Do Men Ever Date Girls More Than Once If They Are Not Attracted To Or Interested In?

Man Woman Dating Interest

Hi Pete!

Glad I ran across your blog. Sounds like you fall somewhere in the middle. I was concerned men only went for bodies. I do believe I am an attractive woman but I don’t have a barbie doll figure. So then my question is:

Do men ever date girls they are not attracted to or interested in more than once?

I went on 3 dates with a guy I really liked. He was very flirty, affectionate, and kept saying how much he was attracted to me and how much fun he was having with me on all 3 dates.

In the middle of the first date he asked me for a second date. The 3rd date we played it by ear because he had to work. It has been 2 weeks and he hasn’t asked me for a 4th date.

We don’t talk or text everyday. We have texted a few small texts every few days and just says he is working a lot (no I’m not text harassing him or “trying” to determine if he likes me through texts or begging for a commitment to another date. Just stating have a good day and how are you?

I took this as he wasn’t attracted or interested in me and I should move on.

My friends say a guy wouldn’t date and be affectionate with a girl if he wasn’t interested in or attracted to. Is that true? Was he attracted and interested in me or Is he blowing me off in a nice way? BTW…We only kissed.

I would have to say your friends are "mostly" right. Men rarely if ever go on a few dates with a woman (and kiss her) if they're not in some way attracted or interested in something with her.

However that "something" remains to be seen.

Today's post is starting with a warning about men. A little insight to help you understand him and other guys too.

Be cautious about men who (early on) are constantly mentioning how attracted they are to you.

A man who needs to vocalize his enjoyment in what's happening and on top of that externalizes his attraction towards you is either using tactics of seduction (terribly I might add) or whose esteem is and will always be dependent on your reaction to his broad statements of affection.

Either way - too much in this case could easily be sign he's only trying to just get laid or lacks in the self-esteem area.

The "better men" will tend to avoid vocalizing their enjoyment too much and will keep the compliments to a minimum because they feel it destroys the chemistry.

Which leads me to believe he's either using the "I'm so attracted to you... This is so much fun... " as a means to getting sex quicker with you OR because he thinks you have to overly compliment a woman for her to like him back.

Now that we got all that out of the way - let's get to the answer and then I'll give you some VERY helpful tips about men to assure they're more than eager to set that fourth date with you.

Do men ever date girls they are NOT attracted to or interested in more than once?

Yes and no. (I love that answer.)

No - if a guy is NOT that much interested in you you'll find he will rarely if ever set up a second date one the first date and so on. He's clearly showing some interest by going out with you once and even more interest by setting up more dates.

Yes - if he's only slightly attracted to you but is not interested in you, a man WILL set up more dates to see if you'll "give it up" within a short time - in other words, just to at least get laid out of the deal.

If you're not confused by now - you should be so let me see if I can clear some things up.

SEX is a motivator for lots of men as if you needed to be told that.

It's clear he's attracted to you in some way.

It's clear he's interested in you too.

The key missing element is INTENTION.

My effort to keep men simple for you lead me to come up with those three variables along with the type one and type two guys things which you can read about here. I'm not going to confuse you even more by going into that today or which one I think he is because I don't have enough information to go on.

I'll work my way to the intention part so make sure you read all the way until the end.

Men are typically obvious when it comes to showing their interest in you and even more obvious when they're attracted to you.

I want you to ASSUME you're GOOD enough for any guy and that any guy could be interested and attracted to you.

If a guy is doing anything from asking questions, taking you out, complimenting you, whatever... that means he IS interested AND he IS attracted to you.

You're not going to find many men who date women just to date. Makes sense, right? Dating is not easy for most people. It can be an uneasy experience filled with anxiety and tense moments. No one LIKES to put themselves through all that especially with someone they're not in the very least... into for some reason or another.

This means you need to figure out his INTENTION as quickly as possible and it must be done in a way which is attractive to the guy.

Just asking, "Hey - what are your plans with ME?" doesn't work because you won't get a real answer.

However you could easily ask what HIS plans are, where he sees himself in the future; just do it in a way which is fun and add yours in too.

