I once knew a guy who would avoid committing to the "wrong" women with this all too well known excuse,
He wanted to date them but it was already clear in his mind that he didn't want it to turn into anything more, which is fine to a certain extent but...
He would keep them around by using what I call the "Po po me." excuse.
This is where a guy says he's been hurt too many times.
Or how he now has trust issues.
Or how his last breakup was so devastating, the last thing he wants to hurt you because just maybe, he's either incapable of love, or loves you "too" much to hurt you.
Tell me if you've heard it before.
I can go two ways on this thing.
Sure, I'm positive for a few men it's true. It depends on the length of the past relationship, how it broke up, who she was, and yes his relationship or (lack thereof) with his Mother.
But I would say, for the majority of them, it's an EXCUSE.
Keep your eyes wide open for "Mister Po Po Me" because most of the time, he's full of of it AND he actually believes it's true, so he'll be even more convincing - especially if he's used it a few times to get and stay laid.
Many times he has to convince himself that it's true because otherwise, to be truthful with himself, he has two choices of admittance - believe it fully or admit he uses women.
He'll continue to use this excuse as his back up plan. When things get tough, he'll use it.
When he meets another woman, he'll use it.
After a fight or temporary break up, he'll even use it for make up sex.
He will also use it to keep you in a state of feeling emotionally bad for him. Which is why it (unfortunately for you), works so well.
Kind of ties your hands up, doesn't it?
I mean who would really want to step past this guy and make it worse for him because that makes YOU a bad person.
In my case, I have never used it and don't plan on it any time soon.
You want the truth about this specific man and I don't speak for everyone here, just guys like me...
I've been stepped on, rejected, been told some pretty nasty things like "You're too ugly!", "You're too short!", "You're too old!", "You're not good enough for me!" by lots of women which hurt an awful lotm, and left a few scars on me emotionally....
But I got over it and never used it as an excuse to use a woman or not commit to another one.
I've been through some major devastating stuff that "apparently" cripples the "poor poor me" guy who has had lots of women begging for him BUT "Woe is him - he just can't find the right one." OR how he has too much love to give OR how he wants to spare you the pain because he'll eventually hurt you OR he's just too scared to get involved.
Think hard about this type of guy...
Do you really want to be in a relationship and get stuck with a guy who scares THAT easily?
Here's one of my more pathetic stories to prove my point.
I was on an amazing "live on the beach" vacation when I met what was supposedly this incredible woman. We hit it off immediately. We spent every moment we could together...
That is until I made my move on her and she pulled back from what appeared like a reasonable excuse,
"No - I really DO like you but didn't you know, I have a boyfriend back home so nothing's going to happen between you and me."
Cool I thought. She's deeply committed. I can respect that. I don't like it, but hey - at least she was honest with me.
It truly sucked but I got over it quickly and went about my business until...
Yes - you might've guessed it by now:
I saw her making out with some "dude" not two days later AND she ended up sleeping with him too.
I'm not sure if she lied to me but whatever - apparently I just wasn't "good" enough to cheat on her maybe boyfriend back home OR it was just an excuse she gave me.
AND it really hurt. I spent a lot of time with her and thought we connected but obviously, I got it all wrong.
I did what I usually did after a setback like this: Grabbed my lame ass tiny keyboard because my idiot self couldn't bring my guitar with me on vacation and did what most people do - I GOT OVER IT THAT NIGHT.
The night is quite clear in my mind but not because I'm holding a grudge, you see in the middle of my "performance" I got interrupted by some prick, we just didn't like each other. He was the brother of my then best friend, not a nice guy at all.
Yet he FELT empathy towards me and said, paraphrased of course:
"You're more of a man than I am. I'd be pissed. I would kick the shit out of him or at least confront her to tell her what a lying piece of shit she was. And if I couldn't do that, who knows how depressed I'd be. I'm impressed. All the best man."
Getting that from a guy I didn't get along with, him taking the time out of his busy night to FEEL for me was quite impressive.
It just goes to show you how when it comes to "affairs of the heart" one man will always know how much suffering a woman can put a guy through BUT it also shows you the difference between him and me because yes...
He was certainly the type of guy to use any and all "poor poor me" excuse to play a woman and just to get laid or talk his way out of getting into a relationship with a woman he didn't actually want to be in one anyways.
I guess you can see why we didn't get along at all.
My point is...
Lots of really good guys get over the heartaches and breakups normally.
They move on, sooner or later. Mostly sooner.
