If you want to know a man, or really understand how he works or what makes him tick (with regards to his relationships with women) then you must get to know the boy inside him.
We mature as we age, (or not for some) but it’s that young dude and his transition to puberty where his character becomes defined and for some more than others creates the man you see today.
I’m not claiming we’re all victims of our youth. Personally I believe when a part of us learns to accept and takes responsibility for those years we become more mature people. Like a “rite of passage” so to speak. But let’s not get too deep into all the psychology of it.
Let’s focus on what makes a man BECOME a man from those early patterns or experiences he has with women from my life directly. However you wish to interpret it (or not) is up to you.
My first real crush happened as an eight year old or so and her name was Donna. Blue eyed, I think, honestly I’m just not sure. She was this cute Blond haired girl from school who lived down the street. Well actually many blocks away.
I recall riding my all too cool fake green Mini-bike to see her. It was kick-ass and built for me. Low to the ground, large wheels, and short enough for me to handle it.
Anyways, Donna and I hung out ALL the time. She was awesome.
Granted the sex or kissing part wasn’t there. We were way too young but the things I did for her… like getting in trouble, peddling for what seemed like miles to see her as often as I could, and of course basing my time around “seeing her” certainly was setting a pattern for me and women for years to come.
And no, it wasn’t always going to be a good thing.
Our “friendship” was cut short when she moved far away and although the details are fuzzy without real definition, the one thing I do remember about her is the feeling I’ve never had with anyone BEFORE her.
Hence, my first crush.
Girls were “different” and I didn’t know exactly why but I truly knew that girls were for me. I loved the other sex in a way which I couldn’t describe being so young but thinking back on it now, something about them mesmerized me, excited me, and I just couldn’t get enough of being around them. Which at the time was her. Later it was another and another and another… you’re getting the point.
My first crush showed me something very important about myself and how I would act around women in my later years – that is when I felt attracted to them. Too bad our tiny growing minds are not ready to assess and change the situation in real time.
We tend to just go with it and whatever happens, happens. Good or bad.
Some say it was the light hair and light eyes which got me hooked. Maybe, maybe not. That’s a discussion for another time. Some might guess since our “friendship” was cut short I’d become depressed and feel like the girls I liked were always going to leave me, but it didn’t turn out that way. Not at all.
What I’m noticing now is something entirely different and it’s something already mentioned above…
My first crush “showed” me how I was to act around women for years.
She showed me how my “attraction” would take over my life.
She showed me how I never could get enough of being around a woman I felt overly hard for in every sense of the word and the trouble I’d get into for them became more clear into my adulthood.
This is not something to take lightly because, little did I know I was to become a needy wuss whose life would revolve around women in such a way… I could never have them.
I’m not saying “all” guys are like this. I’m not saying all men base their entire future relationships on their first crush.
But I believe those early years of men can help to understand why certain guys act the way they do because it’s when their character is built and…
If you want to truly understand a man – then get to know his “real” character and how many of his actions reflect that one way or another. Again, for better or for worse.
You see, I wasn’t acting that way “because” of what happened with her, I was, began, and continued to act that way because it was who I was and who I was to become as my relationships with girls and women (or lack thereof) progressed in adulthood.
It’s easy to see my early destiny with women showed courage and a willing strength to go the extra mile to just “be” with her. Despite the sexless relationship my character settled with a very close friendship learning how to “get along” or “socialize” with women deeply, something which would actually help me in my later years.
So that’s the good part: Courage. Strength. Communication. All attractive traits.
The bad part is just as easy to see:
Attraction would take over me. My life would revolve around my current crush regardless of how she felt about me. I saw. I wanted. I got close. End of story.
Something was clearly missing and you’re going to find out about that in my next post… my first girlfriend.
Until then… Men are just matured boys whose character comes to life in his early relationships with girls and women. Where he goes from there… it’s certainly a journey to explore if we’re to understand “man”.