A man's intention is simply his plans for HIS future - short term and long term.

Short term could be sex - casual dating - just having fun.

Long term could be a committed relationship or an exclusive casual dating experience.

But again - you can not typically ask those questions directly because the answer won't be reliable.

So what you do is find out HIS plans for the future and where he sees himself later on in life and WHERE he is right now because that will ALWAYS reveal his intent.

For example: A man who can not answer those questions, is talking about a job he doesn't like to go to, is partying a lot and just hanging out with friends might want a future with a woman BUT he's not there yet and will take longer to get there.

However a man talking about living out his passions, enjoys talking about his job, is leaving a relatively stable lifestyle is more like to have an intention to settle down sooner or DATE exclusive for that purpose.

Let's take the texts you sent him because it's a great opportunity to drive up his interest in you and figure out his true intention.

You mentioned how you were not trying to harass him, get another date, or try to use them to figure out if he likes you.

That's good BUT you must then also realize that sending texts between dates may be a little too much if things are not getting serious AND because you're trying to avoid "pushing him away" it left you with little to say to which he would want to respond.

Asking how he's doing is not a good one. Sure it seems innocent but it's not inviting, purposeful, and only sets you up as keeping in touch a little too much.

Telling him or wishing for him to have a good day also seems innocent but since it's not really saying much or enticing him to get back - to a guy (like the previous) text - it just feels like you're trying to keep in touch and turn things more serious than they might be at the time.

Keep the texting light and fun.

Use it so you can bring out his personality.

Text him something that he feels he must answer because you engaged his interest.

Challenge him a little. Tease him a little (non-sexually at first).

Otherwise you'll get more of the same, "Just busy working." and then silence AND it's going to feel like he's not interested in you.

Keeping in mind - this is NOT all on you - it's up to HIM to show his interest in you the right way too. Some guys are terrible at it.

Just because a guy isn't showing all sorts of interest in you doesn't always mean it's not there. Much of that can depend on the type of guy.

AND since it's going to be extremely difficult to tell one way or another - DO what you have control over and don't worry about the rest. Worrying will only send you to websites like this one asking WHY - What does it mean? Is he interested?

NOT that I don't want you here but you must admit - what I do (kind of) depends on women not continually coming back here looking for answers, right?

Okay now... let's get finish all this out.

Men will not date you more than once IF he's not feeling a little attracted to you.

Interest is a little more complicated but since you went out several dates, you certainly peaked his interest a little.

The REAL question is his INTENTION. Where it was when you first met and where it's at it now.

A man's intention can easily change over a few dates. If he loses the interest in something more with you, it can turn into just looking for a casual experience.

This means if his interest in you decreases over a few dates AND he's physically attracted to you, he could stick around hoping and trying to sleep with you.

Unfortunately that happens all too often.

You'll know it when he SAYS his intentions are long-term in the beginning and then they suddenly change with him saying,

"Well I'm not really looking for anything serious - right now."

In other words - he's full of shit. He feels he's invested in something with you and is trying to get something out of the deal... sex.

There are not many HARD rules in dating and I don't like to rely on them as being something to turn to for a real answer.

One of those rules is:

If a guy doesn't contact you for a couple weeks - delete his number and move on.

Which is something you're experiencing right now and by that rule, you should delete him and look elsewhere.

The problem with that rule and many more of them are the many variables that are in place:

Men do get busier at times and less busy at other times. A man's interest does fluctuate from date to date. Just as his intention could lead to just sex, it could easily go the other way too.

Hard rules like this are unreliable and give unpredictable results.

Here's MY take on problems like this which solves EVERYTHING:

STOP concerning yourself over a man's interest in you.

BE interesting. DO interesting things together. CHALLENGE him the right way.

FOCUS on what you do have control over and allow things take a more natural path.

Take full advantage of those shorter messages in between to bring out his real intentions with you AND to peak his interest.

DATE other men and never restrict yourself to dating one guy at a time.

