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Why He Might Be Attracted To You But Not Interested In A Relationship

in Differences, Reading A Man’s Mind
Interest Attraction Difference Relationship Couple

Hi Pete ,

Thank you very much for the advice. It means a lot to me and it really clear out my confusion . I never think that attraction and interest is a totally different subjects .

One more question , you said Men can feel physically attracted to a woman but not be interested and there’s a ton of reasons as to why that could happen.

Do you mind to expand this explanation for me , or maybe list several reasons why a man would be physically attracted to a woman , but not interested to commit a romantic relationship with her?

One more question , if that guy is only physically attracted to me for now , is it possible that he will be interested in committing an romantic relationship with me ?

If you think it is possible , is there anything I can try ?

Based on your advice, I know that I should move on and look for other guys instead , but I am wondering if I can still ” wait for that guy ” while looking for more options?

Or do you think it will does more harm to me ?

Again thank you very much for taking time to give advice. I really appreciate it !

Yogeda

Hi Yogeda and you’re very welcome.

Physical attraction is normally a sight thing. A guy will see you and find you attractive… or not. There’s no thinking about it all.

It just happens and is beyond his control. Nature has given men an instinctual trigger which makes them FEEL instantly attracted to a woman.

A man doesn’t decide to be attracted to you which also makes it impossible for you to talk a man into feeling it.

The thought process always comes after and based on many things a man will decide if he’s interested in you… or not.

There are many factors which will push him one way or another.

Some of them are about you:

  • Your personality.
  • The way you interact with him.
  • Having or sharing common interests.
  • How you communicate yourself to him.
  • How you feel about yourself.
  • How you respond to him.
  • How you make him feel about himself.

Some are about him:

  • What he thinks he’s looking for in a woman.
  • Where he is in his life.
  • How he feels about himself.
  • His past experiences with women.

A man’s interest in you tends to go beyond your look or physical appearance but you will find some guys can and will lose an interest based on your appearance.

Based on all that it’s very easy to see how a guy might be physically attracted to you but not interested in dating you or wanting a relationship.

But wait… it goes a little further.

A man can lose his interest in you during the dating process but still FEEL a strong physical attraction.

A man can also be physically attracted, interested, and want to date you BUT that still might not ever lead to a relationship.

How and when a guy is ready, willing, and capable of committing to you is something else entirely.

Now… you CAN engage or make him more interested in you through your appearance or how you physically interact with him but that rarely leads to anything more and is not advisable to try on a guy you’re looking for something more than just physical.

Such as becoming the “friend with benefit” thing which is described in this amazing article:

“You have feelings for your friend and started a friends with benefit relationship. After you were intimate with him a few times you told him how felt and he took it as you wanting a relationship. He got upset and now you don’t know what to do.”

He’s Afraid You Wanted A Relationship – How Dating Leads To Love & Happiness

If his interest in you leads to a real connection and many other things are in place – that is when it can turn into a relationship.

Rarely – if ever – will a purely physical connection go there without interest and a real connection built on communication.

I’ll tell you a story from my life to help explain it all a little better for you.

I meet this woman I got to know better a while ago. I am definitely physically attracted to her. We talked a little and it was enough for me to think about her and a possible interest in dating her.

The physical or instant attraction is there and so is a little interest.

After she left I thought a little about out past, who she was, where I thought she was going in life, what kind of life we’d be living if we were to hook up and/or start to date.

I even thought about her past boyfriends, her Father, and her Mother. I had met of few of them.

Then something strange popped in my head – I remember how she was a little overly emotional about things I found trivial and unimportant.

Suddenly, based on all that and a little more – my interest in her went down while my attraction for her stayed the same.

Here’s where it gets real interesting.

I know for a fact we DO share some common interests. I came name about three or four things we both LOVE to do which would make it easy for us to meet up and share some good times.

She also appears or comes off as a faithful woman which is important to ALL men. She doesn’t seem to be a woman who would ever cheat on a guy.

BUT… and here’s where men THINK their way closer to a woman or further away.

She’s a little young. Pretty. In-demand from other guys.

Remember the overly emotional reactions I mentioned above?

This leads me to believe she gets in relationships too quickly.

