Thanks Pete that was also very helpful but there its one problem I told him I was crushing on him yesterday and he didn’t reply to my text until early this morning with a thank you. I don’t think he feels the same so im a litte crushed right now. What should I do?
Monique… I understand the urges women AND men feel, almost like they’re going to explode inside if they don’t tell the person they like how they’re feeling BUT unless there are a lot of things already in place it does not help.
Telling someone you like them won’t make them like you back.
They won’t suddenly reveal everything you believe they’re hiding.
Attraction does NOT work that way.
I suffered through many crushes in my life. I say “suffer” because that’s normally how they feel.
It’s painful and at times it seems like the only way to make the pain and doubt go away is to reveal our feelings to the person we’re crushing on.
But again… unless there are a few things already in place…
It either lessens what attraction might have been there, pushes the person further away, destroys our confidence when the feelings are not reciprocated, AND even though it may feel good to finally let it all out, it can and usually makes us feel worse.
The crushes in my life led me down the same path.
Even though some of those women I liked might have felt a little something for me, the “crush” inside me heightened what I was experiencing considerably deeper than the girl my eyes were set on.
Telling her ( or them ) only proved without a doubt that I wanted her more than she wanted me AND it showed a bit of neediness on my part to be loved ( or liked ) back.
Sometimes revealing our crush is a desperate attempt to create an attraction when as stated above, attraction does NOT and will NEVER work that way.
So in a way we’re also seeking approval from those we want the most which again, destroys what little attraction might be there anyways.
A short article I wrote explains this a little more,
#1 – We’re inclined to act “different” around those we feel the most attracted to.
In essence – we get lost in the moment and instead on focusing on what works – create attraction from within ourselves…
We TRY to make the other person like us.
You can not tell me how hard it is to resist these urges. I wouldn’t understand it if I didn’t suffer though it more times than I care to admit.
But I would like to tell you going down this road becomes even more lonely and frustrating and sure “rarely” something happens but I’ve also found it is all too easily destroyed…
NOTHING changed for me until I learned HOW attraction worked.
Strange as is sounds or as counter intuitive as it feels, creating, maintaining, and building attraction is lot easier and as long as we focus on those “skills” first and avoid the need to reveal our crush, actually work better AND are more beneficial to our happiness.
“Since flirting is an adult or mature way of showing you’re smart, confident, and have a sexiness about you which is desirable it’s important to learn how to flirt better to attract more men.
At this point it become obvious – Don’t tell a guy you like him, Don’t ask a guy if he likes you, and you will naturally appear less needy.
Flirt with him and tease him the right way and you’re showing you’re at least interested – and if he takes the hint – or runs with the game – or responds by calling you out on each level – He likes you. Assume it.
And assume since you’re appealing to his “manly” urge to be with you – he’s going to love it.”
Should You Ever Tell A Man You Like Him Or Ask If He Likes You? ( Located at “the Approach” )
The only advice I can give would be to stick with what was working before and refrain from acting out of urgency.
I’m going to guess he’ll pull back a little now but not completely disappear. In other words, more of the same of how he responded by not messaging you as often and just replying with a bland, “Thank You.”
I suggested that you always “play the field” because it helps to avoid doing things like this so that advice has not changed.
Attraction is a weird thing and sometimes it’s very hard to go back to a time before.
All you can do is pull back a little, gather and gain your confidence, understand where all these urges came from and how they brought you to reveal your feelings so you can avoid doing it again. ( At least at the wrong time. )
Trust me that course of action was the ONLY way it worked for me. After which I learned to move on to start something fresh and new and exciting with as many different women as possible and those old urges slowly went away.
Mind you they didn’t disappear completely, the overwhelming feelings of attraction tend to hijack our minds, BUT I did learn to control HOW I acted around them.
I’m hoping the same will work for you so don’t get all down on yourself.
Don’t let this one guy or one experience become a negative experience when you can learn so many positive things from it.
Guys who are at least smart and clever enough really DO know when you like them.
Revealing your crush won’t make them like you anymore.
Stick to creating, maintaining, and building attraction through all your womanly powers because that does create real results… and it’s a lot easier too. 🙂
Another incredible quote is eerily close to what you’re going through… which is why I turn to its advice often, well and because it says it all a lot better than I can,
“Sometimes he would talk to her and say things that led her to believe that they shared a special connection, (…)
There was an occasional glance, an occasional email or call from him… and a few times, he even opened up about something personal or emotional, and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn’t acting like a man who was “falling in love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times, even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold.
Sometimes he would look at her and talk to her, and sometimes he would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, became a spiral that amplified itself… and the more insecure she became, the more afraid she grew of “screwing things up” or “scaring him off”, by starting conversations or asking him if he was interested in her and why he didn’t ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less time he seemed to want to spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over this guy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion that if he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel the same way. So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt. She confessed her feelings and let him know that she wanted to be with him.
Wishing you all the best in the world,