The right man for you, or the man of your dreams IS definitely out there!
I know everyone says that but not many are equipped to tell you exactly how to find him, where he is, how to attract him, how to open him up to commit to you, AND how to communicate in a way which naturally leads you both together so you can experience a lasting, fulfilling, and happy productive relationship.
My intention is to guide you through the entire easy process and if you follow along - it WILL work for you.
Start with the outline (basic primer course) I've made for you today - follow and read the many articles from lots of dating, relationship, attraction, and communication being posted up continually and you'll be well on your way to making it come true. (Other expert advice is located here.)
It doesn't have to be just a dream or an unachievable goal.
You CAN make it YOUR REALITY.
Table of Contents - Quick Links:
(Click on the link below to be taken right to the section. Use at your discretion because this page was designed to read from beginning to end.)
The intro or opening. Attraction, dating, and relationships loosely explained and why one is so much tougher than the other.
From caveman days to our complex modern society and where the glue that binds them altogether, communication fits in.
The first step is to of course become happy and comfortable with yourself and to learn how to be objective about your personal situation.
It also states you must immediately begin to learn and study how attraction really does work for men so no guessing please. Build a new mindset, a new perspective, and change happens all by itself.
My three step guide to meeting the man of your dreams and where you'll most likely find him. Affirmations, removing the pressure of finding and attracting him, and keeping yourself in a great mood so when that moment happens - you are READY for it.
The relationship of your dreams is not a dream at all. You make it real by letting it happen naturally.
The secret to making it happen is all about communication.
This is where you discover your deep down feelings and let them out.
Explore them. Live them. THEN and only then can learn to communicate them to others.
The very first REAL step in learning how to get to an easy relationship and to communicate to others attractively and effectively is through knowing HOW to communicate to yourself.
Tips and great advice how you can start doing that today and what you must say to yourself and expect too.
Once you know how to talk and communicate to yourself, the next "step" is passing your thoughts, ideas, and life onto others in a way in which they will be more likely to understand and get you.
Effective communication is a key component of life and living; not knowing how to do it right will only assure you will NEVER get what you really want and desire out of life.
Communication comes in many forms and primarily or basically the root of them all are similar.
Except, when it comes to attracting men and how you communicate YOURSELF to men contains some extra elements which must be covered.
This is where how much attraction you create comes in and if it leads a man to want and actually commit to you is made or broken.
This also includes the ever-important most missed element: Qualification.
Putting it all together is finished with how your body also communicates to others and either reinforces your beliefs or downplays them in a way where others don't see your point or perspective.
There are some simple tips to follow to assure WHAT you're communicating to other is taken the way you want AND is made more effective and powerful through your body language.
A brief explanation on what attraction is and how it's felt for men, along with how it leads him to love and want to commit to a woman.
Often, attraction is misunderstood which causes lots of problems for both men and women. Time to clear things up and show you exactly what must happen for a man to fall in love with you.
Why Dating Is Tough and Attraction and Relationships Are Easy.
Meeting the right person for you...
Going on a date which is fun...
Making that real connection and learning what you can about the guy sitting across from you...
It's not always that easy, is it?
Something about it just feels so unnatural and if you compare our modern way of dating to our past human history, I'm talking all the way back to the sticks and stones age... BACK THEN it WAS a natural thing.
There were no phones or social media to get in the way. There wasn't any uncomfortable dinner dates which only seem pointless today anyways.
It was simple. It was pure. It was natural.
Sure it came with some bad side effects and less choices and all that - but that's not worth arguing about right now, everyone will surely admit life and dating WAS less complex.
Today - we have to fit it all this dating and attraction junk into our modern way of life making it far from casual, or even needed. All of this complexity goes on top of our thrive to survive or be lucky enough to find happiness amidst it all.
Making it FEEL very strange and as far from organic or natural as you can possibly get.
BUT a relationship... yeah... you must admit when you FIND the right person EVERYTHING just seems to fall into place like it was MEANT TO HAPPEN.
Easy... getting into a great relationship...? I hear you. I must be going crazy!
The odd man who found his way here is thinking YES!!!
They (mostly) agree with me and since I'm a guy I "would" think that way, right?
After all, isn't the typical or general finding is that men are the ones who fight off the commitment at first and women are supposedly the ones who are pushing it or looking for it.
The women are screaming... NO!!!
They certainly disagree because, well, that's generally the biggest problem a single woman might have in dating - finding a great guy she enjoys being with and feels something powerful for, who actually DOES want a commitment with her AND is ready for it too.
Attraction happens. You have no control over it. Feeling attracted to a guy is hard-wired into your brain and the same goes for guys.
However you can LEARN certain skills to trigger it in a guy either physically or emotionally or better yet - BOTH.
Attraction is a natural thing and we ALL come with the ability to feel it and therefore there are lots of ways to make it happen too.
HOW you communicate YOURSELF to others is how attraction is either created, destroyed, or not triggered until a later time.
Dating can be complicated and tough to master and honestly, who (except maybe a player) wants to spend their entire lives mastering the art of dating anyways.
Seems like mastering relationship and communication skills would be more important and should be too.
Typically most men and women go about dating the WRONG way.
They go to the wrong places.
They do the wrong things.
They TRY too hard not to screw up.
They're afraid of showing their real self.
They put up a false front and hope for the best.
They don't learn how and what to communicate on a date.
They guess their way through the process - hope it all works out - and forget the most IMPORTANT reasons they're dating...
Dating should be fun, informative, and in the process attractively qualify the best person or match.
That's why it's so tough to get right and why it's so difficult to get into a relationship from one.
Relationships (the right ones or not - the ones that last or not) come easy.
Getting into a relationship is EASY because when you meet the right one - everything just seems to fall into place.
