Guys know within the first practical sighting whether or not they “want” a woman.
Dating comes when we’re at least considering a relationship beyond something casual. We’re “feeling you out.”
We use that time to get to know you and to figure out whether we’re compatible or not.
We’ll check for drama issues, annoying little pet peeves, how open your are, how fun are, whether or not we can be ourselves around you.. you know the entire list of what the typical male looks for in a relationship.
As David recently put it to me,
“We look. We feel. We’re always on the prowl visually.”
There is also no “real” timetable for us.
Some dates we could feel you’re absolutely the one and we’re ready for all this and that BUT not less than 20 minutes later we’ll do a complete reversal. Yes, I know we can be a little unpredictable in that area but giving up on every other women on the planet just doesn’t come that easy for us. 🙂
We absolutely do NOT have third date rules.
In fact with the right women we’ll wait longer for sex because we know it can complicate things…
BUT that doesn’t mean we won’t accept it on the first date even with the right woman because, well I will come out an say it, we like it and just as our hard on is a little impulsive, so can we be too.
The truth is whether it’s the first or second or third date means absolutely nothing.
I’m willing to bet most guys would avoid the “dating” altogether and just maybe some are only doing it because they believe it’s what you want.
Thinking back, something just clicks in our brain which is totally random.
We want you for so many “right” reasons and we also want you for some not so right reasons.
Because you make us smile. Because you laugh at our jokes. Because we actually feel more free being tied down to someone than when we’re not in a relationship.
Freedom comes in many different forms.
For the possible wrong reasons… because we don’t want any other guy ever ever EVER touching you.
Maybe it’s a territorial thing left over from the past. Maybe when we see you with another guy we feel an overwhelming feeling of loss. Maybe we just feel tired of having to play the courtship games we think you want.
Alas, the wrong reasons are normally our own insecure problems wrapped in a desperate struggle to be loved by a woman who actually does want us.
Third dates DO say something though…
We’re sticking around for some reason.
We won’t go that far if there’s nothing there.
We usually know if there’s nothing more on the first date depending on how good we are at figuring you out. You see planning a date or doing things with you clues us in on your personality, how you take things, how you handle things, how responsible you are, how much the person in you represents the type of women we can eventually settle down with.
That’s about all.
Okay. Believe it or not 😀 I’ve committed to a few women.
The exact moment I decided that it is not very clear although I can imagine what tipped me over the edge…
Pay attention very carefully here because this is it.
One, well we were in her car messing around. She looked at me and something about her eyes, her smile, the way she said my name, made me feel like I wanted that moment to never end.
That’s how we feel when we know we’re with the right woman.
We just WANT it to last forever.
Two, well this one’s a bit different. We broke up. We had a typical fight. Sure maybe I fooled around with her friend…
BUT it was the loss that made me see everything differently and a little about how her friend was just nowhere close to her.
The loss made me see how amazing she was.
How we just clicked and how being with her was easy.
Not easy in the sense that it was boring. Not at all.
Easy because being with her was not work at all.
It actually felt like the most natural place to be was… with her and nowhere else.
“Here’s what it feels like to a man when he first falls in love with a woman… He feels happy. How Men Feel Love, Your Admiration and Respect Is Key To His Happiness (located at The Approach.)
How through all the doubt I had in my mind BEFORE had nothing to do with WHO she was. I already knew that and I was totally into most of it. (100% would be a lie. Don’t let guys fool you. It has to be less for there to be more. Yep figure that one out. Haha!)
The doubts were always more about other women, me, and whether or not I have had enough. As bad as that sounds it says a lot about me, I mean men because we can NOT turn it off. Again I turn to those few eloquent words David said,
“We look. We feel. We’re always on the prowl visually.”
Third dates, or all dates are just another way to see you.
We’re searching for those moments I wrote above.
Being with you feels like the most natural place to be and we want it to last forever.
Sometimes that takes more than a few dates let alone a third one.
Sometimes we never experience that moment and yet we continue to want it to happen so we keep coming back.
Sometimes we DO experience “that moment” but for our own inner dialogue and disbelief in ourselves or our limited perspective of the world around us, we feel the most threatened in those moments. The most vulnerable.
That’s the loss we experience. It might feel like we actually losing something when we know for a fact we’re gaining something better.
It’s all more than typical. 🙂 We’re guys.
We “compartmentalize” our emotions and try to fit them in to something we know about and if we don’t know something about something, well you might say we just take our best guess and hope we’re right. 😀
Either way… that’s all today.