Are you're one of those women who are consumed with knowing and noticing the many signs a guy gives you, that proves he's into you... or not?
I'll give you all my secrets of "interest" if you promise me that you'll use them to better your relationships with men and follow all the advice attached to it.
Please don't get caught up in your head trying to figure it all out because trust me, the more you look, the more you'll miss, the deeper you look, the more you'll take yourself out of what is commonly called an "attractive frame of mind".
Don't forget it's a balance that must be maintained but once you get it, you'll never forget how to use it.
"2. You become INSTANTLY more attractive to men.
Your relaxed, carefree enjoyment of life is totally irresistible to most people - after all, we ALL want to be around somebody with a genuine zest for life. Your natural effervescence will boost the mood of any man who comes near you - and THAT is authentically irresistible.
So please. For your own sake, as well as the sake of all those men out there who are praying that, one day, they'll find a woman just like you...
Learn to LET GO a little bit.
Interest is too broad of a term in figuring out if a man is "into" you or not. If you really need to know how he's connecting with you emotionally, physically, and mentally, then we need to break it down further into three more precise yet simple categories.
There are generally two forms of attraction for men: The Physical and the Emotional. BOTH are instinctively triggered or caused from an outside source or stimulus and are loosely based on the internal experience of the individual who is feeling it.
These are beyond a man's control just the same as what you experience is too. They don't choose to feel them. They can not stop them from happening once it does.
They can decrease or disappear over time and they can also increase too. Again - even that part is beyond one person's direct control.
You trigger a man's physical attraction to you through your looks. Whereas there are certain looks most men can agree on, what one man finds physically appealing is not a guarantee that another man will feel the same way.
You trigger a man's emotional attraction to you by how you communicate to him which allows you to connect to his heart. The emotional trigger for men has very little variance from man to man as they ALL tend to respond to the same stimulus, however who they are and who the woman is does play a role in if it happens or not.
This is generally where CHOICE comes into play. A man finds interest in a woman and will CHOOSE to date her or commit to her based on that interest, but it's not all that simple because choice is such a major factor.
Interest, like attraction, can increase or decrease over time.
Just because a man is interested in you does NOT mean he wants to date, marry, or make you his girlfriend or make any semblance of a commitment to you.
When a man has interest in you it also does not mean he will follow through with it or explore that interest.
Interest does not always equate or mean a guy will take ACTION. Much of the action he decides to take is internal based on many factors such as his confidence, esteem, past experiences, emotional stability, perspective, and core beliefs. The actions you see or experience him taking often align with every decision he makes in his life.
A man can be interested in dating you and become less interested in you as a person or partner.
A man can be interested in wanting to commit to you and become less interested in you as a person or partner.
When this happens a man will usually pull away or cease contacting you unless there's a strong emotional and physical attraction which overrides his either better sense of judgement, or allows his sexual (sometimes emotional intimacy) to make the decision for him.
A man's intention is a very big piece of the puzzle and is often the most misunderstood or little known part of the dating process. This is because of the confusion it creates and the lack of thought that most men and women put into it along with little research or care to explore its affect.
Do NOT overlook it because it actually is a BIG piece of the puzzle in understanding ALL men and their interest in you.
A man may have an intention to find a wife. A man may have an intention to get and enjoy casual sex. A man may intend to date a woman. A man may intend to go through the entire process with one or many woman at a time and do it too only to back out one to a hundred times with that very same woman.
You do play a part. It IS normally a choice or decision but, and this is where it gets confusing...
Imagine a man who tells you on the first date that he's looking for a life long partner. His intention is to explore a possibility of a long-term committed relationship.
You go on several dates with him and everything seems to be going amazing. You're starting to feel like he's committing to you because he did tell you that was his "intention" - to find a long-term possible life-long partner.
But sorry, it doesn't work that way.
That was his intention and intention changes based on many factors such as recurring or building or lessening interest and physical plus emotional attraction. In other words, the other two listed above.
When it comes to a man's intention I've found most women are looking for what a guy wants from her which causes a real problem, INTENTION is what his goals are and fortunately or unfortunately, that may or may not have anything to do with you.
Now that I've given you some rough definitions I'll point out some important connection or dis-connections from the three above that are often mistaken or misinterpreted all too often causing even more confusion.
Physical Attraction does not equal interest.
A man can and sometimes will sleep with a woman based on physical attraction alone even if he's not interested in her. As if you didn't know that, right?
Interest implies the man will want to see you more to explore your personality, compatibility and to see if there's a real connection happening between you and him.
A man can become emotionally attracted (beyond his control) to a woman as the interest in her goes up.
A man can become more physically attracted to a woman if his emotional attraction to her goes up.
