Written by Evan Marc Katz creator of Why Men Disappear.
I’ve got a few questions for you about your love life that will show you a completely different way to approach your love life.
Q: How many times in your life have you been in love?
A: Two? Three? Four?
Q: How many of those relationships lasted?
A: If you’re single, the answer is zero.
Q: What percent of men is cute, successful, smart, kind, funny, compatible AND emotionally available for a long-term relationship?
A: According to most women, about .00001%.
Q: What percent of those amazing men also think YOU’RE cute, smart, kind, funny, compatible and emotionally available for a relationship?
A: Not enough, and rarely the right ones.
When you look at all of these things together, without any emotion, you’ll see exactly what I see:
The fact that ANY relationship gets off the ground is remarkable.
To the naked eye, FAILURE is the default setting in dating.
You heard me.
Now, to be clear: I’ve failed a LOT more than you have.
I’ve gone on over 300 dates and committed to probably fifteen “girlfriends” before getting married. Which is why I’m not too fazed by failure.
You shouldn’t be, either.
Given that 99% of men are definitely NOT your future husband, getting upset when this proves to be true is like getting upset that you didn’t win the Powerball.
Yeah, it’s unfortunate that you lost, but it’s also quite predictable.
Which is why I want you to write this down on a Post-It note right now:
“No man is real until he’s your boyfriend.”
A cute photo, a winning profile, flirty emails, an incredible first date, intense chemistry, mind-blowing sex….
NONE of these things mean he’s your boyfriend.
It’s not that you’re “wrong” to get excited about a promising man; it’s that, in 99% of instances, it’s premature and you set yourself up for heartbreak. Your takeaway is to not get too emotionally involved when it comes to a guy with “potential”.
Start getting excited when he’s taken his profile down, called you his girlfriend, met your family, and started making vacation plans for the summer.
The other bit of perspective I’d like to provide is that your last guy’s disappearance shouldn’t be all that disappointing.
Sure, you felt disappointment. It’s hard not to take things like that personally.
Except for two facts: -
- This wasn’t personal.
- You didn’t lose your future husband, so why be disappointed?
Although your guy may have initially pushed for immediate commitment, he ended up having second thoughts.
Reasonable second thoughts, I might add. It may not be popular to say, but if you were seeing a guy, and you drew the conclusion that you didn’t want to spend the next 40 years with him, you’d probably have to reconsider whether you were ready to commit.
Your last boyfriend’s flaking doesn’t mean he’s evil.
It means he leaped before he looked. He shot first and asked questions later. He over-promised and under-delivered.
In short, he screwed up and ended up hurting an innocent woman. No one is at fault. And if no one is at fault, there’s no value in beating yourself up about what she did “wrong”.
The answer is nothing.
There’s no value in getting pissed at your disappearing guy.
He’s like a man who was driving 90 mph on the freeway and missed his exit. He was so enthusiastic that he was oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t really ready to commit to you.
Finally, there’s no value in lamenting what “could have been”.
It’s over. Move along.
The right guy will come along soon enough – and he will certainly not disappear.
But the only way for this to happen is for you to let go of your negativity, to let go of your fear of getting hurt, to let go of your frustration at the men who don’t write to you online, and to embrace the unknown of the dating process.
Put another way: if you quit dating and men entirely, you don’t meet ANYBODY.
If you persevere, another cute guy might waltz in her door next week – and never want to leave.
“Never, never, never quit,” said Winston Churchill, and he’s 100% right.
The only thing you can do when things go wrong in love is to keep going.
And if you need a push in the right direction, I would highly recommend checking out my eBook,
In a matter of minutes, you’ll be able to let go of all of the pain in your past, learn how to choose a better boyfriend in the future, and understand what men are thinking for the rest of your life.
Evan Marc Katz
A dating coach for smart, strong, successful women – and one of the better writers in the personal growth space.
He is a real, hands-on coach – he has been listening to women on the phone for three hours a day for over a decade, and he has incredible insight into what makes men tick and relationships succeed.
Why He Disappeared
The Real Reason a Man Will Suddenly “Disappear” from Your Life.
We ALL make mistakes and I'm here to tell you that it's okay.
What is NOT okay is to let it slide and not learn something insightful and helpful from them.
The bad choices or decisions we've made in the past can be great tools for a better future.
Why Men Disappear IS that tool you can start using immediately.
Evan, like me, is also a man...
And we BOTH feel learning from a guy about men is the ONLY way to truly understand men.
Finding The One Online
It’s Time To Stop The Way You’ve Been Dating Previously.
Online dating can be a frustrating experience but it doesn't have to be that way.
FACT: Men outnumber the women online by a lot!
You'll quickly find that once you have the right tools and learn a few skills that Even can and will teach you, how much it can work to your advantage.
From profile writing to writing the first emails, all the way up to the dating process...
Finding The One Online and Evan will be with you the entire way.
Believe In Love
Learn How to Live Freely Without Fear and Sadness.
You're ready for Evan to walk you through the 7 easy, chronological steps that he has used for over a decade to help women like you overcome your fears and frustrations in love:
- Let Go of the Past
- Set Realistic Expectations
- Overcome Negativity
- Defeat Your Fear of Failure
- Reframe Your False Beliefs
- Carry Yourself With Confidence
- Take Action Now
It is no exaggeration to say that “Believe in Love” is the most important book I can share with you because it’s essential to your happiness and long-term well-being.
There is no falling in love if you don’t believe in love itself.
You’ve seen men come and go.
You’ve doubted your own worthiness.
You’ve watched others get happily married.
You’ve questioned your judgment more times than you can count.
You’ve gone to therapy, talked to friends, and listened to dating gurus.
You’ve taken breaks, gotten back out there, and quit once again.
“Believe in Love” is the antidote to all of that – a program, with 17 powerful exercises that will change your tune, boost your confidence, and give you the will to create the safe relationship of your dreams.
Let me know how quickly it gets your confidence back.
It’s time to believe in your own product again. Once you believe, the men you are attracted to will believe as well.
Enjoy Dating, Flirting, and Connecting with Men… And Create Passionate, Unconditional LOVE In 7 EASY steps
Give Evan 5 Minutes a Day and He Will Give You a Husband!
You can have the relationship of your dreams – and you don’t have to change to do it.
This six month to a lifetime course will take you the entire way.
No more wasting your time on the wrong men!
Get ALL of Evan's material in once place with so much more.
Read More Advice Articles From Evan Marc Katz Here at Why Do Guys
The One Thing You Need to Learn to Stop Getting Hurt By Men Forever