If a guy has ever bothered you, annoyed you, continued to do something even though you asked him not to... then the answer to your question, "WHY?!!!" is finally here.
Let's begin with...
The dating or normal everyday interactions with guys.
Long ago I reached out to a guy because I needed help with women. His name was David DeAngelo.
(If you know a guy who needs him send them there - for you - I've included his links and his REAL name below in the credits section.)
In one of his first lessons he shockingly said this,
"When she is getting annoyed by something you are doing... don't stop doing it - do it more and turn it up!"
Of course it's taken out of context and seems a little mean but I noticed very quickly that guys who were good with women - type one guys - they were ALL doing it.
Some were good about it and using it the right way. Others were just plain rude.
However, in either case (depending on circumstance and the woman they used it on) it worked amazingly well. PUA's picked it up and gave the lame version of it a name. They called it "The bratty little sister routine."
Which is actually meant to be literal, treat a woman like your bratty little sister and you WILL create attraction. (in context of course.)
The idea behind it is brilliant because it creates friction, sexual chemistry, displays confidence, a little indifference, and when blended appropriately with humor, tact, and a strong yet gentle touch does trigger attraction in a woman.
In fact - give it a little tweak it also works for women on men too. Perhaps we'll call that one the "Pain in the ass big brother routine." Treat a guy like he's your older and bigger huge pain in the ass brother with respect and humor and it's guaranteed to work. (If you try it let me know how it works for you.)
This "routine" was meant to be used for the little things like: Playing music you don't like and when asked to turn it off - the guy turns it up and/or never giving you a direct answer and teasing you about it. Etc...
I'm not going to get into all the details of how and why it works so well but I will say it has a wonderful side effect. It can get a woman to prove who she is really is indirectly making it a valuable "testing" tool a guy can use on you.
YES - certain men DO test women too. It's not just a female art form.
Remember all this the next time a guy continues to do something which annoys you because he's either learned how to do it, ingrained it's skill into his personality, or grew into it accidentally and found how well it worked on girls and so continued to do it later in life.
If it's being used on you, chances are it's because he wants to create attraction and therefore is attracted to you AND is interested in you.
Keep in mind though that some guys don't use it the right way and are just plain mean or totally idiots when it comes to interacting with women.
IF you want to know the difference or separate the REAL man from the pathetic boy who uses it like some lame-ass toy what you want to look for is the humor behind it.
Here are some clues to look for so you can tell the difference:
- When it's done with a half smile and meant to poke fun in a good way - then that's a good sign.
- When it's not mean just for the sake of pissing you off - then that's also a good sign.
- When it's done as a prelude to flirting and teasing you - then that's also a good sign he's interested to you and feeling attracted to you.
- When it's used appropriately and most important SPARINGLY and it builds chemistry then it's a practical guarantee that he's a type one guy who is most certainly interested in learning more about you.
Moving on to...
The relationship side of it all.
Men rarely change unless there's a profound and sometimes good reason to do so.
This means if you meet a guy who does these things to you - good or bad - EXPECT it will NEVER stop just because you find yourself in a relationship with him.
Sure, some type ones get a little lazy or stop doing it so much once you're together for a while, that's to be expected and also advised in any long-term relationship.
However you might find yourself in a commitment with a guy when it starts to happen more often AND there's very little humor behind it - if any at all.
That's a BAD sign.
An unfortunate breakdown in communication that predicts there are current or future problems in your relationship which needs to be addressed and handled IMMEDIATELY.
But wait - before you get all scared and freaking out that your relationship is falling apart you must consider your part in it:
IF he's had bad habits you knew abut when you first started dating or developed them over the years and they're now getting annoying or on your nerves AND you've done little to know how to communicate your feelings to him in a way he can understand plus empathize with you - then you'll want to go there first.
Bad or annoying habits can grate on you over time and it's understandable that in every relationship they can become troublesome BUT it's not always a bad thing which also means they're fixable.
For the more simple communication problems this program will help you out a lot:
Basically you BOTH must learn how to express your feelings in a way which your partner gets it, brings you both closer, and opens up a better more productive line of communication.