However, getting out of one is by far a much tougher to do and it's not too hard to see the proof because if they were not easy to fall into one - most could, and would avoid getting into a bad one in the first place.
The keys to actually getting in a great relationship and being happy in one will always come down to:
Knowing yourself and COMMUNICATION.
They are the foundations of any great relationship. Each section does branch off but the root of it all ALWAYS comes down to knowing yourself and communication.
And doing both of those things more than competently is the HARD part.
Getting into a relationship is easy.
Learn those two foundation skills and staying in a relationship also becomes much simpler and easy too.
AND - it also makes the dreaded harder part of knowing when to get out also as easy as it can be because honestly - falling out of love or whatever is never EASY.
That should go without saying but doesn't really apply to what I'm talking about here.
Now... let's put it all together in a very general way:
Attraction leads to Dating which can ultimately lead to a long-term, lasting, and fulfilling Relationship.
What connects all three is COMMUNICATION in its many forms.
So HOW do you make it all happen?
Simple - follow with me below because I've laid out the exact strategy (or steps if you want to call it) that ANY woman can use to progress from attraction to an easy relationship with the right man for her.
Do these things I'm going to list below and I can practically GUARANTEE a relationship will come easy - in fact it will land right on your lap so you best be prepared to notice when it does happen for you.
Be happy with yourself and who you are, be the best you can at any given moment and expect no more.
Be objective with yourself. Learn the truth about yourself and what lies inside your heart and mind.
Don't be afraid of change and if you are - just be willing and open enough to YOURSELF.
Make the right ADJUSTMENTS in your life so you feel relatively complete and happy with yourself.
Take some risks that are not deadly, but push yourself to face a few of your long-term fears you've been avoiding in your life up until now.
The rule is:
You must love yourself IF you want that very same love back.
"When you love and accept yourself deeply and unconditionally for all that you are and aren’t, you attract people who love themselves.
That’s where the magic begins – and relationships become partnerships on the path to love."
By Katie & Guy Hendricks.
You can explore ALL your romantic possibilities in this amazing book by Katie and Gay Hendricks:
This IS your first step and it must not be overlooked - you want to be ready when it all comes together for you.
My VERY personal opinion on this step is not something to be looked at lightly because I've had this strange way of seeing myself, and I do hope it will help you to see yourself in your own unique way:
I love my strengths because I EARNED them.
The work I've put it may not always give the actual results I was looking for: But it's made me stronger, smarter, determined, and given me a real positive affect in my life now, and in the future.
Love ALL your strengths because you EARNED every one of them.
I love my weaknesses because it means I'll always learn something new and exciting.
My shortcomings don't make me weak. They give me a path to go and explore all the possibilities that life has for me. I'll always have opportunities and while I can use my strengths to enjoy my present, there will be a never-ending exploration in my life to seek and discover.
Love ALL your weaknesses because they're not shortcomings, they're opportunities for exploration and even more strength.
I love ALL the people in my life whether they've harmed me, hurt me, loved me unconditionally, are amazing and insightful, and even if they've only smiled or sneered at me in a moment of passing.
Love may not feel like a word to use on everyone, and loving others may not appear to affect how you love yourself but, the fact remains - the more love you have and are willing to give back - the more you'll receive in kindness.
To LOVE others is a clear indication of your capacity to LOVE... which to me means, you have more than enough inside you, to love yourself in the same way.
Love ALL the people in your life and beyond because it PROVES you have a capacity to love and to ACCEPT love in that very same capacity too.
I love inanimate objects, all creatures big and small, brainless, swimming in a tank, fried on my plate, and even the dangling water drop from my new Peace Lily named Clara that I love because...
Love is not confined to a relative or some dear friend, it's an acknowledgement of the living, the dead, the seemingly stoic, and it's the most sincere method of THANKFULNESS for it all.
Love ALL regardless of their method or mode of operation or ability to DO or BE, because your love shows the most sincerest form of thankfulness, which is kindly returned with equal or more thankfulness back to you.
I love the process and each failure it may bring, because DOING and BEING is LIVING.
My life, as I'm consciously aware of it, will end when I no longer can DO or BE, and with each process, failure or success, is unmitigated proof...
I AM ALIVE!
And I intend to ENJOY every last micro second of my reality!
LOVE the process - to fail or succeed is PROOF you are LIVING. When you love to DO and BE, you automatically LOVE to live.
Here's your assignment...
Learn to love yourself by thinking of everything you love, why you love it, and how that love you have can be given back to you - not by means or proof or validation from it or them or him or her...
But the fact that the more LOVE you have inside, with no expectations or returns, is PROOF you can love YOURSELF equally.
If you can love something else - you CAN LOVE YOURSELF!
Exercises like these may not seem important or helpful BUT they can make a difference because you're:
- Showing yourself how to think more positively.
- Reprogramming your mind or re-framing your beliefs.
- Teaching yourself through affirmations which will ultimately make you feel better.
You can get lots more like this, 38 transformative exercises are included in Katie and Gay Hendrick's: Learn To Love Yourself & The Steps to Self-Acceptance and The Path to Creative Fulfillment.
Where & How To Meet Him - Your Next Date.
While you're having fun with yourself and going through what's just been covered (sexual pun slightly intended) , it's time to MEET people in a way I propose in an article I enjoyed writing:
- Write down everything you love to do.
- Write down the places you feel the best while you’re there. The places where you feel you're the happiest and emotionally ALIVE in every sense of the word.
- Write down where your type of person would be doing the things THEY love to do.
Take a look at both lists.
Are you doing the things you love or did your list consist of things you WANT to do but never make the time?
If so – THAT needs to change starting NOW!
MAKE that list HAPPEN immediately!
Make it part of your new reality.
AFFIRM with yourself right now the truth about dating and meeting people and life in general...
