Don’t stare. When she’s ready she’ll make it clearly known.

Well of course he couldn’t wait and he ended up approaching one with a stupid line. She blew him off and he slithered back to my side complaining how “She was a bitch.”

I knew the truth though and maintained my position and yes, within the hour, surprisingly when my friend was away at the bathroom, she just happened to be ordering a drink right next to me. And she could have done that from anywhere – but somehow she “accidentally” decided this was the best place to order from. 😉

My point is most guys don’t understand how it all works. They either approach too early, too late, fail to make the right eye contact, don’t read the signals properly, or, as in your case, try to put themselves closer and closer to you.

Which, as I explained to the man – she will do and if he does things right – she won’t even know she’s doing it.

Now let’s talk about eye contact.

As a woman, breaking the contact first tells men exactly the opposite of what you might believe. It’s a female sign of submission (for a lack of a more precise word) and not normally a lack of confidence. (That’s what WE teach to be precise. Obviously there’s a little more going on.)

But to so many men, they believe you’re doing it because you’re rejecting them.

If you hold your gaze for a second or two then look some place else, normally down, then you ARE doing it right. If you want to be approached. The “better” men will recognize it the right way. The less confident might not.

How us 10% guys notice or what we may look for. Women who look up, left or right are generally showing the signal of not caring, disgust, or are not ready. Women who look to the sides are unsure and perhaps are looking around to see if we’re looking at someone else.

Remember we’re NOT talking about strange creepy weird staring. Just normal every day eye contact. You have to realize there’s a difference and I’m sure you can tell the difference.

Okay – now I’m torn. A part of me wants you to break the typical and tell you to just approach him because I WAS that guy and I would have loved it beyond anything you can imagine – If every woman I made the “I like you eye contact” would have come over to me.

But I also was a lazy guy who didn’t take the time to learn what you were truly all about. What can I say. It happens. 😀

So the other part of me – the guy you see today – understands this important concept of the first meeting or approach…

If you want a man who does at least competently understand you and women (generally speaking) AND if you want a naturally confident man; oh AND if you enjoy the more masculine type – then remember this, if he can NOT bring himself to approach you – look elsewhere until you find a guy who can.

At least that way you’ll increase your chances of ending up with what I’ll call a “real” guy. A mature masculine leader of himself who doesn’t fear the soft sensual often subtle ways in how the female experiences her naturally adoring feminine side. (Cool sentence huh?)

On the side, the answer I just gave you can be age based. Much younger men may not have found that skill yet. So it matters less in his case. The more experienced man who hasn’t found that skill is a different story altogether.

Let’s go back to what you wrote on the end so we can tie this all up.

I cannot tell if he’s shy or nervous (or interested at all) because I’m always the first to look away. I do give small smiles but I can’t be sure he notices them. What should I do? Should I wait for him to make a move? Or should I initiate conversation?

One rule – if he is shy or nervous it means he IS interested. Men don’t go “stupid” around women they don’t want unless they are in that “10%” or above I mentioned earlier.

If you’ve caught him staring he DOES notice the small smiles. He’s probably not sure they’re directed at him or not.

However – Guys are not typically good at recognizing subtle hints.

With that said – the smile is a great place to start but you must also throw in a little extra to guarantee he notices. Which may give him the extra confidence he needs to start a conversation with you.

Your eyes mean a lot too. Remember to look down slightly and slowly.

You can position yourself towards him but turn away a little. Not face to face.

Play with your hair casually. I can not tell you how many men who like to tell me, “Dude she’s playing with her hair, that’s how you know she likes you.” Hahah!

Well I dismiss their presumptions because I know the truth 😉 but hey, you know, if it’s what most of them think then I believe it will work. It has to.

As for waiting on him to make his move – sorry that’s up to you. Hopefully what I shared with you and all the wonderful women reading this, you’ll make at least a clearer decision based on your own beliefs and I guess – how bad you want him too.

I will, because part of me feels bad when two people don’t get to know each other because of doubts and fears, they’re missing out on so much it frustrated the hell out of me I’m not there to introduce the world to each other… I’ll give you some pointers based on being a guy and what I would like.

A small coy smile, look in our eyes for a moment then look down at our mouth, and then back up to our eyes as you say,

“Hello. There’s something I know about you…”

Reach down to shake his hand lightly and then say,

“You have a name… … … What should I call you? I’m Annie.”

That’s all there is to it. (Okay there’s more but the basics cover so many circumstances and you have to start somewhere right.