Interest and intention is needed for a guy to want to form a relationship with you. However with only an emotional attraction, that will rarely if ever happen.
A man can become physically attracted to a woman and not like her, have any interest or intention with her.
A man can be physically attracted to a woman, have some interest, intend to explore being with her - sleep with her - and once again, unless the emotional attraction is triggered, he'll lose interest, change his intentions, and slowly pull away. Depending on the guy and time it takes he may still opt to have sex with her.
LOW interest plus high physical attraction only ever amounts to a sexual desire. His intention or character will drive the "relationship" one way or another.
HIGH interest plus low physical attraction can sway a man's intention more specifically when there is an emotional attraction created or triggered at any time in his interactions with her.
A man's prefers certain things to happen in a logical profession if he's to go from eye contact to meeting to dating to a committed relationship and that is:
Men often begin with INTENTION. This is what they're looking for. This is what they INTEND to find or get which can be anything to finding a partner to marry to casual sex to dating for long periods of time first.
Physical attraction to any degree must be there. It doesn't have to be a lot but he generally wants to experience a physical attraction of some sort because it feels good to him. It propels him forward quicker.
He will then look for an interest in her. He will explore her personality and character by interacting with her in a way which is consistent with who he is as a person.
If the interest is there (regardless of whether his intention matches with her) he will try to connect with her in a way which stimulates or triggers his emotional attraction to her.
As the emotional attraction builds he will bond with her, open up to her, see her more, and then continually decide on any future intentions. His interest will either grow or shrink during this time.
Notice how each one (interest, intention, and attraction) are connected and often can not be separated without losing sight of what is going on or how truly "into" a man is a any specific stage in your interactions with him.
The Many Signs He’s Into You…
Decoding His Body Language… Should You Bother Trying?
A man's body language is dependent on his internal state, esteem, and confidence.
Body language is not always the best way to tell if a guy is interested in you or not but it can help. Just be sure you know the type of guy you’re dealing with because unless you're a master at it you can all too easily misread everything he does.
"It can be frustrating trying to decode what a man says because unlike women, he’s not as emotionally expressive. So, he may be feeling one way, but his words suggest otherwise.
But it’s not that he’s trying to mislead you on purpose. The problem is that most guys grew up not learning how to communicate their feelings.
So that leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and unspoken sentiments."
For some examples.
A type two guy may have lower confidence around a woman he is physically attracted to and therefore will exhibit weak and tentative behavior towards you. You could mistake his natural state of nervousness as a sign he's not attracted to but, if he wasn't attracted to you he would actually display stronger and more confident body language around you for obvious reasons.
A type one guy will give subtle signs. He will touch you more. Feel free to casually stare at your lips. He'll have a confident stance and appear very relaxed and inviting while at the same time creating enough space between you and him to make you wonder just a little. Women often mistake this as disinterest when it's not that way at all. It's who he is regardless.
My best advice with regards to body language is:
Make sure you’re clear on his level of confidence around women.
Use it as an “extra” thing because body language alone is never enough to figure out whether he’s into you and will often mislead you.
If a man is leading you his body language can be read clearly so go for it.
If you're with a guy who doesn't seem to lead much at all then read the opposite or ignore most of it.
Moving on to more signs he's "into" you with some questions.
Is He Teasing You?
Guys who are into you will tease you more playfully. They'll give you secret names and stuff like that. They'll single you out for exclusive sparring flirty moments.
Just be cautious or knowing about his character. Some guys do this with everyone so you must decide for yourself if that’s part of his personality or not.
I know lots of guys who do this to everyone and some women mistake it for interest. If you can, watch how he interacts with other women.
More warning about type two guys...
The guy who doesn’t get you will do everything but tease and flirt with you “properly” because he’s too afraid to offend you.
This can have you believing he's not interested when in fact, he’s not teasing you because he’s put you on a pedestal, is worried or afraid to upset or offend you OR doesn't know how OR refuses to because he believes it's a player's move.
Aside from all that, Teasing IS a clear sign and I would consider it ALWAYS proof at first until at a later time when it proves to be wrong.
The best tip I ever got on whether or not someone likes you still holds true and despite all of what you’re going to read, NEVER FORGET IT:
"Stop looking around for signals from men that they’re “interested” in you.
Stop CARING whether or not a particular man is interested in you.
Instead, start TRIGGERING the interest, and watching to see if men ENGAGE. If they do, then assume that IT’S ON!
As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…
…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM."
Is He Complimenting You?
I rarely, if ever complimented a woman I was attracted to because if it wasn't genuine or straight from my heart it would feel creepy, weird, overdone, insincere or like I’m just trying to get in her pants.
“Mister I Don’t Get You” (type two) will compliment you every chance he gets because he thinks it will help his cause.
So compliments are a tough way to figure out interest.
