There are many men out there who are bad news for you and it's best to avoid dating them entirely. They will cause you pain, hurt you emotionally, keep you waiting around forever, and never commit.
If you're unlucky enough to get stuck or sucked into a relationship with one of them, a bad breakup is bound to happen or worse yet, you'll be left forever regretting the choice as you do everything in your power to let it go.
These men are considered TOXIC or figuratively deadly to your emotional health and well-being.
In today's post, I have no intention in belittling these men.
My goal is to do everything within my power to point out the signs look for, inform you of their ways and the harm they can cause, and give you EVERY opportunity to stay far away from dating them, once their "secrets" have been revealed.
- How do you know to avoid these types of guys?
- What are some things or signs you can look out for?
- How can you tell if you're dating one and he just hasn't shown his real self yet OR.... (very important!!!)
- What's the best way to determine if you should give him a chance. Maybe he's just making minor but fixable mistakes, OR... if it's really about time to break off all contact with him so you can move on with your life BEFORE it gets much worse?
1. He is constantly asking if you like him.
This is a sign of very low confidence and little self-esteem.
If a guy, in any way shape or form is asking you if you like him, his commitment to you will be loosely based on your commitment to him.
Expect jealousy and early fights about the other men in your life. Past, present, and future.
Typically this type of guy is also very passive aggressive so he won't come out and say things. He'll often try to manipulate things "nicely" and discreetly because (unfortunately) he's usually a nice guy, but the self-esteem issues and low confidence makes it hard for him to ever believe he can ever keep you or make you happy.
If you're getting lots of questions similar to "Do you like me?" or he's constantly upset when you're not always validating your attraction to him - this is a BAD sign.
Since he's generally a decent guy you might not want to ditch him BUT if you're not committed to him yet - he's not ready.
2. He is always questioning your attraction to him.
More low esteem and very little belief in himself. Similar to number one with a few exceptions - he's more pro-active and less passive-aggressive.
He's not asking you if you like him or why but most of his actions are based on the fact that he can not understand WHY you would like him.
He will never "feel worthy" of you.
He might even cheat on you because of it.
He will (more than likely) drive you crazy by eventually becoming overly needy IF he's not like that from the beginning.
Sometimes he will even sabotage a good thing with you when everything appears to be perfect.
This type of guy rarely commits and will have lots of excuses to back up his cause of avoiding relationships.
He does NOT love himself enough to allow or believe another could love him back.
3. He promises you way too much way too early in the dating stage.
A typical player or dreamer who rarely follows through with anything.
He ALWAYS finds a way to back out months down the road when it's too late and you're already hooked on him.
It's okay to role play (flirt about the future) and it can be a lots of fun, but when it's taken too serious this type of guy normally has trouble sticking to his promises.
Worst case scenario - he's a player who say things he can't possibly give you in exchange for early sex.
Be very cautious around a man who is selling his promises way too early, too frequent, and tends to sell an early relationship with too much because he may NEVER be able, capable, or willing to ever follow through with it.
4. He is confusing romance with attraction or using romance to create attraction.
This guy doesn't understand women or how to properly seduce you. He thinks you'll like him more if he gives you something or does things for you.
He doesn't understand your feelings and he might not ever "get them" or you.
Yes - You should be wary of guys who always want to give you things and do everything for you with total disregard for themselves or their time.
I know it sounds great. You might even like it for a while, but sooner or later it turns into bartering your emotions for his happiness AND he might not ever understand what your love to him really means.
Chances are you'll end up fighting about this a lot only to constantly hear this from him,
"But after all I've done for you...!"
5. The guy who wants, expects, or acts like it's an instant relationship.
He's afraid of being alone. Scared of his own personal freedom and he'll expect the same from you by demanding that you must always be there for him.
Instant relationship guy might not appreciate you enough because he refuses to experience other things first.
He goes from relationship to relationship and tends to skip over many of the really good parts of casually dating.
This goes for you too:
If you're not happy by yourself, chances are someone else won't make you happy either.
Yes, it's true.
Guys who commit too early and all too easily or act like they're in a relationship with you after a date or two, should be avoided IF you're looking for a real commitment.
6. He's telling you he's not good enough for you.
Similar to number 2 except instead of not believing in himself, this guy just thinks he's bad or uses it as an excuse to avoid committing to women OR to play women.
This guy rarely if ever commits for real.
He thinks (or says) he's a bad person and by you liking him, tends to believe you'll only get hurt and he WILL use that excuse to prolong the dating phase indefinitely, or used as a means and excuse to break up with you every three months to screw someone else.
It's an excuse. It's a ploy. It's an avoidance to take charge over you and quite possibly get over his past.
He'll play on your sympathy and frustrate you to no end as he constantly pulls away and delays any REAL action.
7. Playing the "Poor poor me." routine.
Normally he's a player whether he knows it or not.
The difference between number 6 and number 7 is is that this guy IS a player whereas the last guy might actually believe what he's saying.