Sure it can work but most of the time - it does not and causes women like you to go out searching for answers which will only prove to be vague and useless because NO ONE, not even me, based on words alone can ever tell you if he's interested or not.

You'll even meet some guys who are  heavily attracted to you, totally interested in settling down with you and STILL DISAPPEAR on you.

You can do EVERYTHING right and still lose a man to his own demons or personal hang ups in dating and in life.

I FULLY support Rori Raye's Circular dating which you can read more about where she teaches it in her Targeting Mr. Right program. Here's her free newsletter sign up page.

Dating several men at once solves a lot of these problems and sets you up to attract a better man for you with less anxiety and more confidence. Adding up to a more attractive YOU.

Know what your needs are - what you expect from a man - what YOUR intentions are and learn how to communicate them to a man (attractively) so he can fully understand them so he's less likely to act confusing and send you mixed signals.

There are the critical areas in dating which I plan to cover fully in my newsletter so I suggest you hop on board:

Attraction - physical and emotional - beyond his control. Doesn't change often.

Interest - emotional and decision based - within his control. Will fluctuate based on many factors.

Intention - his long and short term goals - his plans with you and other women. What he's looking for - can and does change AND is within his control or decision making process.

Assume men date women they're physically and/or emotionally feeling attraction towards.

Since his interest changes and he can send you mixed signals, don't worry about it so much. Remember you have all the power to heighten his interest in you. Stick what you have direct control over and that's YOURSELF.

You can certainly sway a man's intention one way or another but that's not always easy or recommended such as trying to change his intention from just wanting casual sex into something more.

NEVER rely on his words to prove his intention. ACTIONS are more reliable and predictable in revealing his true intentions and from your style of communication you can always determine what his intentions are and if they're a match with yours.

Now... do I think you should move on?


Your NEW plan is above.

Follow it and none of it will matter.

It won't even affect you if he never calls, texts, or asks you for another date again.

If he's blowing you off... so be it.

Don's ask if he likes you - if he's interested in you - did he lose his attraction for you - was he attracted to you in the first place...

Focus on what you DO have control over and the right man, with the right intention, and the right interest in you WILL do everything within HIS control so you're not left wondering or asking questions that can not be always answered.

Thank You For Sharing

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This article was posted in Dating – Interpretations Of What Went Wrong & How To Make It Right, Is He Interested In You? Does He Like You? Signs & Signals Of Attraction, Why Men Disappear, Go Silent or Pull Away In Dating & Relationships

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16 comments… add one
  • Stephanie

    Hi Peter,

    I am in a bit of a complicated/confusing situation currently and I need some advice on it, mainly because it’s the first time I am experiencing this.

    About 2 months ago I met a guy online. He started messaging me and we really hit it off quickly. He seemed to have really liked me too because he would message me a lot (literally from morning to night). The conversations just flowed and was fun, and we enjoyed talking to each other. Then after a few days of texting we met for the first time. He is a VERY shy person, and so am I. But we still had a really fun time. I can tell he did like me because of his body language, plus he had complimented me a couple times. However, during our first date, he grabbed my face and kissed me. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex…

    I felt like we were both going with the flow and it just happened. But at the same time I felt as though I made a mistake giving it up so easily and quickly. I thought he wouldn’t have contacted me again, but surprisingly he did – the next day! He continued to message me on a daily basis, and talked about how much fun he had when he met me. He would occasionally compliment me as well – using words such as “beautiful” and “pretty”. As I continued to talk to him I realized that not only is he shy, but he’s a true gentleman. He is very polite, respectful, sincere, and I can tell he cares about others and their feelings. I really admire and respect him for that, and it only made me even more interested in getting to know him.

    Now when we first started talking, he asked me if I’m into hookups or a relationship type of person. I told him neither at the moment, because I am trying to work on bettering myself before I get into another relationship, but at the same time I am definitely not into hookups or just having sex with someone. But I did tell him I would like to get to know him. He said he was on the same page as I am. This is also why I felt I made a mistake sleeping with him on the first date, but once I saw he kept coming around and continued to be respectful and polite, I felt better about the situation.

