Advice On Dating & Keeping Your Virginity & Guys Only Looking For Sex

Attractive Virgin Nurse Choice

"Hey Pete, I just started nursing school and i’m friends with this guy. I didn’t like him initially. But after we exchanged numbers , we could text all day. He always initiates the text.

Well I am a woman, so I got carried away, with all the attention I was getting. I ended up telling him a whole lot about myself...

And how i’m still not ready to lose my virginity.

We argued a lot , and our last argument was last month, which he stopped responding to my texts and moved on to another girl from the same class.

When he sees me, he pretends we were never the best of friends, he just says hi and passes by….

Well he clearly told me he wasn’t interested in me at first, yet he was always flirting with me.

Called me boring sometimes because I don’t party or drink. Not to toot my own horn but 'i fall under the attractive ladies category' lol.

I get compliments from both men and women, classmates. Men that come into my life always come because of my physical appearance…

But once they realize they ain’t getting what they are looking for, they leave me hanging.

I’m still young but sometimes I get scared i will be single and lonely.

How can I get them to stay and do you think my friend was genuine or just one of those jerks I usually allow in my life?"

He's a more than just your typical type one kind of guy. Here's what he did so you know how these guys "operate" - pun not intended "hot nurse". Keep in mind type ones can be bad or good AND they have more options to go either way.

They'll act aloof and a little crass too. Which is why you probably didn't like him at first. They'll "pretend" they're not interested in you knowing full well you get plenty of attention from other guys... just not him because he's "not" like that - he's different.

At least that is how he'll make you feel.

Once the first interactions start they might "neg" you a little and treat you like their "bratty little sister".

The Neg is a backhanded compliment which supposed is designed to make you think (again) he would not be interested in someone like "you", downplay your attractiveness, boost his status compared to yours, and to "nicely" put you down in an effort to get you chasing him.

The bratty little sister routine is called that because the intent is to make you feel like you've known him forever and he feels comfortable around you unlike those "other" guys who act all nervous and are always trying to seek your approval.

He'll bust your ass a lot, suspiciously accuse you of things like "being boring because you don't part or drunk", and sometimes even play fight with you or do stupid things like the old childish, "I'm not touching you... I'm not touching you..." game.

Based on those actions above, the fact he got your number quickly, AND that he quickly moved on to another girl - tells me he's a type one.

Unfortunately knowing if he's a bad one of a good one is very hard to tell from my little knowledge of your situation.

The only clues I have to go on which tells me he was only interested in sleeping with you (at first) and that he's one of the bad ones are:

  • He went straight for another girl who was in your class - the better guys might refrain from trying to date someone so close to you.
  • He gave you lots of attention AFTER treating you like he wasn't interested in you - typical player move.

In my book below - "Understanding Men Made Simple" I give you lots of questions and traits to look for which tells you the difference between the good ones and bad ones. It comes down to CHARACTER traits so to figure his intention out - you must find out that first because you can know without a doubt - if he's a player or not.

Also - since you failed to mention what the arguments you had with him were about I can not go in that direction. Unfortunately that kind of information is very helpful because early fights say a lot about a man and can tell you if his intention was purely sexual or not.

Lastly - for the opening of this post and whether you were being used or played - I'm going assume that since you have a short history of allowing jerks into your life AND from what you read above...  it's a very safe bet HE was one of them too.

As for him pretending you were not best of friends after all this went down and barely saying Hi or acknowledging you - I'm going to be pretty blunt:

You were NOT best of friends so I wouldn't expect him to act this way. This was a dating thing and nothing more. Whatever he told you to make you feel like it was a friendship or did in a friendly way was HIS manner of courtship and nothing more.

Moving on to you...

EVERYONE gets scared, it's okay. You're not destined to be single or lonely just because you want to keep your virginity - trust that's a very rare case and if you do things right I guarantee it will not happen to you.

BUT you certainly must learn to tell the difference between a real genuine man and some jerk who is out to play you.