If his words are somewhat unique, surprising, carefully placed and coming from a guy who gets you, then expect and ASSUME he’s definitely attracted and interested too.
NEVER “fish” for a compliment from a guy to decide or help gauge his interest in you. Most men do NOT know how to respond to it either way and it will only confuse you and him too.
If you ask me, “How do I look?” or something like that hoping the answer will reveal my attraction you it will not. My answer will be well constructed and aimed to do something and you'll get the same from most men wo are good with women.
My best advice here is to:
Genuine compliments which are not contrived by your doing and appear to come out of nowhere typically means there is a real attraction towards you.
I absolutely love this next one so I hope you do too.
Use His Family and Friends to YOUR Advantage.
If you want to figure out if a guy is truly interested in you, get in his social circle and pay close attention.
Use your social savvy to your advantage because most of the time women are far better at reading social situations than men are.
Okay, not ALL of us will give him away, including me, but I’d say most of his closest friends will give you more than just a clue he’s into you.
My best advice here is:
A man who is actively introducing you to his family and friends IS interested in you as more than just a friend. 9.9 times out of 10!
Watch his family and friends closely because often they will give him away secretly and notice how he responds to their ribbing or gentle nudges.
On the other side, if he’s steering away from allowing you in his social world, he’s either still “on the fence” deciding OR he’s worried his social world will ruin his chances with you, OR he’s concerned his social world will give you the impression he wants you more than he actually does.
Number three only proves the quote above once more.
"As long as you use how he’s responding to what YOU do as your gauge, then you’ll have a MUCH easier time spotting the “he wants me” clues…
…Because YOU ARE THE ONE CAUSING THEM."
How He Acts Around Other Women.
The guys who don’t get you will almost ALWAYS (can I say that? ? ) treat you as if you’re on a pedestal. They will put you above other women and you’ll get the feeling that he thinks you’re better than you might even believe.
With these guys it’s easy to see because you’ll notice that women they are not attracted to they’ll act “normal”. You won’t see any indecision. They won’t filter their words or act like they’re afraid to say something.
The guys who DO get you won’t be so obvious. As if you didn’t know that by now. ?
I’m going to say when it comes to guys who are extremely good with women do NOT use how he acts around women as an indicator of interest.
Remember these guys are either trained or found at by accident that showing you too much interest is NOT a good thing. They won’t put you on a pedestal early on and they are NOT concerned with what they say, how they say it, and they are NOT ever afraid of being themselves.
Are You Casually Dating Each Other?
It’s no surprise that women come to me asking about a guy they’re dating and whether or not he’s interested.
I assume you’re really just asking if he’s interested in a relationship and I can not cover that today. Maybe later.
IF you’re actively dating him and he’s pursuing you, then it’s clear to me he’s interested in you and is actively getting to know you, AND he’s trying to figure out the level of compatibility you share with each other.
It’s why we date.
However, if weeks go by without hearing from him, or if the period between contacts are growing longer, then THAT is a clear signal he has lost interest UNLESS he’s dating lots of other women.
Not all men, if that many at all, will be honest with you.
They WILL slowly “forget” to contact you hoping you’ll get the hint because they don’t know how to reject you.
My assumption here is that IF you’re openly dating a guy and you’re still wondering whether or not he’s interested that you’re only confused on the issue of interested in something more like a relationship or commitment.
Dating or doing things together with any form of intimacy from kissing to sex equals INTEREST.
If you rarely or ever date or do things together and he only contacts you for sex or intimacy or only contacts you late at night, while he’s drunk, basically makes no clear effort in you beyond the sexual tension…
He is NOT interested in something more.
He is NOT looking or wants a “real” relationship with you.
Calling, Texting, and/or Contacting You On A Social Network.
Is he texting or calling you often? How much can you rely on the frequency to test for his interest?
There is absolute no doubt in my mind, being a guy, when I’m into a woman I WILL text her and call her enough to let her know I’m thinking about her enough to stay in relatively close contact.
This does not mean I will text her back quicker or call her just to talk unless that is how we already communicate.
If we tend to talk more on the phone than actually go on dates, then I will call her occasionally.
Guys who are NOT good with women will either never call or text you unless you do it first because they’re either too scared, don’t know what to say and don’t want to screw it up, and because they are not skillful socially. They might think there are “rules” to follow.
Now you must put all this in perspective and I’m going to help you by telling you how a man experiences an early attraction.
He can’t get enough of her. He might not show it but that’s when the feelings are strongest. To him, it’s like finding a new person to play with. Yes, it’s immature sounding but when attraction takes us over, we just can’t help it.
Over time though that initial spark will fade away a little. He might not call you so often or text you so much. It’s not because he’s losing interest (mostly) but because speaking is NOT always the primary source of communication with women for guys.