    Now fast forward about a month after our first date, we made plans to finally meet a second time. It took that long because we live in different cities and both have different schedules so it wasn’t easy planning a 2nd date. For the 2nd we went to the movies and then grabbed coffee. We had fun and again, I can tell he was interested because he was a bit fidgety and nervous. He didn’t talk much again and I caught him staring at me a couple times. He also opened up more about his life (work-wise). At the end of the date he again grabbed my face and kissed me. And when he got home he took the initiative to tell me he got home and even explained why it took long for him to get home. I didn’t even ask him!

    So with all that said, I felt really good. I felt as though things were going great and our connections was good. But I guess I was wrong. After our 2nd date I noticed a change in his texting. He started acting a bit distant. I felt something was off and so I asked him if everything was ok. He responded and said to me that he can tell I want more, but he isn’t ready for a relationship so he thinks we should stop because he doesn’t want to lead me on…

    I felt extremely confused… I responded asking him what makes him think that. I asked him if it’s because I text him often, or if it’s because I was super nice to him in person (which is who I am. I’m a very friendly person). I told him I felt bad that he is probably thinking I am trying to force him into something he is not ready for because I would never do that.

    I was so confused as to why he would say that, but all he responded saying was that he doesn’t think I am trying to force him into anything, and that he was probably “overthinking” everything like he “usually does.” I don’t know if he was being serious or not but this was my response:
    “I think you are misunderstanding me as a person and my intentions. I think it’s easier to get to know someone in person because texting can be easily misconstrued. I can sometimes overthink things. But let’s stop assuming things and just get to know each other better. But for now, I will give you some space. Enjoy the rest of your day 😊”

    His response was “okay thanks 😊 and I agree as well”. I felt like giving him space was the respectful thing to do, since I felt like it was what he wanted because since we met each other we have been in contact everyday!

    But I am just so confused now. Because I have no idea what I did to give him that impression. I felt like I did all I could to avoid making past mistakes. I was way more patient and understanding than I ever was, and when it came to texting I did not confront him if he took long to answer (he only sometimes took long to answer when he’s working which was understandable, and he never ignored my messages). I never bombarded him with messages either. If he took a while to respond, I would just keep myself busy until he did. PS he would usually initiate contact, so when he didn’t, I would. Now I am thinking he probably wanted alone time and when I texted him I was intruding in that space? And because of that he viewed this as being needy or wanting more? This is the only “issue” I can think of when it comes to texting. Other than that I really changed my behavior and took new steps I never took before to avoid pushing him away. I really don’t know what it was, but my questions are:

    1. Did he think I was needy because I messaged him everyday? Even though HE initiated contact most of the time, and I just tried to continue on with the conversation until it died down. Or am I just being paranoid and there is something more to it?
    2. Should I give him a few days and message him? Though I feel as if I do that I would be intruding in his space. Or should I just wait for him to text me?
    3. Do you think he would come around?
    4. Am I just being extremely paranoid about this whole thing when all he wants is a bit of space?

    I really do like talking to him and I am interested in getting to know him better. This is why it bothers me. Because I felt as though I had such a great connection with this guy then all of a sudden he made that accusation I want more and suggested that we stop? I even tried to convince myself that he’s a “bad” person, but I don’t feel it in my gut because my instincts are telling me otherwise because he has never said or done anything before to give me that impression. This is the first time this has happened. Usually I am the one that would push guys away with my neediness. But this time I honestly do not believe that I did anything wrong…
    Please give me an insight of what you might think is going on? Its been 2 days and I haven’t spoken to him.

    • Peter White

      Hi Stephanie,

      This is how I see it. HE was acting like he wanted a relationship. He was acting like only a boyfriend would. The thing is, he was actually looking for a friends with benefits thing. Whether he knew that or not, who knows. Doesn’t really matter anyways.

      He also likes being in control. He’s enjoying this “power” over you especially when you are not realizing how much control over you he is demonstrating.

      When you two first started talking and he asked if you were into hookups or relationships, that could’ve been your clue as to what to expect from him. He agreed that he was on the same page with you, not looking for either? Then, if neither of you are looking for a hookup OR a relationship, then exactly what ARE you expecting from this interaction?