Start being MORE cautious around guys who YOU don't think want you at first or act that way and don't trust their sincerity if all of a sudden they start showering you with attention.

You see - all those other guys who you said come into your life because of your physical appearance and then disappeared after they find out you're not willing to put out - you probably didn't want them anyways so their attention didn't affect you at all.

It appears the ones who don't want you at first, while all the other ones are fawning over you but THEY barely pay attention to you - those are the ones who seem to gain and have control over you and your actions towards them.

And that needs to stop or else you will open yourself up to being played, used, and then constantly hurt. They will certainly make you feel like you're going to be alone and single the rest of your life because they'll use that angle or even argument to get in you pants. That is their GAME.

Keep your eyes and ears open for the pattern - give yourself more attention - understand you're a great woman regardless of the approval or disapproval or attention you get from others - and BELIEVE in yourself... and you'll quickly find NO guy can ever control you or ever make you feel less than the person you are inside.

Let's move on to "not" losing your virginity and how it affects you dating life and future relationships with men.

Men want to get rid of it quickly - as if it's a burden to have and a knock on their "growing into the masculine guy" they aim to be as they mature.

After the virginity is lost it's very clear sex becomes a little something different to a guy but still holds his self-belief and he connects it with being a man. The difference becomes more of a way to deeply connect with a  woman.

When he learns pleasing a woman sexually (and in other ways too) is tied to his manhood and ability to have and hold a woman - he realizes pleasing a woman gives him pleasure too and the pattern is set for his life.

He also learns that becoming physically intimate is the one way he can show a woman he cares with the best of his abilities as only a man can do. (Generally speaking of course.)

Men often struggle with words and being physical is an ACTION he can take which sort of proves his love to a woman - by pleasing her. While he may fail at proving his love or himself vocally - he'll try to make up for in bed or by being intimate with a woman in many ways not just reserved for intercourse.

This means you're going to meet men who make sex a deal-breaker. If they don't get it early enough - they'll either walk away, give up, or play some pretty stupid games to make it happen much too early in the dating process.

For the guys who are genuine - you must accept the fact that is their CHOICE to make and it doesn't make them a jerk - just the same as it's YOUR choice to remain a virgin.

BUT... luckily...

REAL men will respect your decision one way or another. They may not enter a relationship with you because of it but there's little you can do about it because it's their belief system and changing it or trying to change that system on someone you plan on dating is one of the WORST things you can do to a guy.

If you imagine a man trying to talk you into losing your virginity to him - there's no difference - that's your belief system - and you wouldn't want him to try and change it.

How to handle your virginity or talk about it and its relationship to meeting men.

The common advice would probably push you into meeting more strict religious men. Assuming their faith is real and not just something they do out of past family value.

Another piece of advice would be to attend anything (as time permits) where abstinence is supported by the group as a way of life. I'm sure you'll meet plenty of guys willing to wait for you there.

I'd hate to tell you to just find or meet men who are absolutely terrible with women because that would leave them no choice but to honor you forever until you're ready for it.

That is a possible solution for your problem and not that those guys are not good in their own right - just that limiting your options to men who don't know how to make you feel great inside is not something which would help you in the end. You'll probably end up regretting it or him eventually.

It's easy to see NONE of those options are great. They're okay but they limit yourself and they certainly narrow down your field of choices in men - and when you have little choice - you might settle for some dude who is okay - just not perfect for you.

Let's go another direction also.

When a man and woman are actively search for a long-term relationship and a life partner - SEX must not come early.

Physical interaction is okay (kissing, hugging, cuddling) and recommended but getting into bed quickly often ends badly for both because chemistry takes over and blinds them to see who they're getting involved with and it typically stops them from building a solid foundation which is needed for a relationship to work.

Going from a mostly and heavy sexual relationship into something longer lasting is practically impossible.

Which is GREAT news for you!