“I have NO expectations doing anything I love aside from just ENJOYING being there because it makes me HAPPY!”
This is how life works.
This is how it all comes together.
Remove ANY and all pressure and you’ll be free from all the mind-chatter and you WILL FEEL BETTER.
I can practically guarantee the next love of your life won’t be WHERE you expect to find him so STOP LOOKING and LET it happen.
You’re going to meet the love of your life when you least expect it, and I just want you to be ready and in a great mood when that moment comes your way.
Expectations – having goals – working towards something is great and all BUT, putting so much emphasis on the outcome makes it extremely difficult to enjoy the present moment.
Enjoy the process.
Live in it.
Immerse yourself in having fun and being in a great mood.
Transfer that over to the people you run into and he or she will appear.
When you least expect it in the place you least expected it too.
This is how life works.
Be ready for it and STAY IN THE MOMENT.
"You can always tell someone who’s truly in the moment because they seem so calm, accepting, centered, and enlivened.
They make you feel good to be around.
You know that, when they’re with you, they really are WITH YOU – not off somewhere in their own little world where you can’t follow."
By Mirabelle Summers.
Here's the link again to explore this step fully:
Next we have...
The Secret to EASY Relationships That Happen Naturally... COMMUNICATION!
I say this a lot and always will because it's the single most important piece of living with purpose and enjoying it too.
Whether it's communicating or talking to yourself open and honestly, or if it's communicating to your child, Mother, Father, Boss, jerk down the street, cute cashier, sexy waitress, flight attendant which yes I still call stewardesses (shame on me) and of course YOUR NEXT DATE...
Your communication skills and HOW you communicate will make all the difference.
Once you learn this amazing skill...
Which trust me, no lie, learning it is a never-ending process so be prepared for the life-long lesson and ENJOY learning it (unless you want to make life tougher for you).
Again: Once you get a handle on the many forms of communication...
When you MEET that person, the RELATIONSHIP will unfold just as it is instinctively designed to happen. It will naturally fall into place just as it was meant to be.
Yes, as if was MEANT TO BE!
Before you get too excited - it's not easy... sort of.
For some it is, for others it's a battle.
Don't be too hard on yourself.
Don't fight with yourself over it too.
You can take it as far as you want to go or not.
It's entirely up to you BUT...
If you want to land the love of your life to get to all the fun mushy parts and through the tough times all the way to whatever you feel is your ultimate goal of living with purpose...
There is ABSOLUTELY no way around it - you MUST LEARN COMMUNICATION SKILLS above and way beyond just talking to people.
ANYONE (well okay most...) can just talk to someone.
BUT I guarantee if you're not getting most of what you want out of your life - this "just talking to people" is probably all you're doing.
IN other firm but honest words:
You are NOT communicating the right way and the right things. You're in essence, doing it WRONG.
And as a little side note - if you now feel like screaming at me for what I just said, (telling you that you're doing it wrong and have done it wrong) that's okay.
It's GOOD to FEEL and wade through all your emotions and thoughts until you reach a final conclusion.
Think about HOW or in what way will you communicate those FEELINGS to me over what I just said AND you'll find out quickly just how good at communicating you are - right?
There's no need to get into how you respond to what you feel are threats to your personal beliefs or thoughts or how you first react to confrontation - just yet.
There are many forms of communication and since I'm not writing a doctrine thesis on the matter here or anywhere, I'll keep it simple and related to what's been discussed so far - dating, attraction, and relationships.
The first part of learning communication is and will always be....
What You Must Communicate to YOURSELF & How You Can Do it Too.
Seriously, think hard about how you talk AND LISTEN to what your heart and mind is telling you. (I use heart and mind a lot because it represents our forever arguing brain as it contends with LOGIC and FEELINGS even though I know it's one unit.)
Some call it being in touch with your feelings and that's fine by me.
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Maybe it's a mixture of lots of things which guide all our's INTUITION.
It could be done through affirmations or positive thoughts OR the complete opposite as in being in a constant state of self-doubt and unfounded fears which feel all too real.
It's certainly can be a complicated and messy affair with lots of opinions and beliefs thrown everywhere, because EVERYONE has their own views on their thoughts AND because talking to ourselves is something we ALL do to sort it all out.
Whatever your style of communication is to yourself you must admit the huge role it plays in your life everyday and how it's shaped you from day one.
You must also realize how it shapes your beliefs to your very core.
So by some very easy transitive thinking...
HOW you communicate to others will ALWAYS start with how you communicate to yourself making it a very important first step in achieving any kind of transformation, change in ourselves, or yes - better yet ADJUSTMENTS that need to be made AND a clue into what adjustments must be done, if any at all.
As I'll now state as if I'm some sort of genius knowing full well somebody said it first...
To become truly intimate with another we must FIRST become intimate with ourselves.
What a crazy "can of worms" I've opened up there, right?
In another ten thousand words I could possibly teach you the best way to do it based on my beliefs but I won't, can't, or choose not to because just maybe I haven't figured it all out - just yet OR could it be the lazy thing again?
Either way, there's absolutely no time to "communicate to myself" about it in this moment.
Here are a few of my helpful tips to start communicating to yourself better and more positively...
TIP 1: STOP being so freaking hard on yourself!!!
You're not that bad so stop treating yourself that way.
If you're constantly judging yourself negatively, you're not communicating the right way to yourself, and you WILL always be more likely to only communicate THAT to other people.
If you're constantly belittling yourself and making yourself feel bad, that needs to stop now.
You're probably a nice person, right? I've found most are - then follow the rules you set for others unto yourself...
Don't do or say things to yourself that you wouldn't dare tell someone else.
It's not okay to call yourself names because it's YOU saying it.
How and why is that even a real excuse to make yourself feel bad.
