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Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?

Men About Get Laid Sex With Her

The "natural" view is actually quite simple. Men, being built to procreate many times and "spread their seed" are actually designed to sleep with many different women in their lifetime.

Now I understand in this modern social world men have a choice. They can choose to sleep with a few, or commit forever to one girl.

He can choose to stare temptation in the face and deny any woman who is willing to have sex with him.  (Granted being human we ALL have the option to step out of our traditional roles and do something different. )

Some of you might even assign a level of strength to him.

The stronger man can resist his instinctual sexual drive.

The weaker man gives in even though he knows it could emotional hurt her.

Yet the stronger man has more temptation and the weaker man doesn't. So it's not really a fair assessment, is it?

What about this?

Very few women I have known will have sex with a guy who does not have the option to sleep around.

You want the best mate for you and typically he will be highly sought out by other women too.  Thus the man you want the most has a greater probability of cheating on you too.

I know.

Kind of sucks but it's true.

Some argue in the modern world we live in, these rules, for lack of a better word, just don't apply.

They throw around the word "love" and expect if a man loves a woman he should never stray. She should be all he ever needs.

Doesn't work that way though - does it?

Especially when so many men struggle with the definition of love.

Especially when there's guys who will obsess over a woman until he's had sex with her and the "thrill" wears off.

The male sex drive can be powerful and sometimes dominating.

GUY FEAR #1: My sexual desires are NOT okay

"I won’t tell you that old thing about how guys want waaay more sex that women do, because it’s actually not true.

Women want it, we just want it under different terms.

He just… wants it.

Every possible way he can imagine it.

With your sister, your mom, the librarian (definitely the librarian), the teenager snapping her gum behind the cash register.

He’s even had a dirty fantasy about that weird shopping cart lady.

Sex movies of every description (multiple lovers, bondage, fetish, you name it) run in his brain nearly all the time, and sometimes what’s showing on the screen shocks even him.

Deep down, he’s terrified that he wants sex too much, or in the wrong ways, with the wrong people.

His sex drive is a formidable machine, and it’s a testament to his power that he doesn’t let it drive his life, only his brain."

Top 2 Things Men Are Terrified Of, How to Help Your Man & Make Him Love You

(located at dialteg.org)

It can take control over us and send us into the arms or bed of any woman willing or when properly directed can drive us to succeed in more areas than just a pure sexual conquest.

Based on my experience there's a certain relevance to the male orgasm and our instinctual drive to sleep around.

There have been so many nights where after I release my male potency alone (so as not to confuse the feelings when a woman's involved) and not ten seconds later I felt let down.

Like it wasn't good enough.

Even after having delayed gratification for several hours it felt like, "That was it?!!!"

The longer we wait, within reason, the more we produce.

But after, depending on the circumstance we might even feel a little guilty.

More empathetic.

Thirsty and hungry and sometimes apathetic, sometimes contempt and tired.

Whatever the after affects happen to be...

When the drive is temporarily removed, the primal urge to reproduce no longer connected to us,  there's a strange feeling of loss.

Like we're missing something.

In the arms of our proclaimed love this can easily be overcame with a hug, a shared story, or anything emotional connection. Thus equating love to the experience and to the person next to us.

In the arms of an affair, a one night stand, a situation where we can not connect love to the persona we're with, this loss does not go away until the next time.

Keeping us in forever search of the perfect lay.

You would think the first experience would keep us happy. Stop us from straying or at least be enough reason to only ever want to be with the one we love but...

What if we don't feel that connection or we don't know how to open up, or what if the women we're with doesn't allow it to happen, or doesn't know how to respond to a man after, or what if she isn't allowing his sex drive to be completely brought out.

Or even worse yet what if he feels like she has not been completely satisfied and after the moment, while the drive has left, he no longer feels powerful but weak and unable to perform.

My point is that the male orgasm is a sudden release of all that makes us male but has little to do with makes us a responsible adult according to social standards.

Depending on our lifestyle, willpower, ability to succeed, our health, or anything related in the few moments we're about to release is when we feel the pure power and strength of ourselves.

Some of us may not find the "emotion" anywhere in our lives and since it is short and followed by the removal of a part of our masculinity, we're driven to search for it again and again and again...

Thus satisfying nature's gift to us to procreate almost unconditionally as many times as physically possible.

While the build up is there nothing else matters - we'll move mountains to achieve those few seconds right before it happens.

For so many men the desire to sleep around has nothing to do with women but more to do with his control and ability to tap into his masculine male role in nature.

Some men achieve this through different outlets, some do it by bedding lots of different women, some learn it from experience, some take her advances as being the same...

Why Do Men Sleep Around With Lots Of Different Women?

It's not our role as provider, it's probably not even nature granting us the ability to do so, a lot of times it's to...