This article isn't fully connected to your situation but I feel it explains why sexual intimacy is not a good thing and shows you a completely more positive side to why it must be held back:

Will He Stick Around After You Get Intimate? Not If You Make These Common Mistakes

It's clear your problem here in dating and relationships is not your virginity so to speak.

  • It's how you communicate this choice to men....
  • The types of men you intend to or do date...
  • Your fear of being single and alone because of this choice...
  • AND you seeing your virginity as something that's going to hold you back. A roadblock instead of just a choice of direction.

Here's what you can do...

First - Tell yourself this choice you're making is not the wrong choice. It's not a hindrance. It actually gives you every opportunity to form a deep relationship with a man built on something more than just sex.

Second - It's not your early responsibility to tell a man you're a virgin and you intend to stay that way. Sure it's information he might want to know if it goes against his beliefs so he doesn't waste his or your time BUT there are ways in which you can communicate this information which will draw the better man closer and slam the door shut to guys who are not good for you anyways.

Rori Raye also believes early sex is not a good thing and she teaches women how to communicate her feelings to men in a way which brings them closer.

These is her unbeatable program for knowing exactly what to say to men in situations like yours and much more:

"How many times have you wanted to tell a man exactly what’s on your mind… but panicked that doing so would push him away? How often have you said what you’re feeling to a man… only to have him withdraw, become angry with you, or disappear altogether?"

Learn More Here: Love Scripts For Dating - End The Loop of Frustration, Anger, and Heartache.

Third - Understand the connections you read above - attention seeking - approval from guys who pretend they don't want you - the jerks you've let in your life before. Now that it has moved from your subconscious to your conscious mind AND you know all the signs or habits of a player or jerk - TRUST you see men much clearer than you have in the past.

This will allow you to choose more wisely of the men you intend to date.

Fourth - Admit to yourself EVERYDAY you're not destined to be alone and single. This fear is clearly unfounded, impossible to predict, and you have EVERY control of where your life will lead to as you live it. Don't plan for the end - live in the present - you'll be far happier and you'll find the fears just don't have as much control over you anymore.

Fifth - Consider alternative ways to meet men who are more in line with your beliefs. I wouldn't want you to settle or narrow down the "playing" field too much but at least you'll be matching up with guys who are more likely to share your beliefs and you'll find connecting with them much easier.

Thanks for writing in Liz and I do hope we've rested your mind a little, cleared up your friends real intentions, and given you a slightly different view of your virginity and how you deal with it all in the future.

Thank You For Sharing

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This article was posted in Dating – Interpretations Of What Went Wrong & How To Make It Right, Games Guys Play – Is He Playing You? Is He A Player? Don’t Get Fooled, How Men Attract Women – Games, Techniques, Tricks – The Good & The Bad

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6 comments… add one
  • Same Here!

    Hi Pete, I’d like to start off by saying I really enjoy your work! It’s almost uncanny how similar Liz’s situation is to my own. Like Liz, I’m also a woman who is often told that I’m attractive, but when it comes to my interactions with men who show interest in me and who I’m interested in too, I struggle with confidence and self-esteem. It’s funny because even though I’m usually a cool, laid-back kind of person, my feeling and emotions sometimes get the better of me when I’m around a guy I like. In the past, I would hide this behind a cool and aloof facade, but then when I realized I was pushing people away, I tried to overcompensate by kind of going the other extreme, (nothing over the top or crazy, ha ha) just paying them more attention than I usually do, and trying to maintain/increase the connection, but then seemingly ending saying things that I think may come across as weird and awkward. When this happens I feel embarrassed, self-conscious, and mentally going over what I said (or shouldn’t have said.)
    An example of this was when I met a guy at school who seemed to show interest in me by smiling and sort of hovering being around me, but who I didn’t initially reciprocate to because (and I don’t mean to sound superficial) at the time, I didn’t think he was my type, physically or emotionally, (I’ve since gotten rid of that limiting notion of the whole “type” b.s.) However, when we were assigned to work together on a group project and as I got to know him, I started to like him more and more. And in turn, he seemed to respond positively to my warming up to him. I know this sounds good, but the trouble is, sometimes when I meet someone I like and who seems to feel the same about me, I become eager to make and maintain a connection. If I feel that I haven’t tried hard enough, then I feel that I may miss my chance, which has happened so many times in the past, and has left me feeling quite anxious, sad and regretful. So to avoid that, I try to be warm, friendly and open, but I just wonder if sometimes I may come across as trying a little too hard. I get caught in trying to say the right thing, in the right way, at the right time, and I think it sometimes ends up coming across as completely differently than I intended. And if I feel that I may said or done the wrong thing, sometimes I’ll bring it up later to them to try and explain what I meant (so analytical I am!) The trouble is at that point, they’ve usually forgotten or they just don’t care, and then I feel that they may think I’m a weirdo or something. (Lol, and they say this awkward stuff is supposed to be over after high school)