They accept it for what it is and NOT let it stop them from continuing the search or "fail to launch" as they say.
Maybe I'm different but I just can't believe I'm stronger than most men or that I have some secret trick in my brain which keeps me positive and looking forward. (Partly so but there are plenty of strong guys out there and I guarantee many of them are far stronger than me.)
Honestly, I'm NOT a perfect guy and I REFUSE to believe for one minute that I have something any other guy does not contain.
What all this means to you is two huge things as it relates to a guy not committing to you:
ONE: A heart felt WARNING.
The "Poor Poor Me" excuse is a real thing and if you get hooked on this type of guy, you might be stuck in it for a long journey of maybe's and future talk of a relationship that will NEVER happen.
Remember, the guy who is strong enough to get through his dodgy past in a healthy way will ultimately form a stronger bond with you, AND be more capable of getting through the bad stuff with you to protect, nurture and grow the relationship.
You DO want a stronger guy who doesn't let a few past heart aches ruin him for life.
You DO want a guy who knows how to GET by with whatever he has even in the hardest times.
Most decent men are READY for a relationship IF and WHEN they find the right woman.
Most of them don't run away because they're scared or back off because they want to "take things slow".
Of course they're a little hesitant - of course they're a little nervous - what man or woman wouldn't be?
So when you're getting this stuff from a guy who is supposed a strong man (except with women he's weak and tentative and a scared little puppy) it's generally and VERY typically an EXCUSE.
A load of shit to either keep you around while he gets to do what he wants, keep you on the hook, get sex from you without a commitment, or use you for any other reason which fits his game perfectly.
Again - most of the time it's an excuse and keep your eyes open AND learn the difference.
Where all this is going may not be obvious so I'll just say it:
Since it IS mostly an excuse of why a guy is not committing to you and most guys DO want a relationship with the (keyword) RIGHT woman for him...
The power is almost entirely in YOUR hands to make a guy think, feel, and believe YOU are the right woman for him.
Commitment problem solved? Sort of but it's certainly heading in the right direction.
Knowing you DO have the power then only requires you to learn how to use it the right way, and I know some very smart people who can help you get there as quick as you'd like.
Today's "recommendation" comes after a report I just read was quite impressive. It only deals with helping you to get a commitment from a guy who is not a player or someone who flat out rejects the idea of dating just one person.
OR as James, the relationship/dating put it,
"Now there are definitely “players” out there. Men who just want someone they can hook up with. Someone who won’t get in the way of their desire to live free and do whatever they want.
I can’t help you with those men.
If a guy flat out tells you he just wants to see you casually.
Or you know he’s seeing other women and has no desire to stop."
If you're sick and tired of lames excuses and guys that back out, pull away, and keep you waiting forever I posted his report for you to read which WILL show you an amazingly effective way to get the RIGHT guy to commit to you with something he calls the "hero instinct" which all men have and that you can trigger quite easily.
The link is above but below I've there are two of them based on the same wonderfully intuitive concept of the "hero instinct":
You can skip the reports if you want and go straight to the video but please don't, especially if you want the free tips you can actually use right away.
They are free and no sign up required - I've posted on my article repository site.
Here's the link to the video presentation - use at your own discretion and it IS my affiliate link:
What you read today are FACTS based on my observations and my experience in being a man:
ALL MEN have TRUST issues - the severity might differ but there's still there to a certain degree.
ALL MEN are NERVOUS about getting into a relationship.
ALL MEN (just like you) don't ever want to feel like they settled with the wrong person.
LOTS OF MEN have been hurt at some point in their lives - and they got past it in a healthy way.
NOBODY aspires to commit to the wrong person.
Keep your eyes, ears, heart, mind, body, and soul out for the "Poor Poor Me" guy - he can hurt you.
If you're not sure then go through Rori's Toxic man program or filter through some of the posts I've written and are linked below to help you determine the REAL men from the boys or players:
- Why Guys Have Every Reason To Be Afraid of Commitment? His Every Fear
- Why Men Cheat & What Causes Them To Stray Plus How To Spot A Cheater
- Why Do Some Guys Turn Into Losers AFTER You Start Dating Them?
- Do You Only Attract Loser Men? Here’s Why & How You Can Stop It
- Should You Stop Wasting Your Time With Guys Afraid Of Relationships?
- Defining A Player, The Games He Uses, & Why Most Men Are Not Players
- Warning Signs: Avoid Dating These Guys & How To Tell If He’s Good For You