You're not being honest with yourself because you already know who you are - therefore you're just being MEAN.
You're a nice person, you treat others kindly and with respect, so why do you think or believe it's okay to treat yourself differently - why is it okay to be mean to yourself?
TIP 2: Learn to LET some things GO.
I don't want you to take this and run with it on everything.
Some things need to be taken care of and I think you know, in fact I'm POSITIVE, you know the difference.
The little things up to even some major things... let them go!
You didn't get that promotion.
You didn't have fun on that date.
You didn't win the lottery.
That really cool guy didn't call you back.
That cute guy didn't smile back at you...
Let them ALL go!!!
This constant over-thinking and over-analyzing everything isn't healthy and will only bottle you up inside. It will make you feel worse and never better.
If it's something you know to be manageable but you just can't get past it - try my "strangest dating advice you'll ever read which I reveal in one of my newsletters...
It's called "So WHAT!"
You can read all about it here: Should You Text Him Again Just to Make Sure?
The more introspective you are - the less listening you'll do - the less aware and in the moment you'll be, AND the less you'll be able to communicate to others.
Don't hold on to things.
Don't bury them deep either.
Deal with them as they come but instead of forgetting about them - replace them with some real good-hearted fun and laughter, and they will go away.
Tip 3: Don't be afraid of your feelings and follow your thought process to the very end. Fear not what's inside your mind.
This may seem like the opposite of the last one, as I'm telling you something contradictory only to confuse you and make me look like smarter than I might be... but I assure you - I'm not that clever. Only slightly, occasionally.
You need to be in touch with your feelings IF you're to communicate them to someone else.
This is where you discover all the dirty little secrets you've hidden from yourself so you can finally realize or conclude - they're not as bad as you think they are or were.
Up above - let it go - is simply a way of removing some baggage you've carried around with you.
This tip is about discovering WHO you are and to get you to START LISTENING to YOURSELF.
Trust me - it works amazingly well even with the abnormal and strangest, wildest thoughts you can bring to life.
Remember above when I said to stop belittling yourself or being mean to yourself?
Hard to do, isn't it?
Well now it's not, IF you go through the entire thought process and get it all out; at which time you'll be ready and capable of letting it go forever.
Explore your thoughts - take a few minutes a day to go deeper and deeper.
You might be worried where they'll lead you, and honestly, yes, sometimes you won't like it: BUT for you to get in complete touch with yourself AND to truly connect those emotions to others (which includes) men, you have to know what they are, where they are, and how you conclude them.
Hate, love, anger, jealousy, fears, resentment, joy, happiness, bereavement, despair, desperation, hopelessness, helplessness, etc...
Leave no emotion un-touched.
Leave no thought unprocessed.
It's time to erase your FEARS of your own personal and private thoughts because that is ALL they are:
Those are MY three (sort of) BEST tips on communicating with yourself better so you can move on to the other two forms.
How You Can Communicate To Others More Effectively.
You saw this one coming and some of you just wanted to jump right to it - please don't - it's a lot easier to learn how to talk with yourself first and then use some of those techniques on others after...
AND since you're always you - you can practice anytime you like with no consequences at all.
(Besides it easier for me to talk about the last one which means writing all this is going to get a lot tougher. Wish me luck!)
Let's back it up a little and see how far we've come today.
Meeting and dating the sex of your choice is tough because for most it feel unnatural or forced in our modern way of life.
It's feel far from simple anymore.
Don't worry too much about creating attraction - learn as much as you can about how it happens, practice and/or perfect your communication skills and attraction pretty much takes care of itself.
(Mostly. I won't lie for some it's a battle which may need a little extra work.)
Moving from eye contact into a relationship is EASY when you've taken care of the details leading up to one because it will unfold naturally... most of the time.
If you fight it or force it then you've got another problem on your hands. But let's not go there today.
How you communicate to others is something which will ALWAYS transfer over to a relationship so learning some skills in this area will better your chances of enjoying a happier and more fulfilling relationship.
Communication IS communication and although you wouldn't talk to your husband or wife in the same way you would to your child or friend - the techniques can be considered related enough to be the same... somewhat meaning:
Attractive communication will generally have a sexual edge to it which includes many forms of flirting and creating some sexual chemistry or sparks that you'll hopefully not experience with someone you shouldn't be talking to in "that" way.
The first "general" rule here is (remember we're discussing how you would communicate to a date or potential date or someone you're sexually interested in and so, some things will be related in that way but some of this goes for everyone) ...
ACTIVELY LISTENING to what the other person is saying AND feeling.
You've done the first part - you learned to talk to yourself and process all your thoughts and now it's time to shut it off while someone is trying to communicate to you.
You can not talk attractively to another (real attraction) if you're not hearing WHAT they're saying.
Of course while keeping in mind or understanding that THEY might not how to communicate what they're feeling to you, so don't always expect it to happen.
The better you become at listening - the better you'll be at communicating to others.
The second rule is...
Showing a real GENUINE interest in what they're saying or the feelings they're trying to communicate to you in any given moment.
Acknowledge what it is and do so in the appropriate way.
Meaning you're not going to laugh when someone is telling you a sad story so this part should come naturally to you.
Again, EASY stuff when you're not stuck inside your head over-thinking or when your mind is someplace else - making the "stay in the moment" a critical piece of "attractive conversations" and effective communication.
Have you noticed something here? Has something crossed your mind which happens to everyone?
What IF you're not interested in what they're saying?
What IF they don't know how to communicate effectively to you?
What IF you just.. don't.. care?
Should you fake it - pretend you're interested?
Well that choice is entirely up to you.
Obviously, if you're on a date with a guy who is not doing it for you or some guy who won't shut up about his bad day at work, and he's talking about it on the first date - then sure - smile a lot, grit your teeth, get through it the best you can and it's ALWAYS your choice to not see them again BUT...
