Awoman once asked me, "Why do you (men) date the girls who are a "sure thing" instead of the nice girls?"
AND let's assume she meant "commit" because it's quite obvious why a guy would want to go on a date with a "sure thing".
This is a classic MAN-MYTH.
The fact is:
REAL high quality men do NOT commit to SURE things. They're NOT that interested in a woman (long-term) who is an easy lay to him or to any other guy.
Real in this context means...
Mature, responsible, capable of giving and receiving love, his life doesn't revolve around "getting some" AND he has a genuine like and desire to be treated nicely by women.
They want and NEED to be challenged by a woman in many ways IF something more long-term is going to happen between them, AND if he's to want something more than just casual sex or a one night stand.
The reality is:
Yes - men are INTERESTED in a sure thing but that doesn't equate to men being interested in the woman - they're merely into having sex and fulfilling their sexual desires.
Unfortunately believing this man-myth or better termed: "Limited Belief" will have an unattractive outcome as men will make certain assumptions about the one who is perpetuating it.
They will get and assume this from her:
- She constantly and consistently chases men who don't want her. She thinks or believes by being overly nice to him she deserves a good guy when being nice is not even close to guaranteeing attraction.
- She barters or uses sex thinking that's what it takes to capture a guy. She falls for the myth that men are not into getting in a relationship unless he's getting some.
- She may have or does withhold sex from a guy believing it's the only way to keep him around. When in reality once it happens, he typically leaves, because she made him wait, JUST to keep him around.
- She believes men are only ever interested in sex or is limited to only wanting sex with her and/or that ALL men are pigs.
AND it's that very same belief system when combined creates an ATTITUDE which is highly unappealing or unattractive to men because:
- Men don't like to be chased by a woman when their goal is to find a woman for a relationship. Men like a challenge and they NEED to pursue a woman.
- When a man sees or believes a woman barters or uses sex or her sexuality to get guys to do what she wants OR to get something from him it feels manipulative and NO ONE (man or woman) likes to be manipulated.
- When a man believes a woman is withholding sex until he PROVES to her he's worthy - she's only telling him he is not good enough for her, that she's above him, that he's a liar, and that SHE is merely a sex object to him.
- When a man meets a woman who puts down men as if they're the lesser human because they're male, he sees her as arrogant, opinionated, judgmental, negative, bitter, AND he automatically assumes she is like that because she's (once again) only ever chased guys she didn't get and they hurt her.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not here to bash or belittle women for having that mindset....
Merely to point out how by having this belief, " Men are only interested in a sure thing and not nice girls" will inevitably push the better men away making it much more difficult to attract a better man.
It's very similar to a woman not wanting to date a guy who has too many negative beliefs about women such as:
They're only into money.
They're all about how much a guy makes.
They only sleep with jerks and like to be treated awful.
So it goes both ways.
Men DO date nice girls - it's actually a preference and a VERY big one.
If you're having trouble believing that fact - DO something different, change your mindset and take note to how men are responding differently and more positively to you.
From the list above, here's how it's done:
If a guy is not actively pursuing you - not overly, just contacting or messaging you often AND he's responding positively to you as a person then he isn't that interested in you... period.
There are lots of communication tactics you can use on men to engage their interest in you and many of them are listed here so take a look around BUT...
IF you're not willing to change how you communicate with a guy who is not actively pursuing you then PLEASE WALK AWAY before you get too hooked on him, because you probably already know where that's going to lead you.
I would pick this up from the darling Rori Raye because it will show EXACTLY what to say and how to say too:
Understand the fact the NICE and ATTRACTION are different things.
You can not nice a man into feeling something for you. Be nice or good because it's who you are and NOT because you think it will get you things or someone.
Erase the connection from your mind and you WILL be happier AND more attractive too.
This is a concept I expertly teach to men and rarely to women but if you're interested in reading the massive amount of pages behind the concept, start here:
Onward and forward...
Sex is NOT the way to a man's heart.
It will only backfire. Women in long-term relationships that are fulfilling, productive, and healthy did NOT get that way through pandering to a man's sexual desires.