      See how the lines become confusing and mixed and tends to lead to only one thing left – Friends with benefits. And since FWB’s aren’t clearly defined they can easily become just hookups until a guy feels like it’s turning into a relationship and he backs out using any and all excuses which are far from reality.

      I’m going to avoid answering your questions because I feel they’re better off answer in this way.

      When a guy, after you’ve had sex with him on the first “real” date, accuses YOU of something… run!

      When a guy takes you to a movie on a second date which took a month to happen, all excuses aside… (especially after you’ve had sex on the first date) … it’s best to walk away because he’s only proving to you that he’s not really interested in you, he’s probably just hoping you’ll give it up again and when you don’t… well you know what happens. Also, it shows a lack of real effort because you can NOT get to know someone watching a movie.

      Stephanie, it appears you’re doing things to avoid being needy and to avoid making the mistakes you’ve made in the past and in that process, you’re handing over your power as a woman to this guy because you don’t want to screw it up. Which, unfortunately to a guy, does the opposite.

      The real way to avoid being needy is to become more selfish for yourself and your time and of course to discover the roots and reasons of your insecurity. Most neediness can be traced back to insecurity. If you work on that, you won’t have to worry about being seen as needy.

      Now that you’ve seen this from a different point of view, right or wrong, it’s how I saw it, you might look at this guy from a new perspective. Guys who are good at gaining control and keeping it or things like that tend to be very good at it. Guys who are confident, truly sincere, and genuine, etc… don’t act this way. And they never are too quick to accuse a woman of something SHE did when he’s the one who was acting like he wanted a relationship. In other “words” his words were far from his actions.

      Obviously there’s a lot of going on here and I do apologize for taking so long to write back but I get busy too. 🙂

      All I want to leave you with is:

      Focus on yourself. Find your security. Your past neediness will disappear and you won’t have to worry about acting that way because that’s how you eliminate it. Through confidence in yourself, secure in yourself, knowing what you want, learning how to get it, becoming selfish and discovering all possible new things to learn and exploring them which will help you become a more complete woman without a guy. Finding your completeness comes first.

      Personally, I think you should be done with this guy. He’s not offered you anything real. He has not given you any reason to believe he’s the one for you.

      He’s done nothing but have you acting from FEAR which is NOT what the man you deserve will do. The right guy will actually make you feel more fearless because you can feel more free to BE who you are.

      All the best,


      • Stephanie

        Hi Pete, thanks for getting back to me 🙂 you are absolutely right. Things just never got better. He kept acting distant while giving every excuse in the book, that he’s focusing on his life, or he thought things were moving fast etc. I honestly that he is genuinely confused. And I realized now that I dont need that. In fact last night I asked him if we could still be friends. He said sure, but the only “problem” was that he works 2 jobs now and will “NEVER” he in my city again (we live in 2 different cities). That was the red flag that set me off. I basically told him I don’t understand why all of a sudden he started acting so cold. I was super friendly to him, and have always been respectful and understanding to him. I tried to explain how he made me feel but all he kept saying was “I am sooo confused”. It pissed me off. But I never cursed at him or was rude to him. I just tried to get a point across and he was completely oblivious to the way his actions contradicted his words, or maybe he was just in denial. Either way, he ended up accusing me again saying that I’m acting as though we are saying because of the way i was reacting. I wanted to tell him so much and confront him about certain things, but I figured I’d be the bigger person. Besides, he seems really oblivious/arrogant. So nothing I could say where he would listen to me.
        Honestly I’m angry at every thing. For letting my guard down easily and having someone like him walk all over me. I even blamed myself for “ruining” things. But it’s like you said, it’s HIS problem. I guess it’s all a lesson learned. But I never want anything to do with him again.

  • Nicole

    Hi Peter,

    First time commenting on a blog here!

