You came to why do guys, some of you handed me your personal information, maybe you just wanted the free "men made simple" book.
Maybe that was just a little extra because you really liked "my" way, or at least the way I talk about men and your relationships with them felt a little different and you wanted more!
It's a feeling I get often because since I'm a guy, it must be better than hearing it from another woman.
After all, you have lots of friends who are women. Their personal and private thoughts on men can never match up something coming directly from a guy.
It's nice to hear from then and often useful too, but they're women, right?
I'm a "dude" and getting the inside scoop from a man, well then at least you know you're getting it straight from the source.
Plus, unlike hearing the same old tired shit from some guy you've slept with, or are dating, or have been in an "on and off relationship" for years, it's seems more real and useful knowing I have absolutely no personal ties or reasons to lie to you.
There's no smoke-screening my man speak to entice you into to do my bidding.
Perhaps the book I wrote and let you borrow didn't answer all your questions.
Dare I say - It might've even made men even more complicated.
You read it.
I HEAR you loud and clear.
Did you know I met a man in college?
Great guy. We hit it off and within a month we were as close to being best friends as anyone could ever imagine finding one day.
After (personal details omitted), we moved in together because we were both in our early twenties and money was tight and we got along so well.
It only made sense.
I didn't see the signs. I didn't care. Sure there were some extremely minor hints but he was cool, I was cool, we clicked.
One day and an even longer-term friend of mine were rummaging through his computer, don't remember why but trust me, it was legitimate and wow!
A not-so-hidden folder was filled with pictures of naked dudes and suddenly it ALL made sense.
He was gay.
I didn't care. I'm not the type. I don't recall him ever having a boyfriend or sex with other guys, and I know for a fact I never had a girlfriend or was having sex with women either.
You could say we were BOTH asexual - he was still in the closet, I was still a pathetic young man who just... didn't... get... it!
Yes, type two all the way.
HE was a type two guy except as it related to dating and knowing other men.
We lived together for almost ten years until some "chick" at work I "fell" in love with who was (sort of) trying to help me find the love of my life. This eventually (real drama deleted appropriately) made me realize that we would both be better off to split and find our own way to the next stage in our lives.
Of course, HIS closet was much different than mine and much more difficult to open the door.
However in my own little manly way - I loved him.
He's the absolute best friend anyone could ever have and so the record shows...
We're STILL best friends going on 32 years this past September 2020.
Despite the madness we went through - despite the weird stuff that happened when I came out and told him,
"I KNOW you're gay. I don't care. BUT I DO care that you want a guy in your life and you're not doing something about it. So GO DO IT. It will be easier without me in the next room BUT I will be there for you EVERY step of the way."
One might say I have a VERY unique perspective on men.
I'm a guy.
My best friend is into men.
I've done what I could for him but honestly, his choices in men and the things he's done are not what would lead many to a happy marriage and children and the, "It's a wonderful life." kind of deal.
And that's aside from the social junk of homosexuality he's dealt with from others. Especially back then. In other words, admittingly and entirely in his defense, his roadblocks are a bit different than your average woman looking for love and romance.
With all this information I "appear" to have, you might now be asking; if not, I'm asking it for you...
HOW can I help you understand men better and more simply than ever before?
We could look at my friend.
His questionable and often terrible choices in men.
His remarkable goodness often meant letting those bad men walk all over him and take a nasty advantage of his kindness and generosity.
He was constantly looking in all the wrong places and (in the past) has refused to do anything DIFFERENT about it leading him down the same beaten path every time with often the results.
Does all that sound eerily familiar to you?
If you're constantly screaming loud to others or quietly to yourself...
Where do you tend to place your blame, is it them, their fault or yourself?
Or s it a little of both?
Is it your choices in men?
Have you let them walk all over you because of a lack of confidence, a low self-esteem, or you're constantly searching for approval because you don't FEEL good enough to deserve a great guy?
Do you feel like you're always looking everywhere but only finding men in what would be considered ALL the WRONG places to meet a great man?
Have you found yourself too busy or preoccupied to do try something DIFFERENT leading you down the same old road time and time again?
Is this all a lack of understanding of men OR perhaps a lack of understanding of YOURSELF, your actions, your perspective, and a constant search to find where you fit in?
Trust these are not just generalized questions.
They're designed to make you think, to help you separate and objectify your feelings, to help you see the truth behind your frustration with...
Answer some of your head and see what you might come up with; I think you'll be surprised what the answers might reveal to you.
Back to making men simple for you.
In my world - a man's world - I AM as simple as can be. I don't feel confusing. I don't feel like I'm all that difficult to figure out.
As Bill Burr exclaimed to his wife in his Netflix stand up comedy,
"I'm just not that complex!"
Yes I know, it definitely does NOT feel that way to you but that's just because you're trying WAY TOO HARD to figure it (them, him) all out.
You're turning a simple ten piece puzzle into a ten-thousand piece work of 3d art.
You're trying to relate everything men say or do as if it has everything to you and what it's all supposed to mean.
I'm not really into this woman - for reasons beyond simplicity, but she made a great (albeit rude and hypocritical) point about men:
"See, how men work is that they are single focused. Which means they only focus on 1 thing at a time.
Unlike women who are phenomenal multi-taskers.
Men have a mental list of items that need to be accomplished, either in their mind or literally on a piece of paper:
- Hang pictures.
- Scratch butt.
- Make wife happy.
You get the point.
Men mentally put things on this “list” in order of priority."
What does all this mean to you and my dearest friend?
YOU ARE A COMPLEX INDIVIDUAL!
I can guarantee that in many different ways.
You're trying so hard to look at men from your own complexity as it relates to them and the way they think and act, which is only adding a layer to men based on your complex perspective.
IF you ever want to see past it all and GET MEN, you must find a way to NOT add yours onto theirs and this WILL help you see the truth behind ANY man and the actions he takes.
I'm not saying that men don't have layers. I'm not saying their reasons can not be complex.
All I'm trying to pass on to you is their actions and words are merely internal to them and the complexity they have inside them too.
HOW you interpret those very same things are only made more confusing because of the complexity inside your mind is looking for something deeper to connect it to yourself, in a way...
Which is NOT how the male mind works.
It's how YOUR mind works.
This is something I call projections which I feel is so important and necessary in understanding men that I've dedicated a whole chapter to it in my book.
"Every action or lack of action from a guy isn't always going to be connected to you.
If he's late getting back to you it doesn't automatically mean he's losing interest.
Just because he's hot and cold doesn't mean he isn't attracted to you and is backing out.
Just because he misses a few phone calls or texts doesn't mean he is ignoring you.
Sure, sometimes when those things happen in a pattern and become more consistent then yes, it can mean he is losing it for you and is backing out.
BUT - you just can not allow yourself to go there every time it does.
You can not allow yourself to project negative thoughts because you're more likely to cause those things to happen when you do."
Need I say more?
Probably not today.
I'll see you there or below.
We'll talk again real soon.