Written by Evan Marc Katz creator of Why Men Disappear.
You ever start dating a guy and immediately, you’re walking on eggshells?
It’s not that he’s a bad guy or that he’s being inconsistent with you.
It’s just that, for the first time in a long time, you’re EXCITED about a man. And because this feeling occurs so infrequently, it’s really got you in a tailspin.
Even though you like your new guy as much as anyone in recent memory, even though things have been nothing short of perfect for these first two weeks, you feel a pit of dread in your stomach.
“What’s going to go wrong here?”
“When is the other shoe going to drop?”
“I hope he’s serious about a long-term relationship.”
And, most of all: “I don’t want to waste my time on the wrong man ever again.”
Hey, I don’t blame you for a second for feeling all of those things.
No woman over the age of 20 should assume that every man is solid, stable, and relationship-oriented.
Naturally, you want to minimize your chances of getting hurt.
But what is the RESULT of this fearful, walking-on-eggshells mindset?
You start to obsess when he doesn’t call. You ask your friends what it “means” when he says,
“I’ll see you later.”
You tense up.
You lose sleep.
You become uptight.
You want to be loved SO badly, but you’re SO afraid of getting hurt that you’ve turned yourself into a shell of your best self.
Don’t believe me?
Are you more attractive when you’re confident and loose or insecure and uptight?
Are you more attractive when you assume your man adores you or when you live in fear that he might bail like all the rest?
Are you more attractive when you’re focused on enjoying the present or obsessing about what might happen in the future?
I think the answer’s obvious.
This is a core principle about men that I discuss in by book,
Its power comes from its simplicity:
“Men do what they want to do.”
If we want to call you, we’ll call you.
If we want to introduce you to our family, we’ll introduce you to our family.
If we want to take down our profiles and commit, we’ll do it.
Which is why...
When you want to know what you should do about the guy who makes you weak in the knees, the answer couldn’t be more simple: NOTHING!!!
“Doing something” means you’re trying to keep your emotional tether alive, to nudge him into calling you, seeing you, committing to you.
But the great thing about men is this: We don’t need to be nudged!
So when it’s been 10 hours and you haven’t gotten a reply to his text, you let it go.
When it’s Thursday night and he hasn’t called to see you on Saturday, you let it go.
It’s three weeks into dating and his profile’s up, you let it go.
Wouldn’t it make more sense to call him, text him, and see him so he doesn’t lose interest in you?
Nope. "Nudging" a man to take action only lets him know that he’s in control, you’re desperate and needy, and that you don’t trust that he knows what’s good for him.
The truth is, if you’re the right woman for him, you don’t NEED to nudge him.
Remember what it’s like when a guy’s excited about you?
He calls, he follows through, he’s thoughtful, he’s chivalrous, he’s gentlemanly, he WANTS a commitment with you. But sometimes it takes a few weeks for us to figure all of that out for ourselves.
Remember, men like to “buy”. We don’t want to be “sold”.
Anything you do to amp up the pressure for him to make a decision is just going to drive him away – the exact OPPOSITE reaction you want from your man.
But that leaves you with the same burning question: “what should I DO, Evan?” The answer couldn’t be simpler:
Make your PRESENT so amazing that he WANTS to have a FUTURE with you.
It’s not about finding out in week 1 whether he wants to live in the city or the country, or hoping he says “I love you” by week 4. Those are things you’ll deal with later.
For now, just have fun.
- Say yes.
- Be easygoing.
- Fool around.
- Enjoy the moment.
You never have more leverage over a man than when he’s CHOSEN you on his own accord, when he’s EMOTIONALLY INVESTED in you because he FEELS so happy every time he’s around you.
And if he’s receiving texts that say,
“Where are you?!” or late night calls that plead,
“Where is this going?”, you’re not making him feel too good in the present.
My wife was ALWAYS in the present and that’s why she’s my wife. Because she enhances my life and doesn’t provide emotional drama when it’s unnecessary.