    After asking multiple friends (male and female) for their opinion, I found this posting and thought “yes! In my gut, this is how I feel”.
    My “dilemma” summarized:
    A fling happened with a ex-coworker from the UK. It was meant to be just a fling while he was here on business, he is 3 years my junior and neither of us were looking for a relationship, well without it being stated, we clearly had chemistry and hit it off, (less sexual, clearly more sensual). There was no question in my mind that what we tried to accomplish just as a fling turned into something a little more.. He went back, and we discussed very seriously going on a trip together, he just had to settle in from his international traveling, and he had to move so he would need a few days. Well he fell off after 2 weeks.. I made my own plans with a friend and causally hit him up.

    He was saying he had been busy, that same person that had messaged me and discussed a trip when he returned was now acting a little more stand-offish. This is understandable, considering your post, it became an out of sight out of mind mentality.

    Fixated on the fact that I just wanted confirmation of what our week we had was, I asked him..(my thought: no one wants to play games right?) if he felt anything when he was here. It was an automatic shut down, stating there was nothing there, and he “barely knows me” (I mean come on thats a cop-out isn’t it?). I would imagine that he went back, got back to real life, and thought “I want to keep playing the field, besides we’re 3,000 miles away and don’t have a regular schedule of when I go to the U.S.”.

    Now I could just be naive but I really feel what happened to the chemistry was what I stated above (and in your post).

    My question now is AM I being naive ? Or does this seem like a reasonable explanation to things? And are we able to rekindle anything or is this pretty much a lost cause to try.

    PS- I’m still actively dating and doing my own thing.

    • Peter White

      I believe we covered most of your answer in Twitter. 🙂 I’m sure we’ll discuss more.


  • Alisg

    Can a guy get attracted with you for second time?how?
    Its a long distance thought..

    • Peter White

      If it happened once, it could happen again.

      The only thoughts I have ( at this moment) were out in my head by someone else:

      You can not go back. You have to create something new and different. Especially if you want things to be different the second time around.

      However, creating something different is not possible in all circumstances.

      Read this:

      I’m assuming it was a break up because if you’re talking about physical attraction, the answer is simple: Yes.

  • Another Confused Woman

    So I’m sort of in a similar situation here. I met this guy on an online dating app, and he’s the only guy I’ve agreed to go out with from that app. He is about 9 years older than me (he’s in his mid 30’s). We went out on our first date and it was great! we were literally out for about 7 hours until the bars were closing and we had to leave. He asked me a few times if I would want to see him again, and I said yes, so we set up to meet again the next week. Once again, it went really well. He even talked about certain things we can do next time, like for me to pay the bill because he won’t let me pay my half because I just started a new job, and he says I can buy him dinner once I get my paycheck. We share the same passion and we can speak about almost anything. We don’t really text each other between dates, even when we do, it’s very short messages. It’s been 2 weeks since our 2nd date, and I’m unsure if I should ask him out or wait to see if he does. I don’t want to ask him out if he’s not interested in me. I’m usually quite good at reading when a guy is into me, but I’ve only dated men around my age, so I’m not sure how older men date. Oh and another thing that happened is that we got intimate on both dates, although I wasnt planning to, and it’s something I’ve never done before. I NEVER sleep with guys on the first date. But I feel connected and comfortable. I wonder if sleeping with him so fast also could have ruined the chances of us getting to know each other more? I do like him, not enough to want to jump into a relationship with him, but enough to want to see him and get to know him more. Help?

    • Peter White

      First, dating a guy nine years older is not really different at your. I wouldn’t even concern yourself with it.

      A big second though, yes… you got intimate, of course I’m assuming you slept with him, much too quickly. You have most likely become a booty call for him.

      Now it’s not the end of the world but I’d make sure the next date doesn’t go that far. You don’t have to be rude about it. You don’t even have to mention. Just make sure the date doesn’t allow it to happen AND keep it shorter. You have things to do in the morning or something.

      You need to make sure he gets that you’re not some booty call he met on a dating app.

