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Should You Stop Wasting Your Time With Guys Afraid Of Relationships?

Man Afraid Of Relationship Woman Confused

"Me and my guy friend have not yet established a title but I have told him that I love him and yesterday he asked me why do I have those feelings for him.

I can tell he care but it is as if he is scared of a relationship. He exhibits confusion when I ask him what are we and he asked me what did I want him to say.

I have committed myself to him and refuse to speak with other guys am I making a mistake or should I give him time?"

Yes , NEVER commit to a man if he has not committed to you AND telling a guy you love him and only getting back a question as to why you have feelings for him, is not a good sign of things to come.

Not lastly - never ask a guy "What are we?" because you're only telling him that you want a relationship and a guy hears, "Why are we not there yet... what's your problem? Why don't you like me enough to commit to me?"

Something which will in all likelihood push him further away from committing to you.

AND after all that if he responds with, "What do you want me to say?" it means he's not interested in a relationship with you (or not ready) or else he would have already been moving forward.

Now that we've got all that out of the way let's dig a little deeper in guys who say or act like they are scared of a relationship.

This will help you and lots of other women avoid being hurt and stuck with a guy who is not right or ready for you or hasn't felt a true connection to you.

#1. If a man tells you he is scared of a relationship - walk away or run or start changing HOW you communicate to him.

I've seen way too many guys use "fear" or say, "I'm afraid of being hurt." as avoidance.

Sometimes they're stuck on a past love.

Sometimes they're just living in the past.

Sometimes they're just not into a woman at the right level and use this as a way to keep her around for either an Ego boost or a sexual partner.

It's normally because they're still looking for something better.

They're possibly looking for a woman who will make that fear go away which if you ask me - NEVER will happen because the fear will always be there unless they get over it themselves first OR are willing to face it for the right woman.

As stated in another post - MOST of the time they're not afraid of the commitment - they're afraid of committing to the WRONG woman. Here's what his REAL fears are:

Why Guys Have Every Reason To Be Afraid of Commitment? His Every Fear

This is how I see it.

A man might be afraid to do certain things because there is a real threat of harm. A man might be afraid to do certain things because it takes him out of his comfort level like starting a new career, leaving a failed relationship, moving to something place new, etc...

BUT...

A man who avoids a relationship because he's afraid of being hurt is either not really into her, using it as an excuse, not a real man who is mature, ready, and capable of being in a relationship, doesn't like himself much at all, stuck on some lost love, feels like he has not met "the one", and the list goes on where not one of them is the type of guy you want to commit to until he can prove without a doubt otherwise.

Ask yourself this terribly REAL question:

Do you really want a man who is afraid of getting emotionally hurt?

Think about it. Think about all the REAL fears you and I face everyday which can do us real harm and yet we manage to get past them. Then think about "being emotionally hurt" and ask yourself why is this one so hard for a guy.

It's not.

It's normally an excuse or he's deflecting the truth of his situation. He's stuck somewhere.

OR he's lying to you.

Here's a great self-quiz you can take based on men lying to you a really great video too:

Does He Love You - 7 Simple Questions To Ask Prove How He Really Feels

Trust me when a I tell you there are lots of men who would circle the globe, risk real harm, crawl across hot coals, give up everything and anything they have to be with the woman they love and there are lots of men who have done those exact things to be with (or even just court/date) the woman of their dreams.

Why waste your time with a guy who is "afraid" of a relationship with a woman who loves him back.

#2. Never ask a man "What are we?"

Asking this question in a serious non-humorous way already tells me you are in two different places and he is NOT making it clear to you.

Which means he is not ready, willing, capable, or feeling the same thing you are.

I describe being different places at different times (with regards to relationships and dating) in my book:

Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings

If a guy is not making it very clear "what" you are that means he's not there yet. Asking him only sets him up to pull back or question the nature of the relationship. Real confident men lead and will happily let you know where they stand WHEN and IF they are feeling it.

Again, as noted above when you ask this question it is NOT what a man hears - this is what he hears:

"Why are we not there yet... what's YOUR problem? Why don't you like me enough to commit to me? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?"

#3. Never commit yourself to a guy who is not committed to you AND he has made that clear by letting you know in every way possible.

Avoiding other men won't change his mind. Just because you're not dating around won't normally convince a guy to commit to you WHEN and IF he's not there.