As in the quote below - it only makes things worse.
"So Anne had gone along with this "friends with benefits" arrangement - in the hopes that she could sneak in to a FULL relationship through the back door of being a "FWB."
I told her that it can happen, but it's kind of like taking a game like Monopoly, and then changing the rules halfway through.
It's deceptive in a way.
Even if you're just trying to create a loving relationship...
A guy can feel "tricked" or manipulated if a woman takes an FWB situation and tries to change it into a serious relationship.
Luckily, though, there IS a way to do it -
IF you know how men think about love...
You can trigger a man to feel like he's falling in love with you - if you know how to make him FEEL in love."
(That is a promotional video link produced by Carlos Cavallo.)
Here's a great write up on how these "other" ways to connect with a man do not work:
Now on to the next one...
Withholding sex is advisable IF you're doing it for the right reason. Sex too early and too soon with a guy makes it very difficult to move to a long-term relationship.
Withholding sex for the sole purpose of trying to keep a guy around will only get him to stick around long enough UNTIL he gets it. As stated above.
You must convince yourself and ACT like you're doing it because you are searching for something deeper and longer-lasting.
Achieving that can simply be a matter of focusing your interactions with a guy on connecting with him and his heart through your heart.
Try to eliminate any false notions in your mind. Convince yourself (sex or not) - with the right communication skills a relationship will progress naturally.
If you find yourself acting differently or doing so otherwise, pull back, objectify your situation, figure out WHY you're doing it, what you hope to achieve from it, and you will stop it and reconnect your mindset to a better way.
Here's a better way to explain all the "sex" too early on:
The reality is most normal men ARE looking for a relationship and not just casual sex.
Men are not all about sex. Men don't think about it much more than women do.
Men are NOT all pigs bents on making you miserable and using you for sex.
PEOPLE are inherently GOOD.
Thinking otherwise will actually only set you up to see the bad and hide the good.
Seeing the good will set you up for good things to happen.
Here's an article I wrote at which can hopefully convince that not all men are bad and only interested in sex:
I'm not into the blame game or blindly accusing anyone BUT you must admit that if you're only meeting guys like this, if you they're only acting like they want sex from you, IF it's a consistent PATTERN in your life then it's safe to assume THAT is the problem which needs to be addressed and fixed.
I believe if you put yourself in better positions to naturally meet better men AND then get to to the root of why guys only seem to want to sleep with you and nothing more... you WILL find yourself meeting men who want something more with you.
Here's my step-by-step plan to help you out there you'll find in the articles below, minus the "working on yourself" part:
- How and Where You Can Meet A Great Guy & What Is Getting In Your Way
- Stop Waiting For Luck To Help You Meet A Great Guy – Do This Instead!
- Where Are All The Real Men? This Is How You Can Find The One For You
If you want to work on yourself, meet better men, eliminate the negativity, lessen the mistakes, become more positive in yourself, believe in yourself, develop an attractive mindset then THIS guy, Evan Marc Katz is an EXPERT at showing how it can all be done:
Read this first: Everyone Gets Hurt But The Happiest People Do This.
Or go here for more information and to pick up :
I believe it's quite obvious lots of men are into sex BUT it's NOT their primary driving force in their genuine search for love and a life-long partner.
Yes - some men will date a sure thing to engage in sexual activities - just the same as women do too.
HOWEVER - being a nice girl who doesn't put out so easily or early on in no way excludes any woman from finding a great guy for her and connected with lots of good high-quality and caring men.
I hope it's made clear that this type of limited belief or perpetuation of the man myth that guys are only interested in a sure thing and not a nice girl does a lot of internal harm which transcends over and hinders one from matching up with their dream partner.
Myths can make great stories but believing in the negative ones as if they're real is certainly not a healthy and positive approach to dating, relationships, and men.
As so nicely explained in the article you can read IF you're not convinced just yet:
"Certain perceptions of men can mess up your chances of having a great relationship with them.
When we assume given things about the opposite sex, your actions could PREVENT the relationship from going in a healthy direction."