Is that really the RIGHT thing to do OR...
Here's my thoughts and some agree, some don't, some fight me on it, some will NEVER do what I'm about to say:
It's actually YOUR responsibility to find a genuine interest in what the other person is saying to you, IF you want to communicate effectively and create attraction with them and others too.
This means if someone is talking about something you couldn't care less about - find an angle or way of looking at it which you DO have a genuine interest and lead it there.
I'm not saying to date them again or follow through with it if you don't want to - I'm merely suggesting that by learning how to do that in those moments (explore a different angle to find a genuine interest) you will naturally become a more attractive person to others.
It's a skill ALL naturally attractive charismatic people have. It's a big reason others are drawn to them.
Sure it's easy when they know how to do it and keep your interest but then you don't have to learn THAT part, do you?
The HARD part is finding a real genuine interest and that's the part which needs to be worked on.
Yeah - it's not easy.
I won't lie about that.
I'm certainly guilty of glazing over some dude in front of me who decided to tell me why he thinks some boring television show I'd never watched is the most amazing thing he has ever seen.
BUT there's ALWAYS a way to make it fun and interesting for both of you.
There are endless benefits to learning this "trick" up to AND including making you an extremely attractive person to be around.
I won't get into the rest but they're there and they are all helpful in EVERY part of you life.
You're going to hate what I'm about to say...
It's YOUR responsibility to communicate what you're saying or feeling to another no matter who that person is, how stubborn they are, how dumb you think they are, or how incredibly bad they are at communicating the same to you.
It's YOUR responsibility to actively listen and find a real genuine interest in what someone else is trying to say or communicate to you.
It's your responsibility to take care of the next rule...
Engage or interact with them in a way which is interesting and fun with regards to the context of the conversation.
Yep - I'm saying be INTERESTING yourself, no matter how bad or good they are at it.
Interact with them in a way which encourages emotions in any way suited to your goal - dating, flirting, sex, etc...
GIVE them something rather than trying to GET something from them.
Whether it be a smile or a desire for you up to an answer they've been looking for IF they ask directly - it doesn't matter.
Again - it's the mark of a truly attractive person.
AND yes - it's YOUR responsibility... 100%.
Sorry - we've only touched on a little in how to communicate to others - again - this is not a dedicated e-book - just a little about what I know and a great place to begin to learn these skills.
I could link out to lots of articles and books to further your education but it would only clutter things up or confuse you.
AND I realize some of you want more specific information on communicating while you're in a relationship and some of your want to know how to do it while you're dating around - making it again a very large area to fully cover.
I will say that every REAL publication on attracting men and women (the ones with the real advice) DO contain communication skills because it's the root of it all and if you find one that doesn't - return it because it's not worth your money.
You could go two ways on this subject to learn more communication skills which go beyond just the basics:
Search for communication techniques online. You can go through lots of psychology papers and research all you want.
Some of which you'll find here at Why Do Guys...? - Your Relationship With Him - Communication, Understanding, & Connection.
Because I know you're here for dating and understanding men - relationship or not; so it's probably in your best interest to get something already pre-made for you and entirely related to dating and relationships...
Here's the absolute best I LOVE to sell and promote...
You'll be shown, among lots of other beneficial dating advice so you can enjoy some amazing dates, the EXACT words he needs to hear.
It's proven to show you communication techniques and teach you the right skills to communicate attractively.
When you're in a relationship, how you communicate your FEELINGS can either push a guy away further, or bring him closer.
This will show you how to convey all your emotions to a man that will bring him closer and help you connect with him on a deeper level.
Both are produced and written by Rori Raye.
Going Deeper Down The Road Of Communication - Communicating Attractively.
We've explored communicating to yourself and a little on communicating to others and how they go hand in hand with each other or how you just can't extract one from the other - they work together.
You can not work on one and not the other.
There's another piece of the puzzle which has not mentioned too directly.
HOW you communicate YOURSELF to others and HOW to communicate yourself in a way which is seen and felt to more ATTRACTIVE.
These are (mostly) my ideas - brilliant or not - obvious or not - I'm not sure but it's the way I see it or have come to realize it over my lifetime of experiences.
You have yourself - work on it.
Build or "adjust" a more stable, happy, fulfilled complete version of yourself on any day in any certain moments.
Now you must find a way to attractively communicate yourself to others in a way which is not so direct.
Meaning you don't just TELL someone you're great - you show them indirectly.
AND the best way to have that happen is to..
Allow them to come to their own conclusions about you based on their personal beliefs and unique thought process.
There are may ways to make that happen and most of them don't require much effort at all.
They only require you to DO things or TALK a little differently than you may have in the past.
This becomes your STYLE of communication.
This is where others feel comfortable talking to you.
This is how and why people will enjoy being around you.
This is HOW you create enormous amounts of attraction.
This is how you amplify or encourage another to desire you and want to spend lots of time with you.
This is where you CONNECT with others in a way others might not have done before which leads to the ultimate prize of it all...
This is how you END UP TOGETHER!
HOWEVER there's a little more to it which is often missed and causes so many future relationships problems for way too many people.
It's a shame these things happen when it can be avoided so easily.
HOW you communicate yourself and in the manner in which you interact with men MUST be done in a way which naturally and indirectly QUALIFIES him to YOUR needs or goals or standards that you're looking for in a partner.
It just got REAL in here.
Yeah - I was hoping that didn't come out of my mouth but it did - so it's out there already and I can not take it back.
Which means you must KNOW what those standards or needs are, right?
Which is why you must know yourself, your needs, your feelings, your standards, and what you're looking for in a partner BEFORE you can or should fully commit to another soul.