She’s seems more likely to make a quick judgement based purely on a few emotional moments which lead to a long-term commitment BEFORE she’s actually ready and that is not the “type” of woman I’m looking for something more than a physical casual thing.

Lots of doubt is created which chips away my interest in her leaving me still physically attracted to her but not wanting to explore anything more with her than that.

This a generally how it happens for guys.

We feel. We explore or get to know her. We think about all sorts of things based on our personal wants and our past experiences.

Our interest will then go up or down based on our thoughts.

It doesn’t end there – it continually cycles through over and over again the more or less we’re feeling.

All that is quite easy to understand.

It only gets very complicated (for some) when you confuse a few things like:

A general interest in you.

Interest in a relationship for himself.

Interested in a relationship with YOU.

A man can be interested in you and still not interested in a relationship with you.

A man can be interested in you AND a relationship with you, commit to you, still be physically attracted to you and as all that cycles through his feel/thought process lose it all which might feel like in an instant.

Told you it can become very complicated.

Let’s finish the rest of your question…

Waiting for a guy is NEVER the best option if you want to find what you’re looking for from a guy.

It’s the word “waiting” which is wrong because it implies putting YOUR life on hold.

Change the word “wait” to “Maybe, we’ll see… let’s leave the option open.” and that would satisfy the agreement to “wait”.

Putting your life “on hold” should NEVER be an option for you or any woman.

However leaving an option open for a later time is okay as long as you’re still dating other guys and are not overly obsessed with the one guy you’re leaving open.

In other words – if you can not get him out of your head and your thoughts are stopping you from living your life and exploring other REAL options AND you’re dismissing your needs because of it – then it’s the RIGHT TIME TO MOVE ON… IMMEDIATELY!

As for the TRYING part… or trying to get a guy to become interested in you IF there’s already a strong attraction to you:

I don’t like the word “try” but of course there are many things you can DO to get a guy interested in something more with you.

And that ALWAYS starts with YOU.

Stay or become interested in yourself FIRST.

Build some habits for yourself that naturally attract men:

  1. Make him work for it.
  2. Be his number one fan.
  3. Build those inner roads.
  4. Make it OK for him to disagree with you.
  5. Tune into his needs.
  6. Don’t neglect yourself.
  7. Keep him busy in the bedroom.

These 7 Habits Will Show You How To Keep Him Interested In You Forever

Here’s my list which men find most attractive in a woman.

Some are physically based but others will certainly encourage or driver his interest in you IF you know how to communicate them to men.

  1. How she moves her body.
  2. Her voice.
  3. Slightly Reserved or shy.
  4. Laid Back – Easy To Get Along With – “The “cool girl”
  5. Quirky Habits.
  6. An inviting smile and a great sense of humor.
  7. Dynamic eyes.
  8. Shapes and curves.
  9. Self esteem – High Value – Confidence.
  10. Her scent or how she smells.

The Top Ten Things That Guys Are Attracted To

Instant Infatuation Attract Men Formula Cover

Here’s a great 35 page Ebook which will show you how to communicate to men in a way which creates INTEREST and attraction:

“Use the information in this guide the next time you’re chatting with a man, and you can install feelings of attraction, desire and even lust into his subconscious mind.”

DOWNLOAD PDF: Instant Infatuation Formula.

Make Men Desire You Cover

Here’s another one which reveal proven tricks to make a man desire you.

Getting a man to desire you beyond the physical is a great way to increase his interest in you:

DOWNLOAD PDF: Desire Principles – 6 Tricks That Women Use To Make Men Crazy About Them.

Understand Male Attraction Triggers Cover

One last one for today is to look deeper into the male attraction triggers:

“Story + Need = Activated Hero Instinct. A man’s hero instinct compels him to seek a relationship that lets him take on the role of a provider. That’s why guys fall for women who know how to trigger this attraction tripwire.”

DOWNLOAD PDF: The Secret to Understanding Male Attraction Triggers

All of them are stored here at why do guys so there’s no signing up. A special thanks to the creators for helping us all out.

Don’t forget – ALL this stuff and more about understanding men, his interest, attraction, desires, and how men think are always delivered to you when you sign up to the newsletter below.