Experience a moment where we can truly enjoy a surge of our primal masculine self.

Choices, selection, ability, or personal situation aside, feeling like a man who belongs in the world and is an actual contributor by doing exactly what we're designed to do appears to be reason enough.

What all this means is of course open to interpretation, speculation, and reasoning.

If you're a guy tell me - Why do you sleep around?

But if you're a woman tell me this...

What is the one moment in your life (which can happen many times) where you absolutely felt like you're the absolute definition of femininity and nothing else seemed to matter but that one moment?AND...

You find yourself constantly searching for it again by any means possible?

If you can find that answer and believe it to be true - then you can certainly imagine why men do in fact sleep with so many different women regardless of the situation or the affect of his actions on himself and others.

Okay - granted - the reasons listed here seem to be a little different than anything you have read before BUT underneath it all - it seems to make sense.

Not that it describes the exact reason why "some" men sleep with lots of different women BUT how nature plays its role by making the male orgasm the way it is... causing a guy to want it more and more and more.

Doesn't really explain the "different" angle exactly but again - nature has already taken care of that, right?

We (us guys) are given the option and some will oblige it to the fullest extent of that option.

I'm sure lots of guy sleep around for reasons nature didn't intend but it works out the same anyways.

Some do it because they "think" it's what makes them a man.

Some do it because they can and the women he's sleeping, most of them, just don't seem to mind as long as there's no exclusive agreement going on.

Some do it for everything listed here today - a constant urge to release because it feels good just before and sometimes worse after as a male sex drive is tossed or left to fend for it self in a woman, on a condom, against her body, or just.... wherever it lands.

The leaves the strangest part of this post - How a simple title "sleep with lots of different women" seems to invoke the assumption of infidelity when it's not even mentioned - just assumed by those who wish to see that over those who saw it for what it really was - not mentioned at  all.

Moving on... how about this:

The amount of emotional reaction a question like this brings up because of the difference of opinions... How men are pigs and women are not. How it's not fair a guy can sleep around and be more of a man whereas when a woman does it - she's a slut.

Bringing up the last hot topic - and perhaps at risk of disproving everything you've read so far today...

Do men in fact actually have more sexual partners than women?

The TRUTH of the matter - of course I'm not so sure if it's true but in my lifetime it has proven to be a FACT - take an average man and count how many different women he's slept with until the age of let's say 40 and compare the same thing for a woman and you'll see some interested results...

Well not really because after doing a modest amount of research on this subject and comparing them to my own experiences - some very interesting results were found.

Let's explore this issue...

How when asked a question like this men over-exaggerated the amount of women they've actually slept with and the women under-exaggerated.

"Our male respondents were more likely than our female survey participants to inflate their number of sexual partners: 17.5 percent of male respondents reported claiming more partners than they’ve had, while only 8.2 percent of women did the same. On the other hand, 18.6 percent of women said they’ve divulged a decreased number of partners compared with only 13.7 percent of men who have done so. It’s possible that men and women may be altering their respective numbers because they are influenced by certain outdated perceptions – for instance, that a woman with an extensive sexual past may be regarded as promiscuous or that a man with a high number of partners feels he possesses virility and sexual prowess."

What's You Number?

That leads me to believe that on average - only compared to my experience of known sexual partners of my friends - that in fact the amount of sexual partners were about the same. (More on that below so keep reading.)

Granted in MY world growing up women slept with more men than the guys slept with girls although the women would generally have sex with just a few guys leaving the rest to "fend" I mean "play" with themselves.

The numbers then suggest one guy would be tossed around by several different woman so sure, he had more different partners but the sex number was the same for both.

Leading to this no-so-strange results but rather odd research findings by some (I'm assuming mathematician guys who were NOT the ones getting their share in school) - Men and Women Cannot Can Have Different Average Numbers of Sexual Partners and a theory listed here: Average number of sexual partners.

Meaning - no matter how you slice it - it DOES take two to have sex making it theoretically impossible, when averaged together for (heterosexually speaking) men to have more sex than women, right?

Yes - then comes the important word no-so-eloquently put in the title: DIFFERENT.

Here's what I recently found in my search for the average number of partners:

Median number of opposite-sex partners in lifetime among sexually experienced men and women aged 25-44 years of 2011-2015:

6.1 for men.

4.2 for Women.

Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth - N Listing

Granted this was an American study so it may not apply everywhere.

Taken those numbers into account and factoring in that men increase the number and women decrease the number (in surveys) AND that on average women have more partners than men as proposed in this impossible to read paper - Do Men and Women Have the Same Average Number of Lifetime Partners?

I'd say that makes them just about equal.

Very interesting stuff indeed and we will probably never find or agree on a definitive answer because apparently - no one wants to tell the truth about the amount of men or women they've slept with in their lifetime.