AND learning how to do all that must be a very real part of your education if you're to meet, date, attract, and get yourself in that "meant to be" situation covered in the beginning.
I told you the relationship part is easy and comes natural - the rest - well that's just a mindful of anything and everything.
And all this and that happens while they're doing the same to you.
Now... let's take a quick moment to go over what's been covered so far:
You know yourself a little better.
You know what you're looking for in a partner or where they might be hanging out.
You know how to meet them or how it will accidentally happen along the way.
You're a little better at talking to yourself in a positive way and helps to get you in touch with your feelings, your intuition, your needs, etc..
You're a little better at talking to others in a way which stimulates them (attractively or not depending on what's going on) and engages them interactively because you've been paying attention and listening to them, AND you know it's YOUR responsibility to do appropriately.
You learned a little on how you must communicate yourself to others in an indirect way which allows them to FEEL something for you naturally. All of you, the good, the bad, the great, and everything in between.
AND you're also realizing (because I haven't helped you in this area) that all this communicating in dating or whatever must do so in a way which qualifies the perfect partner for you.
It's enough to drive you crazy but as you look around my three websites, along with the advice and comment answers I've given over the years - you WILL find EXACTLY how it can be made simple - especially when you're lucky enough to land on the right page at the right time.
Trust me - it's all there with the exception that if you want to go deeper - sorry to say that costs money.
Not a lot for some.
Too much for others.
But it's all there and you'll find the one PERFECT for YOUR needs... eventually.
Qualifying Your Future Partner the Right Way.
I'm going to finish this section with qualification because it's too important to overlook in dating and getting into a happy relationship.
In simple terms:
Qualifying your future partner is just a fancy way of assuring your date is the actual person you're looking for and they meet your needs based on your time-table.
What makes it difficult is that if you just can't ask someone these kind of questions because you won't get the real answer most of the time.
It must be done in a way which has it all come out naturally and done so in a way which satisfies all these rules of communication.
Making it a little, no... a lot confusing to figure out on your own.
(Granted some do it naturally. Maybe you know someone who does who can help you out.)
It must be, as noted above, done in a way that's attractive too - in case that person happens to be your ONE - you don't want to scare them away with yes or no questions as if you're interviewing them for a job.
(Even though when you think about it - you sort of are doing just that; but you're interviewing a life partner.)
Rather than getting into the whole subject I'll push the guys over to a few very long but great articles on how to do it and give the women something special to seriously consider picking up.
Qualifying A Better Man For You.
Finding Keepers is a really cool inexpensive tool you can use to assure your needs match up to his needs and vice-versa.
You're taught 12 characteristics to qualify a guy who make a great partner for you and you're given an exercise to see what yours are too.
It teaches you how to evaluate (qualify) a potential partner which can be helpful in so many ways as in avoiding the wrong guy or wasting your time on one AND how you can do it all even on the first date.
Just real practical advice which won't take you long to master. Combine it all with your new communication skills and dating will be a rewarding experience rather than a grueling not-looking-forward-to event you just want to get over with as quickly as possible.
You'll also get a SELF-EVALUATION QUIZ and a QUICK-REFERENCE GUIDE to help you understand and recognize, develop, and cultivate the 12 characteristics outlined in Dr. Randi’s program.
If you're not ready or don't know who Dr. Randi Gunther is, you can subscribe to her free newsletter here.
Some last words on qualification...
Just please make sure you're doing it on every date or interaction you have with someone who might be a potential date.
Done right - attractively and not rudely - instantly tells the other person that you value yourself highly, you have real standards, and you're not willing to compromise on the bigger things if it means that your don't care about yourself.
This is not a matter of becoming arrogant and you certainly won't or shouldn't use it in a negative way, because I do see lots of men and women who don't know how to do it right and all they do is make themselves appear worse than they really are.
This is NOT meant to pretend you're better than others or falsify your confidence by putting others down.
That is far from what qualification of your future partner is and will ever be.
It's simply a matter of using your communication and conversational skills to better your chance of finding the as-close-as-you-can PERFECT partner for you.
Let's tackle this last part and finish it all up.
Body Language, Facial Mannerisms, and Vocal Tonality.
Okay.... so far it's been about rules or whatever you want to call them and we've covered a lot. The ones we're missing so far would be how you communicate with your body language, tone of voice, and your facial mannerisms.
These will NOT be covered in much details here but hopefully they'll be covered in the articles or pages I'm posting up later.
Body Language... for women?
I'm not sure why there isn't too much out there on this subject for women. Probably because men aren't as adapted to reading it so much what you do can slip by him unnoticed.
Me, since I've practiced my own and learned to read into so much it - I tend to look into it an awful lot.
Whether you care to venture there and learn it yourself is up to you but I will make a few points...
Much of what you communicate to others is either reinforced or even started with your body language which if you ask me, IS a big deal IF you want to communicate anything to someone and have them actually believe you or respect what you're saying to them.
Also - people unconsciously react to another person's body language which creates a circle of follow the leader and a never-ending discussion likened to what came first, the chicken or the egg.
If you display weak tentative and closed body language it makes it difficult on the person you're talking with to feel like you're even listening to them.
If they follow YOUR lead they too will come across to you in the same way.
If you're fidgeting and acting nervous not only does the other person feel like you're not interested in them - it makes it look like you're hiding something or not being honest with them.
So you can see - even with just those few examples BODY LANGUAGE is a very important TOOL OF COMMUNICATION therefore a skill-set mastered by the most influential and attractive people in the world.
If you follow THEIR lead - a person with strong open communicative body language appears more attractive and you WILL become more influenced by them in ever way.
Seems to me this is something you can definitely use to ENHANCE your already now wonderful effective ways of communication AND increase your powers of persuasion.
