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Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You

in How Men Attract Women, Why Do Guys Do
Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You post image

If a guy has ever bothered you, annoyed you, continued to do something even though you asked him not to… then the answer to your question, “WHY?!!!” is finally coming.

I once got advice from a guy who knew women. Trust me, he’s no slouch. He has the experience and knowledge well above  the “average” guy. This is taken out of context but you’ll be amazed by what he suggested to me…

“When she is getting annoyed by something you are doing… don’t stop doing it – turn it up!”

I’ve seen it, used it often and yes – it has amazing results on most women.

The idea is to create friction. It was meant for guys who do little to create attraction because they’re always way too accommodating. Doing the opposite in their case yes, definitely pisses off a few women but the concept is – at least she’s feeling something.

This was also meant for the small things. Like playing music you don’t like. Wearing something you might find stupid. Never giving you a direct answer. Avoiding a topic you want to talk about.

And it is to be done with one important element – Humor.

When it’s laughable, when it’s not a big deal, when she presents false anger, fake pouty faces, slaps on the arm, it works that much better and the guy uses that as proof it’s working on you. He also has a way of determining how you handle the small things. (I’ve known some women to get way too upset over the smallest things. Let’s just say I moved on quickly.)

Remember that the next time a guy is beginning to annoy you over something AND he’s half-smiling about it. As much as it might be pissing you off, it means number one – he’s interested in you enough to do it and two – you have an incredibly easy way to amp up the flirting. In other words something is definitely going on between the two of you. There’s a definite chemistry and he’s trying to “raise the stakes.”

Yes – this does include all type of teasing from the everyday stuff to the confides of your bedroom.

Yes – it is traced back many years and it all starts when you’re very young. As you both grow older the technique just becomes more refined and advanced deepening on the guy’s maturity level.

Like many of the questions I get this is also somewhat of a character based question.

You can be assured a man’s actions are typically a combination of who he is, what’s he’s experienced (rejections included), and the level of his maturity.

Men who are typically mature – who are confident in themselves – posses security in their manhood – who are not players, Well their goal is not about using a tactic to get you in bed quicker. It’s more about having and keeping the flirty dance moving along.

Although we must admit some guys have experienced pissing off women and have actually had a very select few like them despite it. If a man grows up and what he’s doing is working, good or bad, unless something drastic changes he will continue it with lots of women until he “gets a bite” so to speak.

I’ve found, for those of you in a relationship with a guy who is very into bothering you, or continuing with bad habits which annoy you,  it becomes more of a tool. A grudge match. A stubbornness and a breakdown in communication. Passive but aggressive ways as a battle over superiority. A more than often lame attempt to prove who’s in charge and an attempt to make light of certain habits.

Like when a guy doesn’t feel the need to wash every dish and dry them the exactly way you would want. In others words the more controlling you are about things that don’t seem to be a big deal to him may cause more than just the average guy to “act out” with this technique.

My personal experience in “bothering women” became a major shift in how I relate to you.

I was way too accommodating.  I was literally scared to upset a woman I liked because well, obviously I wanted her to like me back. 😀 I know sounds like something from school but our social development tends to stay with us through adulthood.

It all seems nice on the surface but it never really worked. It made me feel weak, not in control, and I was so scared of sexual friction I would avoid it all cost. I can not count how many “friend zones” my ways landed me in because there’s way too may to list.

One fateful day I decided to start turning it up. Mind you I didn’t set out to bother women in general. That just became a wonderful side-effect. Haha!

The moral of it all is – sometimes he’s out to tease you, without it you probably wouldn’t feel very much for him anyways.

He’s out to stir your emotions not unlike the good “ribbing” he may give his friends. Except he’s doing it a little differently with you. (At least I hope he is. 🙂 )

Mostly he’s looking to have some fun with you.

Other times you’ll meet guys who do it way too much or don’t know how to do it right and then you have every reason to not play back.

But if it’s all in fun (and it’s not a relationship power struggle) why not give it right back and tease him. 

You just never know when that guy who seems to enjoy bothering you way too much – might turn out to be the one guy who really gets you.

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

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    11 comments… add one
    • Bella Avalon

      I loved your article! The things mentioned are being done to me so speak, but I have a better understanding of the reasons. Now I can try communicating differently instead of just getting mad and shutting down. Thanks!!!

      • Peter White

        Thanks Bella. Always great to hear and I appreciate you taking the time to let me know.

        Pete

    • Avalon

      I have a question, What Does It Mean if a guy annoys You On Purpose And He Keeps Doing It While Knowing You Hate It In Seventh Grade?

    • Julie Trombley

      Hi Pete!
      So happy I came across this website. I have been having relationship trouble with my man over this one issue and it’s making me crazy not knowing what to do about it. Basically, I am one of those girls who gets extremely hurt and upset when my guy watches porn or looks at dirty/slutty pics online. Please note, me and my guy are in a long distance relationship so having sex with each other is non existent. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been told it’s a guy thing, it’s completely normal, it doesn’t mean anything, it doesn’t change how he feels about you, etc. But as many time as I’ve tried shrugging it off, it bothers me to no end. Especially when I’ve made it known to him how I feel about it and that it hurts me…particularly when he follows these porn accounts on twitter right in my face! In my eyes (and alot of other women’s) it’s like saying we aren’t good enough. That he isn’t attractive to me. Now I ask you, how is that supposed to turn us girls on? To me, when he does that, it’s the biggest turn off and pushes me away more. Personally, I don’t look at porn myself because in my eyes, I have all the man I could ever want. Am I reading too much into it? It’s so difficult for me to let go of this. It’s pretty much my only issue with my man. I could really use a man’s advice/perspective. Thank you!