Lastly or in conclusion:

Men FEEL instant physical attraction for a woman which is beyond their control. You trigger them mostly by sight alone.

Interest comes after or during the thought process.

As a man cycles through the feeling and thinking his interest can either go up or down based on many things. Some are about you. Some are about him.

A guy’s interest in a relationship with you is slightly different. He can be interested in you but not interested or ready for a relationship.

He can also be ready and interested in a relationship with a woman but that unfortunately does not guarantee he’s interested or wants one with you.

Other factors come into play and is often under the not-mentioned category of “intention” which is only lightly covered in the newsletter and will be revealed at a later time.

As for the reader who asked this question:

NEVER wait for a guy. You can keep him as an option if and ONLY if certain things are securely in place.

Getting a guy to become interested in you always starts with YOU first.

First make sure you ARE interested in yourself.

Build a lifestyle and some healthy habits which naturally engage a man’s interest in you.

Communicate that and more to him and you’ll find lots of guys can not only become instantly (physically) attracted to you BUT also interested in you.

Thanks for stopping by and I do hope you found the answer you were looking for today and that you fully understand the difference between a guy’s interest and his attraction and how you can create both but also how they’re not the same thing.

Don’t forget to sign up below to why do guys and have a wonderful day.

About the author: Peter White… Showing men and women ways to attract each other naturally by helping you to understand each other. Over ten years experience which has shown me how to see things clearly and get to the root cause of most dating and relationships problems. Hope you learn and enjoy your why do guys experience.

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10 comments… add one
  • Trying to figure it all out

    Hi Peter, this site is amazing and definitely one of my favorites now!
    I just wondered if a woman is missing a 2 or 3 things on the top 10 list, do you think that would somehow disqualify her? Specifically when it comes to 2, 5, 9 and 10? I’m thinking that confidence could be worked on, and overly quirky habits could probably be curbed. The voice and scent are interesting ones cause I know that sometimes when I’m nervous, my voice changes a bit, doesn’t sound as smooth or clear, (sometimes I even wonder if people may think I sound like I have a speech impediment at those times.) I’m curious about the scent thing too, especially early in dating, because even someone with normally excellent hygiene can occasionally be caught off guard if maybe they just happen to run into their object of interest after the gym (and probably not exactly at their freshest and most pristine, if you will.) Or if they ate something really strong that doesn’t have the best scent? I know this may sound like over thinking it a bit, but these things do happen. I just wondered if guys make concessions for occasional day to day situations that may interfere with constantly maintaining all the traits on the list, or do most men really expect that females are to always be “sugar and spice and all that’s nice?”

    • Peter White

      Hello,

      Nope. A woman does not need all 10 things to attract a guy.

      It is a very broad list. Some men will feel more attraction to certain ones but not others.

      #2, The voice can certainly be “made more effective” I wouldn’t worry about it changing and sounding strange at times. It’s the over all tone that attracts guys.

      #5 Quirky habits, happens all by itself. If a guy is feeling it, the habits are more attractive. If he’s not, they tend to go unnoticed. This one tends to amplify attraction more than anything so it’s a part of moving from the first stage of attraction to the second one.

      #9 Self esteem – High Value – Confidence IS very important especially when moving from a first stage attraction to the second stage BUT all is needed is as much as the guy you’re dealing with and nothing more.

      In fact too much #9 scares some men away because they can feel intimidated BUT that’s a good thing I suppose.

      I think you confused #10 Her scent or how she smells, a little.

      Your scent triggers an instant attraction for some guys and it can re-trigger it years later because smell is so closely linked to memory.

      Your scent is loosely based on your perfume, shampoo, etc…

      I wouldn’t worry about being caught off guard, it happens, AND it happens to us guys too. It’s just a part of day to day living.

      So expect that yes, concessions are made as long as good hygiene is maintained.

      Nope we do NOT expect you to be “sugar and spice all the time”.

      Some of us would like to believe it’s true but do can keeps things in perspective.

      The obvious rules apply… don’t show up for a date smelling like you just ate a garlic sandwich. 🙂

      I don’t think you’re over thinking it all… I believe you’re just getting caught up in thinking guys will disqualify you because of that list.

