You wake up in the middle of the night because it sounds like your neighbor is getting it on and she wants the whole world to hear her moan.
You stumble getting up and in a groggy state it never occurs to you that you're alone in bed.
As your mind gathers in all the nasty details, it hits you - you're neighbor is NOT exactly the type to have loud sex.
So then where is the sound coming from?
After a brief perplexed moment you suddenly realize...
He's up, "AGAIN!!!" watching something he probably just downloaded off the internet. He just said how much he loved you not three hours ago. He also didn't fail to mention how much he enjoys your body and how you're the sexiest woman he has ever met.
Is he a liar?
What is it with guys and their sex drive?
A reader recently asked me a question just like the ones I brought up and I could feel the frustration in her words.
"Why do guys watch porn even after marriage and being happy sexually?"
She quickly reminded of this incredibly smart and intuitive woman's explanation... Claire Casey wrote,
"A man’s sex drive runs on “rocket fuel” most of the time.
If your relationship is actually in a reasonably good place, there’s probably no need to worry about him downloading porn videos to his phone to watch during his smoke break.
Do you have to compete with porn?
Hell, no. Hot, delicious sex (shoot, even routine sex) with a REAL naked woman is a bazillion times better than staring at a cold laptop screen and wishing, wishing…
Is porn cheating?
My personal position is that watching porn is not cheating so long as YOU are still the center of his real-life sexual universe.
Porn should be no different to him than your cinematic movie crushes (and the cooking show channel) are to you – entertaining, but not something to become a stalker over.
C’mon, Channing Tatum is good to look at (although I’m partial to Matt McConaughey myself), but would you rather spend more time in the movie theater… or snuggled up with a guy who is dying to kiss you all the way from the nape of your neck down to your sexy little instep, with a few slow and delicious stops in between?
That’s what I thought you’d say.
Too bad for Channing and Matt."
Claire wrote Capture His Heart - You can watch her 3 Steps To Make A Love You Video Presentation right here.
Well you know me and being a guy who has a first-perspective view, I wanted to give you my gut reaction to this "Hard Felt?" question. Pun certainly intended.
Claire talked about how our sex drive is on supercharge. How in life we're not going to have the option to release ourselves and watching can help alleviate all this pent up energy.
And she's right.
It doesn't even take much to get us excited.
For instance, while I'm finishing up a post here or more specifically my other blog for guys, I have to look for the perfect picture. Often it's a frantic search for a sexy woman's picture. I browse through them and suddenly fifteen minutes later, fifty pictures later, I'm quite aroused.
Now mostly I can blow it off but sometimes I can't and something must be done about it or I'm not getting any more work done. No lie!
But I'm sure "that" explanation, like Claire's, is not enough, is it?
Why would a guy resort to this type of watching even when he's sexually satisfied with his partner...
Is the question I know for a fact a woman just like you want answered.
Well I believe there's a few very simple answers. I'll cover one in detail and just throw the rest at you to discuss among yourselves.
The truth is - WOMEN turn us on.
We're sexually attracted to pictures and sounds. Her heavy breathing. Her deep and loud moans. We're curious about every shape, size, position, what other guys have, what other men do to please their women, we're quite literally fascinated by the female form so much we can NEVER get enough.
BUT you know what feels so good it's almost impossible to escape the lure of...
Watching the woman we love be thrown into an orgasmic state. What beats that is knowing she is OURS and OURS ONLY to make that happen to her AND we get to watch and experience it too. You can't beat that combination.
In other words - as you might've expected for lots of men:
NOTHING beats the real thing.
We'll watch the porno but living out a real life version of it with our more than significant partner - getting more than a ring side seat to that event will always win over some slightly warm computer screen.
Yet - men WILL watch. Some more than others and for lots of reasons:
Imagine you're watching your favorite show and you begin to feel a little hungry.
Suddenly (as if those advertising geniuses are inside your mind and stomach) your favorite Ice Cream commercial pops up and starts teasing you.
But there's a problem.
You don't have any ice cream! I know - how rude and unfair!
Your freezer is full of everything BUT your favorite flavor and there's nothing you can do about it. You can't stop thinking about it now. Can you?
You have to have it!
Well just imagine for one second you could "click your heels" and magically a spoon and bowl appears with your favorite flavor.
I can tell you when a guy is in the mood for it and there's nothing he can do to relieve himself with you he doesn't have to click his heels - he can just click his mouse and he's off. Or should I say.... getting himself off.
It's also like this.
Everyday you and I are bombarded by the media in every shape and form.
We see stars we're never going to meet. We watch stories that would never happen in real life. We fantasize and enjoy magical places that don't exist. We get to live through experiences we would never want to go through anyways.
But there's at least one thing we can watch and do ourselves.
Aside from locations and faking it - not including the bad acting because that's a given when we're role-playing with out partner...
You can see it AND do it. You can quite literally live out a porno for real with the person who hopefully isn't going to fake it.