UPDATE: I just had a VERY interesting conversation with my brother-in-law the other night on this "men spreading their seed" theory and how we, as men are designed to sleep with lots of women.

While I did have that view before I had a revelation during our discussion and even though I couldn't convince him to see things my way - it certainly is worth telling you because it's very interesting AND it's something I've never personally heard before.

Here it goes in as few words as possible...

Men are NOT designed (evolutionary speaking) to procreate as many times as possible to keep the species alive.

That is NOT the intended reason thus negating the theory because IF a man bears as many children as he can - it will a devastating effect on our environment. With limited resources to pull from and use - too many offspring will have a lasting negative impact on those resources and could very easily wipe out our and many other species too.

Men are designed (with all their little swimmers) to have sex so often to ASSURE the women gets PREGNANT and NOT so he can screw as many women and impregnate them.

That's my new theory - not proven of course but makes a lot of sense AND puts in end to the argument of men being "designed" to sleep around.

Again...

We (guys) have the ability and resources for one reason ONLY - to try and try and try again ONLY to ASSURE - SHE will get pregnant with her roughly one egg a month to get it done.

It's about OPPORTUNITY and not an excuse or reason to create so many offspring because THAT will undoubtedly and inevitably assure humans over use our resources and cause our extinction.

Any thoughts on it - I'd love to hear them so write them in below.

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About the author: Understanding men does not have to be complicated anymore and I can show yow how… There are only two types of guys and if you don’t know which one he is, you could misinterpret everything he says or does as it relates to you. Your new guy friend, Peter White – Understanding Men Made Simple.

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This article was posted in Sex – When, Where, How Often, Fantasies & How Guys See The Sexual Side, Why Do Guys – Understanding Men and The Things They Do To Confuse You

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77 comments… add one
  • jay

    Hi Peter, I absolutely loved this. Never ever have I come across such an explanation before you describe it beautifully. I feel most feminine, beautiful & most euphoric when I’m with a man who loves, cares and Is terribly attracted to me in intimacy when he looks at me with need in his eyes & all I wish to do is please him. That’s the feeling I Chase constantly even despite the downs that come with relationships at times.

    Nowadays we are so selfish & entitled & refuse to even contemplate a truth that isn’t our own as you can see from the majority of the comments made by the women on here. Tho a few of the men sound just as jaded like ‘reality check’ tho from his experience it isn’t surprising.

    Hope to come across more jems like this one thanks.

    • Peter White

      Hi Jay and thank you for your kind words. I truly appreciate and hear you too.

      Grateful,
      Pete

  • TwisztedAngel

    I love this post! I have a hard time understanding men. Could never understand how a man could be in love with a woman yet still have urges for other women. I have had my moment where I felt like I was the ultimate woman and the definition of femininity. And I truly loved myself and I was attracting so many positive things. I was so happy with myself that I kept turning myself on sexually (unintentional) I’ve been chasing that feeling for years. So I guess this is an eye opener for me. But to find true happiness. You have to find it within ya self. Men like this are seeking validation through other women that’s why there happiness is short lived.

    Happiness starts from within.

    • Peter White

      Thank you. Glad you loved it.

      And yes – happiness comes from within, just make sure when you find it, appreciate it and SHARE it like you did today.

      Always great to hear.

  • Liz G.

    Peter, I’m 37 (black female, overweight 240lbs but still very pretty (compared to other black girls), 5’2) and a month and a half ago I started dating a guy who is, 9 years younger, 28. He’s extremely good looking, Swedish/Irish decent, tall, 6’7 and he committed and moved our relationship really fast. For the most part, things are OK.

    However, his past number of sexual partners is bothering me (that’s how I ended up on this article). When we first met he said he slept with over 150 women and a few men. I was OK with that partly because I’ve probably slept with around 100 guys (however I’ve had an extra 9 years to get to my number!). Anyway, the other night, we were watching a You Tube video and a pick up artist said that he slept with over 200 women. I said, oh look someone who has slept with more ppl then you. My boyfriend replied, I’ve slept with way more people then that. I was like what? I thought you only slept with 150 women. He replied, oh well, when ppl say a number you should multiply it by 3. I was like you slept with 450 women. He replied my actual number is probably between 300 and 400 women and a few men. Help. Is this normal? Is it normal for a man to sleep with hundreds of women? Why are the numbers in your post so low (in the single digits)? Any feedback you could give would be greatly appreciated.

    • Liz, thanks for sharing.

      Yes, I’d say it’s very high compared to the averages that are out there. Whether it’s normal is not for me to decide. I’m not one to judge that way. I can say that to him, I suppose it is normal.

