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What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Tells Me About Other Girls Who Want to Be With Him?

in Insecurity and Jealousy, What Does He Mean
What Does It Mean If My Boyfriend Tells Me About Other Girls Who Want to Be With Him? post image

Seriously, how bad does it suck when you’re hanging out with your boyfriend and he finds yet another way to bring “her” into the conversation.

Maybe a girl in the movie you’re watching reminds him.. Maybe your waitress looks like a girl he knows at work – who just happens to be always trying to get him to go out with her.

Perhaps, and this one really spikes your anger, you can feel your fists clench up as he laughs at his own story about this “girl” he knows he won’t stop calling him late at night.

No matter what your personal situation is, it’s no joke no matter how “lightly” he spins it.

I’m positive if you’ve ever dated even only one guy who you called a boyfriend – he has told you about some “other” girl who wants to be with him.

He’s laughing it off while you’re steaming inside, possibly getting ready for yet another pointless fight which this time – may be the LAST one. Whether those other girls are going to steal him from you, or you’re going to dump his ass because he don’t know when to shut up.

Here’s MY take on the whole “boyfriend-bragging” thing.

  • Insecurity – to a certain degree of course.
  • Validation – an assurance of how you really feel about him.

A man will talk about other women wanting him in an attempt to stir jealousy. How you react can either guarantee your real devotion to him or have him believing you don’t really care.

Either way this borderline passive aggressive act is done with purpose although you will find most men don’t even realize they’re doing it.

You see there are lots of guys who may not believe they’re good enough to hold a woman close. Their self-esteem, past relationships, childhood experiences, all can keep them in a perpetual state of “looking for real validation.”

Words are never good enough and actions can be misunderstood.

But getting a woman jealous can be a very clear emotional sign a girl is dedicated. ( Which done by “gaming” the situation validates her emotional investment in the relationship.)

I can honestly tell you from personal experience (when women alluded my understanding) it came down to power. Before I mislead you, it’s NOT about gaining power over you.

Lots of men believe women have all the power to choose who they sleep with. They believe YOU are the selector and they have no “real” say in the matter.

This could easily lead them to feel like while you’re in a commitment with him, YOU have the power to sleep with any other guy you want. If that guy has too many insecurities and is constantly searching for validation he will (at times) feel helpless.

As always, when a man feels “helpless” you’re likely to see parts of him you may not enjoy… Such as talking about his not-so-favorite stalker.

Now I don’t want you to believe he’s not strong enough for you or that you should dump a man who’s not secure enough for you.

Just to understand him better and acknowledge this “problem” you might be experiencing is not necessarily a conscious act to keep the attraction alive.

Even the most secure men may mention another girl from time to time.

Some men even do it because they believe they’re reassuring their commitment to you like, “Hey this girl won’t leave me alone…” meaning “You have nothing to worry about I am not interested in cheating on you AND it’s more likely I won’t by telling you.”

Sometimes it’s even a conversation thing. Not knowing what to say some guys just blurt out anything.

Take a look at your situation and I’m sure you’ll understand exactly why YOUR boyfriend feels the need to tell you about other girls who want to be with him:

  • If he’s the jealous type – he’s probably insecure, scared, or has a history of choosing women that will cheat on him.
  • If he’s the “overly” nice guy type – he’s probably looking for validation or an emotional response proving your commitment to the relationship.
  • If he’s very secure, has lots of choices, and has only mentioned on girl a few times – then you might be the one facing your own insecurity about losing him.
  • If he’s a past cheater and seems really into you, he may be worried or feel too weak to reject her. By telling you about it, the openness may be just enough to stop him from straying.
  • If he’s not a great talker, has lots of guy friends, he’s probably only used to talking to his buddies and so not realizing he’s treating you like a guy friend and not a girlfriend.
  • If he’s generally considered not-so-nice or even a player he may be using the old “jealousy” game to keep you close.

Wherever your boyfriend falls in the loosely based categories above – rest assured communication skills, security, and emotional investment on both “sides” of the relationship will play a major role of why it is happening.

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    27 comments… add one
    • Marie M Murray

      I honestly dont know what to do. Women will call him and contact him ask for money. But he says its nothing. But why wont he discontinue these inappropriate relationships with these women if it make me feel a certain way? He constantly tells me about other girls he has slept with. All the time the same stories. Brings up other women constantly. Its really pushing me away . i never bring up an ex unless he takes it there. I couldn’t see myself ssying the thinhs to him he say to me about other women. And if i did the conversation would definitely go left. What am i to do im thinking i should just leave. And let him be with these women he cant cut off.

      • Peter White

        Marie,

        Sounds like he doesn’t have many other things to talk about. You two could certainly work on that together.