Sure - some of you might be thinking - like what - you want me to wiggle my ass when I walk or flick my hair when I like a guy or lick my lips so he thinks about kissing me?
Well maybe for some parts yes - you must admit when you do the right things and it causes a guy to follow or do what you want him to do (to you or with you) then why shouldn't you?
BUT for all extensive purposes of communication let's not go there... today.
I'm merely advocating OPEN body language which relaxes people and makes them feel at ease and comfortable being around is a great way to start the attraction rolling AND a great way to get others to open up to you easier.
Something I'm sure women DO want from a guy they're interested in dating.
I'll pass along a few REAL TIPS on your body language you can use it to your advantage.
A calm quiet mind WILL come out and transfer over to your body language so do what you can to make that happen through:
Meditation of ANY form, be it Yoga or Tai Chi.
Search on you tube and you'll find literally thousands of examples you can use, just find one you can fit into your schedule and you can do daily.
Box breathing and long outward breaths work best, and even better when accompanied with mobility exercises.
Box Breathing - Pick a number, 4 and up to about 10 seconds. It's easier to start small.
Breathe in for that amount time, hold your breath for an equal amount of time, breath out for the same, hold your breath for those same second, and repeat until you feel relaxed and calm.
You can even use this on a date. If you're feeling nervous or anxious, excuse yourself to the bathroom, and do it four or five times. You will come out feeling like a new woman, relaxed and ready.
Splash some cold water on your face continually - if it doesn't destroy your makeup - because the cold water activates your Vagus Nerve which will calm you down and slow your heart rate.
On the side - I used to use this technique all the time when I first start going to bars and meeting people, which was different and unnerving to me.
The cold water would lessen the effect of the alcoholic buzz I was feeling and refresh my mind, thus making me more relaxed and ready to take on the social interactions I used to avoid all the time.
Deep diaphragmatic breathing exercises.
Most people who exhibit tight and closed body language tend to breathe from their chest and not their diaphragm.
It can certainly help to relax you and open you up.
Practice by laying on your back. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your belly button.
Take a deep breath and see if your stomach goes up and not your chest. If it's not, imagine your diaphragm, which is roughly at the base of your ribs, going down as you breathe in.
This will cause your belly to rise.
To breathe out, your diaphragm will go back up to release the air, and you stomach will go in.
The BEST way is to breathe out much slower and longer than you breathe in.
Remember: When your mind is relaxed, your body will follow. When you body is relaxed, your mind will follow.
And now that you have a few tips to keep you calm and relax, the other stuff becomes much easier.
Exercise in any way alternating or adding cardio to strengthening.
Not only will exercising help you feel better and happier too, when you're stronger - your body language will demonstrate confidence and an easy poise.
It's not important to become a body builder or overdo it - just work on your core enough so sitting and standing tall AND looking confident come natural.
Learn to be EXTREMELY comfortable in your own skin.
Take up the right amount of space.
Walk and talk with purpose and intent.
Don't waste your words and movements.
You want to project a comfortableness about you while at the same time, a reason to be and exist in your life - no matter where you are, who you're with, or what you're doing at that time.
Where EVER you are - ACT like you belong.
Start paying attention to your body language just enough to catch yourself doing strange things which may be perceived as less the high-value person you are.
Pay closer attention to other women's body language when you feel they have IT and soak it in because it will rub off on you.
You WILL start moving like them. It's an inherent human instinctual trait.
Avoid closed off body language and quick jittery motions.
Looking quickly and constantly around the room - as if you're trying to plan an escape route.
Not making good direct but soft eye contact - as if you're trying to hide something.
Talking too quickly - as if you're trying to get the date or meeting over quicker.
Arms crossed or holding yourself tightly - as if you're trying to protect yourself and shut out the other person from getting too close to you.
Slumping forward - as if you're tired of being there and you're bored listening to someone.
Fidgeting with anything within reach which includes your legs, hands, and even your hair - as if you're nervous - because the person across from you will feel like they are the one who is making you nervous and scared.
Blinking too quickly - biting your nails - constantly shifting your body back and forth - as if you either have to go to the bathroom real bad OR you're too wrapped up in your head and distracted by your own thoughts, and not what the other person has to say.
There are so many "extra" things you can do to turn on a guy even with just a smile - your femininity is a VERY powerful tool in attracting men in the first stage and second stage too... all the way and through marriage too.
Here's a great page on sexual vibrancy which can also help you with your body language:
If this is a really big problem for you, here's a book I studied years ago that's not too expensive.
Not the End... But A New Beginning.
Congratulations - you made it this far.
How I managed to keep your interest this long is beyond me but I won't question it - I'll just enjoy it for a moment.
My work is not done and yours is hopefully starting in a new direction for the better.
Here it all is one last time:
Getting into a relationship (under most circumstances) happens naturally and don't let anyone ever tell you anything different - including yourself.
Use the formula above to meet some new people and get out of your own way, let it happen and don't force it.
Learn what you can about how men really experience attraction and what attracts them, so you're not left guessing or making small mistakes which can be all too easily overlooked when you're in the middle of it.
Communication is key to success in every part of your life - meeting, dating, and relationships are certainly no exception.
Learn how to communicate to yourself in a way which is positive and allows you to process ALL you feelings and thoughts so you can fully get in touch with yourself, your desires, and your needs.
Learn how to communicate with others which is enjoyable for both of you and use those (in the moment) interactions to qualify your future partner, give something to him or her or both, and so it creates attraction.
Body language is with no doubt a form of communication. It plays a bigger role than you might expect.
Don't get caught up in reading it too much - create it - live it - make sure you're taking care of it in a way which opens you up, makes other feel comfortable and at ease being around you AND passes on that you're a positive influence on ALL those around you.
Some Final Words On How Men Experience Attraction & How It's Created.