      If he really wants to get to know you better, then he must make it happen without the sex for a while. I mean you can have a little fun but nothing more. 😉

      Best of luck to you and hoping he wants more,


  • Confused Again

    Back and confused again. I have been dating this same guy above for 4 months now. We still don’t talk much in between our dates but all our dates have been great. He is very affectionate, caring and never gives me any doubt that he is interested in me on our dates. Our last date was the best one. He came and met my family for a second time. He was caring and affectionate in front of them and was able to be comfortable, social, and fit in nicely. It appeared we were getting closer and things seemed like they were moving forward. All of a sudden after this date he pulled back and I hadn’t heard from him. We had been intimate twice before the last date. A week later we ran into each other by chance and he seemed a little uncomfortable. He gave me the dreaded “I’m not ready for a relationship.” line. He said he only wanted to “date” and didn’t think that a relationship appealed to him. I told him I was ok with us continuing to just date and at any point if he wanted things to move forward or stop dating he just needed to let me know. He said he didn’t know where he was at or what he wanted. He says he isn’t ready to tell me he didn’t want to date me anymore because he knows he is going to want to. However, he is being very distant and hasn’t asked for another date. I haven’t contacted him since and I haven’t heard from him. What gives? Was he blowing me off but too scared to tell me he didn’t want to see me anymore? I have never been an emotional or dramatic chick so he should have no reason to be scared. Do I cut my losses and move on even if he does ask for another date?

    • Peter White

      Keep ’em coming Confused. 🙂

      I’m going to say the introduction of the family scared the hell out of him. Made him question how fast things were moving. Made him feel like, when family gets involved it’s getting serious.

      It’s not unusual for lots of men to tie family life to relationships just the same as they’ll tie friends to dating.

      All things considered, lots of time has passed, you’ve been intimate, you start getting closer and closer, and then “other” family members are let in on things – I don’t know too many men who wouldn’t at least feel pressured thinking you’re going to give him the talk soon.

      You know the, “Where’s this relationship going?” thing or worse, “Why don’t we agree not to see anyone else.”

      At this point you must not do anything drastic. You shouldn’t have a problem with that. Keep your cool. Be supportive. You don’t have to be vocal about it. When you’re there for a guy he gets the picture.

      Remember men don’t get scared because (she’s) acting a certain way so to speak, they get scared because they have personal issues. You can be the coolest “chic” in the world but never forget everyone’s fears are internal to their reality.

      I doubt he doesn’t want to see you anymore. But I do believe he’s questioning how far things are moving along. All the signs are pointing to a relationship which he is not convinced he’s ready for. So I would expect him to act dodgy.

      And even if he does decide to call it quits – it again, is his issue.

      MY suggestion – if he pulls backs stay away just as far as he does. Think back to how you two got together and make sure “that” is how you act. Don’t go doing things “differently” because you feel you’re losing him.

      And please, come back soon 😀

      Best of luck to you Miss Again,


  • So Confused

    Thanks Pete for your response! I last heard from him over a week ago. He said he was working everyday, wanted to see me that night but had something come up and how about another night. I responded with an “Of course! Let me know when you have some free time. :-)” That was over a week ago. I haven’t texted him and he hasn’t texted me. Let me say, I usually don’t date more than 1 guy at a time but I’m definitely not the type of girl who chases a guy or sits around waiting for one to ask me out. I make my plans and enjoy my life with or without a guy. With that said, the same day as the last texts, another guy asked me out. I have since gone on 4 dates with the new guy so far, went on 2 dates with another guy, and have been talking to a few others. I didn’t realize how much fun and exhausting it was to date more than 1 guy. You were right! I have been so busy I haven’t even had time to think about why the other guy hasn’t responded to me. Likewise, I haven’t been tempted to text him. You were also right that if he had been overly attentive I would go running thinking “Clinger” or something must be wrong with him.

    I still don’t know what happened with this guy but you have helped me realize it isn’t worth overthinking because in the end it doesn’t even matter. Thank You again because, most importantly, you helped me regain my confidence back. I was beginning to think that guys asking me out to try and sleep with me meant I wasn’t attractive they just thought I would be an easy lay. I know now it isn’t true and I really don’t want a guy who doesn’t want to sleep with me but one who is willing to put in the time and effort for me. I am a very sexy attractive woman. Even though I don’t look like Barbie, I do have very nice legs and curves I must say!

