Hi Pete ,
Thank you very much for the advice. It means a lot to me and it really clear out my confusion . I never think that attraction and interest is a totally different subjects .
One more question , you said “Men can feel physically attracted to a woman but not be interested and there’s a ton of reasons as to why that could happen.” Do you mind to expand this explanation for me , or maybe list several reasons why a man would be physically attracted to a woman , but not interested to commit a romantic relationship with her?
One more question , if that guy is only physically attracted to me for now , is it possible that he will be interested in committing an romantic relationship with me ? If you think it is possible , is there anything I can try ?
Based on your advice, I know that I should move on and look for other guys instead , but I am wondering if I can still ” wait for that guy ” while looking for more options? Or do you think it will does more harm to me ?
Again thank you very much for taking time to give advice. I really appreciate it !
You’re very welcome.
Physical attraction is normally a sight thing. We find you attractive. We’re sexually aroused in one way or another because of YOU.
Interest goes beyond your looks. It could be your personality. The way you live your life. We might have a few things in common as in what we like to do with you that go beyond the normal everyday dating thing.
For example, I like to eat. I LOVE trying new foods and new restaurants BUT doing that on a date is NOT enough to have in common. It doesn’t allow more than what I do anyways.
However… exploring something new and adventurous and we figure out we both like doing them, increases our bond and connection because we now have something special to share.
These things go beyond our normal friendships and begin to create a life outside the life we’re already involved in.
Having interest leads to a connection BEYOND the obvious physical attraction. Perhaps we make you laugh, or you get our jokes, or your lifestyle matches with ours and you DEFINITELY ENHANCE our lives in one way or another.
For us to enter a committed relationship though, there are many variable which need to be in place such as timing, urgency, where we are, where we’ve been, how complete we feel, and all the internal stuff in our head.
Those are normally combined with HOW you make us feel, or more importantly HOW you make us feel about OURSELVES.
“Relationship material” women tend to be safer “investments” and tend to come with less baggage. Baggage is typically about how much drama you could add to our lives.
I told you there’s a lot going on. 🙂
For some men it’s about the purity ( or seemingly innocent nature of a woman ). Other guys don’t care.
For some men it’s about freedom. If they don’t feel they’ve enjoyed enough of it, you’ll never get them to commit until their freedom feels more lonely and he realizes it’s not fulfilling enough of his needs.
“…Of course men are scared shitless of commitment and they have every reason to be that way.”
Recently I met a woman who fits exactly into what I’ve glanced over above.
I am definitely physically attracted to her. She showed up in a short black skirt which is normally not enough but since she just got out of work, she had a slight tear in her stocking about two inches long and close to where her skirt left off.
While speaking to her I was becoming slightly aroused and I was enjoying it. I’m sure she FELT it or something too but since I did not show any interest I probably left her a little confused.
Perhaps she was even thinking I was only interested in her body and nothing else which is NOT entirely true. I enjoyed talking to her. It wasn’t work. Our conversation came and went easily AND we remembered them too.
After she left I thought for a little while about our past, who she was, where she was going, what kind of life we’d be living if we were to “hook up” or start to date. I even thought about her past boyfriends, her Father, her Mother, her overly emotional reactions to things I found trivial.
I quickly weighed ALL of that and felt… Sure. I can see myself having sex with her because I was physically attracted to her BUT I wasn’t “interested” enough to make something happen beyond that. I merely hinted exchanging numbers and left it there.
Knowing full well that she was NOT going to do anything more to see if anything would happen between us.
Which meant the physical temptation would be kept at length and would not “get me in trouble” or test my strength to resist a physical interaction leading to me eventually pull back.
But it doesn’t end there…
I know for a fact we DO share some common interests. I came name about three or four things we both LOVE to do which would make it easy for us to meet up.
She also appears to be a faithful woman. Sure she enjoys the guys liking her. She enjoys being flirted with and told by certain men how she’s beautiful AND fun AND down-to-earth.
I’m positive most men who find themselves in a relationship with her who wouldn’t be so insecure with themselves will never fault her for it and yet, for the “right” guy, she wouldn’t cheat or tear his world up.
Normally speaking though because, all factors in place, very young, pretty, in-demand, loves to party, there’s always the chance she’ll get in a relationship before she’s actually sure it’s the right time and guy.
She’s more likely to make a quick judgement based purely on a few emotional moments which lead to a long-term commitment BEFORE she’s actually ready, and therefore probably has a higher risk of finding someone else. Mind you, I didn’t see cheat, merely finding someone else.
But hey, that’s the risk we ALL take and I just feel younger men and women come with a higher risk of that happening.
It’s clear I have a lot of doubt surrounding her and any future which might ultimately leave me… NOT interested but physically attracted.
Granted most men don’t consider ALL that. They just feel that way and CHOOSE not to reason it all out.
It’s not as clear BUT sure, a physical attraction CAN lead to interest just the same as it does for you. If circumstances change and something deeper becomes of it all.
I’d say it’s MORE likely to build into interest IF there’s physical attraction first.
And “interest” can be lost based on lots of factors that men consider “relationship material.” Meaning the more time we spend with our interest the more we can easily realize, “It’s just not what we’re looking for.”
I would say “waiting” for a guy is NOT the best option. But that may be just the word “waiting” that I don’t like.
It implies leaving YOUR life on hold which is not something I would ever advise.
Change the word “wait” to “maybe, we’ll see… let’s leave the option open.” and that would satisfy the agreement to “wait”. 🙂
Putting your life “on hold” will do more harm than could so remember it’s a “Maybe. Let’s leave it all open and possible see what happens at a later time.”
Just as long as you can honestly pull that off. I see nothing wrong with it.
At this point I’m not really the guy to ask about the HOW’s of getting a guy. It’s just not the advice I feel entirely confident in giving to any one person. I may dabble in it and throw some stuff out there from time to time, but for now, I’m going leave it at that.
I WILL leave you with a quote from an article I wrote some time ago which might possibly help you out.
The title says it all. 😀
#1 – How she moves her body.
#2 – Her voice.
#3 – Slightly Reserved or shy.
#4 – Laid Back – Easy To Get Along With – “The “cool girl”
#5 – Quirky Habits.
#6 – An inviting smile and a great sense of humor.
#7 – Dynamic eyes.
#8 – Shapes and curves.
#9 – Self esteem – High Value – Confidence.
#10 – Her scent or how she smells.
All the best to you. Hope this has cleared up more issues than it created… and thank YOU for writing.