He plays on your empathy to get what he wants which is normally string free and unattached sex or some form of intimacy up to and including a blow job.
He will make you feel sorry for him and use it against you.
He will always be right and make you feel like it was YOUR decision or how it's all and always YOUR fault.
If a guys life revolves around a constant "pity party" for himself, chances are he's either using it to get laid OR is incapable of allowing someone to love him and falls into number 6.
He will also use other women in his life to prove his point with you.
I've written a few eye-opening articles on this one which you can read here:
- What Are His Excuses For Not Committing To You? Are They Real Or Lies?
- Should You Stop Wasting Your Time With Guys Afraid Of Relationships?
8. He's already complaining or talking about failed relationships, the one that got away, or the one woman who hurt him the most.
I have known several men to use this excuse (or reason) to never commit and still enjoy relationship free sex.
He's not rejecting you... it's HIM not you, right?
Similar to number 7 above BUT...
He might actually be living in the past and feels deserving of something more.
AND if you don't offer that to him and if he never believes it's real - he'll resent it.
He'll expect too much from you.
Guys who feel like they deserve more without making a real effort to move on or be honest with themselves will also find it difficult to be totally honest with you.
Chances are he's still in love with another woman that he can never have and where will that leave you?
So be wary of the "relationship complainers" and at any time within a first or second date you start to hear it - trust it will only continue.
He's not emotionally or mentally ready and has not moved on AND/OR is still hooked on his ex AND/OR he has a problem with blaming OTHERS for his choices and problems in his life.
9. He's not seeing other women or knows other women or can't have a real casual relationship/friendship with the opposite sex.
Probably socially dysfunctional or hates people, which I suppose is common among men and women but with this guy....
There's a strong possibility he resents women.
His problem with fitting in the world might mean he'll expect you to give up everything or your social life for him and if you don't, he will become sad and lonely and more depressed until you feel as miserable as he does.
Good or REAL guys have no problems with having some women as friends. They might not seek it out but they also doesn't base their friendships on looks.
Our closest friends and the people we keep in our lives which go beyond family can reveal so much about our nature, our character AND just how needy we might become.
I know it's counter-intuitive and for some of you feels weird or goes against your belief, but it's better for you and a future relationship if the guy you agree to date is:
- Dating at least one other women or has had a dating life.
- Has one or more friends who are women.
- Can function socially and doesn't have a general disgust for "other" people.
10. Everything he does or says seems to lead to sex. Wanting it, getting it, etc...
Look out for subtle clues for this one because it's not always so obvious.
He's attracted to you but does NOT want anything more.
He's not half bad as long as you know this is what he wants and nothing more. Use it if you need (or want it) - just don't expect him to want a committed relationship with you.
Assume he's also doing it with other women.
This includes guys who only contact you when they're buzzed, drunk, late night texting only, rarely ever calls, sending or asking for naked pictures, and so on.
Guys who want a relationship with you rarely act this way because they will look for more from you, other than your ability to please them sexually.
It may go without saying, you might already know this BUT I've found way too many women who get caught up in trying to turn it into something else.
Like when you're laying in bed together or talking intimately and sharing secrets it begins to feel like he's falling for you or something more can happen because he's opening up but take it from a guy...
We have an amazing ability to separate sex, commitment and love.
This post is not meant to scare you or bash men.
I know without a doubt there are PLENTY of great men out there who don't act this way and they're out there looking for you.
You can start finding him with my free online tutorial on meeting a great guy:
My point was to inform you so you're better equipped to make a great decision and to spare you all the hurt and pain.
HOW you use this information is entirely up to you.
I also understand that some of you may already be dating or in a relationship with a guy who falls somewhere in the list above and you have a must need to know:
- If it's fixable
- If it's worth saving.
- If he's actually the right guy for you.
- How it can be saved.
This is where the very smart Rori Raye comes into your life, if you're willing to let her help you.
Here's her plan, how it works, and what it's going to do for your relationship.
How to transform your man from toxic to loving in the 3 steps:
- Figure out if he's truly toxic or making lots of mistakes.
- Learn how to stop treating the symptoms.
- Start transforming him
The plan is simple but brilliant and in no way does it involve trying to directly CHANGE your man, because that will only push him away.
All you have to do is start changing the NATURE of the RELATIONSHIP and he will WANT to change for it because he'll enjoy being with you so much.
Check out her detailed plan and how it's going to help you to start enjoying your relationship like never before:
Sign up for her no-cost newsletter to be informed of any sales or other relationship and money saving opportunities:
Related articles you might be interested in reading here at Why Do Guys:
- What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Tells Me About Other Girls Who Want to Be With Him?
- Were You A One Night Stand? The Most Important Dating Rule To Follow With A Man
- Why Do Some Guys Turn Into Losers AFTER You Start Dating Them?
- Do You Only Attract Loser Men? Here’s Why & How You Can Stop It
- How To Meet & Attract The Best Man For You – He’s Waiting For You!