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Why Do Guys…?

What Guy Doesn’t Want A Really Cool Girlfriend?

What Guy Doesn’t Want A Really Cool Girlfriend? post image

In the land of man there stands the ultimate prize. She looks hot in paint spattered sweatpants with a pony tail pulled tight.

She has the style to dress up but laid back enough to know when it’s the right time to spend the entire evening getting ready. You won’t be left waiting when your only goal is the market.

You can bust her ass and she takes it well. Gives it right back like some dude would but no man would be blind enough to mistake her for anything but a female.

When you ask guys want they want in a woman you have to look past the normal responses like bigger boobs or delicately shaped firm butts, and you have to study his ever-longing love to be with the least dramatic woman in the world.

And this is NOT just for teenagers. Within every age you’ll find groups of men with that look in his eyes… whose woman isn’t so cool.

Whether she’s pestering him about his casualness around the house. His laziness in mowing the lawn. His decade old underwear he refuses to let go or his appropriate placed obsession with Al Bundy. And yes, his love affair to watch any movie where a hot celebrity just might get naked.

In fact I’ve been quoted recently while flicking off “Part Of Me” (Katy Perry’s documentary-concert film.) three quarters into it because, “Well if you’re not going to get naked…!”

But aside from all that.

I dare you to ask any guy the personality type he dreams of and check off what percentage marks “cool” at least once.

(I asked 326 of them in this survey… The Perfect Woman Survey)

What type of personality do men prefer?

  1. Funny 240 Votes               (26%)
  2. Confident 192 Votes         (21%)
  3. Cool 169 Votes                   (18%)
  4. Flirty 129 Votes                (14%)
  5. Nerdish 93 Votes              (10%)
  6. Serious 48 Votes                 (5%)
  7. Over the top 16 Votes       (1%)
  8. Demanding 13 Votes         (1%)
  9. In your face 13 Votes       (1%)

Total Votes: 913    (several choices were allowed.)

***Although it has been argued if you’re curvy and want your man to like your body more – introduce a little stress in his life or stop being so cool. 🙂  ( …from The Condition That Makes You Like Curvy Women )

Ok, so what is my point here?

Believe it or not, your personality goes a long way in attracting men. These are beyond just preferences because:

If you can make us laugh – oh and laugh at our jokes for real too…

If you can hold your own the best you can – we’ll be there for you but not if everything’s a huge ordeal or drama fest, we’ll shut ourselves off…

If you can be “cool” about things and I’m not necessarily suggesting you let us sleep around or engage in threesomes, that’s cool and all but there’s more to it…

Those are definite traits proving you’re capable of not only being an amazing mother but a fascinating sexual partner too.

The kind of cool that attracts men may be somewhat opinion-based or in the “eye of the beholder” but there’s a few consistent items. And the “in bed” add on works too.

  • Being easy to talk to (in bed)
  • Slightly adventurous (in bed)
  • Easily energized (in bed)
  • Not afraid of her body (in bed)
  • A relaxed down to earth attitude about most things (okay this one might not work in bed… wait – she’s cool with it when we’re not completely UP with our game. 😉 )
  • Confident to know we’re yours and less likely to be a jealous girlfriend.
  • Not taking everything so seriously
  • Leaving the seat up once in while (Although in my bathroom the seat’s always down… hey I have my reasons.)
  • Daring enough to try new foods but loves my pizza.
  • Crazy enough to show up unannounced with lunch in hand to break up the work day.
  • Crazy enough for a quickie when “maybe?” no one’s watching.
  • Secure enough to know – she’s all we’ll ever need even though we act like dumb asses once in a very very long while.

You see – the “cool girls” aren’t afraid to swing on the swings or throw the first kiss and are able to deal with our little frustrated sexual tantrums we might experience. (Hey two days is a very long time to go without it.)

The really cool girls make incredible girlfriends and they make the other wives jealous because you found a guy who wants to pay attention to you because without you in our lives – it can get kind of boring you know.

Now tell me – what guy wouldn’t mind a cool girlfriend and do you think that’s you?

(You can read my email policies here. No spam ever! Your information is always private. )
About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.
5 comments… add one
  • Amira

    Well, I am a cool girlfriend type. He even told me I am a dream woman every guy probably wants. He even goes as far to treat me as his girlfriend. We have a strong connection, physically and emotionally. And yet he doesn’t want to commit because of his past relationship experience. Left him feeling a bit negative towards women/relationships so he says. Go figure 🙁

    • Peter White

      Great to hear cool girl, I mean Amira. 🙂

      It IS sad how way too many guys become so afraid to get involved again because they were hurt in the past. I mean sometimes it’s a good trait. You get burned on a hot stove by touching it, your instinct tells you to NOT do it again.