      • Peter White

        Hi Julie,

        I agree with you about how he follows those accounts publicly on Twitter. But that’s just my opinion because although I will look at some pretty hot women on Twitter occasionally, I would never follow an account built solely for porno. To me, that’s a very private thing. 🙂

        However, I’m sorry if it makes you (and other women) feel like you’re not good enough because believe me when I say – most men will take a real woman and all the imperfections she may feel about her body over a picture. We watch for lots of reasons but mainly it’s because our attraction is visually/orally based. It’s something we are born with. It trigger similar feelings to watch and helps us get to the point of ejaculation easier and makes it much more enjoyable.

        It may not be the best comparison – but imagine the television shows watched mainly by women and how watching them makes you feel so you continue to watch them. The same goes for porno for guys.

        Now – it’s not supposed to turn women on and if any guy believes it does, they’re probably living in a dream world. I can’t imagine many men believe that following those accounts helps their cause or will attract more women.

        One more thing – it may be normal for guys to watch BUT it always means something. Especially if he is unable to enjoy sex with the woman he’s in a relationship with.

        I don’t think I have advice on what you can do about it – I’m not really someone to give relationship advice.

        But, I will say IF you are absolutely against it and you can’t move on from it AND he won’t do anything about it or at least hide it from you THEN you might want to think about finding a guy who will at least respect your feelings enough to “pretend” it’s not happening.

        Your guy friend,

        Pete

      • Susan

        It’s not you!! Trust me! It’s how they are wired, they want a woman to tell them those things to make them feel more masculine. They want to know they turn you on so much you can barely control yourself around them. Men are also very visual and the girls in porn bare all and say all. Instead of shaming it, try it. I have many imperfections and was actually very self conscious of my body but wanted to be able to give my man what he was looking for. I started out with little dirty texts then started saying things in person. One article of clothing then more, now I walk around in front of him with nothing on and am not shy about it!! And guess what??!! He hardly watches porn and I am even happier and feel sexier. Our sex life is amazing because we are honest and open with each other and explore new things which keeps it interesting. He didn’t want those girls in the porno he wanted to feel wanted and know that he turned me on!!

        • Peter White

          Great points Susan. Love it!

          Pete

    • Jess

      I don’t think this is how my guy is wired. We’ve been married for over 7 years and he still does things that irritate me to no end from 11 years ago. I read your article mentioned before and it didn’t match what’s going on. Really thinking that he’s just stubborn/doesn’t care. I’ve even asked him if he does these things because he did them as a kid but nope, they only started when we moved in together and here we are. I can understand all your points IF we were still dating or if he was showing some humor about what he does but he doesn’t.

    • ran

      This is what one of my guy friends does to me! (I’m a girl).
      At first it bgan as friendly teasing. I tease him he teases me. Friendly banter. But I think I did hurt his ego one too many times, especially around our mutual friend who is my crush. But since I’m not attracted to him I just wen’t on teasing and we both started to get a bit harsher to each other. He also will nit pick on such small stuff, its like he just wan’t to argue with me and pu me down even though he is a nice guy actually!

      Like he will say my water bottle is crappy. Or like, he will ask my opinion on something and when I reply he will say its dumb.
      Or he will be concerned about my health and nagg me to see a doctor. And when I finally do and tell him, he will be like “you don’t need a doctor, thats so dumb there is nothing wrong with you!”.

      Like, he will us anything I say against me. Its like he sets up traps!

      Or this classic thing, he will ask me if I feel ok, and when I answer good or bad, he will clarify “Ok good, I just think about our group project not you, you are not my cocerne”. Like auch! And I will reply very indignated “Ok I know you don’t care about me, you don’t have to state it so clearly”, and he will just smile.

      I guess he really likes me, but he knows I’m not attracted at all to him, I like our mutual friend. I tried to talk to him that he is acting weird to me but normal to our guy friend, and he acknowled that with “I dunno, its just how it is”. Like he does not know why is so mean to me.

      But last month he really got overboard. And he was so unbalanced. Concerned and kind one minute, and super harsh the next. I telled him off once. And then I telled him off a second time that day with “I’m not gonna talk to you anymore”. I was so hurt and upset, I did not even say good bye when we parted that day.

      And, 1 hour later, he texted and apologized if he had hurt me and that he saw that I seemed very sad.
      I replyed yes you went too far and I was hurt. But, it seems I’m triggering you in some ways? Can we talk about what it is so I can improve myself? bc I know I do contribute to how things is between us”. He did not wanna talk about that but he said he would be more careful.

      And, he was indee. The day after he was balanced, very polite, communicative but he did his best to not tease me and he was a delight haha! After that our dynamics have now improved immensely!
      I have teased him only to add ” I’m just teasing, I do care about you”.

      And he seemed so happy about it, he started to show me more care and stopped picking at me. I guess he just wanted me to state I like him and care for him.

      But all this made my crush upset it seemed! Haha! He then started to be a jerk to me, like he was jelous of my improving friendship with our friend?! Like what the?! Oh well thats an other story entirely..

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