Moving on deeper to these things representing a much deeper problem:
He might be doing it in setting up a grudge match. Perhaps something is or was bothering him and he doesn't know how to express it or tell you without causing a huge fight and so it comes out in these weird strange ways.
It could be the beginnings or current battle of superiority. A bad attempt to gain control in a relationship by putting the partner down rather than building you both up.
For example: You've asked him a hundred times to empty the dishwasher and he won't and now he's NOT doing it just to piss you off. Obviously something deeper is going on and he probably felt like you're always TELLING him what to do which in turn create a POWER STRUGGLE.
And once again - a lack of effective communication over the years and little things like this pile up and become huge problems.
The more controlling he feels you're being the more he'll attempt to gain control in non-effective often annoying bothersome ways.
Overall - in a relationship where this is a consistently happening thing which is only getting worse it's likely one or all of the following:
- A control problem.
- A power struggle,
- Needs are not being met.
- Passive aggressive behavior.
- Months or years of miscommunication.
- Personal problems where he doesn't feel safe to tell you.
In those cases - the deeper they go, the longer they've been building, the harder or more frustrating they're becoming - it's probably time to set things on a better path as soon as possible because they WILL NOT SOLVE THEM SELVES:
IF you're not sure if it's just him being a bad guy, or making lots of mistakes, or is just troubled inside and doesn't know how to share those feelings with him then this is designed to help you through it all from start to finish:
If things have really taken a turn for the worse and you're considering counseling then this would be a great place to start:
Honestly - most cases like this are fixable IF they're not ignored for too long so you probably don't need to see a therapist.
Just some good old fashioned learning, reading, and working a little on how to communicate in a relationship will work for you.
Why Do Men Continue to Do Something When They Know it Bothers You.
When it comes to dating and everyday interactions there's a strong possibility he's just out to tease you, create some chemistry, practice his "bratty little sister" routine on you.
It generally means he's trying to create or build attraction. He's interested in you and is certainly feeling attracted to you.
It's a well-known (thing) that most type one guys do.
Don't be afraid to give it right back IF there's a clear humor behind it and it's all seemingly in good fun.
Let me know how my "Pain in the ass big brother routine." works for you.
Other times (less common) he's just being as ass and for whatever his reasons are - putting down others, especially women is all he has going for him.
Unfortunately not everyone is a kind decent human being AND certainly not every GUY knows how to do these sort of things with women the right way and therefore will screw it up and only end up pissing you off.
I wont apologize for them bit I will say I'm sorry to you for having to up with good information in the wrong hands or being used by a guy who just doesn't get it.
On the relationship end.
Bad habits can become or get more annoying over time. It's not necessarily a sign of bad things to come.
Mostly with a few tweaks in how you two communicate to each it can be solved and quickly taken care of.
If it represents a bigger problem it's usually been building up over some time. This can be anything from control to issues to a major power struggle to a guy who has felt his feelings were being ignored or he doesn't know how to convey them and has been hiding them for way too long.
Generally even the toughest ones can be fixed and helped with a little time, patience, understanding on both sides, and a little work.
It doesn't have to signal an end to the relationship.
If it's truly bothering you and you're not involved with the guy, you're not dating him, and he's just a rude prick that likes to bother women and happens to be focused on you right now - he's a BULLY.
Unfortunately dealing with a bully is not something I would dare to five advice on. PLEASE go to your search engine and use that word exclusively because you're more likely to find the help you need.
He has all but moved on from creating programs for men but they still sell like crazy because yes - they're real, timeless, and focus on creating better men and not just teaching guys how to play mind games or tricks with women.
- Toxic Man was produced by Rori Raye: This is her private free Have The Relationship You Want newsletter.
- Ten Second Miracle was created by Katie and Guy Hendricks Ph.D. Their Hearts In Harmony Free Newsletter is right here.
- Relationship CRP was developed by Dr. Randi Gunther and her Heroic Love free newsletter is right here.
- Closely related article: Why Do Guys Seem Mean To Girls For No Reason? Why He Is Teasing You.