        It also sounds like his esteem is built on him being a provider or some gift to women and that he might believe if a woman is not constantly jealous she’s not going to stick with him. There is also the rare case when a guy will actually push a woman away sort of hoping she’ll cheat on him. Rare but it does happen if he wants out or prove to himself he is better than all women. I’d look at the whole of his character for that answer.

        Aside from all that, since it’s been said before, I’m not a relationship “adviser” or anything like that at all.

        What you’re experiencing here is, as Rori Raye called it and I like what she said, a big ticket item which must be dealt with. To him, it feels like may no big deal, but to you, it’s considered cheating (in a way). Maybe you could discuss that with him and see where it goes. Just remember to always start positive. State what you see is a positive thing for him like, “Those other women make you feel like a great father, is that how they make you feel.” Wait for an answer and the kick back, “I understand how it’s making you feel, but I’m feeling like I’m being cheated on even though I know you’re not sleeping with them.” and “It’s getting tough to continue this way.”

        Hope all that helps you get started and best to you,

        Pete

      • Nora Leon

        My advice is that no man should disrespect a women nor should they be having females call him .if you feel you should go,you need to go. It will be hard but it’s for the best. I once heard really good wisdom from a man who was cheated on by his beloved wife he said “I still love her ,but I choose not to give my love to her no more !”because she didn’t deserve his love .

    • Eliza

      If a guy is checking out and talking about other girls. He’s not into you.

      The excuse is that he is trying to make you jealous. It’s cruel. He’s purposely being hurtful. He does not want you around.

      Move on.

    • Nikki

      My boyfriend doesn’t understand why it upsets me so much when he tells me about the girls that hit on him and he rejects. It makes me feel so uncomfortable and I have no idea how to explain it to him, yet if I get made at him for telling me that he gets angry at me but if the roles were reversed he’d be just as made. I’ve often been told I can’t go somewhere or do something because I’ve been there before and had some creep try to hit on me. Which by the way me being hit on is a very rare occasion but him it’s all the time. He constantly brings up his exes as well and how the cheated on him and how he thinks I’m going to do the same to him, I’ve done everything I can to reassure him that I’m never going to leave him but it never gets through to him. I don’t know what to do, please help.

    • Kristina Marelich

      Thank you for explaining this, it teally helped me understand why my guy brought up a conversation he had with a girl from a grocery store. I now understand it was for validation and while I felt hurt by incident, he was just trying to find out how i truly felt about him. With it being a new relationship I completely understand now. Your article has helped me so much and I normally don’t comment on anything i figured with such great advice that you deserved to know it helped me tremendously.

      • Peter White

        Thank you Kristina for the wonderful words and I’m happy it helped you out.

    • Loz

      My boyfriend does the very same thing. I rarelyget hit on. He says he gets hit on a lot but says to me he tells them Ive got a girl friend I love (me). His wife cheated on him more than once they’re divorced. I think your boyfriend sounds insecure. He needs validation. Maybe have a word about it. I think my boyfriend exagerates. He is good looking though. I think your boyfriend wants your response to be jealous so that he feels that it reinforces commitment as it says above. I’m in the same situation.

      • Mary

        By making you jealous he is destroying the trust and love between you, it will never be the same again! Im with a guy 2 years hes 51 and a golfer and hes around tons of guys and girls he has 2 barmaids who are in their 20s he hangs with with some married golf friends over 50! We were friends for 6 months and things went well but I often wondered why he never married or lived with a woman. He had arthritis since 27 so needs medication for that. I never met his family yet they all live not far a big family. The odd time I get a comment you dont speak french ( I am half french) but they all speak english.He would go on and on about how beautiful \i am, a goddess, queen of hearts , hes almost my king. We had great times together but he had a few women after him the first year and would turn cold on me date then and return. You can only do that a few times and youve ruined the chances for something amazing. His parents fought like cats and dogs and cheated and drank. He loves to socialize and go to bars til 600 am I cant do that often cause when hes not drinking hes shy. Im here with just a few friends and no family and he has no clue what that seems to mean, that Im alone alot. I am about to get an amazing job then I will move from this complex he lives down the hall. He was a gentleman for a very long time but the odd time if he meets a woman hell tell me and say I wanted to **** her right there, that is so very hurtful and nasty to say to the woman who loves you and has been devoted to you. He promised to take me for golf lessons, last fall I found out he was shy to bring me cause I was not working. Now I gained 10 lbs im trying to lose the weight, he said hell take me when I lose the weight! Hes not that healthy hes thin from injecting. Hed rather hang with golf buddies than me, if he has a choice. Im like his winter girlfriend and once summer hits I dont see him much. Hes hurt me too much by pushing me away turning cold and he wont talk about the upset that he caused.

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