“I have a question, What Does It Mean if a guy annoys You On Purpose And He Keeps Doing It While Knowing You Hate It In Seventh Grade? I found your article both helpful, and very confusing.”
Vavlon’s comment was left on this article: Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You
Me, Mister Peter White, write something confusing…? Nope, that never happens. :p
Think of it this way.
Guys will “instinctively” see ANY emotional response from a woman as a good thing (or as a substitute for attraction) IF he can not or does not know how create it.
The terrible (mostly unconscious) logic of it all is simply – If she’s feeling something, then this must mean she cares.
Whether or not it is directed at him doesn’t matter. You would not have an emotional response to someone or something if it didn’t matter to you.
I’ll make it even more complicated for you Avalon. 🙂
Imagine a pencil just sitting there and someone comes along and breaks it in half. Would you care? Probably not UNLESS it was YOUR pencil. Unless it was your friends pencil.
Until there’s an emotional connection to that item, it will not affect you either way but because we’re humans we make many emotional connections on many levels.
For example – Let’s say that pencil was given to you by your Father during an early morning discussion where you connected with him when normally he acts distant and unapproachable.
Suddenly that pencil represents (in part) your relationship with your Father. That’s why you care when some asshole snaps it in disgust.
Another example – You couldn’t care less about the pencil BUT for some reason you feel connected and responsible for the natural world around you. You have a deep love of trees and often feel disgusted by how others destroy nature.
When someone breaks that pencil all you can see is another pointless waste of a tree. At least if you were allowed to utilize the pencil for all it was meant to be – it would make you feel better.
But because it was destroyed senselessly it somehow matters to you. You actually feel bad for the pencil.
Now… you have a higher emotional connection to that pencil BECAUSE someone broke it and connected those feelings to how you feel about nature.
You feel angry. You feel a little hateful towards the person who did it.
While running through your emotions you also might see that person as more human who just happens to be a male sometimes known as the counterpoint to a female.
You’re becoming torn and begin to think,
“Why would he do that? Why would he break something you care about on purpose? Does he lack empathy? Doesn’t he care? Is he capable of caring? why doesn’t he have the same affliction to nature as I do? What’s his problem?”
Can you see where I’m going with this?
How it’s all too easy to get emotionally trapped into a negative occurrence? If this were to play out you could actually find yourself feeling an emotional connection to the very same guy who broke something seemingly so insignificant as a pencil.
It’s not normally general knowledge and whether or not a man or woman will accept its truth – BUT…
When a woman FEELS ANY emotional response (good or bad) which causes her to THINK more (or less) she will begin to feel a sometimes overwhelming urge to ACT. (Her exact actions tends to vary based on many things.)
“It’s called teasing. Sometimes it’s the ONLY way they know how to flirt. If it’s not obvious that the guy is being a rude prick then you can guess he is attracted to you.” Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You
With regards to attraction – While you’re feeling angry at this guy you’re also connecting to it hate, empathy, curiosity, which in a strange way is making you CARE. You might begin to overthink the whole thing and when then happens you will feel compelled to act based on your current emotional needs and desires.
You might draw back and feel helpless to change what he did. You might push forward and based on your temperament punch him in the face.
Now matter what your action is, because you’re dealing with instinctive desires of procreation, assuming you DO like guys, when all your emotions bubble up and your mind won’t stop asking and answering itself – there’s a very reasonable chance you will become ATTRACTED to him.
I know. Strange stuff indeed but believe me, based on my experience and research and lifetime of learning – it’s the truth.
Let me make this clear about men so you’ll understand HIS point of view better.
On some level ALL men get it. They know how closely love and hate are related. They also instinctively understand how a woman’s frustration can lead to sexual desires.
BUT… most of it is subconscious and based on the specific guy you’re dealing with, it’s highly unlikely he’s making the conscious connection.
Some men WILL make this connection and use it as a tool of attraction. Some of them will be hell-bent on pissing off lots of women until the right connection happens in her mind which will lead to attraction.
Some men will fight the process because it goes against their intuition and try the “being too nice” approach. They will do anything and everything to keep you emotional safe and secure that they will NEVER make you feel anything more than a pleasant often complacent friendship.
Some men won’t consciously know what happens but will learn through experience making the accidental connection to a woman emotional states. Since they won’t fight it they tend to allow a woman to experience each stage of early attraction. (These are sometimes known as naturals and represent a very small majority of men.)
Others will eventually learn it through people like me. 🙂
In your case and lots of cases like yours this type of “teasing” which frustrates women is actually closely related to sexual teasing. They are not the same but are close enough for a guy to continue to do it.
He keeps doing it to stir your emotions. He’s looking for an emotional response so you’ll connect things on a deeper level.
If he then gets you thinking and asking and answering or seeking out something else of what it all means – you will be more likely to ACT.
Whereas your action turns to attraction and has you feeling like you’re falling for him, again, depends on many factors which at some point are all too more about YOU then it is about him.
And that’s how a simple not-so-literal broken pencil can bring a man and woman together. 😀
As for the seventh grade thing – boys tease girls well before puberty. As they mature sexuality and desires are added to the mix and teasing becomes designed to accomplish something more such as attraction another element is added…. a challenge and a display of indifference.
But that’s all for another confusing post. Two of which are linked above for those who are interested.