≡ Menu
Why Do Guys…?

Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?

in Sexual Desires, Why Do Guys Do
A closer different look at the moment he defines his sexual gratification by sleeping with many different women.

The “natural” view is actually quite simple. Men, being built to procreate many times and “spread their seed” are actually designed to sleep with many different women in their lifetime.

Now I understand in this modern social world men have a choice. They can choose to sleep with a few, or commit forever to one girl.

He can choose to stare temptation in the face and deny any woman who is willing to have sex with him.  (Granted being human we ALL have the option to step out of our traditional roles and do something different. )

Some of you might even assign a level of strength to him.

The stronger man can resist his instinctual sexual drive.

The weaker man gives in even though he knows it could emotional hurt her.

Yet the stronger man has more temptation and the weaker man doesn’t. So it’s not really a fair assessment, is it?

What about this?

Very few women I have known will have sex with a guy who does not have the option to sleep around.

You want the best mate for you and typically he will be highly sought out by other women too.  Thus the man you want the most has a greater probability of cheating on you too.

I know.

Kind of sucks but it’s true.

Some argue in the modern world we live in, these rules, for lack of a better word, just don’t apply.

They throw around the word “love” and expect if a man loves a woman he should never stray. She should be all he ever needs.

Doesn’t work that way though – does it?

Especially when so many men struggle with the definition of love.

Especially when there’s guys who will obsess over a woman until he’s had sex with her and the “thrill” wears off.

The male sex drive can be powerful and sometimes dominating.

GUY FEAR #1: My sexual desires are NOT okay

“I won’t tell you that old thing about how guys want waaay more sex that women do, because it’s actually not true.

Women want it, we just want it under different terms.

He just… wants it.

Every possible way he can imagine it.

With your sister, your mom, the librarian (definitely the librarian), the teenager snapping her gum behind the cash register.

He’s even had a dirty fantasy about that weird shopping cart lady.

Sex movies of every description (multiple lovers, bondage, fetish, you name it) run in his brain nearly all the time, and sometimes what’s showing on the screen shocks even him.

Deep down, he’s terrified that he wants sex too much, or in the wrong ways, with the wrong people.

His sex drive is a formidable machine, and it’s a testament to his power that he doesn’t let it drive his life, only his brain.”

Top 2 Things Men Are Terrified Of, How to Help Your Man & Make Him Love You

(located at dialteg.org)

It can take control over us and send us into the arms or bed of any woman willing or when properly directed can drive us to succeed in more areas than just a pure sexual conquest.

Based on my experience there’s a certain relevance to the male orgasm and our instinctual drive to sleep around.

There have been so many nights where after I release my male potency alone (so as not to confuse the feelings when a woman’s involved) and not ten seconds later I felt let down.

Like it wasn’t good enough.

Even after having delayed gratification for several hours it felt like, “That was it?!!!”

The longer we wait, within reason, the more we produce.

But after, depending on the circumstance we might even feel a little guilty.

More empathetic.

Thirsty and hungry and sometimes apathetic, sometimes contempt and tired.

Whatever the after affects happen to be…

When the drive is temporarily removed, the primal urge to reproduce no longer connected to us,  there’s a strange feeling of loss.

Like we’re missing something.

In the arms of our proclaimed love this can easily be overcame with a hug, a shared story, or anything emotional connection. Thus equating love to the experience and to the person next to us.

In the arms of an affair, a one night stand, a situation where we can not connect love to the persona we’re with, this loss does not go away until the next time.

Keeping us in forever search of the perfect lay.

You would think the first experience would keep us happy. Stop us from straying or at least be enough reason to only ever want to be with the one we love but…

What if we don’t feel that connection or we don’t know how to open up, or what if the women we’re with doesn’t allow it to happen, or doesn’t know how to respond to a man after, or what if she isn’t allowing his sex drive to be completely brought out.

Or even worse yet what if he feels like she has not been completely satisfied and after the moment, while the drive has left, he no longer feels powerful but weak and unable to perform.

My point is that the male orgasm is a sudden release of all that makes us male but has little to do with makes us a responsible adult according to social standards.

Depending on our lifestyle, willpower, ability to succeed, our health, or anything related in the few moments we’re about to release is when we feel the pure power and strength of ourselves.

Some of us may not find the “emotion” anywhere in our lives and since it is short and followed by the removal of a part of our masculinity, we’re driven to search for it again and again and again…

Thus satisfying nature’s gift to us to procreate almost unconditionally as many times as physically possible.

While the build up is there nothing else matters – we’ll move mountains to achieve those few seconds right before it happens.

For so many men the desire to sleep around has nothing to do with women but more to do with his control and ability to tap into his masculine male role in nature.

Some men achieve this through different outlets, some do it by bedding lots of different women, some learn it from experience, some take her advances as being the same…

Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?

It’s not our role as provider, it’s probably not even nature granting us the ability to do so, a lot of times it’s to…

Experience a moment where we can truly enjoy a surge of our primal masculine self.

Choices, selection, ability, or personal situation aside, feeling like a man who belongs in the world and is an actual contributor by doing exactly what we’re designed to do appears to be reason enough.