Since your man CAN’T know after a few weeks whether you’re “the one”, just relax and enjoy the ride.
The RIGHT guy steps up to the plate and commits to you in the first couple of months.
The WRONG guy never escalates his efforts and keeps you as a once-a-week option indefinitely.
Because that’s what he WANTS to do. Thus, it’s really easy to tell the difference between a man who’s serious and a man who’s wasting your time, so you don’t invest more than 8 weeks in a dead-end relationship.
But in order to get ANY relationship off the ground, you HAVE to put off all fears, all nudging, and all thoughts of your future and just ENJOY the present.
The right guy knows what to do next. I promise.
If that powerful bit of advice makes sense but you find it hard to implement, I highly recommend that you check out my book,
Soon, you’ll be able to distinguish good men from bad men, see what you’ve been doing wrong your entire life, and have all the tools to create the kind of relationship you’ve always dreamed about.
Why He Disappeared: A Guide To Understanding Men
Imagine you had to give a speech in front of a small audience.
Now imagine that no one in the crowd is paying attention to you.
They’re murmuring to each other.
They’re looking at their iPhones.
They’re heading for the exits.
They’re not intentionally trying to hurt you – they’re just caught up in what’s most important to them.
How do you feel when you’re in front of a less-than-captive audience?
Maybe you make a joke to break the ice, but no one laughs.
Maybe you fill in the silence by speaking quickly, trying to make your point before the crowd completely tunes you out.
Maybe you clam up because you’re paralyzed by the indifference facing you.
Either way, it's REALLY hard to speak to an audience that's not listening.
Believe it or not, THAT’S what it’s like to go out with you.
I got this from my friend, Evan Marc Katz, the premier dating coach for smart, strong, successful women.
He suggests that if your dates consistently don’t go well, the easy thing to do is say,
“He wasn’t the right guy”.
However, it’s much more powerful for you to look in the mirror and say,
“How could I have made tonight go better?”
This is the central message in his book “Why He Disappeared” ...
Understanding the opposite sex is the key to connecting with the opposite sex.
I can already hear you sigh:
“But I don’t WANT to make my first dates better. If a guy is nervous around me, that says something about him. I want a man who is confident, who is completely comfortable in his own skin, and can make the best of every situation.”
Now imagine a time that you were in the presence of a jaw-droppingly hot guy. He’s tall, gorgeous, rich, charismatic – and utterly oblivious to you as a romantic partner.
- Do you feel confident?
- Do you feel secure?
- Do you speak profusely?
- Do you clam up?
Whatever your answer, I’m pretty sure that there are some men whose mere presence totally messes you up.
Suddenly, you’re not acting like yourself.
Suddenly, you’re acting like a skittish schoolgirl with her first crush on a boy.
There are awkward silences. There is nervous laughter. There is stilted conversation.
But most of all, there is no chance for another date.
So if you’ve blown an opportunity with a hot guy because you weren’t able to act at your best, wouldn’t it stand to reason that there’s a great guy out there who wasn’t on the top of his game on your first date?
Of course there is.
It also stands to reason that if you show up 10 minutes late, text on your cell phone, look over his shoulder, lean back with your arms crossed, don’t seem interested in his stories, interrogate him about his past, grill him on his beliefs, and dissect every single thing that you don’t like about him…
That it may be hard for a man to exhibit true confidence and poise in your presence.
Your takeaway from this post is this:
Instead of seeing dating as a time-consuming, soul-sucking enterprise, where you have to figure out in an hour whether he’s a good husband and father and great in bed, try seeing it more like you’re entertaining a client and want to win his business.
Go with the flow.
Ignore his flaws.
Do everything in your power to make the limited amount of time you have together into a fun experience.
Because if you’re having fun, he’s having fun.
If you’re easygoing and relaxed, he’ll be easygoing and relaxed.
But you can’t blame men for being bad dates if you’re not doing anything in your power to try to make their job easier.
As Evan, wrote in “Why He Disappeared”, he’s putting on a show for you; the least you can do is applaud.
