Guys supposedly know within the first practical sighting whether they "want" a woman, right? Well I have some news for you about guys...
WANT is just a word.
Come with me as we journey into the male mind and what makes us truly fall for a woman and of course if we know you're the one for us by the third date.
We date when we're at least considering a relationship beyond something casual. We're "feeling you out".
We use that time to get to know you and to figure out whether we're truly compatible.
We'll check for drama issues, annoying little pet peeves, how open your are, how fun are, whether or not we can be ourselves around you.. you know the entire list of what the typical male looks for in a relationship.
As recently said to me,
"We look. We feel. We're always on the prowl visually."
There is no REAL timetable for us. No hard rules for first, second, or third dates.
On any given date we could feel you're absolutely the one and we're ready for all this (and that), but not less than 20 minutes later after it's ended, we could do a complete reversal.
Yes, I know we can be a little unpredictable but for us to give up or pass by on every other women on the planet just doesn't come that easy for most of us.
Read all about our real fears of commitment in this amazing post:
We absolutely do NOT have third date rules.
In fact, with the right women we might even wait longer for sex because we know it can complicate things.
This doesn't mean we won't accept it on the first date even with the right woman because, well I will come out an say it, we like it and just as our "hard on" can be a little impulsive and unpredictable, we can be too.
(Yet you already knew that - didn't you?)
The truth is... whether it's the first, second, or third date it means absolutely NOTHING.
I'm willing to bet most guys would avoid the "dating" altogether.
Some are actually only doing it because they believe it's what YOU want.
Going on dates can be a nerve wracking experience. Sometimes you just want to get right to good stuff. You know, skip past all the uneasiness and awkward occasional silences.
We want you for so many "right" reasons and we also want you for some not-so-right reasons.
Because you make us smile.
Because you laugh at our jokes.
Because we actually feel more free being tied down to someone than when we're not in a relationship.
Freedom comes in many different forms.
For the possible wrong reasons... because we don't want any other guy ever ever, EVER touching you.
We want to be the last.
We certainly want to be the only.
Maybe it's a territorial thing left over from the past.
Maybe when we see you with another guy we feel an overwhelming feeling of loss.
Maybe we just feel tired of having to play the courtship games we think you want.
Alas, the wrong reasons are normally our own insecure problems wrapped in a desperate struggle to be loved by a woman who actually does want us in the same way.
Third dates DO say something though...
We're sticking around for some reason.
We won't go that far if there's nothing there unless we're that dumb, bored, awful with women, or willing to stick it out as long as we can for the sex.
We usually know if there's nothing more on the first date depending on how good we are at figuring you out.
You see, planning a date or doing things with you clues us in on your personality, how you take things, how you handle things, how responsible you are, how much the person in you represents the type of women we can eventually settle down with.
That's about all.
Believe it or not. I've committed to a few women before I met my amazing wife.
The exact moment I decided that is not very clear although I can imagine what tipped me over the edge...
Pay attention very carefully here because this is it.
One, well we were in her car messing around. She looked at me and something about her eyes, her smile, the way she said my name, made me feel like I wanted that moment to never end.
That's how we feel when we know we're with the right woman.
We just want it to last FOREVER.
Two, well this one's a bit different. We broke up. We had a typical fight. Sure maybe I fooled around with her friend...
BUT it was the loss that made me see everything differently and a little about how her friend was just nowhere close to her.
The loss made me see how amazing she was.
How we just clicked and how being with her was easy.
Not easy in the sense that it was boring. Not at all.
Easy because being with her was not work at all.
It actually felt like the most natural place to be was... with her and nowhere else.
How through all the doubt I had in my mind BEFORE had nothing to do with WHO she was. I already knew that and I was totally into most of it.
(100% would be a lie and don't let ANY guy fool you into thinking anything else. It has to be less for there to be more... Yep figure that one out.)
The doubts were always more about other women, me, and whether or not I have had enough. As bad as that sounds it says a lot about me, I mean men, because we can NOT turn it off. Again I turn to those few eloquent words David said,
"We look. We feel. We're always on the prowl visually."