      As above – I’m not one to judge, to each its own. My only feedback is: You knew what you were getting into therefore you must understand and take responsibility for what could happen. Consequences are not always predictable, just probable. AND so expecting a real relationship with a guy like this is not something I would look forward to or even attempt right now.

      Aside from that – it’s your life to enjoy.

      The myth out there is that women downplay their NUMBER and men exaggerate their number. If that’s true or not remains to be seen calculated. BUT I will say most men will at least exaggerate a reasonable number and his being so high – is probably close.

      Again – thanks for sharing. I do appreciate it,
      Pete

  • Liz G.

    Ok Pete, it’s me Liz, again. The other thing that is bothering me is that my boyfriend had sex with me really fast when we first met. Yes. It takes 2 to tango but I can’t get this out of my mind.
    It started when on POF, I got a romantic message from an incredibly hot, tall good looking guy. I was playing MTG, a card game with a group of nerds. Anyway, when I read his message (and showed his pictures) to the group of nerds I was playing cards with they said he was fake (and that POF has some fake profiles). I also live in a small town and they said they have never seen him around town (even though he claimed to live in the same apt complex, we happened to be playing cards in and some of us live in). So I believed them and ignored his message.

    At the end of the night, one of the nerds (Shawn) said he has a single friend (Jeff) he wants to set me up with who also plays MTG, so I was like cool.

    So a few days later shawn and I went to Jeff’s house to play MTG (as a first date). I was attracted to and liked Jeff and felt a little horny in his presence while playing cards. At the end of the night, Jeff walked Shawn and I to his apartment door on the main floor. Then shawn left us to talk (or kiss) good night. I was waiting for Jeff to kiss me but we just talked and hugged. Then he shut the door and I left. About 30 seconds later, I see a really tall guy walking in the darkness. I remember the hot guy said he lived in the same apartment complex. So I said, r u so and so from POF, he’s like yeah, I’m like you sent me a message but my friends said it was fake. So then when he got closer, I could not believe how good looking he was, better then the pictures. So, I was like what r u doing? Wanna hang out? He was like I have to go home, I have a curfew. I was like, let’s go your place. He was like I have a roommate and there’s a bunch of ppl over. I was like what time does your curfew start, he was like in 5 minutes. Then I said I live 25 minutes away and he said he doesn’t want to risk it. So then I was like my friend shawn lives in this complex, let’s go hang out at his place. So I buzzed shawn and he let us up. Anyway shawn was talking to his girlfriend on the phone. So I took the hot guy to his room. Right away we were kissing, making out. Then we had intercourse without condoms in shawn’s bed. Please give me a break, I was already horny from Jeff. Anyway, we had sex within 10 minutes of meeting each other. Then he took the risk, came to my place and we had more sex.

    Anyway, his high number of sexual partners, between 300 and 400 ppl is really bothering me. The quickness that we had sex is also bothering me. He didn’t even know my name when we first had sex. And since then he has admitted to me he doesn’t like condoms. He also says he knows he must have some illigitamit children out there. His ex is also pregnant and due in 3 months and he knows of at least one lady he knocked up when he was 19.

    And I know some of you other people reading this are going to call me a slut. I’m looking for love and my hormones (it was my ovulation time) and this particular circumstance led me to sleep with the hot guy so fast. This is by far the best looking guy I ever had a chance with, so I went for it. I have no regrets. And the other set of judgemental ppl are going to say, you guys have stis/STDs. He was last tested 2 months ago and was clean. I was tested about a week ago and came back clean for everything.

    • Again, I’m not one to judge. The quickness you had sex happens. Just try to see things for what they are: Is he relationship ready, most definitely not PLUS he comes with a lot of baggage making it more improbable you could settle down for a fun good life with him and not have him increasing his numbers.

      As long as you’re open to seeing the truth, take responsibility for your life and your actions, and no one else is being harmed, hurt, or emotionally treated badly – then all is well as far as I’m concerned.

      It appears he has a sexual addiction so keep that in mind in whatever you decide to do or follow through with him.

      All the best and thanks again for our candid story. It takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there and I DO appreciate it,
      Pete

  • Mil

    I have been struggling with someone that has been a part of my life for 7 years. He’s 57, has a serious problem chasing woman always for sex. Half the time drinks, and has other bad habits..He lies, tells stories,calls me stupid half the times due to his actions. I loved him! Did everything for him and he still can’t see the good normal girl Iam. He doesn’t want anything serious, but it still hurts to see him wrapped up with other woman. You think by now, he wouldn’t be acting like he’s 18. And settle with someone. I’ve been told many times ” ya can’t teach a old dog new tricks” I still Care about this person alot but tired of being treated like crap when he does find something new that’s occupying him for the moment. I understand time heals it’s hard to just forget some1 after all these years. I don’t know why I’m having trouble letting go!

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