Not dating other men will not make him feel something for you if he isn't already. It will, in fact, do the opposite AND will give him every reason to NEVER commit to you.

A commitment MUST be mutually exclusive. You can not have one do it and wait for the other.

By doing this you're not giving any man a chance to do what he WANTS to DO to feel deep committed attraction and connection to you:

  • Give you pleasure.
  • Step up to your challenge and meet you there.
  • Pursue you.
  • Engage YOUR attraction to him.

AND you're not giving time and space to have all that happen because you're already there and he's not.

This article will help you understand it all a little better. It's located at Meet & Attract Him and is written by Rori Raye. A dating and relationship expert.

Are You Stopping Him From Falling For You? Let Him Chase You!

Next up...

#4. Avoid men who, when asked questions about their feelings or love or dating you, answers with another question when it is not done in a fun, confident, & humorous way.

This is classic deflection, avoidance, not being upfront and honest, lies and all are just social tools "people" use that represent a deeper problem under the surface.

It's a red flag.

It's telling you to either avoid this person OR it's showing you clearly you're not communicating to him in an attractive way that brings him closer.

Sure, some guys might not be able to put into words exactly what they mean so they will stall or do something else but that's because they do not want to be misunderstood or hurt someone because they couldn't say what they meant, but those men are different and will at least TRY to answer your question.

You can give a man all the time in the world he wants or needs to overcome his problems BUT ONLY if you're in a good place, are fairly healthy and stable, have a clear direction, know what you want or are looking for AND find yourself in a place where you can better than just function in a normal happy healthy relationship...

NEVER wait or allow yourself to go backwards hoping he'll catch up eventually.

In conclusion...

"Me and my guy friend have not yet established a title but I have told him that I love him and yesterday he asked me why do I have those feelings for him.

I can tell he care but it is as if he is scared of a relationship. He exhibits confusion when I ask him what are we and he asked me what did I want him to say.

I have committed myself to him and refuse to speak with other guys am I making a mistake or should I give him time"

There are plenty of warning signs guy will give you and one big one is when you're told (or it feels like) he's not moving forward because he's afraid of getting in a relationship with you.

Men are not well-known for their fear of relationships BUT they do have a fear of getting involved with the wrong woman.

The can be avoided IF you communicate and connect with a man so he FEELS like you are the one for him AND if that doesn't work - chances are he's not telling you the real truth about how he feels about you.

If you find this is happening to you do NOT:

  • Ask him where you both are or where it's going - it won't change how he feels and you'll push him further away.
  • Commit to him when he has not committed  to you - you'll take away what he wants and needs to do to move forward with you AND you'll become the chaser AND you won't be any closer to a real relationship with him.

It at any point in your questioning him (if you've already have done or plan on doing it) he can only answer your questions with non-answers or more questions from you - this is yet another warning sign that he's avoiding answering you because he's not there or doesn't feel the same way about you.

He's either deflecting or lying in an attempt to keep you around just so long as until someone else comes along, keep getting sex without a commitment, or until you break up with him.

There are a few simple ways to look at and solve this or any future problems like this:

Move on and start dating other men because unless something drastically changes (which is doubtful) he's not going to all of a sudden become the commit table guy you want him to be...

OR...

Change the nature of the relationship with him by altering HOW you COMMUNICATE and CONNECT with him so he's feels, believes, and WANTS to give you everything he has which includes committing to you exclusively AND with a real devotion of his love.

Since I do not have a release (just yet) to help you DO that then I suggest you look into this because it will show you EXACTLY how that's done:

Heart Connection ToolKit - How To Build A Genuine, Loving Connection With A Man

It will show you how to think and behave differently around men so can compel him to want to be with you.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

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This article was posted in What Makes A Toxic Man Bad For You – How To Avoid and Spot Them First, Your Relationship With Him – Communication, Understanding, & Connection

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1 comment… add one
  • Fabi

    I totally agree, you should know where he stands or he’s not as into you as you are into him. We always know these things in our gut I wish more people would follow their instincts they’re usually right on. The problem is by the time you figure it out you are so hooked on him you want to believe everything other than the possibility that he isn’t serious because it hurts. It’s just easier to be blind and fool yourself than the alternative and we always hope the guy will somehow magically fall into place with the passing of time if he isn’t already there, which never ever occurs.

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