"Hi i have been dating this guy for three months now we see each other about two times a week, he told me at Christmas he would never love a woman again.
He is very loving and affectionate to me, he looks me in the eye and tells me I am beautiful, he has also told his friends that he has never met a woman like me before. I am 14 years older than him and that does not bother us, he has never let me down but plays it very cool. I'm not needy and I have my own life. I do text but not all the time.
He has been hurt in a previous relationship.
I just want to know if I'm wasting my time with him as I'm getting mixed signals, he's a bit hot and cold."
Because he will always be playing it cool and is setting you up to do everything within your womanly power to change or deepen his emotions of love for you.
A guy will say these things (generally speaking) when they have little doubt of your love to him.
He's setting you up in a way which will have you always chasing him and doing things for him, ALL to get him to change or overcome his "I can never love again" affliction.
Let me paraphrase what is written in the opening quote:
He is very loving and affectionate BUT he claims he could never love a woman again.
So what is he really communicating?
"I love you but I'm not IN love with you."
In other words - "I'm in love with our sexual chemistry. You turn me on."
You're getting mixed signals, he's a bit hot and cold.
A terrible pattern is emerging.
When he's hot, you feel like he's into you and things are moving along.
When he's cold you feel like he's pulling away.
Sometimes you feel like you're wasting your time, BUT at the same time you can't help but to feel attracted to him. You're not willing to give up on him until he makes it clear to you one way or another.
Which I can tell you from my vast experience of men, they will rarely (if ever) make it clear to you WHEN they're NOT CLEAR themselves as to where they want things to go or on what they want.
Let's remove the mixed signals as a basis for a decision and look at the real problems (or issues) I'm seeing with you dating this guy.
He told you he would never love a woman again.
He's been hurt in a previous relationship and is acting hesitant because of it.
He's hurt, scared, and emotionally confused. He's making quick assessments about the future, he's looking for empathy and for someone who will nurture him back to health.
Not really what I would call a good start of a relationship and whether he knows that or not, but doesn't mean he's not feeling it.
I'm sure he's attracted to you and finds you beautiful. He's singled you out for a reason and was vocal about it when he said he's never met a woman like you before.
When a guy says he'll never love a woman again you're more likely to continually seek his love.
You'll be left waiting for him to finally say it...
Except you won't know if he means it or not, if he finally does say it because he already stated he could never love a woman again.
When a guy has been hurt in a previous relationship, (and tells you this to hold you back or used as an excuse to not get too close) he will also have many trust issues.
He won't trust himself.
He won't trust you.
He will be acting out of fear of getting hurt again and do whatever to preempt the pain from happening again.
I'm not implying ALL men who have been hurt in the past will never recover or find a way to move past it, or can never find or enjoy love again.
Good things DO happen.
Recovery is certainly possible.
BUT I do advocate restraint from dating a man who appears to be in a holding pattern because the outcome is likely to long, confusing, and even hurtful as you struggle each and everyday (while doing things outside of yourself) to prove your love to him, hoping he'll finally feel it's okay and healthy to love again.
Despite how it feels to most single women who struggle meeting a man with as little baggage as possible - it's far from reality.
There are lots of men who get past the pain and not let it blunt their emotional self.
There are also plenty of men who haven't experienced a crippling past relationship and you can find them, if you know where to look, and how to spot them.
Read my page on meeting men and follow the steps. It can work for you so you can let a man like this go, until he proves otherwise to be competently healed and emotionally ready:
Related posts you might be interested in reading:
- Out Of Relationship Mode, What Goes On In A Man’s Mind After A Breakup
- Why Guys Have Every Reason To Be Afraid of Commitment? His Every Fear
- When A Guy Says This… What Men Will Say To Have Sex With You
- The Worst Thing A Guy Can Say To A Woman – You’ll Never Believe It
- Does He Like You? Does He Love You? What Did He Really Mean To Say?