    Sometimes when people back away, I feel alienated and rejected. It’s frustrating because I’ve also had people tell me I have qualities that most would say makes a person likable or even envied, such as intelligence, sense of humor, friendliness and being caring (don’t mean to boast, this is just what others have told me.) For example, when we had a presentation for the group project we were working on, I was tired that day, and missed and stammered with some of my lines, I think this was due to my nervousness about my new-found feelings and lack of sleep the night before. Although I managed to get through it and we received a good grade, I felt regret and some embarrassment and that I somehow let my group down for not doing a better job. It really would have meant a lot for me to do better, especially since it was my last presentation before graduation. I was fine during the practice presentation and participated a lot by brainstorming and coming up with ideas for the assignment, so I wasn’t expecting that would be the outcome.

    I guess all wasn’t lost though, because the following week when I saw this guy again in class, I managed to regain some of my composure and we had a nice chat. However, I think part of regaining my cool came from finding out he had a girlfriend (why do some guys show interest when they already have girlfriends?) I found this out when I saw him holding hands with this girl in the hallway, and since I’m not one to pursue unavailable men, I realized that I would need to change my approach. I was still polite and friendly, but more cool and casual when I realized he was taken. It still hurt, but I just felt like it was the right thing to do. I know I need to gain some balance and not lose myself when I experience the excitement of an attraction, I’m just entirely clear how to go about this. Your perspective on my situation would be greatly appreciated!

    • Amorypaz

      Being a virgin made me feel special. While everyone my age was dating & having sex I wasn’t. Didn’t party , didn’t drink. Guys liked me but they knew I was different and always respected me. I loss my virginity when I was 25 , because I started thinking I was too old 🙄 and the guy was a friend who I trusted. After a year I said “ehh , why not ? 🙈 But I didn’t want to date him. It was just to see what the hype was about. I ended up pregnant and i got married to this guy. He cheated and we got divorced a couple of years after. I’ve been single for 6 yrs, I’ve met guys but all of them have been respectful, they have never pushed me to have sex. I met this guy 14 yrs ago who I had a huge crush on We reconnected after my divorce but He’s considered a player. Weird thing is we had tried twice to get it on 🤣 But when he has the chance he just cant. He gets all nervous like a deer in headlights, and he just says he really cares about me. He even said he thinks he’s In love 🙄 confusing to me but i think if you love and respect yourself and stay a virgin because you want to, guys are gonna see it and therefore respect you too. One guy even told my brother that he always had a crush on me in school but he never talked/ or asked me out because he wasn’t ready to be in a serious relationship and he knew a was a good girl and deserved that. This is coming from someone who never met me personally! I guess is the way I carried myself 🤷 my advice is never do something you don’t want to do. Don’t do it because others are doing it. I regret it! I was 25 but I should had waited longer! Now I know better and I’m treating myself like I’m a virgin again 🤣 not giving my body until I’m sure is a guy that loves & respects me. Don’t forget your the price! Good luck!