You started by showing confidence, the lure to his mouth and back is telling him you’re available for a conversation and it’s a little “flirty” too. You’ve broken the touch barrier hopefully relieving some bad nervous tension, and you get a good read on his reaction.

Starting with, you know something about him clues him on you’ve noticed him from afar. Guys love that shit. Haha!

You also give him the opportunity to flirt by asking him what you should call him.

The last part. Well it’s your name Annie so make sure he never forgets it. 🙂

I believe I’m out of words now. I know, finally…

Seriously let me know how it works out for you. If you’re not Annie and these tips and clues have worked out for you, please let us all know about it below.

Thanks for stopping by. Nice to meet you.

And I do hope the next time a guy stares, you first think of me of course, I like that, but after that remember everything I’ve covered and you’ll understand him clearer than every before. I hope it brings a little twinkle to your eyes that beckons to him better than any fantasy siren could.

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Peter White. Just some guy every woman should get to know because, well I “think” like a guy. 🙂 Stay in touchnewsletter, Why Do Guys Facebook – Twitter @peterwhite125Thanks for stopping by and be good, be bad, just BE something.

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95 comments… add one
  • Jessica

    Hi Peter,
    There’s this guy and he keeps staring at me everywhere I see him.Hes like in the eleventh grade and we go for choir together.I don’t know if he likes me or not and I am one of the shy girls that cannot make the first move.plzzzzz help me.

    • Peter White

      Hi Jessica,

      I’m not much at giving advice on this matter but since one thing popped in my head, I’d say find a way to accidentally bump into him, literally. Maybe you could try it on your way out of choir. I wouldn’t do it before because you won’t have time to talk.

      All that aside, just put yourself in an open position, all you have to do is smile and say hello and let him do all the rest of the work.

      Remember there’s no guarantees here, especially because whether or not he likes you will be second to his ability to open a conversation with you. So if he struggles, don’t take it personal.

      Hope that helps you out,

      Pete

      • Rena

        Hi Peter.
        I had a recent experience with a stranger. He works in an ice cream store that I went to and basically spent 10 endless minutes intensively staring at me and smiling and messing with me pretending to be putting the wrong ingredients for example. And I thought he was messing with me because it would be funny, not because I’m attractive since I never experienced anything like that. But at some point he just asked me if I wanted to taste a bit of the ingredient and it was already in the ice cream and I wasn’t sure so I agreed and he poured it on my finger, I believe that’s what he wanted and it was unbelievable and in the end he added one topping he wasnt supposed to, I think because I was talking about that ingredient but he did not talk very much, he just stared, a lot…
        Does he seem really flirtatious to you, do you think he does this to very girl or was it me? I kind of wish he had asked for my number, he was flirting right? I wasnt even sure but now I’m sure I seemed submissive since I wasnt staring a lot back at him, I felt like I was already blushing, staring would only add to that..
        I hope I get some feedback, thanks

  • Lilly

    Hello, so I accidentally stumbled accross your blod post and must say, it was very informative. However, I have been doubting my issues are similar to this one. So, there is this guy in my year, who started staring at me about a week after his friend kept staring at me (both of them keep staring at me til now). And suddenly even his friends start staring at me and my friend even said she heard them saying something after we walked pass. He checked me out a few times too, according to my friend. And there is this girl who is friends with him and even she stared at me, right after I caught him staring at me. WHAT DO I DO? I’ve spoken to him twice. Just the normal convo, asking his name and said I liked his hair (he is ginger) and that’s basically it. He asked me why I asked for his name, but I didn’t tell him, because I believed, he might ask me later again and also, he might keep thinking about me more and keep guessing why I needed his name. And also, I noticed he always starws when he walks pass me, but so does his friend. It’s so weird, can two guys have a crush on me at the same time? And both being close friends? Oh and, when hw stare at me, it’s an intense stare, I called it the “Edward Cullen stare” with a little smile on his face. Might he be staring because I said I liked his hair? Or do he and his friends think I am weird for liking a ginger as a black girl? Please help me, I want to talk to him, but I don’t know what to say and I want to say something:(
    P.s I haven’t added him on any social media, I haven’t evsn asked lol But I know all his social media pages…..a bit creepy?

  • Natassya

    So there’s this guy at work, he works in a different department. I said hi like I do to the customers. And these past couple days he’s been staring at me and today even throwing a grin. Only face contact and he’s said hi once. I get so nervous the last time I kept blushing and looking away but kept looking back just to notice he was still looking as he was walking past with that grin. He seems like he’s not a flirt to just any lady. Like he stays focused on his tasks when I’ve walked past him in the past.