Once things get physical, we tend to gravitate more towards it and that could be anything from sex, cuddling, romance, going out, hanging out, being around you, playing games with you, etc..
Something that is actionable is where most guys live.
I understand how it’s tough to figure out. Earlier I told you if the time between contacts seems to be getting longer he’s probably losing interest and now I’m telling you most guys calling and texting will diminish over time.
The difference is again ACTION.
The phone calls might get shorter or the texting or online communication might get shorter BUT he’s now using that time to set up a meeting or date… it MEANS HE IS STILL INTERESTED IN YOU.
If he’s not setting up something, his contacts are growing shorter and longer in between, then that ‘s clear sign HE’S NOT INTERESTED anymore.
Hopefully you’ll see the difference there.
My best advice here is:
If he’s contacting you by any means listed above, then HE IS INTERESTED.
Please note how often he’s contacting you, what time he is contacting you, and what topics he is discussing with you, and the purpose behind his messages.
Guys who contact you more than once a week or practically everyday are generally looking for a relationship at some point.
Guys who spread their messages out more are NOT ready for a relationship. They are probably contacting or seeing other women too. They ARE interested but are not clear as to where they want to go with you just yet.
Guys who use messages or phone calls to ONLY set up meeting ARE DEFINITELY interested but you’ll find their contacts are more sporadic. If they result in ACTION consider it interest and consider if that action only leads to sex, that’s ALL he wants. If it varies, the he might be more willing to enter a relationship with you.
Guys who ONLY message you at night or when sex, sexting, sexual playing typically happen or most of the conversations you have center around trying to engage your sexual side are mostly only looking for that and nothing more.
Guys who only ever talk about themselves or rarely ask questions or dismiss your life and problems quickly to get back to him are NOT really that interested in you UNLESS their character is self-centered and egotistical.
Guys who go out of their way to find out about you, help you with your personal life, are willing to listen to you talk about yourself ARE INTERESTED. He’s asking questions because he wants to know the answer. He’s asking about you because he’s looking for similar life goals, passions and hobbies.
One more sign of interest…
Men and women tend to use social media a little different and to figure his interest, you must know why guys use it.
Social sites are often used in many different ways.
Women (generally speaking) tend to use them for fun, communication, keep in touch with old friends, advertise and connect with charities, keep up with current social trends, and to (in the very least) prove to themselves they have a life or as a validation of their social world.
Men mainly (because there are always exceptions) use them to pass the time, bust on their guy friends, pick up women, contact women they’re attracted to, use women or their girlfriends to get more girlfriends, profile building in the hopes women will come to them, and or marking up their image for, yep you guessed it… women.
To clearly label his interest:
Liking or commenting on your photos is a sign of attraction but not necessarily interest.
Liking or commenting on your photos can also be used to make other women jealous. Look out for that by simply seeing he else he’s complimenting or who contacts him after he leaves his thumbs up.
Using any form social media to find similar things to connect with you is a serious sign of interest.
If you’re getting both, connecting with you on similar interests and leaving notes or liking your photos then I would clearly mark that INTERESTED.
I used to contact many, and I mean MANY women online. Some I was just attracted to and others I was clearly interested for something more. It came down to several factors to see what I was really doing, or to understand my overall INTENTION.
I will leave a message on a photo I like but it might not be complimentary. Sometimes it’s just to bust her ass. It normally means I find her attractive and I’m looking to flirt with her and I want her to flirt back.
IF, since there are endless women to choose from online, I’m not sure if she's her accepting me or is attracted to me, OR is willing to overlook or not care about our apparent differences, I will NOT show too much interest beyond photo messaging or liking UNTIL after she responds either positively or appropriately.
What all the means is like written above, I engage her because I’m feeling attracted to her and if that leads to something more, then I will decide my interest in something more or something more sexual and relationship like.
The long awaited conclusion...
I do hope I've cleared up any confusion you might have experienced in figuring a man's true interest in you.
Always keep in mind the three categories of interest, attraction, and intention.
Note how they work together and how sometimes one will effect another. It's very important to note the differences or you might become even more confused.
I couldn't cover everything above but have hopefully given you enough to work through so you can see things more clearly and get right back to the more important part - creating a real connection by staying out of your head and into an attractive frame of mind.
Any questions, just let me know below and I'll see what I can do for you. Thank you ever so much for stopping by.
Great follow up articles to read on a man's interest:
Images of men holding a sign of interest by fauxels.
Does he really love you? Find Out If He Really Does Love You
Is he sending you mixed signals? How To Read His Signals
Get into your highly attractive feminine state of mind and stay there! The Secrets Of Being A Modern Siren
Learn the exact words he needs to hear from you... Love Scripts For Dating