So there’s a guy (Ken) in college. We took the same course. He caught my attention and honestly, I have a crush on him for 2 years. He doesn’t talk that much. He’s not that shy either. Ken is a semi quiet shy guy? 😀 I only talked to him once when I gave him a text book.
He smiled brightly at me which he doesn’t do that often, and that had happened last year. We never actually talk to each other… I don’t know what to talk about.
We’re just stealing glances at each other, we often look at each other at the same time and both quickly look away.
I caught Ken staring once.. but he look away quickly. I feel like I creep him out. 🙁
And lately, I noticed that his best buddies (who already have girlfriends) looking at me in some classes that Ken didn’t take. I’m tired of guessing games. I want to make a move, telling him that I’m attracted to him, verbally or not.
Can you give any tips or advice, Pete?
Your help is needed. 🙂
Thank you very much,
Hi Zaf, Going from "stealing glances" to an actual conversation may seem like a huge step to take, but it's not.
You're putting way too much pressure on yourself because you've been crushing on him for 2 years, and the feeling that you're "creeping him out" is getting in the way making it so much harder on you.
But it doesn't have to be that way.
You have a crush on a guy you don't know... well Zaf, the truth is he could turn out to be a total dud if you know what I mean.
Don't ever put a guy on a pedestal based on your attraction.
This feeling that you're creeping him out because he keeps turning away is simply HIS lack of confidence coming through when dealing with the opposite sex. In many, perhaps most or all cases, it has little to do with you.
You can NOT take that personal.
In his mind he could easily be thinking HE is the one who is creeping YOU out, right?
Listen, you don't have to tell him how you're feeling. In fact I wouldn't suggest it at all. This explains that a little:
You don't need some "magical move" because honestly, there isn't one which works all the time anyways.
His internal state or how he feels inside will tend to dictate HIS actions toward you. SO, you could be "Miss Perfect" and do everything right and find him still running because of his issues not yours.
Don't take his reactions personal.
He's not some guy on a pedestal waiting and bathing in the glow of his many worshipers.
He's just a slightly shy dude who is catching your attention.
You're going to feel the greatest fear just before the approach.
That's YOUR moment of courage.
Get past that and trust me, it WILL get easier.
Don't think past that moment.
Just get to it and get through it and see where it takes you.
I'm not going to promise you the world or how he'll be the perfect guy. How he might lead the entire conversation taking all the pressure off of you and then pass on his number or ask you out for a date.
That's not fair and I'm no better predicting the future than you are.
You don't have to prepare yourself for a let down.
Don't prepare for anything more than a simple conversation.
There are some more great tips for you here:
Hopefully a little knowledge about shy guys and how to approach them will strengthen your courage just enough.
Remember THAT is the only moment you need to concern yourself with for now.
Again, you're going to feel the greatest fear just before it happens so expect it and just step through it.
"Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear"
... Mark Twain
I realize I'm making it all sound easy and how all the pent-up emotions you've been experiencing for two years feels like they're being downplayed but that's because I'm a guy, and if I can guarantee you ONE thing today...
It's that the fear of approach IS REAL, BUT it can be easily OVERCOME.
What you're experiencing, HE is too. Pedestal or not.
What I write to guys about approaching women is no different.
(If you'd like you can read my latest post on my "men" site this one says it all: Approach Women With No Anxiety & Fears – Four Words Changes Everything. There's a great quote in it EVERYONE can benefit from called, "It just doesn't matter!")
The reality is:
You're just starting a conversation with someone.
Don't read so far ahead, don't pile up so much pressure on yourself.
Pretend they're just some old friend and you're catching up with each other.
Sure - it would be nice to make a great first impression - that goes along way. But if you're already confident in yourself and believe you can attract any man, then you've got the HARDER part covered so why worry about starting one simple conversation with a guy - shy, quiet, great-looking, or someone you've been crushing on for so long.
I don't (generally) teach women how to be confident and make great first impressions but I can send you to some great advice written by Mirabelle Summers (Creator of the Get A Guy Guide) which have helped lots of my readers:
Read them first - the RIGHT knowledge and some helpful tips can be a great start to boosting your confidence. It can also help to get you out of your head a little too.
Lastly... he does sound like a type two guy so it will definitely help you to read about him in the free ebook you get when you join the newsletter below.
Wishing you all the courage you need Zaf.