  • Priya

    Hey Peter,
    I have a bit different case. I have a cousin who is 31years old. I his younger sister m of 22. This week we met after approx. 8years later. We were seating in a room with all our 4 to 5 brothers n sisters. He has no real sister n am the first girl in home. So we both are attached to each other more then siblings. I always treated him as a bestest friend of mine i share secrets with him. He is married 8 to 9 years ago. Actually when we met this time while talking we were having eye contacts. Probably that’s not my prob. But after talking for few time we were quite and other brother sisters were talking. I observed that my brother was staring at me continuously from my toe till my eye contact. He didn’t broke the eye contact whenever i caught him staring at me rather i was feeling shy with a question why he is watching at me in such a way. We never even hug each other. When ever he meets me he watches into my eyes as if he is my bf. I don’t know but we r very frank he always helps me out. He is always thr for me as a elder brother. But m curious to knw y he stares at me in such a manner??? My bf would feel jealous such a beautiful n sweet friendful relation i n my brother have. I just don’t want to complicate my relation with my bro. But m just curious to know y he stares at me in such a way??? Is it normal?? How can i deal with such moments???

  • Jesse

    Okay so I really like this guy and I can’t stop thinking about him and I try to tell myself that I don’t like him but I can’t. And he was sitting next to me and my friend pushed me into him and he looked at me and smiled and they kept pushing me so I walked away and when I was walking away, he was laughing and looking at me. And we texted like 2 times and we never really talk but he ALWAYS stares at me and when I catch him he looks away really quickly. I’m so confused if he likes me?!?! I really want your honest opinion! Thank you!

    • Peter White

      My honest opinion is to go talk to him.

      BUT as I always stated – staring intently is normally a sign of physical attraction.

  • Mykeila

    Theirs this boy at the beginning of the school year he would stare at me every time he seen me and he would hold his gaze but I’m the one who stop staring first but we don’t have any classes together I tryed smiling at him but he started walking fast like this one time I was on the phone with my brother and I caught him staring at me laughing with his friends and I was laughing at my brother then when we got outside he started walking fast but that was at the beginning of the school year now we are at the end of the school year and he staire at me a little bit when I catch him he looks away

  • Mandy

    My situation is pretty much exactly this only difference is the setting is a gym. He stares when he walks in throughout his workout and when he leaves.

    I HAVE actually spoken to him twice. Once to figure out why he looked so familiar and another to find out his name. However the second conversation he seemed kind of cold and sarcastic. I may have taken it the wrong way but I asked him his name and said I was just curious his response was is that all you’re curious about?
    I laughed it off and said yes and now idk what to do because the staring and holding the stare gave me the impression that he was interested and now idk. Help please!

    • Peter White

      Hi Mandy.

      Sounds like he IS interested but is being a prick about it. He wants YOU to start chasing him just because you approached HIM which is not something I agree with.

      Next time you get a sarcastic cold response from a guy who is acting a little too cocky give it right back to him times two and see if he can handle it. If not, then you know what type of guy you’re dealing with AND you’ll diffuse his cockiness and force his arrogant hand in YOUR favor.

      Your guy friend,

      Pete

  • Pas

    Well, he did the staring thing – both looking and looking away when I noticed, and the long, eye-locking stares. So I tried to get to know him more, as a friend. The closer I got, the less of this there was, till finally he froze me out altogether. So it doesn’t always work. Don’t know if I read too much into it, don’t know if he liked the idea of me as an idea, but no further than that. He does seem extremely withdrawn socially. Anyway, that’s the end of that. Signs can only take you so far.