    • So Confused

      So I maybe jumped the gun a bit. The day I wrote the above comment I was getting ready to delete his number then out of nowhere I got a text. It said “Sorry I didn’t mean to ingore you.” We exchanged a few flirty fun texts as you suggested and ended up on another great date where he came and met my family. I told him I had plans already but he could join us if he liked and he did. It was very comfortable like there really hadn’t been anytime apart between us. He said we need to see each other more often. I kissed him, gave him a sly smile and said maybe. It’s only been 2 days but I haven’t heard from him and I haven’t texted him. I definitely felt he was attracted to me but I think I am in his “Maybe” pile and I should put him in my “Maybe” pile while I continue to explore my other options. What do you think?

      • Peter White

        You know, sometimes I’m disappointed I only get to see words over here Miss very nice legs and curves. Haha!

        You have to understand that men, just like women, feel like they are making better choices, or they’re worthy of having choices – before they make decisions.

        Imagine shopping for only one new outfit. You go to one store and you can’t afford a thing. Depressing! The next store you could only afford one item. I mean you liked it but you couldn’t decide because you wanted options first.

        Then you find a store where ten great outfits jump at you. I mean you like them so much you avoid the price tags because you want to enjoy them first.

        Well eventually you’re going to see the price. Nervously you glance at it. Maybe you’re hoping it will be lower if you don’t stare at it.

        And as you go through each one you realize, “Wow I can have any of these. Maybe more if I do a little creative accounting.”

        Now sure. You can head back to the store where you could only afford the one but really, is it worth it. Here you have multiple choices and you want to make sure you make the choice which is going to make you feel the most confident in.

        Strange analogy. I know. But which store would you choose? The second or third for more business?

        Your answer means a lot and it means a lot to men also.

        It’s odd to say but men feel better about choosing you when they have more choices. They’re more confident in themselves.

        With regards to waiting to text you (I know finally Haha!) I say you WANT a guy who shops at the third store while he’s securing his confidence in choose that one perfect outfit at store two. (And sometimes that’s you.)

        Does that make sense? I’m wondering myself.

        Seriously – I wouldn’t push or worry about any more timetables. You see how confusing it all becomes. 😀

        • No Longer Confused

          You’re missing out! Haha! 😉

          You make perfect sense. I just dreamt last night about this same type of analogy but about jeans. A guy is trying to find the perfect outfit that fits him best. It is amazing though how different men and women think.

          Just a little insight on what goes through a woman’s mind. A woman would be thinking not that he is trying to find his best fit but that he wants all the girls or that everyone else turned him down so now he decided to come to the only one who will give him the time of day. We would be thinking, “Am I his 2nd, 3rd, 4th choice or cancelation prize. I want to be his first choice and not the afterthought.” I know this is all insecure thinking but we have all seen that guy who goes around asking each girl in the place out until the one who finally says yes because no one else has asked her. No girl wants to be that last girl. Every girl wants to be the first choice. Yes, we woman notice the guy making the rounds, testing the waters with every woman in the place. Most of us avoid this guy and think “creeper.”

          BUT…you’re absolutely right!! When we go looking for that perfect outfit, we shop and shop and shop and shop. We buy several outfits, take them home and try them on for size. We take pictures in them with the perfect shoes and jewelry. We show them to our friends and see what compliments us best. Then when we finally decide on our favorite and send the rest back to the store. Sometimes, we send them all back and get a whole new set of outfits. We rarely find that one outfit that is perfect the first time unless we happen to be lucky.

          Finding the perfect guy should be the same! After all, if it is the last outfit you’re ever going to buy, you want to make sure you absolutley love it!!!

          I love your analogies!!!!

        • Peter White

          I’m liking the “every girl wants to be the first choice” and I will be sharing your insightful paragraph with my guys.

          Yet… remind me to never go shopping for clothes or shoes with you. Sounds like a lot of work. Haha! I’ll just wait for the modeling pictures. 🙂

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