Third dates, or all dates are just another way to see or meet up with you.
We're searching for those moments I wrote above...
Where being with you feels like the most natural place to be and we want it to last FOREVER.
Sometimes that takes more than a few dates let alone a third one.
Sometimes we never experience that moment and yet we continue to want it to happen so we keep coming back hoping one day it will appear.
Sometimes we DO experience "that moment" but for our own inner dialogue and disbelief in ourselves or our limited perspective of the world around us, we feel the most threatened in those moments.
The most vulnerable.
That's the loss we experience.
It might feel like we actually losing something when we know for a fact we're gaining something better.
It's all more than typical.
We "compartmentalize" our emotions and try to fit them into something we know about and if we don't know something about that something, well you might say we just take our best guess and hope we're right.
Sometimes we are right - sometimes we're not.
Despite all you read about men and our complicated way we choose to commit or not to a woman...
We're really just looking for that FEELING just like you... a moment to last forever.
Unfortunately as that moment changes our brain steps in and says, "Dude! Think about it. Really? Is this it? Is she the one?"
And we go off to figure it all out in our own little way.
Let me tell you something...
Those women I committed to before - the one and the two above - sure I felt it occasionally - it felt RIGHT but as my brain stepped in or she stepped out - suddenly I questioned it all.
Maybe my brain won the battle... YES! My brain did win the battle and then the war between chasing her down for another go at it OR just letting it all fade away to a memory of naked bodies and STUFF I've lived through.
That's the key here.
Third date, fourth date, casual boyfriend and girlfriend for a while - they don't mean anything to a guy - and maybe also to you.
I never went on a real date with my wife, the love of my life, nope. Not one evening you could call a REAL date but it happened, didn't it?
Because that moment, that feeling I was searching for... kept happening over and over again AND it's still going... like it was MEANT to BE.
My brain didn't win the battle or the war. It didn't stand a chance.
Maybe it's a secret to (and I hate this word) "capturing" a man's heart.
When a man starts to think too much there's a good chance it (his brain) will win over his heart, which I can understand how that makes it tough on you.
In my world in studying how to attract women for so many years - the way TO a woman's heart was through her mind. The more I could make her think in a different sort of way - the easier it became.
Seems to be the complete opposite for men.
Now I'm not saying to pick yourself up some dumb-ass guy and no worries. That's entirely up to you.
The point is - to GET to a man - going through his HEART and keeping him there must be a strategy of yours.
Remember above - "We look. We feel." and as that turns into being around you and interacting with you - we need to stay in the feelings part longer than the thinking part.
A clever woman who specializes in this proposed this:
"To truly and deeply connect with a man: You can't go through his mind, body, or soul - which only leads to one way AND that is through his heart."
You CAN start doing that the first time you meet. Obviously you wouldn't wait for the third date which also sort of implies IF and WHEN a guy FEELS it for you - first, second, or third date and beyond - doesn't really matter.
ALL that matters is that FIRST MOMENT you manage to connect with his heart. And then the second and third and beyond.
Dating - again - it's just how we meet up or get a chance to see you. Creating the right feelings inside him can happen ANYWHERE at ANYTIME.
HOW to do that exactly can be a little tricky.
The idea is to first connect with YOUR feelings and communicate them to him in a way which "attracts" and "draws him closer".
It's not something I came up with although I promise it's something I'm working on. I have to figure out from my own perspective so I can give it to you in my words.
BUT until then sign up to my wonderful newsletter below and I'll keep you in touch with everything that comes out of my male mind. I'd enjoy seeing you there and having you around.
I'd also suggest you learn HOW to give a guy those "meant-to-be" feelings by giving Rori Raye a few moments of your time.
It's ALL covered in her Ebook Have The Relationship You Want.
If you're not entirely ready or sure, you can also sign up for her free newsletter right here so she can explain it all to you in her own words.
Whatever you choose - I KNOW you learn how to connect with a guy and that's going to happen long before the third date. Actually it has to happen BEFORE the third date.
Again - you don't want his mind to get in the way and win over his heart.