So for about a month now I’ve been talking to this guy i met at a party, he seemed really interested in me because he would ask me when we were going to hang out and stuff.
We finally went on a date and after that I’ve seen 2 other times .
Since he’s a tattoo artist i understand he’s always busy and he likes to be on top of his work .
But lately he takes a long time to text back and we don’t talk to as much as we used to .
We also already had sex and i was wondering if that had anything to do with him being a little too distant?
I try not to text him or bother him a lot because i know he’s busy and i don’t want to be to clingy either.
Hi Johana and thanks for asking. Let's first put all this in perspective...
You met a party. He was interested in you and even pursued you VERY little by asking you when you're going out.
You went out on a date and saw each other a few times after.
You've already had sex and now you've noticed in this short time, he became distant. He's not responding to your texts as quickly as he did before.
You don't want to bother him so you're willing to put up with the waiting and give him the benefit of the doubt... because he's busy.
I'm going to assume you were looking for something more with him and this is why it's bothering you.
There's not many rules in dating I like or advise but this one is UNBREAKABLE and if you don't know it - here it is:
NEVER sleep with a guy quickly if you're looking for something more.
"Do not ever sleep with a man too quickly IF you want something long-term with him. Take it from a guy - it changes EVERYTHING.
The RIGHT guy WILL wait. The ones who won't wait - screw them and I don't mean that literally."
When you get a chance read the letter above from my personal newsletter.
Now... time to go a little deeper.
First we'll get into his side and then we'll explore the role you played in all this so things like this are less likely to happen to you again.
One of the things have happened with him.
He was only interested in sex with you and once he got it. He bailed. Seems reasonable and it happens.
Based on what you wrote, it doesn't seem like he put much effort into dating you. He didn't pursue you all that much.
He acted a little interested in you and "suggested" you go out with him some time.
Not really a sign or action of a guy who looking long-term and was interested in getting to know you.
On the other side...
There's a great possibility he is only interested in dating you casually for a while.
In that case you'll hear from less. He might be dating other women.
He also might want to make sure you're not thinking, believing, or feeling it's one of those "instant relationships". In other words - he'll avoid doing things which lead you to believe it's more than it is early on.
Based on those two things - you can CLEARLY see how by sleeping with him - when you're looking for more is NOT ever recommended.
This is how a guy acts when he's interested in something more AND is actively seeking a long-term relation with the women he feels MIGHT be the one.
He'll contact you more.
He'll step up his game after the first time you have sex.
He'll act concerned about you and the other guys you might be seeing. HE might even ask about them.
The time of day or night he contacts you will be varied. Meaning you won't just get late night texts. You'll get them at ALL times of the day.
He WILL make time for you and include you in his everyday life.
He will ask you questions which pertain to a possible future together.
He will ask questions about you as he tries to form a deeper connection with you.
ALL men who are capable, ready, and pro-active about entering a long-term relationship with a woman they're feeling it for WILL do everyone of those things which they're just about ready.
ALL others - minus those actions - are either only looking for something else as in casually dating for a while, one night stands, friends with benefits, or they're just not feeling it that deeply with you - or will ever.
Trust me ALL men are very pro-active and exhibit certain tell-tale actions when they're ready, willing, and capable of a longer term relationship with the woman they feel the most for...
They will do many of what is listed in this perfect post at the approach:
“Guys don’t always say what they mean. As he’s working out his feelings he’s giving you mixed signals. His behavior will tell the real story if he loves you. These signs will tell you if he loves you or is faking it. You’re connected. Clarity. He cares about being together. He pushes your limits. Meets you halfway.”
By Slade Shaw, creator of Why Men Pull Away
Granted - it's too early to speak about love in your situation but based on many guys out there - they fall in love quickly and START acting like they're already in a relationship when they think they've met the right woman for them.
Something you should understand about men.
AND another reason to hold off on the sex part unless you're only looking for a purely casual thing.
(Read the post above to learn when it's okay or the right time to sleep with a guy and what mistakes to avoid in the process of communicating with a guy that you're looking for something more with.)
Do you want the secret to not ever look needy or clingy to a guy?
You might not like the answer because it's so absurdly simple, which is why it probably alludes most men and women.
Here it is:
The secret to NOT look clingy...
Is to just not BE a clingy person.
Yeah... that's it.
Live your life. Do things you love. Don't rely so much on others for your happiness. Don't pressure others into them controlling your happiness.
Do those things and a little more and you'll have practically not one clingy bone in your body.
Which means you'll NEVER have to worry about it. You'll never again question your actions are being seen that way. You'll be given all the time and freedom in the world to DO what you want - regardless of what some guy may or may no believe is true about you.
AND the best part of it all - it's exactly HOW you ATTRACT a guy and make him start doing all those things mentioned above that guys do when they feel like they've met their ONE and ONLY.
Do those things and you'll never have to worry about bothering a guy. In fact - he'll more than likely want MORE and not less from you.