What all this means is of course open to interpretation, speculation, and reasoning.

If you’re a guy tell me – Why do you sleep around?

But if you’re a woman tell me this…

What is the one moment in your life (which can happen many times) where you absolutely felt like you’re the absolute definition of femininity and nothing else seemed to matter but that one moment?AND…

You find yourself constantly searching for it again by any means possible?

If you can find that answer and believe it to be true – then you can certainly imagine why men do in fact sleep with so many different women regardless of the situation or the affect of his actions on himself and others.

Okay – granted – the reasons listed here seem to be a little different than anything you have read before BUT underneath it all – it seems to make sense.

Not that it describes the exact reason why “some” men sleep with lots of different women BUT how nature plays its role by making the male orgasm the way it is… causing a guy to want it more and more and more.

Doesn’t really explain the “different” angle exactly but again – nature has already taken care of that, right?

We (us guys) are given the option and some will oblige it to the fullest extent of that option.

I’m sure lots of guy sleep around for reasons nature didn’t intend but it works out the same anyways.

Some do it because they “think” it’s what makes them a man.

Some do it because they can and the women he’s sleeping, most of them, just don’t seem to mind as long as there’s no exclusive agreement going on.

Some do it for everything listed here today – a constant urge to release because it feels good just before and sometimes worse after as a male sex drive is tossed or left to fend for it self in a woman, on a condom, against her body, or just…. wherever it lands.

The leaves the strangest part of this post – How a simple title “sleep with lots of different women” seems to invoke the assumption of infidelity when it’s not even mentioned – just assumed by those who wish to see that over those who saw it for what it really was – not mentioned at  all.

Moving on… how about this:

The amount of emotional reaction a question like this brings up because of the difference of opinions… How men are pigs and women are not. How it’s not fair a guy can sleep around and be more of a man whereas when a woman does it – she’s a slut.

Bringing up the last hot topic – and perhaps at risk of disproving everything you’ve read so far today…

Do men in fact actually have more sexual partners than women?

The TRUTH of the matter – of course I’m not so sure if it’s true but in my lifetime it has proven to be a FACT – take an average man and count how many different women he’s slept with until the age of let’s say 40 and compare the same thing for a woman and you’ll see some interested results…

Well not really because after doing a modest amount of research on this subject and comparing them to my own experiences – some very interesting results were found.

Let’s explore this issue…

How when asked a question like this men over-exaggerated the amount of women they’ve actually slept with and the women under-exaggerated.

“Our male respondents were more likely than our female survey participants to inflate their number of sexual partners: 17.5 percent of male respondents reported claiming more partners than they’ve had, while only 8.2 percent of women did the same. On the other hand, 18.6 percent of women said they’ve divulged a decreased number of partners compared with only 13.7 percent of men who have done so. It’s possible that men and women may be altering their respective numbers because they are influenced by certain outdated perceptions – for instance, that a woman with an extensive sexual past may be regarded as promiscuous or that a man with a high number of partners feels he possesses virility and sexual prowess.”

What’s You Number?

That leads me to believe that on average – only compared to my experience of known sexual partners of my friends – that in fact the amount of sexual partners were about the same. (More on that below so keep reading.)

Granted in MY world growing up women slept with more men than the guys slept with girls although the women would generally have sex with just a few guys leaving the rest to “fend” I mean “play” with themselves.

The numbers then suggest one guy would be tossed around by several different woman so sure, he had more different partners but the sex number was the same for both.

Leading to this no-so-strange results but rather odd research findings by some (I’m assuming mathematician guys who were NOT the ones getting their share in school) – Men and Women Cannot Can Have Different Average Numbers of Sexual Partners and a theory listed here: Average number of sexual partners.

Meaning – no matter how you slice it – it DOES take two to have sex making it theoretically impossible, when averaged together for (heterosexually speaking) men to have more sex than women, right?

Yes – then comes the important word no-so-eloquently put in the title: DIFFERENT.

Here’s what I recently found in my search for the average number of partners:

Median number of opposite-sex partners in lifetime among sexually experienced men and women aged 25-44 years of 2011-2015:

6.1 for men.

4.2 for Women.

Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth – N Listing

Granted this was an American study so it may not apply everywhere.

Taken those numbers into account and factoring in that men increase the number and women decrease the number (in surveys) AND that on average women have more partners than men as proposed in this impossible to read paper – Do Men and Women Have the Same Average Number of Lifetime Partners?

I’d say that makes them just about equal.

Very interesting stuff indeed and we will probably never find or agree on a definitive answer because apparently – no one wants to tell the truth about the amount of men or women they’ve slept with in their lifetime.

You have an opinion or whatever please feel free to list it below.

If you like this kind of discussions and you want to understand men better – them please sign up below where it’s all covered and more.

Commit Yourself to Understanding All the Men In Your Past, Present, & Future!


If men only ever confuse you and you’re looking for real answers you can not seem to find anywhere else…

That’s what the why do guys newsletter is all about. Free, easy, direct.

Learn hidden secrets about men & how to connect with them in a way ALL men will appreciate and love.