      But we’re dealing with something different here. If you’re cooking a great meal and you accidentally burn yourself… does that mean you should never cook again? Obviously no or else you’d starve or be stuck eating shitty fast food and live a less than happier life. 😀

      The way I see it, guys who act like this sort of piss me off. Granted some of them use it as an excuse women they’re already convinced there isn’t going to be a future and are looking for current companionship or sex but I’m sure there are plenty of guys who are just so scared of being hurt again, they avoid putting themselves in that position again.

      They upset me because when I look back at all the rejections I suffered through and came out of them better than before, THEY found someone and just because she burned him, become depressed and withdrawn and in turn, probably attract more women because of it. I call it the “po po me” affect. So I know I take it personal on some level.

      However, objectively, I can now see, most of the time, if a guy has a negative outlook or feelings towards all women they are attracted to, they’re using it as an excuse and there’s more to it than meets the eye. I mean you can blame women all you want for a failure but it does nothing to change the internal process which started the blame. Complicated psychology? Maybe.

      The fact remains, when we have a tendency or propensity (can I use that word there? Haha!) to blame others for OUR failures we’re stuck and haven’t move on along the self-esteem or healing stages and until that changes, are only destined to retreat and wallow in the complacency that pitying ourselves often offers. Specifically when we find ourselves meeting others who are more than willing to give us the empathy we crave in our self pity.

      Go figure.

      Thanks for sharing cool girl. Hope you find a cool guy who isn’t stuck as soon as possible.


      • Amira

        Thank you so much for your comment, Pete! I really appreciate you took the time to reply to me 🙂

        I wish you the best in life and thank you for your amazing website.

  • Lindsey Nutsch

    This truly is an awesome website 🙂

    I would definitely put myself in the “cool girl” category too. There is a guy I have been pursuing lately who is quite a bit older than me. I am 28 and he is 36. He took me on the coolest dates at first, like roller skating, for example, and after we had sex a few times he kinda ghosted out on me. I finally brought up the conversation every man loves to avoid as long as possible: relationship status (and not for stupid Facebook). He said friends was fine and it was up to me if I wanted FWBs. But he didn’t talk to me like a regular friend.

    I once crashed my bike near his house and he graciously provided me hospitality. Once a week I will stop by on my bicycle and pick wildflowers on the way for him; he puts them on his mantle and contrary to popular culture, appreciates their beauty, saying that I am the second woman who ever gave him flowers. Once in a while he will ask if i want to stay and watch a movie, and we always end up flirting, but not like teenagers, more like passion on a scale of Romeo to Juliet.

    Eventually, he told me that I was too young for him and he was used to dating older women because “conversations are different”. I believe that is true, but it seems like he has just always dated older women and feels like it’s the right thing to do. I, on the other hand, feel a strangely deep connection between us because of the passion we share, not necessarily during sex.

    My question I have been seeking the answer to is: how can I know whether he likes me and is perhaps playing a mind game by being distant and elusive, OR whether his silence (no calls, texts, or voluntary info) is truly a kindly signal for me to leave him alone for good?

    • Peter White

      Thank you Lindsey. 🙂

      I will first say that yes, there are groups of men who refuse to get into a relationship with a much younger woman because they don’t feel a certain connection. Doesn’t make them players though if they fool around with you. Guys who play women purposely often hurt them emotionally and rarely will ever tell the truth even if it’s something where the truth won’t make a difference.

      When he told you that you were too young for him – that sounded truthful and since he was being completely honest with you about that and how he was okay with FWB, I don’t see any major player moves here at all.

      What I DO see is is this: You’ve been pursuing him. You’ve had sex with him a few times. You have, maybe not vocally agreed to being his FWB but that’s where you’re at – you’re not giving him any reason to break his “no relationship with younger woman” rule he seems to have.

      His silence is merely reinforcing what he has already told you – he doesn’t want a relationship with a younger woman.

      How you respond to that is up to you. If you remain in this FWB situation I fear once he starts dating an older woman and connects with one, you will be left without even a friendship because of the benefits part of FWB will be gone.

      Keep in mind – “friends with benefits” is rarely ever a friend thing. It’s usually two people fooling around who are opting out of a commitment to each other. It really if ever is two friends who decide to have sex. I’m sure that happens but in guy speak it simply means – We’re screwing around with no strings attached but we’re not really dating.

      I will also say, if you’re not getting what you want from this situation and you’re constantly looking or hoping something else will come of it, then I would remove the benefits or yourself from his life entirely.

      I don’t see him suddenly changing his mind unless a lot of other things happen.

      Glad you like the website and hope this has helped you decide what to do and cleared up any confusion you might be having about his guy.

      Thanks for asking “cool girl”

      Your guy friend without benefits 🙂


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