Both sexes are equally misinformed on what triggers attraction so you're not alone at all.
We often rely on our own thoughts and experiences which are projected causing us to make assumptions or conclusions which are not always right.
Sometimes they can be so wrong they become a self-limitation of finding our one and only as they mislead us down a painful path.
Most men and women are not even consciously aware of their own attraction process thus finding it difficult to separate reality from myth - causing even more problems in the search for happiness with a partner.
But hey - it's not all bad news...
My first "attraction" teacher and mentor wrote a famous book titled, "Attraction Isn't A Choice".
Attraction Is Selfish.
Attraction works in very selfish ways. Attraction is not concerned with the feelings of others. Attraction is designed to hijack a human mind and body for it’s own ends.
Attraction is either on or it’s off.
You either feel it or you don’t.
Attraction isn’t a choice; it’s an evolutionary mechanism that takes over our mind and body long enough to make sure we mate with someone with the best possible genes.
With that in mind - obviously I'm a guy who has explored and researched deeply into my own mechanisms or triggers of attraction and I've concluded this:
Men experience instant attraction by sight which can stimulated aurally too, IF he creates an attractive image in his head from the woman's voice and the sounds she makes.
This is BEYOND HIS CONTROL!
(A concept driven in my head by David.)
He doesn't decide what he finds attractive.
There's no conscious decision process happening at all and it happens in a fraction of a second.
Although there are many similarities men share in that experience of what they find attractive, there are also many variables across the wide spectrum of men around the world.
The decision making process does come into play while he's deciding to date one woman or another which includes his level of interest, and his choice of to continue or not.
This process is not always left to his choice of the woman - it is ALWAYS in part made from his experience as a male - his confidence , esteem, past, thought process, social and family influences, etc...
As covered in more depth in emails 3, 4, and 5 from my newsletter - for a man to fully cross over to love and a determination to commit to a woman (for most average, normal, or mentally healthy men) the feelings he experiences must feel similar to how he experiences attraction:
BEYOND HIS CONTROL!
Meaning - he can not help to feel love.
To him, it will feel like not a choice or decision - it will be likened to his attraction mechanism.
IF you can COMMUNICATE and CONNECT with a man in a certain way which makes that happen for him...
He will literally RISK walking over sharpened nails to be with you.
I know, sounds like a fairy tale but it's far from it.
Noted from above it all its brilliance,
"Attraction isn’t a choice; it’s an evolutionary mechanism that takes over our mind and body long enough to make sure we mate with someone with the best possible genes."
When a man is made to FEEL like it's no longer a choice, but an evolutionary mechanism that takes over his mind and body, to commit to a woman - he WILL do whatever is necessary to MAKE IT HAPPEN...
Because he HAS to or else he'll experience something NOBODY wants - a failure of life, living, and an evolutionary dead-end.
It then becomes IMPERATIVE for him to take ACTION - even if it's the worst possible decision he could ever make in his life.
Which, if you've seen some of the worst marriage or relationships came to be, and have asked WHY or HOW it happened...
Now you know one of the reasons why.
This question gets thrown around a lot:
HOW or WHAT does it take for a guy to go through all the necessary emotions that go from attraction to love and beyond?
What can you do to make it happen?
The (simplest?) answer is above:
HOW you communicate your happy and (complete self) to a man in way that triggers his attraction triggers.
It ALL starts with YOU and ends with how you present yourself to everyone, which just happens to include men.
On the surface, it's natural and simple:
Be the best counterpart to his masculine side in a way which makes him feel like a REAL man in your presence, which means your femininity and strengths as a female is your greatest tool.
Underneath it all - it's complicated because so many things get in your way as you think through a process which doesn't require much thought at all, and by doing so - you TRY, when the template is already inside you.
So the real question becomes...
HOW do you communicate to a man in a way which makes him FEEL like a truly masculine MAN and, have him connect it to you; thereby setting in motion a perfectly natural process he already has hard-wired inside him?
Think for a second what encourages YOU to DO something.
Perhaps it's overcoming a challenge, gives you a feeling a being more valuable, gives you a real benefit beyond the prize, makes you feel ALIVE and LIVING, while at the same time gives you a true sense of accomplishment and has a memorable, positive EFFECT in the world you live in.
The same goes for men - it encourages HIM to ACT or take a definitive ACTION towards the woman who makes him feel that way or the one who he connects those feelings to.
Luckily, there are hundreds and hundreds of ways to make that happen - some better than others, some are a little gamy, some are not, and others are just rehashed and repackaged methods which have been around a VERY long time.
There's an entire industry built on the many ways you can drastically increase your chance of success whether it's with a guy you're already dating or some potential partner who will enter your life.
Personally, or my personal recommendation to teach you these skills are limited to a few carefully chosen tutorials.
Rather than throw a bunch or "free video presentations" your way which will certainly tug at your heart and convince you to either, click out quickly or entice you to look a little deeper... (honestly I'm tired of them myself!)
I want to narrow it down to ONE woman and offer you an amazing opportunity to get you feet wet for a modest price to learn these skills OR go for the bigger and better deal which will take you start to finish - no matter what your current relationship status is:
Get your feet wet:
Or The bigger BETTER deal from start to finish:
Neither link has a video to watch - just an informative page to help you decide which one you want right now.
You can even subscribe to the writer's free newsletter and get to know her better, while she gives you great tips and advice; eventually telling you all about all her amazing programs that you can use to invest in your love life.
I'm not going to sell you on either one of them - check them out and you'll get it all there:
Thank you for everything.
I sincerely do wish this page has given you some insights into meeting and attracting the perfect guy for you; AND has offered more than just a quick tip or useless advice you've probably already found elsewhere.
Make sure you take a good look around Why Do Guys...? while you're here.
Talk soon - your guy friend,