      It’s the other way around.

      Just because you might not have an amazing sexual voice does not mean we will not feel attraction.

      We don’t decide to feel things, they just happen.

      The items on the list engage or “trigger” or our attraction which are beyond our control.

      Again we don’t decide it one way or another.

      Hope that helps you figure a little more out and thanks for writing in. I appreciate your question,

      Pete

  • Angeline

    I really need your help because i have problems and dont know how to find answers for my questions.. thanks

  • Amy

    So let’s say you have all the top 10. In my experience those things become less attractive or enticing after you decide to be in the committed relationship. I seem to then become boring because my relationships still would rather keep me in the bedroom than take me out. This has happened 3 dang times. Guys seem to fall for me fast, want to marry me, and then lose all interest. Safe to assume I have some really offensive quality that only shows after a period of time?

    • Peter White

      You don’t necessarily have really offensive qualities which only show up after you’re in a relationship with a guy.

      Chances are you get involved too quickly with men. They lead you quickly and you go along with it.

      On the other side, if you have all ten then chances are guys put you on an unfair pedestal and “getting laid” seems to be a priority to them. Once they realize you’re a real woman and not just a bed partner – things change – and they begin to search for more. Unfortunately THAT should happen BEFORE sex because once a man gets the challenge, the relationship becomes only about that and not something more.

      That unfair pedestal is creating a remarkable challenge to guys and you might want to use that to your advantage. Make them work even harder for it. 🙂

      • Amy

        Good advice and it definitely seems to fit the relationships I have encountered.

        Thank you

  • Barbara

    Hi Pete,

    I find your website very interesting! Well done!
    I looked at your list and I definitely have very strong #9 and week #3.
    I go out, I m always with people.
    I dropped office work, and have my own business that makes me happy cos its my passion.
    I m getting closer to 40..but I always meet ( or they are interested ) much younger guys , like 20 th or 30th. I m ready 2 have family and get married , but I have a feeling that all these guy I meet want me 4 fun. Im a fun person but that does not mean life is only fun. So Id like to be with someone for good and bad, but I do not feel importance to ONLY start from fun part…Its been said guys have feelings 2…and they can f.e. feel hungry…and thats what I feel what they feel about me, but not enough2 me…
    If you have any comment 2 leave looking forward.
    Basia

    • Peter White

      Hi Basia, thank you. I appreciate it.

      I’m going to say if you’re looking for a real relationship with a guy, you must look at men closer to your age. Not exactly, but just closer. Younger men, just like younger women may not be ready and might want something different than you.

      All those things listed in number 9, which you say you’re strong in WILL help you find that man. And since you’re aware of it, makes it even easier. But again, I’d look into places where you can meet someone closer to your own age who is looking for the same things and has the same mindset about life that you have.

      All the best and thank you again,
      Pete

      • Hi Pete,

        Thank you for reply. Partially I d agree with you but ( hehehe there is always but)I won’t, I have 2 older sisters married 1 20 the other 10 yrs with 8 and 4 yrs younger guys….they are happy families with children…so I would not put that Youngers off as some young guys are mature, and some my age, or older are not often being desperate just to get with someone not to be alone ( I don’t want that!!). Im everywhere ( apart maybe night clubs that where fun up till 20’s). so….simple honest good luck and fingers crossed would do :-). Cheers.

  • Not worthy

    Can you maybe do an article on men not accepting women who have certain health problems? Unfortunately I had a friend who’s also a co-worker lied to me about a ton of stuff. He told me that he really liked me and and even was trying to touch me and stuff but it turns out when I opened up to him and told him about my Interstitial cystitis and how sex is going to be kind of difficult he wasn’t interested anymore. Now I know what you’re thinking oh he just wanted sex. I have been rejected by over 50 men now because of this condition. I’m even thinking about getting psychosis done to where I will have no interest in men anymore because I’m just so tired of the heart rate knowing that here I am at the age of 30 and will never have the chance of Love or marriage. Can you maybe make an article to help guys understand hey there’s more to a relationship than just sex? I’ve even had the therapist asked me have you thought about trying to be gay but I just can’t do it. Thanks

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