Your personal info is always safe and never sold to anyone at anytime. No spam is ever sent. Unsubscribe easily at any time you feel you don’t need it anymore.

About the author: Honest & upfront but that’s for you to decide. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, about men and it’s easy to understand. Thank you, Peter White

Stay in touch and learn about men by joining my newsletter below. Join other women like you discuss men by joining the new Why Do Guys Facebook Group. You can also Like or follow the Facebook Fan Page. And lastly Join me on Twitter.
71 comments… add one
  • Kathy

    1. What is the one moment in your life (which can happen many times) where you absolutely felt like you’re the definition of femininity?
    2. …and nothing else seemed to matter but that one moment?
    3. …AND you find yourself constantly searching for it again by any means possible?

    1. I don’t. I am not the definition of feminity since having a vagina does not make me exclusively feminine. I am both masculine and feminine; to feel any other way is delusional and lacking self awareness. I am not the definition of anything but myself and to feel entitle to perceive myself as being the incarnation of the definition of anything but who I am is delusional. I do not believe i am entitle to anything but my own self, i dont have grandiosity fantasy and i do not have absolute feelings on any occasion about anything nor anybody. To have such moment of epiphany sounds to me like a solid lack a rationality; i do not regulate myself through the high of my brain chemicals. I like my chemicals to be stable and non-overwhelming, which satisfies me greatly since i am not capable of boredom.

    2. Again, epiphany is not something i experience deeply (even though i really enjoy philosophy and physics). There is nothing, NOTHING, in the world that could make me feel like nothing else matters. I care deeply about my responsabilities and being accountable, about long term effects and having decent behavior (from my own standards, which are often higher than those shared by society). I am certainly not going to put those aside because “i have an erection”. Being aroused is great, but i do not define myself through my feelings and sensations. And i am not going to make myself entitle to epiphanies just because i need to justify my lack of accountability. No matter how awesome something is, someone is, or seems to be, an excuse is an excuse and i dont deal excuse of my chest like i had no standing and value. It is not about the regard others have on me; i am my own harshest judge and i live up only to my own expectations and standards. Which are high since i have a lot of respect for myself and by the same breath my environment.

    3. Addiction is a disorder. Looking for something again and again is not healthy behavior. When i want something i attract it; i look within myself to seal any superficial need i could have miss and I DO NOT FOOL MYSELF ON ANY OCCASION. Everybody makes mistake true; but i correct mine as soon as i am made aware of them and i put a lot of effort in double checking what i think and want in order to prevent foolishness to build itself a room in my Queendom. I dont justify myself; i reach for truth and awareness. No way am i ever going to spend anytime in my life running for something over and over again, especially something as irrelevant as an “erection epiphany”, “power trip”, or any other form of delusions. I dont run. I ground my true self where i stand, i aim for what makes sense rationally and i follow my homemade path to greatness. I build what i want, ill never be foolish enough to run for it. Certainly not over and over again.

    4. If you dont understand the lack of education and understanding that society has over what delusions means, dont waste your time justifying yourself, since by this lack there is all the explications one needs to receive to see past the lies.

    5. If you ever feel like wanting to taste what real power is about, try grounding yourself in your true self, which includes both feminine and masculine. Such a stand is hard to reach and to maintain, but once you see, man, there is no turning back. I am a very masculine woman and i certainly dont need to reject any part of me to feel feminine. The universe is way way way more interesting than any chemicals high your erections are giving you. Seriously, i feel only a kid would need to be told those things.

    • Peter White

      Thanks for sharing Kathy. Hope it helped you sort some things out and in a strange twist of thinking – actually helped you understand this part of men better.

  • jay

    Hi Peter, I absolutely loved this. Never ever have I come across such an explanation before you describe it beautifully. I feel most feminine, beautiful & most euphoric when I’m with a man who loves, cares and Is terribly attracted to me in intimacy when he looks at me with need in his eyes & all I wish to do is please him. That’s the feeling I Chase constantly even despite the downs that come with relationships at times.

    Nowadays we are so selfish & entitled & refuse to even contemplate a truth that isn’t our own as you can see from the majority of the comments made by the women on here. Tho a few of the men sound just as jaded like ‘reality check’ tho from his experience it isn’t surprising.

    Hope to come across more jems like this one thanks.

    • Peter White

      Hi Jay and thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate and hear you too.

      Grateful,
      Pete

  • TwisztedAngel

    I love this post! I have a hard time understanding men. Could never understand how a man could be in love with a woman yet still have urges for other women. I have had my moment where I felt like I was the ultimate woman and the definition of femininity. And I truly loved myself and I was attracting so many positive things. I was so happy with myself that I kept turning myself on sexually (unintentional) I’ve been chasing that feeling for years. So I guess this is an eye opener for me. But to find true happiness. You have to find it within ya self. Men like this are seeking validation through other women that’s why there happiness is short lived.

    Happiness starts from within.

    • Peter White

      Thank you. Glad you loved it.

      And yes – happiness comes from within, just make sure when you find it, appreciate it and SHARE it like you did today.

      Always great to hear.

Leave a Comment