Wanting what men can’t or don’t have.
Or is it the moment we notice we can’t have her, make us automatically want her more?
Men and women seem to (once again) disagree.
“Why Is It when I like A Guy They Don’t Like Me and When They Like Me I Don’t Like Them?” – Why The Guys You Like Don’t Want You But You Don’t Want The Ones Who Do
Generally speaking, women think guys only want what they can’t have and men think women only want what they can’t have or get. The same goes for men believing women tend to want a guy who already has a women or has lots of women on his list.
My experience has shown me I DID want the women I didn’t think was possible to get; however the dreams I had of getting them was replaced by a sheer determination to change myself and better my choices. (In other words I figured out a way to attract women.)
Once I “got” them it certainly wasn’t like the fun was gone and I wanted someone else. The feelings were not replaced like I had just bought a new tv and was satisfied or complacent with my new purchase.
This is true.
I could not attract or date the women I was highly attracted to and the women who wanted me, I did not want because I wasn’t attracted to them.
It had little or nothing to do with not being able to get them.
I CAN see the difference – if I don’t find her attractive in some way – then I don’t want her. If she finds herself pining over me, this does not make me want her less. If she pulls back and pretends she doesn’t want me or falls out of like with me, it also doesn’t make me want her more.
Seeing a beautiful woman in a show or movie doesn’t make me want her more just because it’s highly unlikely our paths will ever cross and give me the opportunity to sleep with her or date.
When I sucked at attracting women, sure, naked women on the screen made me want to sleep with them or jerk off, but I would become extremely attracted to the women she was portraying. I was searching for something more than just her looks. I wanted her more when the role she was playing matched who my dream woman was. She didn’t even have to show herself or get naked.
Her character made me more attracted to her because I was lacking in the ability to find a girlfriend.
Now that things have changed in my life and I am with the woman I love, AND have learned how to create real attraction in women (quite effortlessly I might add) I no longer stare or care about the character she’s playing.
I do the “guy” thing when I think she’s hot and that’s about it. No, I don’t just tug my junk in private. Mostly just check her out and undress her with my eyes.
I‘m positive you’re going to run into guys who seek a greater challenge with women BUT I can practically guarantee they are rare, a minority, AND they already have the ability to attract lots of women. These are the players or fucked up dudes or lose interest quickly after getting her in bed or otherwise.
When a guy sees lots of women are attracted to him (physically or not) this might engage his “greater challenge” trigger because getting women or getting laid is (or became) easy for him.
Take a guy who has lived with a scarcity of women he finds attractive in his life and you’re bound to find he tends to want what he can’t have because in his mind, the only women he wants, doesn’t attract him at all.
Are men really that simple?
In this way, yes.
Unless he treats his sexual/girlfriend relationships with women as a challenge unlike winning a game or competing in sports, he only wants what he naturally desires.
He also has a strange thing built inside him – He (not wants) but NEEDS to feel like HE is attracting her. She must represent some sort of value to him. Sometimes her challenge drives this up inside him and when he meets a woman who is a little difficult, it can ultimately prove to him that she’s really into him when and if it happens.
It’s not that he thinks he can not get her – it’s his need to feel like what he’s doing is working on her which makes it appear he only wants what he can’t have or can scarcely get.
Do we want her first and then realize we can’t have her, so it makes us want her even more?
Most men who do not have lots of women becoming attracted to them easily, or in great numbers, will undoubtedly want what they can’t have or believe they can get because that pretty much covers most women they come in contact with everyday.
The other guys, since they have experienced a large following of women, will of course seek more validity in the women he ultimately chooses to date or enter a relationship.
The last ones, (the rarest group) have a confused sense of challenge, validity, and competition. Validating her attraction to him is not enough. Once something becomes easy for him, he seeks the harder path.
Works great in life accomplishments but when used aggressively in relationships, dating, and sex, becomes a real problem often hard to overcome.
Is it the moment we notice can’t have her, make us automatically want her more?
Aside from the most men thing – because we already have that answer, this becomes a little more complex because now we must consider relationships.
If he’s in a relationship with her and screws something terribly up causing her to leave him, this will obviously make him want her even more.
It’s also true that when given ANY example of something being rare and driving us emotionally, our desire to have it and to keep having it until it becomes less effective is undeniable. Once we first experience it, we’ll want it more IF it’s not available to us anymore or regularly.
I just don’t think that’s the real driving force behind men wanting what they can’t have.
It’s more of an experience in ALL of our brains. The same that causes addiction to anything from drugs to chocolate to sugar.
Sure it plays its part in our sexual experiences, probably a bigger part than we care to admit or even know. We’d certainly have to argue it out to form a conclusion on whether a fleeting orgasm to a guy is his ultimate goal in life.
Since my life doesn’t fully revolve it, I’m going to say no… for now.