Okay... I hear you.
It's not like men NEED them to get excited. They can pretty much do that on their own.
It's not that you're not attractive enough for them.
It's not even that men are fantasizing about someone else while doing it with you. Trust me -a reasonable "good" guy's mind and dick is so preoccupied with getting you off before he explodes there's little room or brain left over to think about some porno star or hot model he saw a couple of hours ago.
When he's IN the moment. He's IN it with you and no one else.
And as Claire and I mentioned: NOTHING beats the real thing.
Why do guys do it so often then? What causes him to click the mouse and stare at women having sex for sometimes hours on end?
Addiction - Everyone is more or less susceptible to become addicting to anything which chemically changes our state of mind.
Watching is an obvious sexual stimulation that FEELS GOOD and unfortunately what is release when we're doing something (anything) which feels good it can become an addicting experience.
Fetishes - There are countless men out there who have fetishes they're either ashamed of, or wouldn't dare tell their lovely girlfriend or wife about out of fear.
The last thing they want to happen is to appear sexually weird and scare their partner with their unique and sometimes strange fetish.
Watching it gives them a chance to explore their sexual desires in private and to fully decide if THAT is something they're really into or not without having the uncomfortable "talk" with their partner.
Sexually unfulfilled - This may be hard to believe but just because a man might appear to enjoy himself in bed with you does NOT mean he's sexually satisfied.
Just because a man gets off does not even guarantee he has a real orgasm.
If this is the case you'll soon find him looking elsewhere and although it's not the best scenario... Afraid to tell you for many reasons it's at least better than going outside the relationship to fulfill his needs.
Curiosity and confidence - Some men want to know what they're up against. They want to know their normal down there. They want some different ideas. They want their imagination stimulated.
AND in a strange way - being curious as to how "others" might do it and watching the right type van build his confidence when he's doing it with you.
Something different - The truth is some men will only ever get to see a few women naked their entire lives BUT through their computer, they get to see all types, sizes, and flavors.
They get to see things from angles they can never do in real life. Exploring something different once in a while is not always a bad thing when it's left to the unreal pictures or videos on the screen.
Because he CAN! - Tell me what guy 150 years ago wouldn't "salivate" in his pants given the opportunity we have in our modern era to watch sex or looks at lots of naked women in the privacy of their own home.
Sometimes it's just because he has the opportunity to do so and why not?
I'm sure there are more reasons to list. Some are probably not so positive too.
If anything pops up in your head and you know some guy who has done it for some other reason - let us all know about below and I'll update the list accordingly.
Each reason I've listed above plays its part.
Each one has it's own niche in society.
And I'm positive within each man who watches "more than occasionally" will find some truth in every one of them.
We all might agree based on our own experiences - but probably the worst one - being sexually unsatisfied is far less likely to be the sole reason or the most common one too.
So I imagine that's good news, right?
They're exploring their fantasies and fetishes without fear of being judged or ridiculed or made to feel strange and weird.
They're being stimulated in a way which can all too easily become an addiction unlike any other addictive drug, food, or feeling.
Their curious and sometimes looking for a different idea or something new and exciting to try with a REAL woman like you.
The opportunity is always there so why not take advantage of it. Hey it's not like women don't do it too. If something so wonderful is out there for everyone to watch without having to participate or cheat or get in a lot of trouble - just watching IS just watching.
One last angle...
We're guys being led around by what's in our pants?
But take away that "something" which makes us the male masculine side - and what do you have?
My point is (call him typical if you want) but men are most stimulated through sights and sounds. When given the opportunity to have endless stimulation and exploration of probably the one emotion society says is normal and perfectly natural to have - for a guy...
It's terribly HARD (pun definitely intended) to resist.
I used love to watch it all BEFORE I got married. I'd crank up the volume when I could and was worry free my neighbors wouldn't hear it.
I bookmarked the best.
I'm not into the nasty stuff but I know what I like and I would spend the time finding the next perfect one. That is once the old has worn out its "charm".
I'm in a VERY happy relationship right now.
But I'm sure I'll dabble my delights sooner or later. Not because the fire has gone down or because you might assume I'll become unsatisfied and bored - that is FAR from my reality.
The REALITY is this:
I am turned on by sights and sounds in a primal sexual way and it feels good... REALLY good to watch and listen.
BUT it will NEVER be a replacement for the REAL thing.
In some ways it's just a little spice. It other ways it can be stimulating.
All in all - if YOUR guy is watching it - maybe too much or at the wrong time... COMMUNICATE to him in a positive way. Enjoy it with him once in a while.
It doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble so don't go there unless you have other REAL reasons to suspect he's losing interest or his sexual appetite for you.
If you have an experience you'd like to share - the mic is now open below. I'd love to hear about it.
Don't forget to check out Claire's short but clever explanation herself. It's actually a really fun take on it all.