Seriously, how bad does it suck when you’re hanging out with your boyfriend and he finds yet another way to bring “her” into the conversation.
Maybe a girl in the movie you’re watching reminds him.. Maybe your waitress looks like a girl he knows at work – who just happens to be always trying to get him to go out with her.
Perhaps, and this one really spikes your anger, you can feel your fists clench up as he laughs at his own story about this “girl” he knows he won’t stop calling him late at night.
No matter what your personal situation is, it’s no joke no matter how “lightly” he spins it.
I’m positive if you’ve ever dated even only one guy who you called a boyfriend – he has told you about some “other” girl who wants to be with him.
He’s laughing it off while you’re steaming inside, possibly getting ready for yet another pointless fight which this time – may be the LAST one. Whether those other girls are going to steal him from you, or you’re going to dump his ass because he don’t know when to shut up.
Here’s MY take on the whole “boyfriend-bragging” thing.
- Insecurity – to a certain degree of course.
- Validation – an assurance of how you really feel about him.
A man will talk about other women wanting him in an attempt to stir jealousy. How you react can either guarantee your real devotion to him or have him believing you don’t really care.
Either way this borderline passive aggressive act is done with purpose although you will find most men don’t even realize they’re doing it.
You see there are lots of guys who may not believe they’re good enough to hold a woman close. Their self-esteem, past relationships, childhood experiences, all can keep them in a perpetual state of “looking for real validation.”
Words are never good enough and actions can be misunderstood.
But getting a woman jealous can be a very clear emotional sign a girl is dedicated. ( Which done by “gaming” the situation validates her emotional investment in the relationship.)
I can honestly tell you from personal experience (when women alluded my understanding) it came down to power. Before I mislead you, it’s NOT about gaining power over you.
Lots of men believe women have all the power to choose who they sleep with. They believe YOU are the selector and they have no “real” say in the matter.
This could easily lead them to feel like while you’re in a commitment with him, YOU have the power to sleep with any other guy you want. If that guy has too many insecurities and is constantly searching for validation he will (at times) feel helpless.
As always, when a man feels “helpless” you’re likely to see parts of him you may not enjoy… Such as talking about his not-so-favorite stalker.
Now I don’t want you to believe he’s not strong enough for you or that you should dump a man who’s not secure enough for you.
Just to understand him better and acknowledge this “problem” you might be experiencing is not necessarily a conscious act to keep the attraction alive.
Even the most secure men may mention another girl from time to time.
Some men even do it because they believe they’re reassuring their commitment to you like, “Hey this girl won’t leave me alone…” meaning “You have nothing to worry about I am not interested in cheating on you AND it’s more likely I won’t by telling you.”
Sometimes it’s even a conversation thing. Not knowing what to say some guys just blurt out anything.
Take a look at your situation and I’m sure you’ll understand exactly why YOUR boyfriend feels the need to tell you about other girls who want to be with him:
- If he’s the jealous type – he’s probably insecure, scared, or has a history of choosing women that will cheat on him.
- If he’s the “overly” nice guy type – he’s probably looking for validation or an emotional response proving your commitment to the relationship.
- If he’s very secure, has lots of choices, and has only mentioned on girl a few times – then you might be the one facing your own insecurity about losing him.
- If he’s a past cheater and seems really into you, he may be worried or feel too weak to reject her. By telling you about it, the openness may be just enough to stop him from straying.
- If he’s not a great talker, has lots of guy friends, he’s probably only used to talking to his buddies and so not realizing he’s treating you like a guy friend and not a girlfriend.
- If he’s generally considered not-so-nice or even a player he may be using the old “jealousy” game to keep you close.
Wherever your boyfriend falls in the loosely based categories above – rest assured communication skills, security, and emotional investment on both “sides” of the relationship will play a major role of why it is happening.