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One Night Stand or Not – What’s More Important To Your Dating Life Is You

in Quick Guy Question and Answers, The Disappearing Man
Casual Sex, One night Stand, Power Control, Being Unsure
Hi pete,
So for about a month now I’ve been talking to this guy i met at a party, he seemed really interested in me because he would ask me when we were going to hang out and stuff. We finally went on a date and after that I’ve seen 2 other times . Since he’s a tattoo artist i understand he’s always busy and he likes to be on top of his work . But lately he takes a long time to text back and we don’t talk to as much as we used to . We also already had sex and i was wondering if that had anything to do with him being a little too distant? I try not to text him or bother him a lot because i know he’s busy and i don’t want to be to clingy either.

Hi Johana,

Let’s put all this in perspective.

You met a party. He was interested in you and pursued you a little. You went out on a date and saw each other a few times after. You’ve already had sex and now you’ve noticed in this short time, he’s becoming distant. He’s not responding to your texts as quickly.

You don’t want to bother him so you’re willing to put up with the waiting.

I think you have already answered your question and I’m sure you just need to hear it but there’s always more to tell. 🙂


There’s a good chance he was only interested in sex and once he got it, he pulled away BUT there’s also an equal chance that he only wants to casually date you. Which means he won’t contact you that much or you won’t hear from him so quickly all the time.

Partly because he’s just as busy as others “claim” to be and partly because, there’s the possibility he understands the more he contacts you, the more you will believe he’s looking for a relationship when he’s probably not. At least right now.

If he was looking for a relationship this quickly, a few dates and some casual sex, you would have known it by now.

“…during what I call “first stage attraction” the right men need time and space and they like to be in somewhat charge of their own decisions and destiny.” You Met A Guy, Had A Great Weekend But Doesn’t Text You Back On Monday

His actions would tell you this by how often he contacts you, how he’s concerned with you and other guys, what time he contacts you, what types of questions he’s asking you, what you two talk about and if it’s centered around a possible future together.

All things considered men have lots of “tells” when they’re looking for a relationship but mainly they act like they’re looking for one through courting, romance, and just maybe trying to prove themselves to you in one way or another.


All that’s not here or there in this case.

Sure there’s a possibility you were a one night stand and he was just being nice by following through with it a little more than just some guy who completely disappears after you screw.

What’s really important is what YOU are doing.

How you’re so concerned about bugging him.

“Players all too often “play” women by making you believe YOU did something wrong.” This Guy A Player? The Game He Might Playing If He’s Just Wants Sex

It seems like you have already put yourself below him. Almost like you’re waiting for him to do something AND it’s like you’re afraid to “rock the boat” for fear that you’ll scare him away.

Keep in mind when you “try” not to act clingy you’re not being fair to yourself and you’re certainly not doing your dating life any favors or help. The alternative would be to set your life up so there’s a lesser chance of you being clingy.

We teach guys to act from a world of abundance and not from scarcity and it works just as good with women.

This is NOT an uncommon problem and I’m not singling you out.

What I’m saying is…

You’re in control of what you want and what you take away from every short or long-term relationship with men.

“…let go of your negativity, to let go of your fear of getting hurt, to let go of your frustration (…) embrace the unknown of the dating process.” The One Thing You Need to Learn to Stop Getting Hurt By Men Forever… Evan Marc Katz (not posted here)

IF you want more than just sex from a guy, YOU have all the power to hold back and not go there.

By doing so you’ll know quickly what a guy is looking for and if you still can’t tell if he’s a long-term player or only “amped” up because you’re not putting out, then test him on his past relationships with women (subtlety of course).

You have every right to assume that if a certain guy acts really into you and then pulls back quickly after sex, that’s all he wanted and I do hope you enjoyed it enough. We can only hope he gave you a better than average time. 😉

You also have every right to know that by holding back your texts out of fear, he’s going to assume you’re okay with a casual sex thing and that you’re not looking for a relationship either.

Which is fine if that’s what you want, but if you’re not AND you want more from a guy, then a quick few texts ending it all could benefit you and all your questions, “Hey. Not interested in being a one, two, or three night stand. Looking for more than sex. It was fun.” Then hit DELETE and move on.

Of course you would only text him that after a reasonable amount of time and when you determined you were just a casual fling.

My point is, what YOU want is more important to a certain extent.

YOU have all the power to decide what’s right for YOU.

I’m not saying to expect every guy to be all over you so quickly even after sex, but if you want more from a guy AFTER sex and you’re not getting it, then by all means assume he was only interested in it and get on with it quickly.

Avoid lowering yourself because you’re worried and learn how to act from a place of control and power because you’ll find dealing with these type of questions will answer themselves almost every time.

All the best to you….

*I would certainly consider this because you can gain the power and control in situations like this and more… The tag line fits perfectly and it might help other women who are in a similar situation:

“How many times have you wanted to tell a man exactly what’s on your mind… but panicked that doing so would push him away? How often have you said what you’re feeling to a man… only to have him withdraw, become angry with you, or disappear altogether?”

Love Scripts For Dating – The EXACT Words He NEEDS To Hear To Want To Listen To You, Please You, And Make You His Forever.

About the author: Honest, upfront, and an ability to see past the hidden layers is my intended style at why do guys. My goal is to un-complicate men and steer you away from the guys who will only hurt you. My hope is that you learn something, anything, and my writing style is at least a little easy to understand… Thank you, Peter White

You can visit my about page here. Stay in touch and learn about men by joining my newsletter below. Join other women discuss men by joining the new Why Do Guys Facebook Group. You can also Like or follow the Facebook Fan Page. And lastly Join me on Twitter. Current writer and owner of: DiaLteG TM | The Approach | Why Do Chics…? and The Nice Guy Approach. Yes, I’m a VERY busy guy.

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