  • Jess

    Hi,
    A few weeks back I had been talking to this guy (over snapchat) that I’ve known for a few years but never really spoken to before. He seems really nice and kind and I thought that when I saw him at school we would be good friends, because we have been talking for a while now. But, that isn’t the case. It is now extremely awkward, and I’m not sure why. It’s not like we were even that close, but the thing is, I have a friend who is friends with another girl he talks to, and she managed to find out that he liked me a month ago and a kind of a now, too. But he also likes the other girl he talks to, like a proper crush, and I’m not sure whether he still likes me or not. But apparantly he told the other girl that he wanted to talk to her more and get closer, which made me quite jealous. I was sad for a while, but when I saw him the next day, I took more notice of what he was doing. Every so often, when I wasn’t looking, he would sneakily look at me, and I could see him through the corner of my eye. He would hold the gaze for about 4-7 seconds and look away again. He only did it about twice, but I caught him a few times, and the first time I caught him doing it we made eye contact, but I was surprised so I have a kind of half smile and he looked confused and surprised that I was smiling at him, but I looked down before he could react properly, so I never saw if he smiled back or not. He spoke to me the same day as well, but he only asked me if we had a lesson in a certain classroom. I stuttered my answer because I was nervous that he was talking to me so it sounded a bit like ‘y-yeah’. He kind of said ‘okay thanks’ or something but he said it quite quietly and looked a bit awkward. He carried on walking. That has been the only time we have spoken so far, but it’s only been 3 days since school started. The other times we’ve made eye contact is when I was looking around the classroom and he happened to look up the same time I looked at him, but I carried on looking around the classroom as if nothing had happened. There were quite a lot of other times like that, especially today in a lesson we have that lasts for 2 hours, where I was doing my work and he sits directly in front of me, and as I was doing my work he would often look up and stare at me, as if he was waiting for me to look up too. My questions are, why are things so awkward between us when we aren’t even that close? Why does he keep staring if he likes another girl? Does he even like me, even if it is just a little bit? why do we not exchange smiles when we make eye contact? What can I do to make things less awkward? Also recently we’ve been snapchatting each other and his replies are getting shorter and I’m the one who is starting the conversation more now, even though before it was always him who was eager to talk. So why do you think he isn’t talking as much now? Is there a reason that I’m confused? And is he just as confused as I am?

    Many thanks,
    Jess

    • Peter White

      Hi Jess,

      Talking to someone you see personally only through any kind of texting can become extremely awkward. It also makes it difficult for some guys to go face to face the longer it goes. That’s probably what both of you are feeling right now.

      His attempt to go face to face (in his eyes) failed. He opened a conversation with you and you didn’t respond favorably. Hey, it happens. That is most likely the reason why he’s not contacting you first anymore and is shorting the chat. While at the same time this “other” is moving forward with him which might be pushing you to the back. AND about the other girl – most men learn early to open as many options as possible. We can feel attracted to many women at once.

      What you need to do is less snapchat and more talking face to face. That’s just how it works. I know you feel nervous. I understand it feels awkward BUT at this point I can practically guarantee you he is attracted to you so you don’t have to worry about that.

      Get a conversation going with him (face to face) and you’ll quickly get past the stuttering phase and he’ll notice you’re trying and understand you were just a little nervous.

      So that’s it. Less Snapchat. Talk TO him. 🙂

      You’re welcome,

      Pete

  • Angelique Del Real

    Hi,
    So I’m a freshman in high school and I started crushing on a guy that’s also a freshman. I don’t know him at all; I only know his name and what grade he’s in. I told his friend that I liked him and his friend told him. I really like this guy, but I don’t know what to do!!! Every time I see him in the morning he stares at me until I got to class. We have lunch together and we sit at different tables but the tables are parallel to each other. We both sit in a position where we can both see each other clearly. During lunch he glances at me A LOT, and when he does we hold the look for 2-3 seconds. What does this mean?? What do I do?? Please help me!!!

    • Peter White

      Your first lesson in all this is: Please, don’t ever have a friend to tell your “crush” you like them. Okay? 🙂

      Now, your answer is simple. The truth is already out. You’re both staring at each other. The next step is to talk. It’s not anymore complicated than that. Walk by him during lunch and say, “Hey” and just keep walking. He’ll get the picture.

      Other than that, keep putting yourself in a position where you two can “accidentally” start a conversation.

      The worst you could do is to get his contact info from another friend and text him. It’s not recommended highly but it can help you overcome the nervousness.

      The looks he’s giving you are clear – I’m attracted to you. Assume that. Assume you’re attractive enough for any guy to check you out.

      If you have to, next time you have a staring contest, lift your left eyebrow like you’re playfully accusing him of something, smirk a little, and then stick out your tongue like you’re teasing him. That will only take a few seconds and should get him going AND will let him you know you’re ready to be approached.

      Hope that all helps you out and good luck,

      Pete

      • Emilee Justice

        Hi Peter!
        So I’m in 8th grade in middle school and I’m crushing on this guy he’s also in 8th grade I’ve liked him for a while, we stare at each other a lot but when I notice him staring back I look away a couple weeks ago we both stared at each other we both didn’t look away and at every school football game I go up to him and sat hi and he says hi back and then I walk away but now football season is over and we don’t talk at all we just stare and he is a football ball player and all I am is a girl that’s not in any sports or any thing I have know idea if he likes me, I don’t know what to do please help me.

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