Glad I ran accross your blog. Sounds like you fall somewhere in the middle. I was concerned men only went for bodies. I do believe I am an attractive woman but I don’t have a barbie doll figure. So then my question is: Do men ever date girls they are not attracted to or interested in more than once? I went on 3 dates with a guy I really liked. He was very flirty, affectionate, and kept saying how much he was attracted to me and how much fun he was having with me on all 3 dates. In the middle of the first date he asked me for a second date. The 3rd date we played it by ear because he had to work. It has been 2 weeks and he hasn’t asked me for a 4th date. We don’t talk or text everday. We have texted a few small texts every few days and just says he is working a lot (no I’m not text harrassing him or “trying” to determine if he likes me through texts or begging for a commitment to another date. Just stating have a good day and how are you?). I took this as he wasn’t attracted or interested in me and I should move on. My friends say a guy wouldn’t date and be affectionate with a girl if he wasn’t interested in or attracted to. Is that true? Was he attracted and interested in me or Is he blowing me off in a nice way? BTW…We only kissed.
I do like the middle occasionally. 😉
It’s apparent something was or is there.
Unfortunately it’s literally impossible for me to gather more about your situation. I’m sure you know why.
However… That never stops me from trying. That never stops me from reading deep into your words and throwing back my personal insights in guys (and gals.)
So let me share with you a warning about men. This isn’t a hard-coded rule, just some insight from a guy.
Be warned about guys who constantly mention how attracted they are to you. It could be an attempt for a hopeful “quick lay” if you know what I mean.
A man who needs to vocalize his enjoyment in what’s happening and on top of that externalizes his attraction towards you, (or how attractive he thinks you are,) is either using tactics of seduction (terribly I might add) or whose esteem is dependent on your reaction to his affectionate statements.
Either way it’s probably not a good thing.
– He mentions how much fun you are and is calling out his attraction towards you making it clear he wants a second or a third date.
What you have is a guy telling you he wants to see you again, “I promise I’ll call you in the morning.” What you have is a guy saying he is enjoying himself a lot, “You are turning me on… please sleep with me because I find you attractive.”
And then – when it doesn’t come he assumes, “Well either I have to wait forever for (it) so why bother OR I’d better put her in the maybe pile while I’m busy with other women.”
This is mainly based on my own personal experience and relationships with women. It is also based on observations which go well beyond just watching.
I’ve found the better men, to give them a name, rarely ever feel the need to vocalize chemistry. They feel it destroys its natural effect.
Now I’m not saying you have found a fool here. I’m merely saying you need to come up with ways to determine the real man behind the words. That way you’ll never question his motive, charm, or genuine interest in you again. You’ll just know.
First your texts – avoid at all costs asking questions like how he is doing and how you wished he was doing good. You’ve already found out they don’t work.
Instead, relate something commonly private you both shared and leave it there. You can even declare your hatred to him in a funny way.
Here is a little trick I came up with to help get a man reveal himself to you Reveal How He Feels With Two Quick Text Messages (It’s posted up at The Approach.)
Secondly – assume the men you really like are dating other woman. I know it sounds counter intuitive but it has purpose. Think of it as the freedom to date other guys.
I’ve said this before but I’ll say it again – “If I’m dating a woman who is absolutely incredible – then I find no reason to believe she’s not just as good at getting other men to date her.”
Understand if a guy is really worth your time, then he’s probably worth another girl’s time too. I know it sounds awful in words but I have no control over that. Think of it as a clever way of showing yourself how valuable you really are.
For example – I once spent time with a woman who wasn’t too kind to herself. All I could think of (when she put herself down) was in a strange way she was telling me I’ve made a terrible choice. How “she” was the only woman I could get. How bad I am at determining a true heart – because I chose to spend my time with her.
See how that works in all its weirdness.
To get back to my seconds – the real genuine guys will be sought out by other woman too. He has options. Make sure you have options too beyond him because you do. Because you’re also that good. 🙂 Because lots of men are interested in women who may not have a barbie doll figure.
Real men want real woman and not some plastic version of her.
When you explore all your options, trust me you’ll have very little time wondering why one guy hasn’t texted you back, or whether he is interested in you or not, or even if he was just hoping for a quick lay.
Lastly… as If I’m even capable of not saying too much (haha!)
Men don’t generally over think their time with women. I say generally because I do run into men who do it, but usually they’re always “the friend” if you know what I mean.
What this means is – No contact does not equal or guarantee there’s no attraction.
Stay away from how much attention you’re getting from a guy as the determining factor as to how interested he is.
I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t guilty of it myself. Long ago, before my manly ways came to light, I too would consider how much attention a girl was giving me as how much she liked me. And it only drove me crazy.
It never occurred to me she was only living her life and I wasn’t the center of her world. I soon found out that was a GOOD thing because if her life did revolve around me – well then all the more chance I met a woman who was what is known as a “clinger” or a very needy person.
The ones whose lifestyle remained true to themselves began to prove to me – THOSE were the ones I had the best time with.
What this means to you is…
You’re more likely to enjoy a relationship, courtship, or whatever with a guy who is not so easily “catchable.” If he were to do the complete opposite you would probably run fast hoping he has the strength or brains enough to give you some much needed space.
To me – it’s only natural to give a little attention while we’re together and then we’re not, only hint you’re occasionally on my mind.
Okay now… regardless of the man – this is what I believe:
- No. I would never date a woman multiple times if I wasn’t attracted to her.
- Yes. I could grow less attracted to her based on things beyond her looks and therefore would limit my interactions if I was unsure.
- If I was completely positive it wasn’t going to work – I would let her know honestly and quickly AND I would never agree to another date.
- I could easily go several weeks not texting her back if I was busy enough with life, work, and yes… dating other women. Regardless of my feelings towards her. (Barring a long-term commitment of course.)
- Yes. If I did enjoy my time with her I’d be more likely to get a second meeting while on the first one.
I‘m also glad you ran across my little space on the web. 🙂
I do hope I’ve cleared up your situation a little and not confused it even more.
My personal advice at this point – is to give a reasonable amount of time to answer you back or to contact you. Beyond that, there is a point where you just have to assume – he has his reasons and most of the time, they rarely ever are personal.
Thanks for your great questions… All the best to you Miss “So Confused”