What you’ll quickly find when you openly appreciate men is that they will suddenly become more confident, playful, and attractive, all because YOU decided to make them feel special.
Dating can be easy and fun again. All you need to do is understand what makes men tick.
Read what Gina had to say after reading Evan Marc Katz’s “Why He Disappeared” last month.
You can have this freedom, too!
"Unmarried and forty four I thought I was doomed to a life of having men walk away without a word for the rest of my life. I am attractive, intelligent and active. I enjoy the world and this one department of my life (namely men) was a frustrating mystery.
I had long-term relationships where the men wouldn't commit. For the past two years I have been in love with a man who was aloof and distant.
Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should be more laid back, less laid back, more witty, less witty, more forward, more direct, AND THEN he will love me.
Ah, then came Evan's tutorial....
I am free. I am happy and realized ways in which I was communicating ineffectively. I since said adios to the man that was aloof and have moved on to other exciting prospects who are calling frequently and following through on their words. Evan showed me ways in which I can actually lay back and enjoy the dating process and actually have men take control of the dating tempo (and boy do they ever!).
Evan showed me that I really didn't want to be with the guy that was making me feel unsure of myself. That was the moment of freedom.
Thanks for showing me it's never too late to learn.
Evan Marc Katz
A dating coach for smart, strong, successful women – and one of the better writers in the personal growth space.
He is a real, hands-on coach – he has been listening to women on the phone for three hours a day for over a decade, and he has incredible insight into what makes men tick and relationships succeed.
Why He Disappeared
The Real Reason a Man Will Suddenly “Disappear” from Your Life.
We ALL make mistakes and I'm here to tell you that it's okay.
What is NOT okay is to let it slide and not learn something insightful and helpful from them.
The bad choices or decisions we've made in the past can be great tools for a better future.
Why Men Disappear IS that tool you can start using immediately.
Evan, like me, is also a man...
And we BOTH feel learning from a guy about men is the ONLY way to truly understand men.
Finding The One Online
It’s Time To Stop The Way You’ve Been Dating Previously.
Online dating can be a frustrating experience but it doesn't have to be that way.
FACT: Men outnumber the women online by a lot!
You'll quickly find that once you have the right tools and learn a few skills that Even can and will teach you, how much it can work to your advantage.
From profile writing to writing the first emails, all the way up to the dating process...
Finding The One Online and Evan will be with you the entire way.
Believe In Love
Learn How to Live Freely Without Fear and Sadness.
You're ready for Evan to walk you through the 7 easy, chronological steps that he has used for over a decade to help women like you overcome your fears and frustrations in love:
- Let Go of the Past
- Set Realistic Expectations
- Overcome Negativity
- Defeat Your Fear of Failure
- Reframe Your False Beliefs
- Carry Yourself With Confidence
- Take Action Now
It is no exaggeration to say that “Believe in Love” is the most important book I can share with you because it’s essential to your happiness and long-term well-being.
There is no falling in love if you don’t believe in love itself.
You’ve seen men come and go.
You’ve doubted your own worthiness.
You’ve watched others get happily married.
You’ve questioned your judgment more times than you can count.
You’ve gone to therapy, talked to friends, and listened to dating gurus.
You’ve taken breaks, gotten back out there, and quit once again.
“Believe in Love” is the antidote to all of that – a program, with 17 powerful exercises that will change your tune, boost your confidence, and give you the will to create the safe relationship of your dreams.
Let me know how quickly it gets your confidence back.
It’s time to believe in your own product again. Once you believe, the men you are attracted to will believe as well.
Enjoy Dating, Flirting, and Connecting with Men… And Create Passionate, Unconditional LOVE In 7 EASY steps
Give Evan 5 Minutes a Day and He Will Give You a Husband!
You can have the relationship of your dreams – and you don’t have to change to do it.
This six month to a lifetime course will take you the entire way.
No more wasting your time on the wrong men!
Get ALL of Evan's material in once place with so much more.