  • Liz

    Thanks Pete……you are awesome. Will start working on myself…. I will accept and believe in myself, embrace my flaws & focus on my career. Thank s once again. This conversation has really been an eye opener.

    • Peter White

      You’re welcome Liz. And I’m sure you’ll succeed in anything and everything you put your mind too.

  • Liz

    Omg Pete,
    You sure have rested my mind…..Thank you……”Becoming physically intimate is the one way we can show a woman we care”. Can’t speak for every woman, but I have a feeling most women wouldn’t consider that as an affection or care. Well either way, its still true about men.
    So one thing I noticed about my self is; I try to compromise soooooo much in relationships. The little affection a guy shows, I start acting all needy….not a stalker but just wanting to prove to them I want them in my life. That’s when their attitude change. Start being all disrespectful and if they realize they not getting it, then its a double whammy…….Attractive, but have low self-esteem and not giving it up. That’s seriously a turn off……even if im the guy…… Lol. It happened with the first guy. I used my naivity as an excuse. Second guy well same thing., then the 3rd ……how can i stop that….cus honestly Pete, to have a guy tell u, ”Liz, please control yourself when you are around me”. That’s embarrassing. But i can’t seem to put that under control. Is it because of my lack of experience?? How can I stop?

    • Peter White

      You’re welcome Liz.

      Hmmmm…. When I hear someone mention they can not control something which feels internal I get the picture of someone who needs to be in charge of their destiny to make it happen. They may also feel “if you need something done right, you have to do it yourself.”

      Ever consider your virginity is run by the same rules. As long as you keep it, you’re in charge of your body. Since you find it difficult to control yourself in some circumstances with men, you sublimate and try to find power another way.

      If you’re successful doing this in your career and are making the right decisions then you could easily believe you can use those same strengths in your relationships with men and if that doesn’t work, then at least you always feel in charge of your virginity.

      I understand being attractive may sometimes feel like other people put pressure on you. Like, just by how you look, you know how to please a man. But the lower self-esteem is kind of making you feel you don’t know how to please a guy. I mean you know how to turn him on but you don’t feel capable of keeping him (unless you give it up.) And the harder you try the more you push him away.

      By not giving it up you maintain the control you seek to do things your way. On your terms. Relying on no one but yourself and having no one to blame but yourself.

      Now all this is fine, I see nothing wrong with maintaining your “purity” and doing what you feel is the right thing for you.

      However a big piece of achieving higher self-esteem is self-acceptance. Which may mean accepting your self-confidence, your fears, your trying to control things, not letting others do what you can do best for yourself, your virginity, and your doubts in your abilities with men are all connected.

      Self acceptance does NOT mean giving up control over everything. It is simply a clever way of admitting, “You don’t have control over everything BUT that (in no way) is connected to how much value you put in yourself.”

      Like imagine in your heart you so desperately want to feed the world but no matter how hard you try, you can’t do it alone. You can either accept that fact and understand you’re doing all you can to the best of your ability at any given time, or you could make yourself feel like a failure because you can not feed the entire world yourself. Which is absurd.

      See the difference?

      When you tie your self-esteem to your successes (trying to succeed in a way is trying to control an outcome we have no control over) how much value you put on yourself will always be connected to how good you are at something, regardless of what that something is.

      Consider your self-esteem, and how good you feel about yourself, and the reality you create; your mark as a person has little to do with your success in the outside world. It’s a feeling. It’s internal. It’s a state of mind.

      Accept the difference between success and value and your esteem goes up which in turn gives you more control over being needy (or overly affectionate) around men. Accept the truths of your virginity and the all the reasons you are choosing it and how it may be connected to your self-esteem but don’t devalue yourself because of it – just understand and accept it. Which in turn raises your esteem, etc…

      I’ve learned to accept what I may feel as failures in my life as just outcomes based on my decisions (the good and bad,) but I refuse to believe those failures are a real measurement of my self-worth.

      Let’s see if we can get you there Liz, 🙂


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