Here's a great read and pay close attention to number 5:
"Men will test you from time to time. He’ll talk to you for a week and then not call you one day. You might worry that something happened.
Most likely, he’s seeing what you’ll do. Call him? Send five texts?
Don’t text him!
What if you have a fun day at the beach, go out on the town, or hike in the woods? Do something fun, share it on social media, and hold off on talking to him.
He’ll suddenly realize that he doesn’t have you wrapped around his finger. And he still has to put in the work to win you over.
“Oh, no,” he’ll think. “She’s not a sure thing. She might be out with another man.”
And then he’ll be chasing you again!"
From Slade Shaw - Why Men Pull Away
Listen - coming from the heart here...
WE ARE ALL BUSY.
So he's a tattoo artist that cares about his work.
Unless he's off fighting a war somewhere or saving some children from a burning building... if he truly wants to have you in his life - he'll find the time.
If he doesn't - then it's reasonable to assume he won't make the time.
Let's not entirely rule out the possibility that you're texting or messaging him too much but based on what you wrote -that does NOT seem to be the case here. After all you WERE worried about looking clingy too.
Moving on to something very important for you and lots of other women too, your interactions with men and how they relate to...
Putting yourself below him.
Giving up your control or handing him all the power to decide what's right for you.
If you act out of fear of pushing a guy away you'll actually be more likely to push him away.
Strange as that sounds, it's just how it works.
"...let go of your negativity, to let go of your fear of getting hurt, to let go of your frustration (...) embrace the unknown of the dating process."
From Evan Marc Katz - Why Men Disappear - Posted at Meet & Attract Him.
When you act out of fear you're going to lose him or push him away - you'll do unattractive things to try and keep him interested INSTEAD of just being the interesting woman you already are and letting him fall for you.
Yes - dating a guy can be a little scary but just like the quote about - letting go of your fears and truly embracing the unknowns about dating sets you up as being the perfect women for lots of men.
PLUS it makes the process so much more enjoyable for both you.
Be honest - the scary rides are much more fun than the boring Ferris wheel.
When you act from a place of fear you're also telling him (or any guy) that you feel they're above you. Like they're the ones deciding your fate for you.
Not only does that put way too much pressure on a guy which will generally and eventually scare them away...
You're not giving yourself enough credit or worth to believe you ARE good enough for ANY guy you want.
Keep your power for yourself.
You've earned it in your life. Why hand it over to some guy you barely even know.
You ARE in control.
You have the power to decide and choose just the same as he does too.
If you wanted more than just sex and he's not giving it or doesn't care enough to DO something more - don't just hand it all over to him...
CHOOSE to end it and immediately start looking for a different guy.
"Hey. Not interested in being a one, two, or three night stand. Looking for more than sex. It was fun."
Then hit DELETE and move on.
My point is, what YOU want is more important than what he's giving you.
YOU have all the power to decide what's right for YOU.
I'm not saying to expect every guy to be all over you so quickly even after sex, but if you want more from a guy AFTER sex and you're not getting it, then by all means assume he was only interested in it and get on with it quickly.
I'm also not advocating that you shouldn't be clear or upfront about what you're looking for in the beginning while just hoping he gets it - because most guys won't.
You WILL have to find a way to communicate the future you're looking for in a way which will not scare a guy away.
Yes, it's not just about telling him.
It's about showing him and communicating to him almost immediately what it is that you're all about in a way he GETS it and brings any man closer at the same time.
So yes - there's always going to be a right way to do it AND a wrong way too.
Won't lie to you about that.
I've seen way too many women who just blatantly tell a guy "They're looking for a long-term relationship with a guy who can blah blah blah..." even on the first date thinking that'll push the guys away they don't want and trust me.
Doing that only tells a guy you're a pain in the ass AND...
You're more likely to notice the guys who stick around after hearing that... are only telling you what they think you want to hear.
Either way - the results are often bad and unwanted.
Here's something you and any woman who is tired of dealing with situations like this and is ready to try a better way to communicate with men....
By keeping your power.
By erasing your fears.
By gaining and keeping your control.
A Love Script is a simple formula for clearly communicating your feelings and needs with a man in a way that will melt his heart, bring him close, and inspire him to make you happy.
How many times have you wanted to tell a man exactly what’s on your mind… but panicked that doing so would push him away?
How often have you said what you’re feeling to a man… only to have him withdraw, become angry with you, or disappear altogether?
Suddenly, you’re FREE and FEARLESS to be yourself - REALLY you - and make a man fall even more in love with you for it!"
Thanks for your wonderful question. I do hope you found the answer you were looking for today about men, one night stands, having sex too early, how to keep your power and control your dating life, a deeper understanding how a guy acts when he's capable, ready, and is looking for a long-term relationship with you plus a BETTER way to communicate your needs to ALL men in a way which will bring him loser and not push him away.